Sarcastic-candy-dealer - Eh - Tumblr Blog

Jack: what's a thot?

Gabriel: it means a thoughtful person.

[later]

Jack: [to Dean] thanks for helping me Dean you're such a thot.

Dean: [Gabriel giggling in the back] I'M A WHAT?

hoseok: [holding his newborn baby] she's so beautiful...

doctor: we're gonna have to give her some shots

hoseok: oh hell yeah pour up it's her fucking BIRTHDAY

jeongguk's bucket list:

1. create or change fb name to No One

2. Like everyone's post

3. their notification be like: No One likes this

Fake Chats #255

Taehyung: *Jungkook is staring*

Jimin: *I know*

Taehyung: *he's not even hiding*

Jimin: *I know*

Jungkook: -imin? Jimin-hyung?

Jimin: sorry, what? I was talking with Tae.

Jungkook: oh, well don't let me interrupt your soulmate time. *sits on Jimin's lap*

Jimin:

Taehyung: *he never sits on my lap!*

Jimin: sit on Tae, he actually wants you.

Jungkook:

Taehyung:

Jimin: ...on his lap.

Jungkook: don't scare me like that.

Jimin: *such a baby*

Taehyung: *you love it*

Fake Chats #39

Jungkook: I won't give up, nah, nah, nah, let me love you

Jimin: I am

Jungkook: *not again*

Jimin: so, kiss? *points to cheek*

Jungkook: *scowls*

Jimin: well, it was worth a shot

Taehyung: I'll kiss you!

Jungkook: *pulls Jimin into a backhug*

Jimin: you will?

Taehyung: ugh, no, I just wanted to provoke the maknae. you're really getting the hang of this jealousy thing, Kookie

Jungkook: *hates his life*

Also Jungkook: *doesn't let go of Jimin*

(In)correct Yoonmin

Jm: *balm is bts in*

Yg: Oh, what flavor is it?

Jm: strawberry hyung

Yg: Can I try it?

Jm: Sure, * gives him the balm*

Yg: *Kiss Jimin* Fuck, it does taste like strawberry

Jm: *It has stopped working*

Namjoon: I may be an atheist but I'm going to worship your body

Jin: That's so hot

Jimin: I may be an atheist but I'm going to worship your body

Yoongi: Sorry the temple is closed today

Yoongi: I don't have a favorite in the group

Yoongi: I love jimins and non-jimins all equally.

Jin: *gently taps table*

Yoongi: *taps back*

Hoseok: What the hell are they doing?

Namjoon: Morse code

Yoongi: *taps aggressively*

Jin: *slams table* BITCH, YOU TAKE THAT BACK

yoongi: i’m really into dark humor

seokjin, turning off the lights: wanna hear a joke

Gabriel: I could kill you if I wanted to,Winchester.

Sam: Yeah? So could any other angel.

Sam: So could a dog.

Sam: So could a dedicated duck.

Sam: you aren't special, Gabriel.

Gabriel: your words can't hurt me!

Lucifer: Sam Winchester is straight.

Gabriel: *scReAMs in gAy*

Dean: why can't dinosaurs clap?

Gabriel: because their arms are short.

Sam: because they're fucking dead!

I'm curious, reblog if your OTP is gay.

Like if it isn’t

Charlie: Okay, but who's your favorite brother? Looks or otherwise.

Rowena: Sam, of course. He's just so much more-

Charlie: Rowena! We have young ears here! *points at Jack, who waves*

Rowena: Well, he doesn't look two. Sorry he hasn't had Sex Ed. or whatever it's called these days.

Jack: I don't know. I love them both equally.

Charlie: I guess. Well, I don't know, but I'd probably lean more towards Dean, but not by much.

Gabriel: Mm, I'll disagree with you. Sam's just got that tight-

Charlie: Gabriel! Young ears!

Gabriel: Sorry not sorry, but I call not doing Sex Ed., whenever that happens.

Castiel: Well, I would say-

Jack: We already know what you'll say, Mr. Profond Bond.

Castiel: *confused*

Rowena: Well done, dearie! *starts clapping*

Gabriel: Sam and I don't have pet names for each other

Dean: ....aha

Dean: Hey, Gabriel, what's another word for "dad"?

Gabriel: ??? Daddy?

Sam: Yes babe?

Gabriel: for the billionth time, Sam and I are JUST friends

Dean, Cas, Chuck, Lucifer, and literally everyone else: *sneezes*

Jack: sorry, we’re allergic to bullshit, Uncle Gabe

dean & gabe: *discuss their husbands and their bros*

cas, sam & jack: *tumble into soiled and with a few scratches*

dean: i swear if that's what i'm thinking-

gabe: i swear if that's not what i'm thinking-

jack: *tries to hide rabbits behind sam*

cas: *hides kittens in his sleeves*

sam's jacket: *barks*

Gabriel: I hate you with every inch of my being.

Sam: Well that’s really not a lot of inches.

Gabriel:

Gabriel: Run.

Jack: what if people had food names and food had people names?

Dean: hey cheeseburger it’s time for dinner

Castiel: what are we having?

Dean: margaret

Sam: you guys better stop

Dean: shut up chocolate

[ Reblog if you ship Sterek 😌💛 ]

Sam: you're cute when you're angry

Gabe: well I'm about to get real fucking adorable

Gabe: don't break people's hearts. They only have one.

Sam: break their bones, they have plenty of those.