Principally-ace - Stay Alive.

it’s like. i’m your older sister and i love you and i love your mom who has become my mom. i’m your little sister and i love you and i love my mom who is also your mom because i don’t know anything else.

i’m your older sister and our mom is gone and our dad is also gone but in a different way so now i’m your mom and the only way i know how to be that is by emulating the cheeriness our mom taught us. i’m your younger sister and you think i don’t understand what’s happening but i do i just don’t know how to stop it so i’ll make myself easy to cheer up.

i’m your older sister and there is so much wrong with me but the last time i tried to fix it i took you with me and i put you in danger so now i’ll just keep that part of me separate. i’m your younger sister and now i’m old enough to process the grief our mom left behind but i can’t do that because you never share any of your grief with me.

i’m your older sister and the person i could actually turn to for help is gone and i can’t muster up the energy to help you with your trauma so i’m shutting down. i’m your younger sister and i don’t know how to help you heal because you never taught me how so the best thing i can do is keep you from being responsible for my healing by making my trauma nonexistent.

i’m your older sister and being apart from you helped me grow into myself. i’m your younger sister and being apart from you left me stagnant.

i’m your older sister and i gave up everything for you and i’ll keep giving up everything for you i’ll throw myself off a bridge and leave behind the girl i just found and healed with just so i can keep you safe. i’m your younger sister and i’ll come after you.

i’m your older sister and now i know you don’t know how to exist without me and i can’t hate you for that but i don’t know what to do. i’m your younger sister and now that you exist without me i don’t know what to do and i can’t hate you for that but i do.

It‘s been a long time coming. 💜💛

NOT THE FOOT POP

original post here.

This might get long so I apologise in advance but I literally woke up and this was the first thing my brain thought of so. I'm sharing!

I’m thinking about how whenever Yang went through something fucked up - something that would stop any other regular person in their tracks and it would be completely justified if it did (See: Maria), Yang has always kept going.

It’s been a part of her characterisation for so long, that she’s ‘strong enough’ to get back up and, well, keep moving forward… no matter what she has endured.

When she learned that Summer Rose wasn’t her mother, and her real mother had chosen to leave her, she carried that pain, let it motivate her, and she kept going.

When she was framed in front of the entire world for something she, and only she knows for certain she didn’t do, she kept going.

When she lost her arm, and in the same breath lost her partner who meant so much more to her than she could process - it hurt. No one would’ve blamed her if that was it for her. When her sister, who is one of the only people in the world she knows without a doubt she loves also leaves her after this tragedy, somehow, despite it all, she keeps going.

When she finally finds her mother, and watches as she once again rejects her and chooses herself. Allows her own daughter to be once again put in the line of fire instead of her… oh I’m sure, that cut deep. But she kept going.

When her partner comes back, eyes lowered and asking for forgiveness but knowing it wouldn’t be given so easily, she opens her arms, thereby letting herself be vulnerable to that type of loss again, and keeps going.

When she, alongside someone besides her sister she knows she would do anything for, is forced to kill her partners abuser and her own assailant, she picks her partner back up and she keeps going.

When the picture of what happened to her mother, Summer Rose, becomes clearer - when the story starts unravelling and she learns something no one should ever have to learn about their deceased parent… it’s almost enough to break her. But she chooses her love and trust in her sister, and keeps going.

When she saw her sister’s life in danger, she charges forward and intercepts the fatal blow, which sends her careening into the unknown. I’m sure, she wanted to keep going. To stay by her partner’s side and be there with her team for whatever came next. She didn’t get that choice. But it was okay, because it meant her sister could keep going in her stead. She was okay if this was the end.

When she opened her eyes and found herself in an unfamiliar place, she had already accepted she was dead. This was okay, I’m sure. As long as Ruby and the others didn’t also fall. She found herself armless, and still went on to fight a jabberwalker alone. Even in her presumed death, she kept going.

She wasn’t dead, it seems. And neither were her teammates, who she’d accepted she may never see again, when they show up in this strange place with the same questions she had. Together, they keep going.

But this. This threatens to break all of that. She watches, feet rooted to the ground in horror, as her baby sister chooses to leave her. Chooses to ‘not be here anymore’. And she finally stagnates.

Yang has always kept going. And the one thing that threatened her ability to do that just disappeared right in front of her. Of her own volition.

And that is the straw that breaks the camel’s back… because I don’t think she can keep going anymore.