Just Because I Take What Comes Doesnt Mean I Do Not Wonder What Drives Us Forward.

Just because I take what comes doesn’t mean I do not wonder what drives us forward.

“Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how peaceful and calm it is. It’s like you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.”

— Jim Carrey

You’d think after fearing the inevitable all your life it would hurt less when the inevitable finally happens.

But it doesn’t, it hurts just as much; if not more.

Maybe because it’s the one thing you hoped more than anything would never come true.

To be a woman

is to change

constantly.

Raised to know your name

is temporary

and your home is fleeting.

When I was little

I envied my brother

our last name was forever his.

Our family line

is one and the same

and yet I will be

some forgotten member

of the family tree.

I struggled to accept

my storyline would soon enough

be lost in time.

To be a woman

is to bid farewell

to multiple versions

of yourself.

- fleeting thoughts 9/26/24

How can I accept who I am, when I want to abandon all that made me to be?

Centuries she lived,

she hid and

lamplight dimmed

in the presence of

shadows she made

Silence stretched over

her feelings

no one ever heard her pleading

Her emotions lacked composure

so she built defenses

dug her trenches

a solitary shoreline

comprised of boulders

catching memories

as though she’s stealing

timelines that couldn’t be

yearning for some slice

of what’s appealing

to shatter glass atop a ceiling

despite orders decreed

fate’s fleeting dealings

left her reeling

contemplating life

and its proceedings

forced to deal

knowing destiny

withholds revealing