trans christian, any pronouns. artist at heart, programmer by trade. this is my journal of sketches, project notes, and assorted thoughts – spanning games, technology, creativity, neurodiversity, and more!
970 posts
Over Time I've Slowly Discovered An Odd Phenomenon About Myself And My Ability To Understand Things:
Over time I've slowly discovered an odd phenomenon about myself and my ability to understand things: words are stored in my head as feelings.
The first time I figured this out, it was with the word "freezing." When I hear that word, I actually feel a little colder. It's a very subtle feeling, almost unnoticeable, and it lasts a shorter time than it takes for me to even say the word.
It's a subconscious thing. In fact, 99% of the time I don't even notice. Occasionally I'll just notice it for no reason at all. Other times I watch myself to see if it's really happening, or if I'm just making it up.
Naturally, I've tried other things. It turns out I do this with numbers as well. I have a very distinct feeling of the presence of "one," or "three," and even an idea of "one taken from three." It starts to distort with larger numbers; I can rationalize that 10,002 - 10,001 is the same as 2 - 1, but they don't feel the same. Another thing that works is punctuation; I can feel the breaks and pauses in the sentence differently based on a single comma or capitalized letter.
This plays into how I understand the world. When my teacher explains something in class, I'm able to connect with the idea in a way that lets me explain it to others in a way they can understand. When someone is telling a story of what happened to them, it's essentially happening to me at the same time; I'm able to empathize. It is the strangest and most wonderful thing.
Why do I say all this? Because maybe this is normal for people, and someone can get some use out of knowing this about themselves. Or, maybe I'm just lucky. One thing's for sure: this is all just further proof that I think too much.
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lightningfire1221 liked this · 11 years ago
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larger version
The nature of memories
Will: Ugh, I'm so tired. I just want to sleep.
Memory: HELLO
Memory: Let me show you this random memory of you doing something embarrassing!
Will: Wow why did I even do that
Memory: THINK OF YOUR SHAME.
Will: I really hate the fact that I ever thought of doing this at all
Memory: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Will: Why am I thinking of this?
Memory: wait what
Will: Why do I care so much? I doubt anyone involved with this actually cares anymore.
Memory: It doesn't matter, because YOU DID IT LOOK AT YOU.
Will: well I don't care, because no one else does
Memory: But LOOK AT IT
Will: Let me sleep! *suppresses memory*
Memory: NOOOOOOOooooooooo....
Will: Finally, I might actually be able to sleep now.
Will: *tries to sleep*
Memory: i'm back
Memory: and i have another memory for you
Will: *sigh* I am never going to sleep tonight.