Silvasorrow - SilvaSorrow - Tumblr Blog

Sketch of a scene from It was Just Red. by @septemberrie , an absolute masterpiece of a fic.

This shaving scene was a amazingly written, with Andreas cupping Saul’s face and gazing at him in a twisted facsimile of intimacy. It brought to mind what was, what could have been, and what has been irrevocably damaged.

Happy birthday Skye!

oh nooo Saul stop breaking my heart stop it

He brought him toys! he hadn't been able to work out letting go of him! fuck!!

also i feel so vindicated in my fic about Saul and baby Sky in the aftermath of Aster Dell (written before reading this) so here (SHAMELESS PLUG): waiting on that morning sun

sobbing biting crying etc

Nobody could be as proud of Sky as Saul was 🥺🥺 (ALTHOUGH YOU NEED TO GODDAMN TELL HIM HOW PROUD YOU ARE, SAUL. HE'S NOT A MIND READER YOU BONEHEAD)

TRAUMA TRAUMA TRAUMA TRAUMA

And he goes to watch little Sky sleeping to comfort himself 😭 someone get this man a goddamn hug

I actually started crying at this part.

his love for Sky is so huge and so is his hatred for himself :(

Glaze is out!

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Thank you for tagging me @crazycatfaery <3 I'm sorry I took so long 😅😅

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 -> don’t care either way

10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged.

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional

Age Gap: 7/10

I love it, but I'll only read it if the Dead Dove Do Not Eat tag is there. I want to read it from an author who's aware they're writing an age gap, especially if we're talking toxic/problematic ships. If we're all in agreement in this room, then HELL YEAH.

Codependency: 100/10

Love it. I love it between love interests, I love it between family members, I love it between enemies even. Characters who only exist and see themselves as a paired up thing with another character. If I see that tag in any work the chances of me clicking on it double.

Enemies to lovers: -5/10

Eh... Sure if it's okay enemies to lovers, as in they're actual enemies and they want each other dead and then we turn it back around. Alright, sure. But honestly? 9/10 times people are writing mild-annoying acquaintance to lovers. I hate that. And even when they ARE writing real enemies to lovers, sometimes the "lovers" part doesn't live up to the "enemies" part.

Enemies With Benefits: 10/10

It's rare and I love it, but it's a tricky trope to get right. You can't remove the "enemies" aspect from it. I've seen this done right (cough - John Ross/Pamela), but I've also seen it butchered many times.

Fake Dating/Relationship: 3/10

Cute and all, but I won't click on a fic because of it.

Found Family: -1000/10

Nope. Most of the time people mean "found nuclear family" and then I'm forced to watch as these characters act completely wacky and ooc. I adore a good found family, but seeing this tagged in a work is a surefire way to have me not click it. (also let's just please stop with the weird subtrope of putting the favorite-white-guy of the group as the "tradwife/mom"??? what the FUCK is this? I've seen it in Teen Wolf, I've seen it Fate, I've seen it in Fast and Furious... just nope.)

Friends To Lovers: 100/10

Perfection. You want pining? You got a forest of pines. You want yearning? You want italicized oh moment? You want harmless jealousy? You want hilarious cutesy moments? You want deep conversations? You want confessions that fix something broken inside of you? You want a love so deep and profound that it has grown and changed and it'll change again if you won't take me as a lover because a friend is good too, is great even?? You want STAKES because I-love-you-but-I-don't-want-to-ruin-this-because-you're-the-best-thing-in-my-life??? Perfect trope. No notes.

Friends With Benefits: 10/10

The same as above + sex. Can't go wrong.

Hurt/Comfort: 100/10

Bathe my blorbo in their own blood!! Whump the shit out of them!! Put them through hell!! Make the caretaker fear for their life!! Get the begging and bargaining out and the wheezing confessions through bloody coughs. Love this.

Love Triangle: 0/10

It sure exists.

Mistaken/Hidden Identity: 0/10

I don't think I ever read this, don't think I ever will either.

Monster Fu… Relationship: 5/10

Sure, but only if it's a werewolf. Team Jacob forever.

Obsession, Possessiveness, etc: 10/10

Fuck yeah. Yes in good, deliciously toxic ships, but also YES in good, healthy ships. The golden ships, made up of two righteous characters and you wouldn't expect this and then BAM. The other day I read fic that was like "[redacted] had often fantasized about reaching in and counting the teeth in [redacted's] mouth" <- most perfect line ever written.

Opposites (like grumpy×sunshine, etc): 5/10

Eh...? It can be cute, but sometimes it feels like too much. I'm actually more of a "they're both grumpy, but not with each other" or even "they're both golden, but can be at their worse with each other".

Poly: 5/10

Sometimes it's shoehorned in and I'm like... :/ you could've written something more interesting if you allowed the conflict to exist. BUT sometimes there's genuine sexual/romantic attraction between all parts and that's when this hits. I'll read an OT3 as long as it's not "author couldn't decide and decided to go the fluffy no conflict route even though it makes no sense for the characters"

Pregnancy: 8/10

I'll read it in fics, in all sorts of manners: cute family fic, kinky breeding fic, plotty dramatic fic, etc. But I don't like it in canon, movie or book. In fic I have the ability of getting bored and clicking out and reading one of the other 200 fics where there's no pregnancy or baby. In canon that's impossible.

Second Chance: 0/10

Sure, I'll read that.

Sex To Feelings: 5/10

IDK, when are we talking feelings? Is this a scenario where they're friends/enemies to benefits and then the feelings emerge? Because then yes. Or is this just a PWP and then I get some feelings at the bottom? Because then no. Or is this a character study while they're fucking? Because then YES.

Slowburn: 10/10

It's the perfect trope but watch out. I'm a firm believer of stories needing beginning, middle, end. I've read fics that are 80 chapters long and every time the characters are about to get together/realize another curveball is thrown their way. Once or twice I'm good with, but 50 different obstacles? Fuck no, I'm clicking out.

Soulmates: -1/10

This won't make me wanna read your fic. If you mean this as a "they are soulmates so X happens" ....nope. Not my thing. If you mean this as "they're always the endgame. In every universe, in every reality, these two are IT" (cough, Skloom) then YES!!! But also don't spell it out for me. I don't need you to tell me soulmates, I can guess that.

Tagging: @infp-obsessing-over-everything , @faithfire and @daisiehoney @astrid-v

Silrah + 28

#28: ...as a lie. (I'm also counting this as desperately [#10)] in grief [#12]; because they're running out of time [#38]; requests from @veritaserum07 @lustrouswhite and anonymous)

"Is Ben close?"

Saul's hands trembled against the wound, pale spiders of flesh against webs of blood. Farah clung tighter to his wrist: hot, sticky, wet.

His face was ashen, lips merely ghosts of former red; his eyelids flickered in the moments between the grimaces of pain and the upward supplication into her eyes. When his eyes did land on hers, she could see the effort it took to focus on her.

But worst of all, to her, was the tide leaving him. His emotions had shifted from panic and fear to tightened anguish, the heights draining away into nothing.

He couldn't be numb. He couldn't be nothing. He couldn't... not be.

She tightened her grip on his wrist as if it would control her own emotions, the spikes of helplessness, the flares of desperation, and the endlessly spiralling despair clawing its way up her abdomen.

"Just hold on, Saul, he's almost here."

Saul's jaw went slack although his lips separated, like he was going to say something else, but then another spasm wracked his body and his expression contorted. He stamped both hands harder against his stomach.

When he spoke again, Farah heard his rattling exhale echo in her own chest. "Is he here now?"

The decision was easy. The decision that they had danced around for twenty years because it was too difficult: the blood made it easy. The pain. The chilly wind that whipped over the hill deserted but for the two of them.

She leaned down and pressed her lips to his cool ones. His eyes again flickered open, struggling to take in Farah's face inches from his own, and his mouth opened further in a gasp and invitation all in one.

"Farah?"

"Yes, Saul." Her voice was miraculously steady although the earth was falling beneath her, tilting on its axis, vanishing with her soul. "You can let go. He's here now."

Hey, looks like your shadowban has been lifted!

Hey Astrid! I did a url switcheroo, so my old blog is still shadowbanned but I have my old url here. But thanks for checking in and making me aware of the ban in the first place ❤️ If it wasn't for you guys I'd be blissfully posting into the void.

Hi!! Just checking on that long spiel I was hoping to hear from you about your thoughts on Andreas/Seb/Saul!!

Hey Septemberrie! I just saw your ask (from 2 days ago yikes!!) on tumblr and wanted to say that I very much intend to send you long spiels about Fate and specifically about the dynamics you set up in your fic IWJR! Sorry for going dark, I had a real doozy (uncomplimentary) of a week, and I took a break from tumblr until today. But I fully intend to throw myself back into it all, because the fic, meta, and art from you guys are too good to miss. It means a lot that you're interested in my ramblings, which were really spawned by your fic (holding you culpable for this obsession 😤.) Logging in to see your check-in message has lit a fire under my arse to send them out + finish the IWJR fanart I started 💕

Glaze is out!

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"Can't I call you Dad?" "No," Silva said with cold fury. SAUL what are you doing!!!!?

I'm in the middle of writing about how Saul's determination to mythologize Andreas is one of the few ways he outwardly displays how fucked up he is from past events, and this passage hit me like a ton of bricks. Skye's reluctance to forgive Saul in light of his deception is making more and more sense.

Sky's pov

saul ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️ USE YOUR WORDS

Sky... something tells me there's more than one piece of information Saul's not giving you when it comes to that 'unbreakable bond' he had with your dad

Saul, i get that that comment is coming from a place of trauma, but i'm ready to SMACK your goddamn head! YOU MORON give this sweet child some love and praise!

It's even worse because later in Saul's own pov the huge love he has for Sky just comes bubbling out in every second sentence. But he's SO BAD at displaying it!

oh no no no no no fuck this 😭😭😭😭 nooooo JUST BE HIS DAD SAUL. i know you don't feel worthy of him but CHRIST

grieving, grieving, constantly grieving.

Darling, so it goes… some things are meant to be

saundreas

Literally canon. Psychosexually obsessed with each other. Freud would kill people to sit these two down.

I adore the canon of these two, I love Saul being willing to murder Andreas for his morals and for the team he picked (Farah), I love Andreas being willing to walk away on his son, his best friend and his moral code for the general that he picked (Rosalind).

I love Andreas coming back and still being just as obsessed with Rosalind as before. I love that he holds this over Saul's head. I love that he gives zero fucks about Sky. I love that he doesn't care that Saul murdered him, but he cares that Sebastian was a teacher's pet following Silva around, I love that he can recognize Saul's handwriting with one glance even 16 years after, I love that he never once asks for forgiveness.

I love that Saul regrets killing Andreas, but that he would do it again. I love that he almost had to do it again. I love the thinly veiled insult in Saul's voice whenever he refers to Andreas to Sky. I love the disdain, I love the smugness, I love the "Andreas was probably jealous bc I gave you my father's sword", I love how immediately Saul dislikes Beatrix, I love how he comes this close to calling Andreas an animal.

I love that Saul sabotages Andreas without even knowing by building a shrine to a man who never existed. I love how much that is a hate declaration as much as a love declaration.

I like that they're dysfunctional. I love that Andreas is a complex character who's both victim and perpetrator of abuse. I love Saul's complicated morality, about the fact he set up Sky for disaster knowingly, about how he withheld his love because of his own sensibilities.

I want these incredibly capable, flawed characters to fuck and kill each other, in whatever order comes first.

“What is alive and what isn’t and what should we do about it?”

I have come into your inbox to rant and ramble after being blown away. I specifically ship your version/characterization of saulxandreas and romantic or platonic!saulxfarah/saul&farah, where the two dynamics are a foil for one another. Your fic, it was just red, is a masterpiece. It perfectly encapsulates the way that Andreas’s “feelings” for Saul would likely manifest, not as a healthy romantic attraction but as a twisted combination of attraction, jealousy of someone more popular and better than him (“good, kind, stupid Saul”), the desire to dominate, and the homophobic/toxicly masculine idea of owning/besting someone by fucking them. That sort of dynamic unfortunately often culminates in sexual violence, whether it be rape by deception or straight up assault. Which is made all the more heartbreaking by saul’s devotion towards Andreas and their early friendship. The contrast between Andreas being too narcissistic and insecure to love properly (“I did love you, you know,”) and the real love between Saul and his fairy, Farrah, and his other friends, made me cry.

I also ship saulxhealing because he puts on this image of even tempered mentor/guardian for the sake of his son and students, but he has got to be internally shattered, the most broken and traumatized character in the whole series, especially after season 2. Pretty much everyone he’s known and loved died violently. throughout his life, two people he trusted (Andreas and Sebastian) treated him like dirt by trying to kill him. He must have a very damaged sense of self worth and internalized guilt at being one of the last ones standing. Maybe he could find solace in being a father to sky, although i wonder how their relationship was affected by sky killing his biological father to save Saul on top of the previous trust issues that were not resolved.

Have you ever thought about writing another fic in light of all the compelling saulxandreas moments from season 2? Ken duken really amped up the tension between them, every time they appear on screen Andreas looks at Saul with such a creepy intense look that’s hard to ignore. And there’s the introduction of Sebastian, who definitely had a crush on Saul (“following saul around like a puppy”) The potential for Sebastian’s jealousy and hatred toward Andreas during their school years, and andreas being possessive of saul would be interesting. I could see your characterization of andreas continuing beautifully in a post s2 fic, with his viciousness showing in the way he relentlessly bullied Sebastian to mark his territory and because he could.

Also, it’s a testament to your writing that canon s2 Andreas pretty much acted in accordance with the Andreas in your fic! There’s always the possibility of canon work completely going against a fic, but s2 Andreas was every bit as bloodthirsty and aggressive as you wrote him (not Ben asking saul if sky inherited Andreas’s bloodlust 😭) Burning saul’s house down in jealousy, pushing students around and making sparring more violent, being emotionally unavailable towards his son, and insulting silva’s masculinity, (“did he wear an apron?”) it was amazing how you basically extrapolated his character so accurately from just a few scenes in s1.

Basically, thank you for writing it was just red, and the way you wrote it makes me yearn and wonder if you’ve ever thought about writing something post s2. The past and present structure for it was just red would be perfect in explaining the sheer depths of Sebastian’s hatred of Andreas (with Saul at the root of it all,) and the way Saul/Andreas’s scenes were so intense, culminating in Andreas sacrificing himself to save Saul, makes me wonder what kind of relationship they had in the past even if it was an unhealthy one. The show also glossed over saul’s imprisonment after he was caught returning to see sky, and the way you wrote his imprisonment in i.w.j.r. Makes me think you’d write that part wonderfully. The saul&sky&andreas conflict and dynamic (“you’re already starting to sound like him.”) was also teased but not explored in canon, and the way you described that in the last fic (“he’s in my DNA” “he’s in my bones.”) chills. I’d kill to see your exploration of that dynamic post s2. And they also didn’t include any grieving scenes for Saul after his fairy died!

Anyways, I’ll end this here. It was just red. was amazing, literally one of the best fics I’ve read and definitely the best when it comes to comparing the quality of canon to fic. You have a gift for fully fleshing out the motivations and psychology of characters, your writing is technically skilled, and you included themes beyond just shipping (about love, war, trauma, growth, and disillusionment) that I didn’t expect but were really impactful to read. I would die of happiness if you were considering writing another post s2 saundreas fic but that’s not to induce any pressure because I am already forever greatful for the fics you’ve already written. Wishing you all the best in life. Also, is it okay to send you more asks/messages about fate? This has gotten ridiculously long but I’d love to discuss more saundreas/saulbastian/saulrah things down the line with you if you’re interested.

okay anon, I hope you know this is the best ask I've ever received, my ego will never be the same after this 😅💕

I love the points you brought up in your 2nd paragraph, re: Saul x Healing. The man has been through it ALL, although I always have a hard time reconciling what he's actually been through with the mechanical way the writers had him deal with everything in S2. It's absolutely criminal we got little to no fallout from what went down in the lodge because you're so right, Sky and Saul's relationship is fundamentally changed now that Sky murdered his bio father to save his real father!! Plus Sky and Saul have both now lost their fairies, they've both killed their own fathers, their home burned down… like they have so much loss together (makes you wonder what's left to repair if they both lost so much).

I have actually started a "S2 from Saul's POV" that tries to both build on what specks of light they gave us (Ken rocking tf out of angsty Andreas, references to Sebastian and Andreas' crushes on Saul, wtf was going on that week when both Saul and Andreas were teachers at Alfea when they have this history together????) and also tries to bridge some of the gaps (where tf is the emotion? any of it? About Farah? Sky killing Andreas? Siding with Roz???)

And I'm toasting you to kingdom come, anon, for the praise re: Andreas' characterization in my fic. If you had told me when I was writing it that we were going to get as much fucked up Andreas in S2 as we did I would not have believed you. It was a dream come true--my only wish is that they hadn't killed him off so early. He was SUCH a great rogue/lesser villain. I really don't remember what happens much in s2 after Episode 4 lol that's basically It for me. I'm framing your sentence "the best quen it comes to comparing the quality of canon to fic" because ??? excuse me this is the most fantastic compliment because that's exactly what I was going for/hoping for and!!! thank you!!!!

Back to my S2 "rewrite" fic. I hadn't considered as much your particular angle, like what if Sebastian being Sebastian and not just any old blood witch was part of the reason for Andreas' sacrifice? Extra baggage between the three of them? I'm curious what you mean about "the past and present structure of IWJR would be perfect in explaining the sheer depth…" are you just referring to IWJR or are you talking about the proposed post-s2 fic you would like to see me write? Sorry I'm just curious!!

Anyway anyway anyway PHEW you are incredible for sending such a kind and gushing message and THANK YOU!!! I literally had to sit on it for a few hours bc it was like staring at the sun lol it is so bright and makes me so happy. You are ALWAYS welcome to come chat about anything Fate, on anon or off! We are a friendly bunch and love talking about our silly 13 episode fairy show!! Thank you again!!

Why is this adorable yet strangely heartbreaking? The parallels between both men raising children alone when they could have been doing it together. Existing unaware of one another, connected under the same sky.

Parenting 101 (Fate the Winx Saga)

storyline by @lilshitwayne​, art by moi

fanart process

the other day, as I was cleaning up my HD, I noticed that I had a pretty good line of progress pics for my first Fate fanart and I thought other people might find it interesting too

sketch

ink and prelim color/shade concept

digital/watercolor vs traditional coloring. I started working on both parallel as an experiment and ended up going with the watercolor/acrylics on the right since it was what I was used to, thus faster. But I think the digital version would have kicked too.

The background wash on the left image is two layers of watercolors overlaying, which then I had planned to paint over in Photoshop. Now that I've discovered digital watercoloring with Rebelle Pro, it might be worth revisiting and finishing this pic!

background inks and final version

Chained

@septemberrie was so kind and reminded me that I never posted this drawing on here!

Have some whump Saul in prison my darlings.

Fate fanart: A Fairy’s Loss

The prompt I was loosely working from was “Farah Dowling with a sword” and everything else sort of fell into place around it. Read @septemberrie​‘s kickass accompanying fic on AO3 to find out what exactly is happening here :o)

Here is my contribution for the Fate: the Winx Saga holiday exchange. Happy Secret Santa, @faithfire !

One of my prompts was: Saul or Ben acting more like parents less as teachers

Now I know, strictly speaking Silva is still being a teacher here. But it’s Sky’s birthday, okay, and the one thing the kid wished for more than anything was his first sword lesson. It’s gonna be a happy memory for both of them.

Because dioramas are notoriously hard to photograph, I made a digital version too

and as a bonus pic:  🌱 little Terra Harvey, bringing home yet another stray

Someone introducing Saul and Andreas to each other

Saul: we've already met

Andreas: He's my husband

Saul: Ex-husband

Andreas: You never filed the paperwork, Darling, and it's till death do us part

Saul: I thought you were dead

Andreas: If you've remarried I'm going to kill them

Here, have an emotionally stunted and violent dilf.

Rob James-Collier | Fate: The Winx Saga

I'm just going to say this. It makes me absolutely nuts thinking about Andreas's last act being pure fucking love and sacrifice. this man has gone fully dark side, spent 16 years away from Saul, stewing over his betrayal and the way Saul 'killed' him. but when push finally comes to shove... he sacrifices his own life to save Saul, the man who killed him. That's literally it, there's no other explanation for what he does.

He could have told Sky to run, to get out, thus saving Sky and killing Saul - and it would have been poetic! Heartbreaking! but the expected full-circle of their relationship! But he doesn't, he tells Sky to kill him so that his puppeted body can't kill Saul, because it's Saul who would have died in the next few seconds with a single slice. Because when everything else is stripped away, that's what's left: he can't kill Saul.

And then you fucking think about what this would do to Saul... knowing that the man he loved and killed had loved him enough, even after all that time, to sacrifice his own life to save Saul's. Like how the hell do you ever get past that?

How do you go on trying to be the good guy after that? When the man you thought of as a shitty, mass-murdering, child-abandoning asshole - but you still love despite yourself, despite everything - gives you this awful, terrible last gift of love and self-sacrifice with his final breaths. and you can't ever tell him that you... that you -

you can't ever tell him any of it, because he's gone.

Hello

Here's a little test. I was flagged as a bot on my last url for unknown reasons, so I'm remaking while the previous blog is still in it's infancy.