Roadkill Says Stuff - Tumblr Posts

Everything hurts and I’m angry all the time. Just grieving everything I could’ve been. I mean, I could’ve been something if I’d had a childhood. If my brain worked the way it’s supposed to. If I wasn’t sick. If I were just… normal.

Might make some Watership Down fanart later. I dunno. Been thinking about what life would be like for Fiver after the events of the book. Poor guy must have so much trauma, maybe even more so than the others, because of his visions. I want to draw him happy. Free. Safe.

Of course, I don’t know anything about drawing rabbits. So, if anyone reading this could give me any advice, it would be greatly appreciated

Anyone else feel like an outcast in the alterhuman community?

Most of the therians/alterhumans/nonhumans I see online are minors; I’m 20 years old.

Most of them can do quadrobics; I can’t run on all fours for five minutes without everything hurting, and if I did a jump, I’d probably break my wrists

A lot of them seem to enjoy the company of humans; I’ve never trusted or liked humans

Most of the community talks about being “silly” or “cute” when experiencing a mental shift; I have violent, animal instincts and avoid others when I feel a mental shift coming on

I don’t know. I just feel like a lot of us have become… tame. And I’m not. I feel like we as a community don’t talk about the “darker” side of not being human. The violent prey drive. The instinctive fear of humans that wild animals have.

To clarify, I mean no hate towards those who genuinely enjoy not being human. I just feel like even in a community of outcasts, I’m an outcast.

It’s just frustrating. In a place meant for those who aren’t human, I’m still too different to fit in. I just want to have a place to belong, you know?

(This is an edit) So, it seems I’m definitely not the only one. If anyone wants to talk about their less normalized instincts, shifts, etc., feel free to in the comments. If I find any hate or harassment in my comments, that person’s hateful comment will be removed and they’ll be blocked. My blog is a safe space

Omg wait. Hold on a freaking second. THE chronic illness humor blog follows ME?! I’m funny enough to be worthy of this?! How?! My day has been made

It’s so weird having all of my kintypes be carnivores, having an extremely high prey drive, and being vegetarian. Like, yeah, I wanna eat meat, but only if I know exactly where it’s coming from, every detail of the life of animal it’s harvested from, and how exactly that life was ended. Also, since I’ve been vegetarian for so long (at least 15 years, not exactly sure), my body probably can’t even digest meat.

So I satisfy my urge to hunt by catching small animals - amphibians (mostly toads), insects, arachnids, things like that. I’m careful not to hurt them, and I always let them go.

Also, chewy, dried fruit is a good substitute for meat in terms of texture. I think. I wouldn’t actually know, since I’ve only ever had chicken and salmon in this life, and that was a long time ago, but dried mango is just… yes.

If you see any pictures of toads, on my blog, know that they were carefully captured in a way to cause no harm to them, and released right after I took their picture. I just like chasing and catching them.

The difference between these pictures is ten days. First one was taken August 9th, second one on August 19th. Kittens grow fast. In case you haven’t seen my mention her before, this is Toad. My neighbor’s son rescued her and her sister from a sewer. Both are doing great.

If anyone wants to help me make an image ID for these, I’d appreciate it

This is Toad on September 7th, by the way. Her eyes are no longer blue

To anyone getting mad at the alterhuman community for using the word “dysphoria” to describe how they feel, please know that it actually is an accurate description of the feeling. It doesn’t make someone transphobic to use a word that isn’t only associated with trans people. Please know what words mean before getting mad at someone for using that word.

As an alterhuman who is also trans, I can say that gender and species dysphoria feel pretty much the same

Me, to my mom: Yeah, you go to bed. I’m gonna lay down and think about dinosaurs until I fall asleep.

Her: Sounds good

Me: I might be slightly autistic

Her: Yeah…

Me: … I like dragons, too

For context, I am autistic, and I have a special interest in dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals. As for dragons… well, I’m dragonkin, so, of course I like dragons

Transition goals

Also, yes, I did finally find a drawing that looks just like my dragon kintype. All credit for said drawing goes to Dean Spencer, the person who made it. I don’t know that person; I found this image with a google search. All I know is that I like this art and will be using it as inspiration in the future

To all those who just started to follow me because of a post I made, keep in mind that I am part of a system that isn’t created by trauma. I’m saying this because not everyone who just followed me has a DNI listed or pinned, so I don’t know if everyone following me actually supports my existence. If you are against systems that aren’t formed by trauma, please just unfollow and/or block me

I’ve been sick and out of work for three days. Turns out I have Covid. So that sucks. Good thing I haven’t gone outside in those three days. Third time in my life that I’ve had this stupid sickness. I’ll be fine, though.

It’s still here. Wear a mask, people. And keep hand sanitizer and rapid tests on hand for whenever you have any symptoms. Stay safe

My cockatiel, Stormchaser, doesn’t know her own name. However, she does look at me when I say “bird.” I couldn’t see her, so I went, “bird?” from across the room, and she looked up and made a cute noise in response. I love her so much. My little feathery baby.

When I refer to “my daughter,” this is who I’m talking about:

I’m getting so sick of my job. The early mornings, the physical labor, the fact that even though I’m surrounded by people at work, I still feel totally alone. No one there can see it, but the job is killing me. All the caffeine in the world won’t make me any less tired.

I spend all of my energy at work, so when I get home, even if I have any creative ideas of something I want to do, I simply don’t have the energy to do anything. It’s all I can do to shower and lay down for the rest of the day. Get barely any sleep, get up at six the next morning. Day after day. I’m not meant for this. I don’t know what I really want out of life, but maybe if I gave myself any time to think about the future, I’d have at least a vague idea.

I don’t get why people are so shocked when I snap. When I say how I really feel. Like, come on. I never once claimed to be a good person. Not once in my life did I say that I was innocent or sweet. Nor did I try to act like I am.

Stop expecting me to be a good person.

Bitch, I’m not even human.

I’m torn between wanting to just be totally apathetic and wanting to tear everything apart. Burn every bridge.

I genuinely don’t think anyone actually cares about me. It’s just pity when they talk to me. And that makes me even more pissed off. Stop. Trying. To. Be. My. Friend.

I hate you. It’s nothing personal. I hate everyone. Especially that fucking piece of shit I see in the mirror every time I glance at it.

Romance is overrated. Love is overrated. Friends are overrated. People are overrated.

“With that mindset, you’ll die alone!”

And how exactly is that a bad thing?

I’ve been seeing a few posts on my feed specifically made for and/or by those who use age regression as a coping mechanism, so I felt I should say something about that. I don’t know much about age regression (or pet regression, for that matter), but this is a safe place for those who use these coping skills

Everything hurts and I’m tired and frustrated. Physically, I’m drained and I feel like shit. Emotionally, I’m drained and I feel like shit. I need to sleep for like a week. But I haven’t slept more than three consecutive hours in 20 years. At this point, if I were to sleep the eight to ten hours I’m supposed to get, it would probably be safe to assume that I’m not waking up.

My D&D group, more specifically a friend, my mom, and I, gaslighted a zombie into decapitating itself by accident. My mom’s character is Shozbot, a blue dragonborn druid. My friend is the DM. My character is Spider, a kobold rogue. This is more or less what happened.

Zombie, sitting in a throne and holding a longsword: “Who dares awaken me from my slumber?!”

Shozbot: “This is a dream. We’re not really here.”

DM, laughing: “Roll persuasion”

My mom: “Seventeen.” (This was impressive enough because she always rolls low)

Zombie: *after pondering this for a moment, cuts off own hand with the longsword, then looks at the wound, visibly confused* “I should be in immense pain right now.”

Spider: *realizing that zombies don’t feel pain because they’re already dead*

Zombie, staring at the stump of their hand, still baffled: “This isn’t a dream. It’s a nightmare.”

Spider: “But now that you’re aware that it’s a dream, you can control what happens. That’s how it works.”

Zombie: “Yes. That makes sense.”

After trying to alter the “dream,” and failing to do so, the zombie ended up intentionally using the longsword to cut off their own head. I missed some things, like the zombie mentioning that they’d be able to cut off their own hand with no pain in a dream, and Shozbot suggesting that the zombie should remove their own head instead. So, this happened less than an hour ago. And it worked. When the zombie asked why we were there, we didn’t really know what to say, so my mom, as Shozbot, said something stupid and it worked. This is part of why I love D&D so much. Because stupid things like this can happen.

I sure do love having an incurable, barely treatable disease that most people know next to nothing about. It’s so much fun to feel like every part of my body is on fire while I’m still expected to function like everyone else and not get pissed off every time something starts to hurt and/or go numb for no discernible reason.

I get the funny jokes about protogens eating RAM and other electronics. They are funny. However, remember that protogens have organic (biological) digestive systems, and therefore please do not feed your protogen any electronics, as it may damage them.

Also, on the synth species website, there is a mention of a food literally called “green eggs and RAM.” Do with this information what you will. Synths can and will eat electronics (please don’t let them eat batteries, though)