Hello New Headcanon. Can We Add Pen Crashing Owens Story Telling Nights And Be Like, BROTHER! WILL YOU

Hello new headcanon. Can we add Pen crashing Owen’s story telling nights and be like, “BROTHER! WILL YOU NOT TELL TALES OF MY MANY HEROIC ACCOMPLISHMENTS?” And Owen can’t like go anywhere because he’s in the middle of a story and there’s no place to hide.

No Pathea really, why the hell aren’t Pen and Owen fraternal siblings with polarizing personalities and Owen speed walking away when he sees Pen in town or ducking behind counters and Pen greeting him with a swish of his cape and a “brOTHER, I REQUEST NOURISHMENT AND REFRESHMENTS” like why don’t we have that?

Last Christmas I was shopping and I called my aunt to see if she preferred dark or milk chocolate. I can’t remember how exactly the conversation went but she ended up telling me how she was going to help someone less fortunate that year for Christmas. I of course had already started to plan on how to help her with that when she told me it was the kid my bible thumper aunt had adopted and kinda just left to fend for himself after he grew up gay. Now I knew this kid had it rough, he had medical issues, physical and mental, and the only job he could really keep was cleaning my good aunt’s house every once in a while. Other than that he lived off whatever the government gave him, which I knew was not a lot.

My aunt told me he needed shoes and a coat. I tried to get her to tell me what else he needed but she couldn’t tell me cause she didn’t know. I thought to myself “Well screw this, I’m taking him shopping.”

On one of my days off, the three of us got together, went to BJs and wallmart to go shopping. First of all, I nearly started stimming in stress when I saw what condition his boots were in, it only served to put me in a particular no nonsense giving mood. We got to the store, and I laid out the ground rules, “You need a thing into the basket, you want a thing, into the basket”. A few minutes in and I was throwing things into the basket. He quickly learned I was going to buy him the things he needed and wanted whether he wanted me to or not and eventually gave in. At one point he did try to only get one bed/sheet set thing, but after I stared him down he said, “I’m not just getting one am I?” “No, you think candles can distract me forever? Get another set.”

I got him a jacket, boots, sweaters, undershirts, socks, a couple bed sets (he was sleeping on a bare mattress I swear I nearly threw something when I found out), soap, deodorant, guy shampoo/conditioner, and a new wax melter thing with wax because nice smelly smells can make you feel better. I probably got him other things, while there that I’m forgetting. Then for Christmas i got him a fuzzy blanket, a microwavable stuffed cat that smells like lavender, a wireless speaker for music, and a gift card for coffee.

I tried to cover all the bases for not just his physical needs, but also his mental health. We’re not the same, but I can understand anxiety and how the world is just too much to handle so I tried to make sure he had things to help comfort him when he can’t be around people. My aunt told me how grateful and happy he was with everything I did for him. I’m glad I could help him and I’ll probably do it again if I can meet up with him this year.

Do Good Recklessly

I was in line at Aldi and this girl with two toddlers in front of me had her card declined and she looked so fucking sad and said “let me call my husband real quick” and it was only 18 dollars, so I just paid for it, and she was very sweet and then as she walked off, the lady behind me said `”You know that was probably a scam, right?” and like, even if it was, like what a sad fucking scam, right? 18 dollars at the Aldi. If you’re “scamming” me for some Tyson chicken and apple juice and cauliflower, then just take my fucking money. 

“A scam” people are fucking wild.  

Christ on a bike it’s been so long. I think I was like 10 and I think it was Inuyasha or Yu-Gi-Oh. I’m 31, oh holy hell, I’ve been in this hole for 21 years, my fanfiction hole can drink alcohol in the US.

so.

i guess fanfiction wasn’t a phase….

I’m getting real tired of the Hoe-bots

Back To Work Karen

Karen: I didn’t have to do this before.

Me:*not yet murderous and smiling* well it’s become part of our new protocols

Karen: Why?

Me: *still not quite murderous* The powers that be said so.

Karen: But why?

Me:*Now irritated and grateful for my mask* The higher ups made the rule

Karen: I just don’t understand why.

Coworker: It’s become part of our new protocols.

*Cue back and forth Karen going ‘why’ at my brick wall of a coworker as I grow murderous.*

Me: Because the signs says so! *points at the sign right next to her*

Karen: Oh okay *finishes transaction and goes on her way*

Me: Because the fucking sign says so Karen! Just do what your told and fuck off! fuck!

Coworker: I thought you were going to jump the counter, your voice was getting a little high there.

Me: I’m going to murder someone, maybe that basic white bitch with the Pinterest knitted mask. We’re not payed enough to be thrown face first into natural selection like this.