My Most Ridiculous Level Yet Comes With An Equally Ridiculous Speedrun! I Did Mention There Were Different

My most ridiculous level yet comes with an equally ridiculous speedrun! I did mention there were different routes in this level, right? This was my clear check run ✨

Treasure Tower Takedown (v2) | TGL-L3V-6FG

A mysterious tower with untold riches has appeared over the Mushroom Kingdom, and Bowser’s armada is storming in to search it by force. Race to the top to claim the treasure before Bowser does! Featuring multiple routes, secrets, and even endings, but a very tight challenge – this one’s for super players!

calling myself nonbinary was an escape from who i am not. calling myself genderfluid is an embrace of who i am.

it is weird to have effectively come out a second time and only now start having such realizations as "oh i do get to have gender euphoria" and "oh i am trans after all"

my animal crossing oc, Rivers, may be her own character instead of a self-insert, but there was a brief moment where she almost wasn't… and it completely smashed my understanding of my gender identity

i started playing new horizons as myself, much like i did with new leaf. thing is, this was a very boring way to play AC, because i didn't click with the majority of clothing options, and mostly stuck to jeans and hoodies

(i also do this IRL, which is usually a yellow flag regarding gender…)

more importantly, this also extended to hairstyles. i didn't like any of the male styles at the beginning of the game, and wrote off the female styles as "not for me." so i went with the one i disliked the least, hoping there would be more options later.

and there are! after a few days, a magazine shows up that unlocks more hairstyles and colors. unsurprisingly, i still didn't like any of them. the only thing i could decide on was blue hair, but even that didn't feel right for some reason…

i started messing with the female hairstyles, just to try everything, make sure i wasn't missing something that might work. i still didn't click with them…

until this one appeared. and i froze up.

i don't really know how to describe everything that went through my head all at once.

"i like that one!" "that's not me." "it's cute!" "it's WRONG." "it COULD be right…" "…but i'm so scared." "…but it's so nice…"

"…why am i having such a hard time with this?!"

keep in mind: this was before she was Rivers. this was me deciding for myself.

and after an exhausting few minutes of chasing myself around… i finally managed to hit the A button. just to try it out for a bit. i could always change it back, after all.

i didn't change it back.

and for a little while… this was me! not just a character to project onto, but me.

in fact, Rivers only came into her own a few days later, after i was a little more disconnected from the idea of being a girl. (i am genderFLUID, after all!)

i wanted to try the same thing again with clothes, but i still had the same issue where nothing really clicked with me. at a certain point i just started trying on whatever might look cute on her, and that's when Rivers really became her own character.

in any case… i will always remember that moment of frozen hesitation, of hard self-examination, of asking difficult questions, for being the moment that put the biggest chip in my shell.

Thank you, Animal Crossing, for bringing me one step closer to finding my truest self.

I’m finally getting more comfortable with the idea of finishing college at some point.... if I don’t also have to work. I would have to completely switch out one for the other, which is not possible currently, but at least I can dream about it now!

I had about a year left, but it would probably end up being two, simply because the CS curriculum has to update as fast as the industry does; I was mostly doing C++ in college, which is less of a thing now. I’d have to catch up with Python or Javascript or whatever the kids do these days.

Besides, a second year means I could fit some electives in – art, higher math, music, psychology, improv??? Frankly, that's the most exciting part! These are all things that I enjoy enough to want more formal training with, or never had any in the first place.

Despite knowing it would take extra time, I really would like to finish my degree! That’s a huge step up from this time last year. I’m finally starting to get past the amount of stress that just thinking about it would put on me.

The burnout? Not so much, still dealing with that.

But if I had to work on top of college, for two years, then I would either have to do part time and focus only on the classes I need to finish – skipping electives entirely – or I would explode into a bunch of tiny stress sprinkles. More importantly, it would probably be both.

And so, despite my stance changing from last year, the answer is roughly the same: “It’s not in the cards right now.”

it is weird to have effectively come out a second time and only now start having such realizations as "oh i do get to have gender euphoria" and "oh i am trans after all"

we all know adhd leads to forgetfulness, but here's some especially insidious ways that this wears on me:

i forget about things that i'm looking forward to, like games, events, or days off – so my future looks bleak, boring, distant, and joyless, as though every day is just going to be another day of Work and Not Much Else.

i forget about my own burnout and how little energy i have – then i push myself too hard and collapse almost instantly, over and over again. then i guilt myself about being so tired all the time!

i forget about my own accomplishments, no matter how big or small – leading to a strong sense of imposter syndrome and even worthlessness. digital projects hidden in folders away from sight, physical works fading into background noise on a shelf somewhere…

i even forget my own emotional state, and the events that lead up to it – meaning i usually end up internalizing all my feelings, bottling them away for years without ever acknowledging or processing them, simply because i forgot they were there!

my world consists entirely of what's in front of me right now, and what's on my mind right now. even then, i don't even have my whole present, much less any of my past or future.

i'm just doing my best with what i have, in the moment.