Sarcasm Is The Lowest Form Of Wit (but The Highest Form Of Intelligence).

sarcasm is the lowest form of wit (but the highest form of intelligence).

1: 53 am.

scorpius: potter

scorpius: u up?

scorpius: fuck

scorpius: not that kind of u up

scorpius: no offense but ew

lily luna: blond hair?

lily luna: bad attitude?

lily luna: must be a mALfOy

scorpius: omg

scorpius: f u freckles

scorpius: it was only funny the first time

scorpius: you haven't come up with anything witty since

lily luna: then y r u texting me if i'm not funny, m8?

scorpius: it's 2 am and i'm procrastinating.

scorpius: i have history of magic homework. and stop texting like a ten year old.

scorpius: albus is asleep

scorpius: plus he's pissed at me for some reason

scorpius: i'm bored

lily luna: i'm flattered

lily luna: uwu

scorpius: don't be

scorpius: you're only marginally more interesting than professor binns

lily luna: i hope u fall off ur broom and binns fails u

lily luna: bad night

dammit one of these days i’ve got to take a break from angst and write some fluff.

Writing Prompt #736

“Cuddle me. It’s cold.”

“Very romantic of you, demanding affection,” they teased.

“I don’t give a shit about romance, I’m cold. If you’re gonna make fun of me, go make me cocoa while you’re at it.”

right, I had a go:

*based off of ginny’s valentine*

his temper is prone to implode

his heart is totally cold

i wish he was mine, he’s really divine

the villain who felt threatened by a one-year-old

what are some love poems bellatrix would write to show her love to voldemort? (please make it funny)

Chapter Eleven: The Ouroboros

"I do hope you're enjoying yourselves," said Slughorn, smiling evenly. If he noticed their obvious discomfort, he gave no indication. "I see Tom has finally found you. By the way, Tom — excellent work on your essay, I've just graded it — truly impressive, the attention to detail."

"Thank you, Professor Slughorn," said Tom with a small smile.

"Kiss-arse," muttered Minerva.

Tom glared at her. "Know-it-all."

"I haven't gotten to yours, yet," said Slughorn, nodding at Minerva. "But I believe I will also be impressed." He sighed. "Sadly, I cannot say the same for... certain others..."

"Nott and Mulciber?" asked Minerva, without missing a beat. "I'd be surprised if they had the attention span to write three inches' worth of anything."

Tom Riddle turns to revenge (ahem, shameless thrill-seeking) as he searches for the identity of his three attackers. All that he has to go on is a golden unicorn, a birthmark, and a ring in the shape of an ouroboros.

Fortunately for Tom, the Hogwarts library is open... but what else might he discover? With the (unwitting) help of Horace Slughorn, along with some pickpocketing and general scheming, it seems that revenge may be in sight...

Warnings: Without giving too much away, I’m going to borrow the AO3 tag. Tom Riddle is his own warning. Featuring a very pissed-off kid!Riddle at his pettiest and most vindictive. You’ve been warned.

Read from the beginning at FFN | AO3!

tom: define 'better'.

tom : someday, I'm going to change the world.

[y/n] : for the better, I presume?

tom :

[y/n] : ANSWER ME!

writing tom is so frustrating

tom: i'm being bullied

me: talk to dumbledore

dumbledore: talk to me

tom:

dumbledore:

me: please?

tom: actually i'm going to go torture them with a random dark spell i found in the library

me: TOM NO!

tom: everything is under control

tom: *skips off*

me: why are you like this?

me: oh, wait, yeah. because i wrote you like this.

dumbledore: *shrug* boys will be boys

dumbledore: lemon drop?

me:

me: i'm done with you both