Evan, Barty, And Regulus Spent Deatheater Meetings Talking Shit And Making Jokes About The Other Members

evan, barty, and regulus spent deatheater meetings talking shit and making jokes about the other members the entire time and you can't convince me otherwise

for example:

---

Evan: is malfoy wearing a bow in his hair?

Barty: merlins beard he is

Regulus: you think narcissa tied it for him?

Barty: i bet she probably brushes his hair every morning

Regulus: theres definitely a reason that he has healthy hair and i highly doubt its because lucius malfoy is a hygienic person

Evan: thank merlin for that, wouldn't want another snivellus situation on our hands

*collective snickering*

--- *at a dinner meeting after a member is killed by voldemort*

Barty: oh shit there goes the new guy

Regulus: what do you think he did?

Evan: bet you 5 galleons he asked why voldy looks like someone plucked a chicken and dipped it into olive oil

Barty: *chokes and spits out his drink*

---

Regulus: did snape cut his hair?

Evan: did he? merlins beard he looks horrid

Barty: parents don't care about him

Evan: wonder how greasy and hard it was to cut that shit

Regulus: the clippers probably kept slipping

Barty: hairdresser probably asked him if he wanted it shampooed and he said 'no i have a legacy to uphold'

Evan: legacy of smelling like merlins ball grease

*more snickering*

---

Regulus: did you hear? narcissa is pregnant

Evan: really?

Barty: oh merlin, poor her, she had to have sex with malfoy

Evan: i cannot imagine the horror

Regulus: strong woman she is

Barty and Evan: *nodding in agreement*

--

honestly i could keep going, the three of them are so funny

Jegulus Microfic: Flower

Sirius, Remus, and Peter just stared at James and the bundle in this arms with matching expressions of disbelief. 

“James,” Remus said nervously, “mate, you got him flowers? Him?”

“Regulus?” Peter added, as though that weren’t already obvious.

James just ignored them, he was proud of what he’d picked out. 

“He’ll like them,” he said confidently. 

Sirius grimaced. “My brother? Regulus Black? Will like flowers?” he asked. 

James just nodded. 

“He’ll like these.”

All of his friends nodded awkwardly and a chorus of “sure” and “okay” followed. 

-

Undeterred, James brought the flowers with him when he met up with Regulus for their date. 

Regulus looked a little bit confused to be handed flowers, until James put a finger to his lips. 

“Just watch,” he whispered. 

Regulus didn’t argue, but he did startle in surprise after James whispered “Incendio” and the flowers went up in flames in a beautiful green blaze.

Regulus’ face burst into a smile.

“The Quidditch match?” he asked.

James nodded excitedly. “This is me wishing you good luck. More like this if you win.”

A smile tilted one corner of Regulus’ mouth up. 

“You’d better fill the room with them.”

James just grinned confidently.

“I knew you’d like them,” he said. 

Regulus considered the firey bundle in his hands for a moment before nodding. 

“I would like anything on fire, but making the flames green was a nice added touch. Nice one, James.”

James had been right. Of course. He always knew what Regulus would like. Take that, Sirius.

-

@jegulus-microfic - 252 words - 5/22

I missed them

The one where Regulus knows that Remus is a werewolf

“How?” James scratches his head trying to remember if he perhaps slipped one of the nights that they shared wine or whiskey. Perhaps he talks in his sleep and Regulus failed to mention it.

“James.” Regulus rolls his eyes without looking up from his book. “You have made some weak excuse to not spend the night with me nearly every full moon for two years. I actually thought maybe it was you until I found out you're an animagus yourself. Werewolves can’t be both. Did you know?”

Regulus is sometimes too perceptive for his own good. James truly thought he was getting away with it. He figured he would have noticed if Regulus had suspicions. He’s far too skilled in his control. In keeping his secrets hidden. James would have been none the wiser had he not plainly admitted he knew about Remus’ affliction moments before.

“I did know that,” James responds. He’s impressed. And mildly annoyed that Regulus holds so much of his knowledge privately when James feels like an open book.

“I assume my brother and Peter share your ability?” Regulus asks it nonchalantly, and leaves James stunned once again. He really needs to get better at keeping secrets.

“Erm…” James fills the space with the awkward word. Regulus is enjoying seeing him squirm under the pressure of revealing all of his mate’s crimes.

“No offense, James, but if anyone is wise to the fact that any of you are an animagus, they’re going to figure out pretty quickly that you all are. Sirius calls you Prongs, for Merlin’s sake. You all call Remus Moony. Not exactly subtle nicknames.”

It’s a fair point. When they created their nicknames in fourth year, it hadn’t occurred to them that it was a tell. They were young and naive. They thought they would remain the untouchable Marauders forever. The nicknames have become so ingrained in their friendships it’s second nature to switch back and forth between their given names and the nicknames regardless of their present company. James makes a mental note to remind his mates to use caution with them moving forward.

“Does it hurt having to carry around all that information all the time?” James relents to the fact that he may never be able to keep a secret from Regulus. He’s too observant. Too clever. Regulus' lip quirks up as he continues reading his book. James knows he won’t acknowledge nor accept the compliment. He pulls his face from the book and forces him to look up at him. He kisses the forehead that contains Regulus’ brilliant mind.

sirius and regulus, the most beautiful stars in the night sky.

By likeafunerall, and reposted with permission.

james would wear these all the time unironically