how’d you get here? (she/her)
18 posts
Quicksilver-times - Pardon Me But, - Tumblr Blog
To be a woman
is to change
constantly.
Raised to know your name
is temporary
and your home is fleeting.
When I was little
I envied my brother
our last name was forever his.
Our family line
is one and the same
and yet I will be
some forgotten member
of the family tree.
I struggled to accept
my storyline would soon enough
be lost in time.
To be a woman
is to bid farewell
to multiple versions
of yourself.
- fleeting thoughts 9/26/24
To grieve what I still have
but need yet to let go of,
is one of the most torturous endeavors
I have ever created for myself.
I can feel my heart beat
in my chest.
As though
despite the blood flow,
my mind detects
unrest.
We’re always moving
spinning on an axis
time fading into tiny facets
it all passes too quickly
to fathom.
I can’t keep up.
There is the world, reality, and me.
I only wish to not drown in this intrepid battle of gaining perspective.
I see myself
in her
and him
his twisted thoughts
her wanted whims
I see myself
in craving
and criticizing
his judgemental smile
her grin of beguile
I see myself
when I don’t want to
recognize this strife
I feign to forget
these hearts
created mine
maybe in another life
I’ll grant myself the grace
to see myself
as a story not so foreign
one that’s truly mine
Centuries she lived,
she hid and
lamplight dimmed
in the presence of
shadows she made
Silence stretched over
her feelings
no one ever heard her pleading
Her emotions lacked composure
so she built defenses
dug her trenches
a solitary shoreline
comprised of boulders
catching memories
as though she’s stealing
timelines that couldn’t be
yearning for some slice
of what’s appealing
to shatter glass atop a ceiling
despite orders decreed
fate’s fleeting dealings
left her reeling
contemplating life
and its proceedings
forced to deal
knowing destiny
withholds revealing
“Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how peaceful and calm it is. It’s like you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.”
— Jim Carrey
“I restore myself when I’m alone.”
— Marilyn Monroe
A young teens questions and a young adults revisions
You’d think after fearing the inevitable all your life it would hurt less when the inevitable finally happens.
But it doesn’t, it hurts just as much; if not more.
Maybe because it’s the one thing you hoped more than anything would never come true.
Just because I take what comes doesn’t mean I do not wonder what drives us forward.
I worry for the day
I will speak of you
in the past tense.
And I hate myself
for being too weak
to tolerate you
when I have
the chance to.
In fleeting moments of beauty
will you think of me?
If there was one image
to come to mind
when my name is murmured in kind
ringing ears
interjecting thoughts
what would it be?
How can I accept who I am, when I want to abandon all that made me to be?
I remember the feeling of camaraderie like an intoxicating wine and now I find myself dreading small moments of casual interacting. Is it because Im no longer masking?
