That Feeling When I Start To Doubt Whether Or Not My Pain Is Real Because No One Else Seems To Believe

That feeling when I start to doubt whether or not my pain is real because no one else seems to believe me. Obviously it’s real. I can feel it. But I’m making it all up, since no one else sees it. Since I have no piece of paper that says what’s wrong with me, so I must be fine, actually. Since I didn’t talk about it much as a kid, because I was told not to complain, so it must not have been a lifelong problem.

Everyone else’s sickness is real and valid, just not mine.

I find it funny how no one can see these wounds. I can feel the agony of them, deep inside. Every day, I feel more exhausted, an inch closer to death. Every time I’m told that it’s not real is another stab wound. Another knife pushed into my back. I don’t know how no one else sees the blood

Me when I’m still tired after 8 shots of espresso in one sitting

don’t bully me for how i spelled delicious

Instead of "but that's not real", you should try responding to a psychotic persons distress with:

That sounds really scary. I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I can't imagine how scared I'd be if it was me.

Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it can't be easy to open up about it, and I'm glad you felt comfortable telling me

You can tell me more about it if you want to. I promise not to judge you, invalidate you or panic

Is there anything I can do to help you feel safer? Any way I can help support you through this?

I’m so confused. Which me is me? Because I’ve basically always been the one in control of this body, but I’m not the only one here, I think. I mean, we’ve got a nonhuman ghost thing (she doesn’t know what she is, either, and we’ve been trying to figure that out for years), a demon-thing who just came into existence and made me question my entire reality, and like a half-dozen original characters who just kind of became part of this whole thing. To clarify, the “me” that’s typing this is the host, as in the one that made this blog in the first place.

But if there’s more than one me, which me is the real me?

All I know is that none of us are fully human, and that we all have certain things in common, but different voices, genders, thought patterns, and perceptions.

My ability to recognize people is so bad that I genuinely don’t recognize anyone. Also, if a person’s race, gender expression, and other things that impact how someone looks aren’t directly pointed out to me, I probably won’t notice at all.

I don’t consider this to be a problem. The only downside is that I can’t draw humans

I identify/remember someone based on voices, clothing, and hairstyle. Which is an issue, because all of these things can be changed at any given moment

Doctor red flags:

-Mentions weight loss, exercise, nutrition, mental wellness, before any physical examination/testing

-interrupts you

-tries to rush the appointment

-laughs at you

-says you're too young

-Touches you without warning or asking for consent (common with older male doctors unfortunately, but is becoming less common)

-accuses you of self dxing/mentions dr. Google

-mentions anything about powering through the pain

Do not be afraid to drop a doctor/caregiver and see a new one. Doctor shopping is a term made by ableds who believe every doctor is perfect. Your health is precious and you should only trust those you're comfortable with to take care of it. Do not feel bad about offending the doctor. They do not care. They won't harass you or question you (if they do then that's..probably illegal). I know its hard with some insurances or lesser served areas so don't feel bad if you can't, but if you have the option to do so do not be afraid.

Extra tip: Most doctors will behave themselves if you bring an advocate. Even just having a friend sit quietly will help.