Semlohkrats - Dunder Mifflin, This Is Bia :)

When Did This Happen? Part 2

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 585

Warnings: none

Part 1 is here!

You certainly weren’t expecting this to happen, but Loki actually watched The Office and commented about the show with you. What wasn’t a surprise though was Dwight becoming his favorite character.

Beyond talking about the show, as the time passed, your conversations with the god started reaching other topics and now, one month later, you could say that you two are friends. Every morning you’d wake up to a message of “good morning” from Loki and every now and then the two of you would watch or read the same thing at the same time, while on a phone call to comment about it. You were expecting to do this today, since the team is going to be out on a mission and you will be able to keep the living room’s tv all to yourself, but when you asked Loki about it, he said he had other things to do. So, watching all alone it is.

When it is later that day and the team is out, you prepare yourself some popcorn and get some snacks before settling on the couch. When you are about to hit play, a voice comes from the doorway. “Starting without me, darling?” 

And when you look at the source of the voice, Loki is there with his arms crossed above his chest and that characteristic grin on his face. “Loki, what are you- I mean, when did you- How did you enter here?”. With that, his mischievous grin just got bigger.

“So many questions. All you need to know is that I have my methods.” He says while walking towards the couch you’re on and sitting casually, exactly like the day of the party. “So, are we going to  watch this movie or are we going to continue with the interrogation?”

“You said you had things to do, how are you here now?” At that, he sighs and turns his attention to you.

“Apparently, we are going with the interrogation. I just wanted to make a surprise, I thought we could watch together, really together, like that other night.” He pauses. “But, I can go if that’s what you want.”

“No! I- You can stay here, it’s just that I wasn’t expecting you, that’s all. I’m glad you’re here.” At this point, both you and he are with little smiles on your faces. A few seconds pass, before you look at the tv and press play. A few minutes on the movie, and Loki puts your feet on his lap and starts massaging them, like it’s a normal thing. Maybe it is, you just never had any close friends before. Well, one thing you know, this is way better than being alone.

                              --------------------------------------------------

When the movie ended, you and Loki still kept talking for some time, enjoying each other's company, and he helped you clean things before he went home. You still stayed in the living room until the team came back from the mission and let you know everything went well.

Once in your bedroom, you think back to your day with Loki. You’ve never had anything like this before, someone that would get out of their way to just spend the afternoon hanging out with you, that would send you texts in the morning and updates about their days. It feels good, you think.

When you go to sleep, you are already looking forward to answering the “good morning” text from Loki tomorrow. When you wake up, though, there’s no message from him. That’s never happened before.

Está fazendo um calor desgraçado aqui, mas eu continuo bebendo meu café quente. Percebe?

É que eu queria escrever sobre outra coisa, qualquer outra coisa que não fosse sobre você, do mesmo jeito que você faz, escrevendo sobre seus romances, mas meu romance é com o café e com as palavras e com o desejo de deixar de desejar quem deseja outra xícara que não a da minha casa.

E fico a observar essas pequenas contradições em tudo à minha volta, como quem vive a encontrar pedrinhas nos calçados mesmo depois de batê-los dezenas de vezes, porque o caminho é arenoso e não adianta mesmo. E tem sido impossível -até hoje - não relacioná-las com você.

Deixe-me explicar. Não é que você seja uma pedra no meu sapato, é o fato de eu bater os sapatos muitas vezes para me certificar de que você não voltará a pinicar minha pele e você voltar cada vez maior para dentro deles porque, assim como o caminho arenoso, você está em tudo e eu não consigo ver outra coisa se não tuas marcas na sola dos meus pés fugitivos e, honestamente, cansados.

Apesar de tudo, e com tudo eu quero dizer mesmo tudo, todas as coisas maravilhosas e horríveis que você sempre será - como todos somos feitos de delícias e desprazeres. Com tanta coisa pra ser, você sempre decide não ser nada. Quer dizer, você decide não ser nada para mim - mas sobre mim não é você quem decide nada.

O problema, meu caro Watson, é que você nunca - nunca - deixa nada claro. Eu nunca soube de você. Eu só consigo saber de mim, dessa lucidez e clareza e certeza que me acompanham há anos. E diferentemente do exímio Sherlock, que se ilumina em pistas e mistérios e chega sempre ao cerne da coisa por conta própria, eu nunca soube de você. E ainda hoje, ao te dizer tanto de mim, tantas evidências, você ainda se faz mistério. Ora dando pistas de sua sede, ora dando pistas de que não bebe mais café quente.

Eu não sei ler pistas, caro Watson. Tenho tanta capacidade disto quanto teria uma chaleira de água quente. E o que você não entende, meu caro, caro Watson, é que se você me escrevesse sobre como já não deseja minha cafeína, eu me derramaria feito água quente em coa(dor), mas eventualmente tomaria minha última xícara. Mas se você me escrevesse de sua sede, eu daria a volta ao mundo para saciá-la.

É que é ligeiramente exaustivo amar você na solidão, e mesmo fora dela, o coração ainda tropeça na mesma pedra. Mas eu não paro mais para derramar de meu café se você não me disser "ainda tenho sede de você, volta, fica" ou qualquer outra coisa assim bonita que me quisesse dizer.

M.P.

Não tenho o mundo em minhas mãos

Nem mesmo o tenho sob meus pés

Eu tenho um mundo em meus sonhos

E nos meus desejos de amor e paz

..

Tenho muito a construir minha fé

Minha força de vontade e de resiliência

O caminho é longo e um pouco penoso

Mas o final de tudo é feito de pôr de sol

..

Por isso é que vale tanto a pena viver

Pelo sonho que não canso de alimentar

Pelo pôr do Sol que sempre me encanta

E por tudo que posso ser quando sou paz

..

..

Edison Botelho

My dad and I once had a disagreement over him using the adage "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I said, "That's just not true. Sometimes what doesn't kill you leaves you brittle and injured or traumatized."

He stopped and thought about that for a while. He came back later, and said, "It's like wood glue."

He pointed to my bookshelf, which he helped me salvage a while ago. He said, "Do you remember how I explained that, once we used the wood glue on them, the shelves would actually be stronger than they were before they broke?"

I did.

"But before we used the wood glue, those shelves were broken. They couldn't hold up shit. If you had put books on them, they would have collapsed. And that wood glue had to set awhile. If we put anything on them too early, they would have collapsed just the same as if we'd never fixed them at all. You've got to give these things time to set."

It sounded like a pretty good metaphor to me, but one thing I did pick up on was that whatever broke those shelves, that's not the thing that made them stronger. That just broke them. It was being fixed that made them stronger. It was the glue.

So my dad and I agreed, what doesn't kill you doesn't actually make you stronger, but healing does. And if you feel like healing hasn't made you stronger than you were before, you're probably not done healing. You've got to give these things time to set.

I’m sorry I’ve been gone. Here’s me trying to find my way back. In November I got an ADHD diagnosis that was 30 years overdue. I’ve been unpacking thoughts on ADHD, rejection sensitivity and friendship fails.