If, Again, In Future - Part 2

If, again, in future - Part 2

But I suppose it was always supposed to hurt. 

Knowing that I could not stop loving him, it was always supposed to hurt because it was a task to look at him and not smile. I swear I tried so hard every time he called me, every time he talked to me, every time he would just pass by me, it was impossible to refrain a smile and I only wondered if he knew he still had that effect on me. I hoped he did and I hoped that he did all the same too, I hoped that he too smiled after I crossed him in the hallway or that he smiled whenever I would just message him, or whenever I would call him, but somewhere in my undeserving heart, it felt like that he did not, he did not smile at the thought of me and I wanted to be okay with it. 

And I suppose I could have made peace with it that day if he had not stood at my doorway, with a cup of tea in his hand and my favorite biscuit too because he had remembered what day it was. I could have been okay or what my heart likes to believe but when that day my eyes matched his, I could not hold my smile. I had stood up and hugged him with everything I could gather in me and he had hugged me all the same and whispered that the day will pass because he was going to be there for me, always. 

And I being a fool in love had said I loved him even though I wasn’t supposed to love him anymore and I wished I could have taken back my words but I could not and maybe just for the sake of that day, he had said he loved me too but that was the last I ever heard him say it. I wished later that night that I should have told him I loved him much more than once because it felt as though that if it were the last day that I could say I loved him then I should have said times more than infinity, just so he knew that my heart was his. 

But then days go by and he doesn’t call me for a while or message me or pass by me because of his supposed work and then suddenly one night, at 1 am he rang my doorbell and I let him in, only he was intoxicated beyond his normal capacity. 

I had taken his bottle of booze away and made him comfortable on the couch, almost put him to sleep but he held my hand and made me lay down next to him. 

I remember how my heart raced and I thought more of my heart racing could not have been possible but then out of the blue, he linked our fingers together and let his drunk words flow. 

“Draco, have I ever told you that you’re the most magnificent person I’ve ever come across?” 

I chuckled, then shook my head, “That’s not true.”

“But it is. It’s just so easy- being with you, talking to you, to be in the awe of you, its so easy being with you.” He said, turning to face me. 

I turned myself so I was facing him, his face softer than usual and I looked at him straight in the eye hoping he would make the sentence from my eyes, one I did not say out loud anymore, one that I wasn’t supposed to. 

“Its easy being with you, too.” Instead I say. 

He shook his head and then bought our intertwined hands to my face and touched it, “You are- special with an E.” 

“With an E? Like especial? Why?” 

“Because I once heard that special with an E makes it more special. Special of special. And you’re just so special to me. You are more important to me than anyone else- and you- Draco- I-.” But he stopped right there for a while. I wish he had continued that sentence at that moment but he did not. 

“You’re special to me too, special with an E.” I smiled. 

He smiled at me and suddenly his face grew sadder. 

“I can’t do this.” 

“Do what?” I asked, more confused than I had ever been. 

“Not be brave enough to not love you. I can’t do it. You- you do something to my heart Draco, something even I can’t describe and some days I want it to stop but most days, I just- I like knowing that you do something to my heart.” He said and I think perhaps those were the few words I had waited long enough to hear but in that moment, I could not even shake my head because even if his drunk words were his most true words, I wanted to hear those words when he was sober. 

“You were the one to end everything, Harry. I never asked for any of it.” I had said and he nodded. 

“I know, but looking at you- every time- you’re just so surreal that I forget that I’m not supposed to love you.” He shrugged and I could not help a smile. 

“I can’t forget to love you, ever. I don’t think I even want to.” I confessed honestly. 

And he stayed silent after that for a really long time, just staring at me and I thought that maybe I had said something wrong, out of my turn but then suddenly he said the words that I never thought I would hear in this lifetime, because I had waited so long to hear those words, so long that I had lost all hopes but right now, he said those words, he did. 

“I want you. I want you. I want you, I want you- because I love you. I love you so much that I can’t move on, that I can’t do anything about it. You’re there in my head 25/8, and I don’t want to not love you because I want to love you so much, I love you so much but Draco, I want you. I know what I had said before this but I do want you, even if all of it comes with a cost.” 

I smiled politely at him and bought out intertwined hands to kiss his hand and said, “Harry, you’re drunk. Tomorrow morning, you’ll say that you don’t want me again and you know what happens next? The hope that I had gathered whole night, It breaks my heart and I pretend that I'm not hurt but I am, much more than I ever let myself express. It makes it hard for me to even look at you but then I know I can’t lose you and it becomes hard for me to not love you, again.” 

“No, I want you. I want you Draco, you are all I want. Don’t you get it? I- really want you that it hurts my heart. You don’t believe me but I want you, so much and it hurts wanting you so much, knowing that I don't have you.” Tears glimmered from the corner of his eyes and I did not think I could have seen him cry at that moment when my own heart was so faint, so I had leaned forward and kissed his lips. 

“I want you too, Harry. More than I’ve ever wanted anyone In my life. I get you-” 

“No, Draco- you don’t, I need you. So much. I was a fool to think I could have lived knowing that I loved you still, everyday. I was a fool, a stupid foolish man to believe that I could have lived knowing how much I loved you. I should have known 3 months ago when I was ending that I would come back because the truth is I need you in my life, as my boyfriend, as someone I can wake up next to, as someone I love and I’m ready to risk all of it because- you, make me happy, more than I have ever been, more than I can ever remember. What you make me feel, these feelings, I’ll never have it for anyone, and honestly I don’t even want to have it for anyone but you, because its you. It’s always been you. I want to risk it all, only for you.” 

“All of it?”

“All of it."

"why?" I had asked as my own eyes filled with tears, almost threatening to spill.

"because I know you are worth all the risks, all the chances in the world, but only if you’ll have me.” 

And then it was my turn to stay quiet and I did stay quiet long enough for all the memories to rush back to me and then my heart said, fuck it all, he’s saying he want me, then want him back but my sensibility kicked in and I said, 

“I’ll always want you, Harry- but I need you to say all this to me tomorrow morning,all of it because I don’t want my heart to break again, I can’t take any more of heart breaks. So, if in the morning, you say the same words and I’ll be there for you, I’ll be with you.” 

“You will?” 

“I will.” 

“And what if I don’t tomorrow morning?” 

Then I smiled and said, “Then we’ll do what we have been doing, loving each other in secret. Pretending that we don’t love one another.” 

But the next morning, he wanted me, he wanted me in his sober thoughts, he was scared, so was I but I wanted him too, so we took our chance, our only chance putting it on our destiny that this future we got, it doesn’t turn into another story where we wait for ‘that one day’. 

Tagging some people for the boost, please ignore <3 @drarrywords @phoebe-delia @chinike @elenaxoxo22 @thecornerofbelu @nv-md @littlebodybigheartttt @lilthislilthat @cissa-bee @cluelesspigeons @missdrarrydawn @harryandginnydeservesbetter @draco-lucious-potter @ravena-wrote @textrovert-01 @silver-de-vonne

If, again, in future

She asked me who my type was.

Keep reading

losing people is so interesting bc like. no i don’t want to speak to you ever again. yes i think about you on your birthday.

Me everytime I wear a good outfit: I'm too pretty to be single

Also me whenever I look homeless/tired: no wonder nobody likes me

Angst dialogue prompt no. 8 "You've changed." "We're supposed to."

“I wrote a song.”

The words leave his lips faster than he allows himself to process because it was a habit when it came to Harry with Draco, to say what was on his mind, without fear. 

“You did?” There was excitement in Draco’s voice, almost as if he was happy. 

“Yeah.” He nodded. 

“So, you found your inspiration after such a long break, good for you, Harry.” He happily said with more gestures of his hands. 

“It just came to me, last night. Started playing some strings and the words just came with flow.” Harry explained. 

“What was it then, your inspiration?” He asked and Harry knew he dreaded this question because how could he had ever said the truth. 

“Just something.” He lied. 

Draco nodded, “Sing it to me then.” and Harry shook his head. 

“You won’t sing it to me?” he asked and Harry shrugged. 

“It’s pretty personal.” That was the only thing Harry could reply with.

“Personal? Harry we’ve come so far along and you chose to say its personal. Big fat liar,” He almost laughed, “come on, just sing it to me. I promise I won’t judge you.” 

“Just drop it, Draco.” 

“Harry, please. I want to hear your voice, its my favourite.” He said and Harry’s heart undeniably fluttered loudly in his chest. 

“You’re just saying it for the sake of it.” 

“No, I do love your voice, I really do. I could fall asleep listening to your voice.” He replied and his heart fluttered again. 

And yet he shook his head. 

“You’ve changed. You didn’t use to do this before.” 

“Well, we’re supposed to,” He said but then Draco pulled his face into that small sad face that made Harry want to hug him tighter than anything in this world and Draco knew he had this affect on him which is why he did it. He have always been someone Harry could never say no to and Draco always took full advantage of that when opportunities like this came.

“If I sing, would you stop whining?” Harry asked raising his eyebrows. 

Draco’s face pulled up with excitement and he nodded. 

With a sigh Harry picked up the guitar and after tuning the guitar right, he played the song, with hesitation at first and then without fear. He looked in Draco’s eyes all the while he sang. Draco’s face turned into a soft one but only when it came to the bridge did he finally realise it. Harry kept playing nonetheless even after seeing Draco’s face turn into more of a frown, he kept playing until it came to the close and when he stopped playing, he kept his guitar in his hand, waiting for Draco to say something. 

“You- you wrote this?” 

Harry nodded. 

“That was about me, wasn’t it?” Draco asked with a sad smile. 

Harry cleared his throat and kept the guitar aside then while rubbing his hands he said, “Yeah, but it was nothing. It was an unfinished song from time ago.” 

“You wrote about me? Me?” Draco was almost in shock, his voice almost giving up but Harry didn’t understand why was Draco so shocked. Why was it hard for Draco to believe that he wrote a song about him because honestly, Harry would write 10,000 songs about Draco and even that would be less. Draco was always his inspiration and it shocked Harry that he didn’t know it already.

“Of course.” Harry replied without taking his eyes off Draco. 

“You still write about me?” Draco’s voice grew more softer and his hand unconsciously reached for Harry’s and Harry allowed him to hold his hand. 

“yeah- sometimes.” Harry hesitated. 

“But I thought- I thought- Harry, You know, we can’t be-” 

“yeah, I know. We’ll never be the endgame, I know, I know Duncan is your endgame but I can’t help what I feel, Draco and even If I don’t even feel that way anymore, it’s easier to write about you.” Harry replied, looking down at their hands, Draco’s hand caressing his own. 

“Oh, Harry. I- I don’t want to do this to you.” Draco said, reaching forward to caress his face, his thumb softly grazing his cheek.

“Do what?” 

“This. You hurt your own self.” Draco said with pity lacing his voice. 

“I don’t.” Harry almost sternly replied but his voice gave him away. 

“I do love you Harry- I hope you know that-” 

“Just not the same way, I know Draco.” Harry replied, looking away from Draco. 

Draco sighed and he bought up Harry's hand to his own lips and kissed the inside of his wrist softly, “You will always be the one I loved. Always. Always my best one.” 

“Yeah.” Harry choked. 

He took his hand away with a jerk from Draco and got up quickly, his emotions betraying him and tears blocking his vision. 

“Harry-” 

“I have to go home.” 

“Harry-” 

“Draco, please- I just need to be with myself.” and with that Draco let go of Harry’s hand and he allowed him to go towards the door. 

“Harry?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You know I mean it when I say that if you had came in my life before, I'd had never not chosen you. You were and will always be my right person wrong timing.” 

“Yeah.” Only in all the timings that exist, Draco was still his right person and will always be, all the time. 

This was a very impulsive last minute metro ride prompt and I'm unsure how this turned out.

Requests open.

Look. At. Me.

Based on a late-night conversation with @dracoismytrashson. Betaed by the ever-wonderful @sassy-cissa 💚

“Look at me,” Draco said, sliding his fingers into Potter’s hair. Pulling with a bit more force than necessary. Just to tilt Potter’s head up. Just to tear a stifled groan from him. Draco straddled him, keeping him in place on the edge of his narrow Eighth Year dorm bed. He was down to only his white shirt. Potter was down to nothing.

“Look at me,” he said again, as Potter wrapped his arms around him, leaned back, pulling Draco on top of him. The breathtaking touch of skin on skin; the gut-melting hardness answering his own. Potter pushed Draco’s shirt off his shoulders, letting it drop to the ground. The truth was, Draco was the one who couldn’t tear his gaze away. Ordering Potter to keep his eyes fixed on Draco’s was preferable to that admission. For seven years, all Draco had done was stare. The prospect of Potter catching him in the act had filled him with equal measures of hope and dread.

And now… Now Potter was his liaison affair fuck buddy experiment lover—Potter was his, for however long it would last. Now Draco had a valid excuse to demand Potter’s eyes on him, and Potter seemed content enough to comply.

Draco reached down and closed a hand around the hard cock leaking against his own. Potter’s eyes flicked down with a gasp.

“My face is up here, Potter,” Draco said. A sharp pull on Potter’s hair. Gorgeous green eyes lifting back to meet Draco’s, wide and lust-blown.

“Yes,” Draco hissed. “Like that. Don’t look away.”

He moved his fist around Potter. Potter smiled into his eyes.

“Draco… I couldn’t look away if I tried.”

Hi! Your writings are super amazing!

May I request Angst prompt 12 ?

Have a great day <3

Reality 304

Angst prompt no. 12- "I don't want us to be stranger's again" // thank you so much for saying that | TW- MILD ANGST| HURT/COMFORT |

We come in silence and we go in silence, we are born alone and we die alone, and we also love alone. Our hearts and our bodies are only given to us once and its on how we decide to abuse it. I would never call loving you an abuse, but i ripped out so much of myself to you just so i could love you that right now I remain with nothing but the flawless memories that stands with as a nightmare curling me into pain. I wanted to love you to the moon and back, i wanted to love till the sun died out but I think whoever wrote out stories had an effortless plan of keeping us apart but I think i would’ve loved you to the moon and back but I pondered over it so much that i realised that in the moon and back, I may go to the moon and never come back because my plane crashed, it doesn’t make sense but it makes in my head. I like to think that we never truly could love each other, we just loved the versions we spun out for each other but even if we wanted to stay till the original version, i think our mystery life writers thought otherwise, perhaps they knew better than we did. 

I think i would still be able to smell you in the rain because you always smelled so damp, it’s not particularly a smell that people adore, but i sort of liked it, i always thought it was earthly and reminded me of the greyish shade of the cloud i loved before the thunderstorm and the soft patting sound of the water dripping on the leaves, i think you always smelled so damp because you left your laundry wet for a little more longer than it was supposed to and I know i made fun of it, made limericks even but i hope you know that I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Do you know the colour of your eyes? There’s something intriguing in the way it only shines when you are smiling or you’re laughing because I have looked at your eyes in the sun but your loneliness was eating you alive, that your eyes never shone. I always liked the colour of your eyes. I always wonder if you thought about my eyes the way i do when we’re outside in the garden looking at each other. I wonder if you do it,or if you did it but i think it doesn’t matter any more now, our eyes doesn’t perceive each other the same way now. 

I always thought I’d ask you for a dance and we’d spin around the room and we’d laugh and we’d stare at the chandelier then we’d collapse on the ground because our head doesn’t stop spinning, i wonder if you’d take my hand if i asked you for a dance. I want us to grow old together and buy a house together and have a little dog and kitten but I think our holding hands together had sparked out infinities but it occurred to me one late night that our infinity is hollow, there’s nothing there, just you and me and I don’t want to think it’s boring, but isn’t it, just you and me? What if in a chaos one of us would wanted to go away for a while but we’re stuck in that infinity ring. But i think we found ways to escape anyways, It was after all you and I. 

I always liked to think that we’d have a name plate that would say “ Potter’s and Malfoy’s “ but now it leaves me empty to think about it, I think someone would paint over our nameplate and destroy it. I liked to imagine that we’d never end but even the empires who thought would live forever died. If we’re both the logs in a fire then i think we are the last one’s who kept the fire burning till the morning arrived and we died because of the air that poured in. I think somewhere our story writers are good and they’d let us end up together and in one time we’d talk with the painters about the exact shade of cream colour we want and the exact shade of blue we want for the kids, I think we exist somewhere, where we survive through it all and i still love you for you and you love me for me and we love each other to the moon and back, i think we love each forever somewhere even if forever doesn’t actually exist. I just like to think of our every possibility so at least in one of our realities or in one of our lives, we end up together with no complications, where our life have an happy ever after, i think somewhere we do, perhaps though not this life. 

“ I don’t want us to be strangers again “ I had spoken to you. You kissed the top of my head and you tell me we won’t be. 

But today as months have went by, you and I, we’re soulmates, just not the ones who end up together. 

You don’t speak to me anymore but you smile at me and somewhere it gives me hope, but where darkness inside me remains, it tells me you’re never coming back for me, never and I would die without your name to add to mine and i think one day i’d be okay with it, not today but one day. 

I don’t want to be strangers again, but i think we are, we’re just the one’s with bittersweet memories. 

Come back for me one day, Harry, come back for me, I don’t want to be strangers again, not with you because in one of our realities, my plane doesn't crash.

This is so short and I don't know why..

ANGST prompt requests open

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