Grief Journal - Tumblr Posts

resenting your sibling

You care for your sibling, their health and happiness. But you also resent them for getting everything on silver platter without any effort. They just have to pass while even your more than 90% is not enough. You save and beg and plead for smallest of things, and they get luxuries handed to them. Why do you have to live with so many expectations and demands and still be not enough. While with them there is no expectation, requests not demands and still you are compared to them. They steal, they disrespect, they beat someone up- but all the parents say is this our child after all we can’t throw him aside. But you make slightest of mistake and suddenly you are the biggest criminal,  not mature enough, not good enough. 

So many times remembering this brings tears in your eyes, there is lump in your throat and your breath is hitched. But you have to keep going, keep smiling and keep compromising. 

I wonder if this is how Jiang Cheng felt, if this is how Alec Lightwood felt. If this is how Loki felt. 

sometimes  love wins, but other times resentment. The bitterness, jealousy and resentment coiling in your gut tainting the warmth left. You wish for the love to win, for forgiveness to heal, for acceptance to triumph. 

Here’s to another wish. Here’s to hope. 

Beautiful Bones 🦴 (my death and grief movie and lana del rey music video)

Been grieving the loss of my best friend since early May. Sometimes I remember him and it hurts. Sometimes I remember him and it helps me keep doing the things I want to do in life. A mixed bag.

that small laugh of grief was always the one to shatter me