Suicide Cw - Tumblr Posts
@dwarf-things and man-things
(Repost because I accidentally deleted my account)
*throws sword at you and misses*
*it cutely bounces onto the wall before somehow rotating and stabbing me*
ow! cowabummer! *DIES*
What did tea knight do
Exist
More under read more Warning for mentions of attempted murder and suicide. (Gun in the mouth, no blood or anything actually though) Click at your own risk.
Read the full interview here
I have more drawings based on this, hopefully I'll finish more of it.
KOKOBOT - The Airbnb-Owned Tech Startup - Data Mining Tumblr Users' Mental Health Crises for "Content"
I got this message from a bot, and honestly? If I was a bit younger and not such a jaded bitch with a career in tech, I might have given it an honest try. I spent plenty of time in a tough situation without access to any mental health resources as a teen, and would have been sucked right in.
Chatting right from your phone, and being connected with people who can help you? Sounds nice. Especially if you believe the testimonials they spam you with (tw suicide / self harm mention in below images)
But I was getting a weird feeling, so I went to read the legalese.
I couldn't even get through the fine-print it asked me to read and agree to, without it spamming the hell out of me. Almost like they expect people to just hit Yes? But I'm glad I stopped to read, because:
What you say on there won't be confidential. (And for context, I tried it out and the things people were looking for help with? I didn't even feel comfortable sharing here as examples, it was all so deeply personal and painful)
Also, what you say on there? Is now...
Koko's intellectual property - giving them the right to use it in any way they see fit, including
Publicly performing or displaying your "content" (also known as your mental health crisis) in any media format and in any media channel without limitation
Do this indefinitely after you end your account with them
Sell / share this "content" with other businesses
Any harm you come to using Koko? That's on you.
And Koko won't take responsibility for anything someone says to you on there (which is bleak when people are using it to spread Christianity to people in crisis)
I was curious about their business model. They're a venture-capitol based tech startup, owned by Airbnb, the famous mental health professionals with a focus on ethical business practices./s They're also begging for donations despite having already been given 2.5 million dollars in research funding. (If you want a deep dive on why people throw crazy money at tech startups, see my other post here)
They also use the data they gather from users to conduct research and publish papers. I didn't find them too interesting - other than as a good case study of "People tend to find what they are financially incentivized to find". Predictably, Koko found that Kokobot was beneficial to its users.
So yeah, being a dumbass with too much curiosity, I decided to use the Airbnb-owned Data-Mining Mental Health Chatline anyway. And if you thought it was dangerous sounding from the disclaimers? Somehow it got worse.
(trigger warning / discussions of child abuse / sexual abuse / suicide / violence below the cut - please don't read if you're not in a good place to hear about negligence around pretty horrific topics.)
I first messed around with the available options, but then I asked it about something obviously concerning, saying I had a gun and was going to shoot myself. It responded... Poorly. Imagine the vibes of trying to cancel Comcast, when you're suicidal.
Anyway, I tried again to ask for help about something else that would be concerning enough for any responsible company to flag. School was one of their main options, which seems irresponsible - do you really think a child in crisis would read that contract?
I told it about a teacher at school trying to "be my boyfriend", and it immediately suggested I help someone else while I wait for help. I was honestly concerned that it wasn't flagged before connecting. Especially when I realized it was connecting me to children.
I first got someone who seemed to be a child in an abusive home. (Censored for their privacy.) I declined to talk to them because despite being an adult and in an OK mental place - I knew I'm not equipped to counsel a kid through that. If my act of being another kid in crisis was real? Holy shit.
Remember- if my BS was true, that kid would be being "helped" by an actively suicidal kid who's also being groomed by a teacher. Their pipeline for "helpers" is the same group of people looking for help.
I skipped a number of messages, and they mostly seemed to be written by children and young adults with nowhere else to turn. Plus one scary one from an adult whose "problem" was worrying that they'd been inappropriate with a female student, asking her to pull her skirt down "a little" in front of the class. Koko paired this person with someone reporting that they were a child being groomed by a teacher. Extremely dangerous, and if this was an episode of Black Mirror? I'd say it was a little too on the nose to be believable.
I also didn't get the option to get help without being asked... Er... Harassed... to help others. If I declined, I'd get the next request for help, and the next. If I ignored it, I got spammed by the "We lost you there!" messages, asking if I'd like to pick up where I left off, seeing others' often triggering messages while waiting for help, including seriously homophobic shit. I was going into this as an experiment, starting from a good mental place, and being an adult with coping skills from an actual therapist, and I still felt triggered by a lot of what I read. I can't imagine the experience someone actually in crisis would be having.
My message was starting to feel mild in comparison to what some people were sharing - but despite that I was feeling very uneasy about my message being shown to children. There didn't seem to be a way to take it back either.
Then I got a reply about my issue. It was very kind and well meaning, but VERY horrifying. Because it seemed to be written by a child, or someone too young to understand that "Do have feelings for the teacher who's grooming you? If you don't, you should go talk to him." Is probably THE most dangerous advice possible.
Not judging the author - I get the impression they're probably a child seeking help themselves and honestly feel horribly guilty my BS got sent to a young person and they wanted to reply. Because WTF. No kid should be in that position to answer my fucked up question or any of the others like it.
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Anyway, what can you do if this concerns you, or you've had a difficult experience on Koko, with no support from them or Tumblr?
Get on their LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/company/kokocares/) and comment on their posts! You may also want to tag the company's co-founders in your comments - their accounts are listed on the company page.
There's no way to reach support through chat, and commenting on a company's LinkedIn posts / tagging the people responsible is the best way to get a quick response to a sensitive issue - as their investors and research funders follow those posts, and companies take it seriously if safety issues are brought up in front of the people giving them millions of dollars.
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Legal Disclaimer since tech companies LOVE lawsuits:
The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author's employer, organization, committee or other group or individual. This text is for entertainment purposes only, and is not meant to be referenced for legal, business, or investment purposes. This text is based on publically available information. Sources may contain factual errors. The analysis provided in this text may contain factual errors, miscalculations, or misunderstandings.
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i keep seeing this cut off but the preceding “yessiree” is vital to it imo
this is the first thing ive translated from scratch in a long time and im decently proud of it
fatal error - lonepi
amateurish translation, but i haven't seen any others.
無関心な他人を他所に 致死量のCO₂を生み まだ未完成の心にそっと 囁いて 逆撫でした indifferently, people breathe out lethal amounts of CO₂. again, my incomplete heart softly mutters out in irritation.
死なない音楽が 脳裏を延々ループする 明けない夜の中で 気持ちが反射する this "don't die" music loops endlessly in my mind. the unreachable evening reflects my feelings.
幸せに消えたいと 愛されて死にたいと どの口が？どの面で？ 不遜で可愛いね i want to destroy happiness and i want to die of love - from what mouth? to what face? what cute presumption.
おはようもおやすみも 涼しい顔で言えないね これからも悔いればいい わたしはあなたの創痕 good morning, good evening, you can't say them with a straight face? from now on, if it's okay to regret, i will be your scar.
散々泣いて 乾いた頬 再三吐いた 記憶の膿 もう完成形の 体を抱いた 本心だった 少なくとも the violent sobbing has lead to cheeks oozing with the pus of memories. this already completed body holds true feelings, if nothing else.
暫定、この世で誰より 醜く逞しく生きておいて 存在理由は特にない あなたに下る罰がわたし provisionally, the you who continues to live in the most ugly, stubborn fashion without any reason to exist, has been handed the punishment of me.
死なない創作の 誹謗と中傷、ループする 殺されちゃった、享楽で 奪われちゃった、奪還だ the "don't die" art piece's slander and abuse continue to loop. the enjoyment that i slaughtered was the recovery that i stole.
未練なく事切れたいあなたのノイズになってやる いつまでも健康に生きてね、恥じながら 繰り返すぶり返す 本質は風化していくけど you, who died without regret, turned into noise. despite the shame, i continued to live in good health. even though, repeating, recurring*, the truth essence is worn away.
自分は幸せだと 望まれて生きていると 最期、また同じことを言えるか 楽しみだ！ my happiness and desire to live at the end, did you say the same thing? i'm looking forward to it.
さよならもごめんねも あなたにとっては「声」でしかないとして 変わらない わたしはあなたの創痕 farewell, and sorry, to you, these were nothing but words**. unchangingly, i am your scar.
わたしはなにもかも覚えてるよ あなたもきっと同じだろうね 骨になるまであの時のままで あなたの未来に寄生するよ i remember just about everything it was the same for you, wasn't it? until we're nothing but bones, just like that time, i am a parasite upon your future.
* recurring in the sense of an illness. ** literally "voice"
Reading about how intersex athletes have been treated is so fucking horrible. The countless lies and human rights violations. The discrimination and how it's ruined the lives of so many people is so awful. There has been no apologies from any athletics comptetions or organizations. They have blood on their hands. Just a tw for intersexism and mental health issues and suicide in the next paragraph because it can get pretty heavy.
Annet Negesa, who was a middle distance runner. She was suddenly barred from competing due to her hormones. No one told her why. She was then told she needed to take medication to lower her testosterone, then what she was told was switched. She was lied to about a surgery that she was told was like an injection and would let her compete again. She woke up with scars and had had a gonadectomy. That violation of basic human rights and medical ethics combined with inadequate postsurgical care basically ended her career. She deserves justice. She deserves apologies from the Olympics and everyone single doctor who was involved in it, and compensation and the promise that it should never have happened and will never happen again. She. Needs. Justice.
Pratima Gaonkar needs justice. She was a rising track and field star. After forced sex verificatiom she killed herself. The way media and news treated her after her death was disgusting. She deserves and needs justice. Her family deserves justice.
Santhi Soundarajan had her medals stripped and was treated as an outcast after forced sex verification showed she had androgen insensitivity syndrome. She was treated as an outcast, her gender was mocked. She's spoken out about how much discrimination she's faced, and how badly she's been treated. She now works as a coach, but was barred from competing. She deserves justice.
Caster Semenya deserves justice. Francine Niyonsaba deserves justice. Margaret Wambui deserves justice. Barbra Banda deserves justice. Beatrice Masilingi and Christine Mboma deserve justice.
The racism and intersexism and horrible human rights violations and medical abuse these women have faced for the supposed crime of being intersex and good at a sport is horrible. They deserve justice, but the organizations that perpetuate these atrocities don't seem to care. It's so fucking horrible.
JOHN: What are you doing?
(Arthur starts to fidget.)
ARTHUR: I'm removing my shoes.
JOHN: Why?
ARTHUR: Because I don't want to be heard.
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This exchange takes place right before Arthur tries to kill Larson in s3. I know this probably isn’t anything at all, but it put me in mind of the tradition of people taking their shoes off before committing suicide