Jesus Christ Is This Layout Pink Though.

jesus christ is this layout pink though.

translation

thinkin'

yesterday i considered writing a long ramble short essay about our experiences with transage-ness for the transage pride day - but ended up choking up on the fact there's no way to discuss it without getting into chronophilia things. despite having this account for months, as far as i remember we've never directly admitted to any of that on this account (in public)? hinted at it, left mention in de-emphasized or hidden parts of abouts, etc, but always avoided outright saying it. "if you know you know" policy.

i guess that's one of the reasons we consider remaking. like, if we were open about it from the start, it'd reduce the fear that mentioning it at all will get us Killed Badly. but in practice i don't know how much that's a good idea, given tumblr is. well. tumblr. if you're tender about something, putting it on the internet in a sphere known for lurking trolls who want to tell you to kill yourself is probably a bad idea, yeah?

ahhh, we don't like having things we can't talk about, though. we already have too many of those from other mental illness problems, i don't like them being extra restricted by "platform" concerns. for not the first time, i wish tumblr had a twitter-like protected account function, where you could post to followers only and also vet the followers. i know that option exists on fedi, but last time i joined para-friendly fedi we got overwhelmed and spooked by the massive volume of shameless hornyposting - like, very good, keep doing that, but it was a little too high of a hurdle for our innocent maiden heart...

fuuuuck wait i was going to post this before midnight. oh well

this is the first thing ive translated from scratch in a long time and im decently proud of it

fatal error - lonepi

amateurish translation, but i haven't seen any others.

無関心な他人を他所に 致死量のCO₂を生み まだ未完成の心にそっと 囁いて　逆撫でした indifferently, people breathe out lethal amounts of CO₂. again, my incomplete heart softly mutters out in irritation.

死なない音楽が　脳裏を延々ループする 明けない夜の中で　気持ちが反射する this "don't die" music loops endlessly in my mind. the unreachable evening reflects my feelings.

幸せに消えたいと 愛されて死にたいと どの口が？どの面で？ 不遜で可愛いね i want to destroy happiness and i want to die of love - from what mouth? to what face? what cute presumption.

おはようもおやすみも 涼しい顔で言えないね これからも悔いればいい わたしはあなたの創痕 good morning, good evening, you can't say them with a straight face? from now on, if it's okay to regret, i will be your scar.

散々泣いて　乾いた頬 再三吐いた　記憶の膿 もう完成形の　体を抱いた 本心だった　少なくとも the violent sobbing has lead to cheeks oozing with the pus of memories. this already completed body holds true feelings, if nothing else.

暫定、この世で誰より 醜く逞しく生きておいて 存在理由は特にない あなたに下る罰がわたし provisionally, the you who continues to live in the most ugly, stubborn fashion without any reason to exist, has been handed the punishment of me.

死なない創作の 誹謗と中傷、ループする 殺されちゃった、享楽で 奪われちゃった、奪還だ the "don't die" art piece's slander and abuse continue to loop. the enjoyment that i slaughtered was the recovery that i stole.

未練なく事切れたいあなたのノイズになってやる いつまでも健康に生きてね、恥じながら 繰り返すぶり返す 本質は風化していくけど you, who died without regret, turned into noise. despite the shame, i continued to live in good health. even though, repeating, recurring*, the truth essence is worn away.

自分は幸せだと 望まれて生きていると 最期、また同じことを言えるか 楽しみだ！ my happiness and desire to live at the end, did you say the same thing? i'm looking forward to it.

さよならもごめんねも あなたにとっては「声」でしかないとして 変わらない わたしはあなたの創痕 farewell, and sorry, to you, these were nothing but words**. unchangingly, i am your scar.

わたしはなにもかも覚えてるよ あなたもきっと同じだろうね 骨になるまであの時のままで あなたの未来に寄生するよ i remember just about everything it was the same for you, wasn't it? until we're nothing but bones, just like that time, i am a parasite upon your future.

* recurring in the sense of an illness. ** literally "voice"

Bitch that’s the tubby custard machine 😂 *image depicts a vast monstrous infernal engine using hundreds of spiderlike arms of black iron to shove the writhing bodies of naked, emaciated humans into its blazing maw*