Resenting Your Sibling

resenting your sibling

You care for your sibling, their health and happiness. But you also resent them for getting everything on silver platter without any effort. They just have to pass while even your more than 90% is not enough. You save and beg and plead for smallest of things, and they get luxuries handed to them. Why do you have to live with so many expectations and demands and still be not enough. While with them there is no expectation, requests not demands and still you are compared to them. They steal, they disrespect, they beat someone up- but all the parents say is this our child after all we can’t throw him aside. But you make slightest of mistake and suddenly you are the biggest criminal,  not mature enough, not good enough. 

So many times remembering this brings tears in your eyes, there is lump in your throat and your breath is hitched. But you have to keep going, keep smiling and keep compromising. 

I wonder if this is how Jiang Cheng felt, if this is how Alec Lightwood felt. If this is how Loki felt. 

sometimes  love wins, but other times resentment. The bitterness, jealousy and resentment coiling in your gut tainting the warmth left. You wish for the love to win, for forgiveness to heal, for acceptance to triumph. 

Here’s to another wish. Here’s to hope. 

this reminded me of 007 *shrugs*

Jiang Cheng: Vodka Martini.

Nie Huaisang: Shaken? Stirred?

Jiang Cheng: Do I look like I give a damn?!

You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.

Paulo Coelho (via quotemadness)

So do I. When you have witnessed relationship dramas of people around you, all you can think is, “Fuck this shit, I am out”. 

jiang cheng has an impressive amount of Divorced Energy for someone who i’m 99% sure has never been in a relationship

I needed this right now. I was looking at internships and volunteer opportunities, and all I could think was I do not have even single skill that is in demand or I could advertise. I kept thinking what use is my education when I am turning 24 in 2 days and my set of skills and the practical aspects of it are nil. Like I was spewing so much self-hate when I already have really low self-esteem. 

Time to censor my thoughts and try to be more gentle. otherwise this cycle of self destruction and sabotage will continue.

Here’s to loving yourself. 

i’ve started replacing “i want to die” with “i feel overwhelmed” in my internal monologue, which is usually more accurate and more productive

Hi, I saw your post about ao3 so I figured that you may know more about this than I do. I'm a bit conflicted about continuing to use and support it, cause I keep seeing people say that the creators of it are pedos? And that we shouldn't support them, but I haven't been able to find any evidence for this. So I just wanted to know if you have any ideas about this because I don't. Thank you.

Alright buckle in as I yeet myself into the inferno

The people calling the creators of AO3 pedos are basically toddlers stomping their feet because the siterunners aren’t engaging in censorship at their demand. AO3 hosts content that depicts pedophilic relationships, and the only time they step in is if a work hasn’t been tagged with warnings properly.

The toddlers are cranky about this because they don’t think they should be responsible for their own internet experience, and they think they ought to be allowed to dictate what people can and cannot read/write. So they make attacks against the PEOPLE who run AO3 because they know it’s much harder to disprove those sorts of accusations than it is to do any real work on their own internet experience.

Here’s the thing: these people who don’t like that AO3 doesn’t censor content? They could run their own archive! AO3’s parent organization, the Organization for Transformative Works (OTW), has made the code that AO3 is based on completely available to the public!! That’s the tagging system, the site skins, everything. But the angry anti toddlers don’t want to have to spend money and work to build their own sandbox, they want to be the tyrant in OTW’s, stomping around destroying people’s sand castles.

So essentially these are purity police who think that anyone who creates or consumes content that is problematic are instantly monsters. This is a failure of critical thinking. Real adults are able to tell the difference between fiction and reality, and can enjoy something fictional without enacting it in reality.

Now if you’re thinking “well idk why AO3 wouldn’t want to ban pedophilic works” let me put this little thought exercise down for you: Say AO3 does make said content a bannable offense. What’s to prevent antis from abusing the reporting system to go on personally motivated crusades against specific authors, or specific tropes? What’s to prevent homophobic fans (and I guarantee they exist) from using that reporting system to brigade against all slash fic?

The Archive and the OTW would either have to create a bot that would probably not work very well to evaluate these reports, or they would have to find scads of volunteers who would be willing and able to slog through every report sent to the system.

I’m not very good at coming to conclusions but essentially this boils down to “don’t like, don’t read” (aka MIND YOUR BUSINESS) and “the back button exists for a reason, as well as every warning the archive allows authors to use.” If you have another question and you don’t mind the way I answered this one, please feel free to ask!