There's A Special Spot In Hell For Scientists Who Make Similar Sounding Terminology, Especially When

There's a special spot in hell for scientists who make similar sounding terminology, especially when they're things that would regularly be used with each other but mean completely different things. Like molarity and molality (italicized to show my contempt).

Forget the invention of weapons of mass destruction, that's the most evil thing a scientist has ever done

Gently hands you these so w can watch together.

HORSESHOE CRAB BOIS!

I love these guys. It's so crazy you can just walk out on a random beach and see a bunch of heckin' 480 million year old living fossil dudes just sitting there, minding their own business. It's bonkers. Physiological evolution is for chumps. (also they unlocked a rare unique blood perk so that's cool).

It's also a case of the English word for something being very underwhelming. 'Horseshoe crab', really? This thing that doesn't even look like a crab and is one of the very few things left on this earth that is not (yet) carcinized? That only in the most abstract way possible actually resembles a horseshoe? All the alternate names for them are also just "thing crab".

I dunno, they're just so weird and unique that it just seems wrong to name them after other things. I would like to call them Blomblers™ instead.

Offer a crab in these trying times

If the aliens from the Alien franchise have acid for blood wouldn't that make them particularly vulnerable to basic substances? Like, acid-base reactions go both ways. If anything, they'd be more vulnerable to bases than we are to acids.

If you're being chased by a xenomorph you should be able to just throw some baking soda or bleach in their face and turn them into a science fair volcano.

Facehugger? Sounds like yet another use for Arm & Hammer. Slap it on there!

Flamethrowers? Fuck that, soap dispensers!

Workaholics Anonymous 

Science Major: Man, I sure wish I had time to enjoy college but I have so much studying and homework to do. At least I'll get an easy high paying job after, right?

Physicist: I think I have a pretty good work life balance (does not, actually) and I think my grad students should have the same work life balance (which is not having that)

Astronomer: I work *about 40 hour weeks, but sometimes there are hours are in the middle of the night 'cause, y'know, stars. But who needs a consistent sleep schedule, really? Not me. I got Redbull.

Geologist: Sometimes I get to spend 15 hours a day wandering through the desert in severe weather conditions looking for cool rocks! also I have to like survey the land or whatever so I can get money

Chemist: Oh, you know, my PI only lets me see my family at night for dinner, then I have to come back and sleep in the lab, but overall I’d say I’m not too stressed.

Physician: Well, I had to work really hard, so why shouldn't everyone else have to work even harder? I'm sure the patients could only benefit from everyone being sleep deprived.

Biologist: I work so much I don’t even remember the last time I wasn’t working.

Science Major: huh?

Biologist: I MUST OBSERVE THE CRAB AT ALL TIMES. I OBSERVE THE CRAB EVEN AS WE SPEAK. IF I DO NOT PUBLISH 60 PAPERS ON CRAB BEHAVIOR BY NEXT YEAR MY COLLEAGUES WILL SENSE MY WEAKNESS AND DEVOUR ME ALIVE, LIKE A PACK OF STARVING CRABS

Computer Scientist: Um… I work from home for at most 8 hours a day then play video games

Biologist: *licks lips*

Computer Scientist (Game Dev): I would murder you if I wasn't so... oh there I go- *passes out from exhaustion (hasn't slept or touched grass in five years)*