Keep Going

keep going

Neuvillette: I've never had a friend.

Y/n: I can be your friend!

Neuvillette:...I’ve also never had a girlfriend.

𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗴𝗼.

Pairing: Scaramouche X GN!Reader

Summary: “I can’t want… I can’t want anything. I don’t deserve it. Then why do I want you so badly?”

Word count: Around 400.

Author’s note: Hello, thanks for checking this out. This is a really short one...I literally had this fic pop in my head just as I was going to sleep…why do I always get the best ideas late at night :,)

Anyhoo, enjoy!

Check it out (and my other much longer fics) on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abirdthatwrites_robin/works

TW: None that I can think of, perhaps just generally upsetting topics/thoughts?

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“Can I have a ‘forever goodbye’ kiss?” 

You say it like it’s a good thing that I'm leaving. You say it with a teasing laugh. 

You say it and it hurts. 

I'll allow myself one moment of weakness if it's with you.

Only one.

Is it really weak to close my eyes when our lips meet? Or is the possibility of failure what's driving me crazy; with feelings of such fragility.

It's only a kiss.

My mind wants more of you but is that pathetic of me? I want you all to myself.

My heart longs for you but are the wavering beats enough stability? Do I love you enough? Do I love myself enough to love? Enough to love you?

Will I ever be enough?

That’s why I have to leave.

I pull apart, but you keep me in your arms just a second longer. 

Will I ever feel more than just your lingering touch and the warmth of your fingertips? Will I feel more? 

Will I grow tired and discard you, just how I would have back then?

I'm in no need of friends and certainly no need of the unimaginable something more. I'm sick of denying my feelings but I'm also sick of acknowledging them. 

Is the human heart beating in this manner considered normal? It feels as though I'm dying. Though, what really is dying without a purpose in life? 

You are beginning to be my purpose and I can’t allow that. I can’t have you live with such a responsibility; I don’t want to be a burden anymore. I don’t want you to be in danger. I don’t want…

I can’t want… I can’t want anything. I don’t deserve it. 

Then why do I want you so badly? 

Forever beating heart, for you, but in loneliness we never met. 

Is this how it’s going to end?

“Stay”

“You know I can’t.”

“Stay.”

“I can’t…I can’t stay.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you.”

I never intended to fall in love. I never thought that it would be so difficult. So painful. 

And I never thought that it would be reciprocated. 

“And what does that have to do with you leaving?”

“You’re gonna get tangled up in my mess and I don’t want that.”

“I won’t.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Because I won’t.”

“Please just let me go.”

You hold onto my arm like it’s your own life. Do you really care about me that much? 

Just let me go. 

“No. No I won’t, Scaramouche.”

Hearing my name makes it hurt more. That’s not me - I need to escape my past. I don’t need to escape you, I need to free you. There's a difference. Why not do both at once?

Knowing you're safe makes me feel better. Not that I need to feel better. I’m fine, everythings fine, except me, and that’s fine. 

“Goodbye.”

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End authors note: Thank you for reading! Have an amazing day/night :)

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