"Steady Your Heart, Fighter."

"Steady your heart, fighter."

Takes a lot of practice from an energetic human that I am. Actually, torn eh. Sa totoo lang. There are days I question my own guts kasi a lot of people think I got enough but I really am completely just half of it. Hassle kalaban sarili madalas ok. We all have our self-doubts, sobrang kups nalang talaga if one thinks they're better than everyone else. Maybe you are, but nah, kindly cancel yourself out if you ever think that way please lang, no way appealing.

Strong front, mastered it so well because it saved me once, it's hard to admit our own weaknesses especially if somebody already used it against us. Yet again, no, we can't keep ourselves filled with fear kasi we're all bound to hurt anyway. That's how humans function, ipapasok ulit sa eksena yung ganda ng vulnerability, kailangan yun eh. Para may ma-express, may marinig, may sense, lahat. Playing the tough game is a tough play. Harang, somehow self-deceit, repetitive lies we tell ourselves which.... sucks.

People around tapping you saying you need to keep it together. Well, eventually. Um, k thanks pero ang sarap kaya umiyak lang, yakapin yung lungkot tapos mamaya okay ka na ulit. Gets na natin yun eh, so I don't think dapat pa i-conceal yung emotions. Ang ganda kaya, wag kayo magulo.

Bakit ba ko nag-blog ng ganito? Napanood ko ulit kasi yung isang concert ni John Mayer (kiligs) hence interlaced with a good quality speech, as always. Then in a way, naaala ko na mas gusto ko nga pala yung version ng sarili ko kapag alam kong upfront lang ako sa lahat. Iba eh.

Yun.

Hihi. *bye*

Me + You: A Love Story 

by Jack Tew

About a boy I love/d.

He likes wearing plain shirts, matched with romantic sleepy eyes, soft chuckles, and a voice that can calm/frighten me. Find it much appealing when his hair is all downright messy but that bothered him. I always thought it was perfect. He likes wearing his cap backwards which, to me, is amiable because he’s good at playing the part of looking all rugged but in an odd but fairly decent way. I loved that. Smooth with wordplay, always have the heart with words but preferred the quiet. Balance.

We fight over who owns the remote, I can’t even sleep deep when he wins but I try and then I get tired trying so I wait for him to slumber first. And then, in a small fraction of moments I win, I take control, I turn off all the things that bother me that could hinder my naps, I'd kiss his cheek quick, he grunts whilst unaware. I smirk because I like looking at him when he sleeps, I secretly take pictures of his nice thick eyelashes because I envy them. He wakes up annoyed. I roll my eyes but I cling anyway and do weird sniffs because I like his scent, he looks at me with a blank face, pulls me closer like a child who only longs for his old but soft favorite pillow.

He plans well, I’m the messed up assertive. That did not quite match, I think. Contradiction of the opposites, in the cynic point-of-view, it just isn’t. In the eyes of a romantic; it’s the terrible beauty of yin yang. He’s the epitome of great and it felt a lot like I’m the sin in the scene and I do find that concept honestly comforting.

I unwillingly recall voices at 3 am. Got old recorded voicemails I have no courage to play bec I'd long for him and it's hard not to.

"I'd write about you."

I write about anything that consumes me, I make art and songs out of subtle hints. He consumed what's left of me, strange, because despite it I felt whole, unfixed but not empty.

Reflect through exploration. Seek your purpose. Take care of yourself. Keep the warmth. Love your choices. Decide strong. Show your softness. Forgive your faults. Lift people up. Release your worry. Embrace your story. • Mt. Talamitam x Mt. Apayang (Twin Hike)

I am a fan of how you pour your soul into the writings that you create. Sayang Ms. Porshe, I could not hit the follow button dahil iba ang host ng blog ko. All I can do is visit your page time to time. Please stay sincere. You have people that appreciate you, even from afar. Sending hugs!

❤

I've moved out from tumblr a few years ago but I always visit your blog every now and then. It's always refreshing to see someone just blog like it's nobody's business. You're a breath of air Ms. Porshe

Thank you for seeing that positively? Being nonchalant irl has its own downsides, too. Still trying to balance out the right kind of care for the ones who are around me because my extremity most of the time is out of hand, I do things too much. It's either I really do or I really don't, no in-betweens.Tough to point out which one to apply in different situations tbh. It's alright to mind but wiser to not mind at all. Ok, there... it wins again. I'm severely good at it, it actually sounds bad.*Character development still in the works*Idk if you needed a long response to this. Got me kiligs that's why I write back with feels. Because, still, readers come back to check on this ancient blog and that alone means a lot.I promise to exist longer 'til this platform finally closes itself down. *Hugs*