Like What Am I Doing Wrong? I Genuinely Can't Tell If I'm Just Conversating Wrong Or If They're The Problem

Like what am I doing wrong? I genuinely can't tell if I'm just conversating wrong or if they're the problem or a secret third thing. It's really frustrating. I don't know what to do.

I am starting to feel really isolated from people. I can sit and listen to all the Pokemon garbage in the world (I personally don't like Pokemon, no judgement if you do) but the moment I want to talk about something I'm interested in I'm ignored and told "that's nice" in that way that means the conversation is over. I I don't know what it means. Maybe I'm talking about things wrong. Maybe I'm using the wrong words. Maybe I just need to tell them to other people. I don't know.

Something else. My phone background is black bc I only see it when I'm switching between apps. I use total launcher and bought the lcars theme (?). That's what they call the computer operating system on Star Trek. Mine specifically looks like the TNG-Voyager era. It's fantastic. My phone is a PADD :))))

This is literally my home screen. If you read the buttons, you can see what apps they are. Also, each button beeps and bloops and there's animations happening to cause blinking lights and whatnot. My life is infinitely better and it only cost me 5 bucks and HOURS of painstaking setup lol. Worth it imo. I'm linking both total launcher and the theme pack I bought in case anyone else wants to do this.

Total Launcher (free)

Lcars pack (like 5 bucks)

I forgot how tired I am when I'm sleepy

I really think this hinges on whether or not we have "souls." A thing that is greater than your neurons firing, a thing that observes them firing and is the thing which says "I am me," if that exists then I don't believe transporting means death. The soul, which is not broken down because it is not physical, follows the matter wherever it goes. And so the body being deconstructed and reconstructed doesn't matter. Theoretically, you could attach your soul to something other than your body and you still have not died.

This makes the occasional cloning issue have a bigger philosophical meaning. If you were cloned by transporter, then which one has the soul? Figure that out, and you've solved that issue. I don't think there would be a way to do that though since I imagine a collection of cells and atoms with the personality of your friend and that same collection of cells and atoms that is also being observed and operated by your friend would be very difficult to distinguish from each other.

This leads me to my next point: uhm. I don't think souls exist. So when there is a break in consciousness, there is death. I'm not worried about it though cause that already happens pretty frequently. Like, every night when you're sleeping but not dreaming, that is a kind of death. If you go into a coma, if you're brain dead and you're revived by a doctor, death death death. It's ok. We are always dying and being born.

Which might mean that life is an illusion and really all that's happening at any given moment is remembering what the previous moment was. Like a computer that powers down completely and opens the applications you were working on when it powers up. Every moment, forever. And "life" is what we call a long enough series of those moments without *significant* breaks. And when they stop and will not start again, that's what we understand death to be.

So transporting might mean you die, but no more than usual.

Also Data is definitely a living creature as much as any bacteria, ant, human, vulcan, or computer and everyone needs to shut up about that shit!

In Star Trek, the transporter works by converting you as a complete copy from matter to energy containing all information necessary to reassemble you, sends that information wirelessly over a distance to a location where you are then reassembled, molecule by molecule. Since the copy is so perfect you do not perceive any interruption between conversions and everything about you is physically in tact at the end of the procedure (assuming nothing goes wrong, which canonically very rarely happens).

I'm 22 rn and it stopped about 8 months ago when I got diagnosed with ADHD and finally got good medicine. It hurts. My younger self would be ashamed I made it this long. But I just have to smile and hold her close as she hits me. She hasn't looked up quite yet. She doesn't know how beautiful the trees are against the sky.

the mountain goats make music for people who spent their entire lives convinced they would die before they were 17 except now they're 26 and they have a job and friends and hobbies and they're not sure what they're meant to do now that they've survived

It's like, ya, that DnD session with the friends I've never met, at that place I've never been, with all the back stories and lore I don't know, ya that session? Sounds cool man. Glad you did that cool thing. Wanna hear about one of my sessions? Where I did a cool thing too? No? Oh sorry I thought this was a conversation, not story hour.

I am starting to feel really isolated from people. I can sit and listen to all the Pokemon garbage in the world (I personally don't like Pokemon, no judgement if you do) but the moment I want to talk about something I'm interested in I'm ignored and told "that's nice" in that way that means the conversation is over. I I don't know what it means. Maybe I'm talking about things wrong. Maybe I'm using the wrong words. Maybe I just need to tell them to other people. I don't know.