Found This And I Swear There's No Image Better Fitted To Describe My Drinking Experience

Found this and I swear there's no image better fitted to describe my drinking experience

I think one of the reasons I'm more on the dominant side, despite clearly leaning towards being more submissive, is the fact I've been hurt too much in my life.

I want to be weak and vulnerable to someone, but I've had to put walls up, reinforce them. And I got kind of good at shouldering stuff. My own burdens, and others, and solving them. To the point I find myself saying "don't worry, I'll take care of it" when someone is struggling. It's not out of a desire to be helpful, to take away someones troubles. It's that for some reason, if you're in my vicinity, I've unconsciously decided no one else can suffer but me. People have taken advantage of that, and it's only reinforced the notion. No matter the problem: I can take it. I've failed before, but now I know how to recover from it. To work any failure into a success.

Friends and family see that, and they rely on me. I can handle what they can't.

Anxiety at seeing strangers at the door? Don't worry. Go hide. I got it. It doesn't matter that I hate my body, my voice, and I don't want to be seen or heard because I was just starting transition. Only one persons life has to suck, it might as well be mine. I'm used to it. Go be relieved, go be happy.

Phone call from the parents that hate me that you don't want to answer? Yeah, I'll answer it. I'll say you're busy. Go be happy. I'll take care of it.

Talking to a store worker because you can't find the item is too scary? Yeah, I got it. No worries. Let me do the talking in a voice I hate.

Object too awkward or heavy to carry? No worries, I got it. I'll be strong.

Restaurant messed up your order? I'll talk to them. I'll be extroverted.

I don't want to, but if it's between me and you, I'll choose me to make someone else smile. I get called strong, capable ... but if I'm not it feels like the world would break. And at this point, I can't break the habit.

I'm not "the dominant one" because I like it. The switch is just broken and it's stuck on and I'm too scared to fix it. Sometimes I entertain the idea, but when it comes time to act ... I'm too scared to let go. To used to no one being there to catch me. I'll always end up stepping up. I'm sorry. It's how I was trained. It's not nature, I've just survived worse.

CONTROVERSIAL OPINION ABOUT BISEXUALITY

that purple in the middle is not the right saturation, it doesn't fit with the other two colors and it drives me crazy.

Stuck on the idea of vampires as a kind of reverse fae, or like someone's twisted, perverse attempt at moulding humans into fae.

They're repelled by liminal spaces.

A vampire could never enter fairyland, not just because they'd never be welcomed, but because most of the usual entry-ways are naturally barred to them.

They can't cross running water. They can't be seen in mirrors. They will wait forever at a crossroads, unable to pick a direction to go in. They can't even step over a thresh-hold unless there is absolutely no ambiguity about whether they are welcome inside.

They crave human blood, iron and salt, but are repelled by herbs and plants. They are supernaturally prevented from harming you unless the rules of hospitality have been invoked.

A fairy may replace your newborn child with something unnatural and ever-hungry. A vampire will do the same, but with your grandmother's corpse.

The fae are typically associated, even in stories where they're the bad guys, with flourishing and purity. Vampires, even in stories where they're the good guys, are typically associated with decay and corruption.

The fae turn ancient human burial mounds into fancy halls for their courts. Vampires take ancient human castles and let them grow mildewed and cobwebbed, exchanging the beds for coffins, turning them into burial places.

Fae don't tend to live among humans, but can generally pass for them with relative ease if they so choose. Vampires nearly always live among humans, but tend to find not revealing themselves a huge struggle.

I can't think of many stories I've read where fae and vampires even exist in the same universe, let alone ones where they actively interact. I feel like their enmity is almost more inevitable than that between vampires and werewolves, however.

The rivalry between vampires and werewolves is, essentially, the rivalry between two apex predator species who share a territory. (Even in stories where the werewolves aren't actually hunting humans.)

The vampires hate the werewolves because the werewolves interfere with their access to prey. The werewolves hate the vampires either because they consider themselves aligned with humans (the prey species), or because they are also predators and the vampires are competing with them.

By comparison, I think there's some story potential in the fae finding something genuinely creepy and uncanny valley about vampires.

They're immortal, like them, but also dead. They can be beautiful, like them, but that beauty is something they actively require humans to sustain. They like to inhabit beautiful and ancient ex-human dwellings, like them, but they actively work to make those places dark, damp and empty.

Fairies who are unflappable in the face of all sorts of Otherworldly monsters, can look an eldritch horror in the eye(s) without blinking, and have never been phased yet by any human, but will recoil from even the weakest vampire.

Vampires who hate fairies just as much, but in a more envious way. The way that the creature for whom immortality is a curse is bound to hate the creatures for whom immortality is an eternity of sunlight and laughter.

Maybe their touches burn each other. Maybe vampires can't stand physical contact with anything so alive and vital. Maybe immortal fairies become ill from too much exposure to the undead.

Maybe they fight over the human population when their territories overlap. The fairy need for servants and people to make deals with, competing with the vampire need for thralls and blood to drink.

Just… fairies and vampires. We need more stories about them interacting.

whispering "fentanyl" under my breath as the cops arrest me, causing them to fly back like a skyrim shout

clothing and passing: a guide

wanna look more masc or fem? this is the guide for you.

find out how to pass better, or just tips for looking better in the style you like!

my suggestions for looking more masc are:

. makeup guides! you can find lots of these online, and you can find ones that help you look more masculine in face shape and facial features. adding facial hair and piercings to the mix are optional, but are sometimes a really cute extra detail!

. if you're trying to look masc as someone who's AFAB, binders can be nice. it's possible to find cheap binders online, or look into organizations around you that donate them. you can also buy trans tape, which is basically like binding with tape. DO NOT BIND WITH TAPE/BANDAGES THAT AREN'T MADE SPECIFICALLY FOR BINDING. it can be very dangerous and damaging to your body. remember to take your binder off after a while, and make sure you get the right size!

. baggier shirts. this includes blouses, tank tops, sweaters, hoodies, jumpers, crewnecks, etc. baggyness helps with a masculine kind of look, and makes your chest look less large.

. I don't recommend skinny jeans/pants, because usually they accentuate curves in the body. instead, some of my favourites is cargo pants!

. masculine hair cuts don't have to be short! there are mullets, wolfcuts, and different kinds of masc hair cuts. if you like your hair how it is, though, and don't want to cut it, you can always just tie it in a ponytail/bun and hide it up in a tuque! 

wanna look feminine?

I've got you, bud.

. same for if you're trying to look more masc: there are lots of makeup tutorials online to make your face look more feminine. that can be in facial shape, or just some cute makeup looks that scream feminine.

. stuffing your shirt! buying bras with extra bra padding, and even sometimes socks will help your chest look larger.

. maxi skirts! they don't show too much skin and are nice and flowy, and honestly a quite gender neutral article of clothing. you can style them with belts and chains, and there are lots of difrrent styles and colours.

. cardigans, bracelets, necklaces, and any cute accessory! they always help and make your outfit more interesting.

. fem hair cuts can look like anything! that includes short, long, or a medium length. sometimes small braids help, and accesories like clips, twisting your hair, adding colours or streaks, and sometimes even beads and more!

I hope this helped and that you enjoyed it!