[10:52 PM]

[10:52 PM]

if it weren't for jisung sitting by your side on the couch, you'd probably be either fast asleep by now or binge watching anime with sad, sleepy eyes.

luckily enough, he was more than willing to spend the night watching TV together, but you can't help the guilt that eats away at you the later it gets.

tonight is halloween and the two of you had been planning on going to the party hyunjin throws every year. however, your luck is absolutely terrible, and after somehow managing to trip over your own feet like the uncoordinated mess you are, you ended up with a sprained ankle, hence you staying home on a night meant for social activity and fun.

when you told jisung you wouldn't be able to go tonight, he insisted on spending the night at yours instead to keep you company despite you insisting he shouldn't skip a night with the boys just for your sake.

"ji, it's still pretty early. if you wanna go, it's really not a problem, i totally understand-" you start, but he cuts you off with a loud shout of 'blah blah blah' like a disruptive child.

"really, Y/N, you don't have to worry about me! I'm completely happy chilling with you tonight. if I wasn't then I wouldn't be here right now, okay?" he reassures you, gently petting your head.

you manage a half-hearted smile and rest your head on his shoulder.

"besides," he says with a teasing smile on his handsome skeleton face (he's a skeleton every year and it's pretty much tradition now), "I'd probably be dragging you home by now if we had actually gone, anyway. the struggle of being a heavyweight when all of your friends can hardly handle a beer, huh?"

you smack him lightly but he's not entirely wrong - most of the guys are lightweights. it's just that he's certainly not a heavyweight and most of the time it's you dragging him home, not the other way around.

"yeah, okay. at least we know our limits, ji. remember the time you threw up all over seungmin's new carpet and proceeded to pass out right in the middle of the puddle?"

"yeah, but that was new year's eve! that's, like, the entire point," he claims, ever ready to make a convenient excuse for his irresponsibility.

you just laugh at him and he joins you, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you closer.

the movie you're (hardly) watching seems to fade away as your eyelids grow heavy, and soon enough you're resting your entire weight against jisung's chest. the last thing you notice before you fall asleep is a soft murmur of 'night night, sleep tight' and a kiss on the top of your head.

hyunjin :: ’back door’ 200918 music bank

hongjoong — the black cat nero (halloween performance video)

[5:15 PM]

"Y/N, you have to tell me what's wrong. I can't do anything unless I know, please," felix begs, hands gripping your shoulders tight as he stares at you. "I'm really worried about you."

"lix," you mumble, unable to face him so you face the floor instead. you can still feel him staring but you know if you look up and see the worry in his eyes, you'll crumble right then and there and he'll have to deal with a sad, crying mess.

he knows you're not going to explain until you're ready, and he respects that you need time, so he just pulls you in for a hug and stays silent. you stay like that for a good five minutes, just holding each other close as you breathe in his comforting scent, until you're finally ready to explain.

"honestly, I don't know what's wrong. I don't know anything. It's just so much and it's nothing at the same time and I just-" you let out a heavy sigh. "I don't know."

he leans back to look at you, but your eyes are red and teary so you press your face against his chest to hide. he lifts a hand to gently rub your back as he contemplates what you said.

"I get it. That's okay, take your time to figure it out. I'm here for you," he reassures you, and something about his tone tells you he understands what you mean more than you might have expected. "I'll be here until you feel better."

suddenly, you're unable to hold back your sobs. you cry into the soft fabric of his pastel sweater and he only holds you tighter, whispering sweet affirmations and telling you it'll all be okay in time.

"but what if I never do?" you whimper against his shoulder, taking deep breaths as you tremble. for a second, you're not sure if he even heard you until he hums curiously.

"what if I never feel better?" you explain softly, and even you are slightly surprised by how broken you sound.

in the earliest hours of the morning, when you're awake after yet another sleepless night, the possibility that things might never get better gnaws away at your hope for a happy future and sends you spiralling into panic and confusion. even now, you feel your heart pound anxiously at the idea, but felix's arms wrapped tight around you manage to calm your mind at least a bit.

"well," he starts, gently petting your head to comfort you, "in that case, I promise I'll be by your side through it all."

you want to ask why he would do so much for you, you want to doubt his honesty because people have said that before and proceeded to leave you when things got hard, but something about felix makes you want to trust him with your whole heart anyway. maybe you're naive, and maybe it's partially due to the way his voice gives you butterflies when he speaks softly in your ear, but he feels safe and you want to let him make you feel better without shying away, just this once.

so instead of pushing him away, you take another deep breath and rest your head against his chest again. "okay. thank you, lix."

he do be jammin’

iconic