Let's Talk About S*x Baby...

Let's talk about s*x baby...

Or more specifically, let's talk about sex scenes. I spent all day yesterday binging some stories on my favorite terrible book app that I won't name. They're mostly very bad, but highly entertaining. I read one that was actually good, even the sex scenes (which is usually where even the decent stories falter). But it was odd. Despite being well-written, the end of every steamy scene fell flat. After the third one, I realized the problem. Every sex scene ended with a sparsely detailed orgasm and someone climbing off the other and putting on their underwear. There was no emotional break between the act of sex and the next action/dialogue. The writer completely neglected the afterglow. Think of something similar to this:

His thrusts sped and he tightened his grip on her hair, as a harsh growl ripping from him as he came. He rolled over and reached for his underwear and she sighed contentedly as he slid them on and headed for the bathroom.

It was so fucking abrupt, I was like, wait what? No amount of well-placed similes or delicious dirty talk can save a scene that doesn't leave you with an emotion, and that's what was missing. The author didn't get that the details of sex aren't as important as the emotions they invoke. Every romantic sex scene should (ideally) have an emotional purpose. It should either push the relationship forward or further apart. Love scenes are really just emotional catharsis disguised as someone getting their back blown out.** So we need a moment. A space to breathe and feel something before the scene moves on:

His thrusts sped and he tightened his grip on her hair, as a harsh growl ripped from him and he came. He breathed heavily against her neck, his body quivering with aftershocks, his world tilted sideways from the feel of her shaking beneath him. After catching his breath, he pressed kisses to her neck and she giggled. Then, he rolled over and reached for his underwear.

It's not a huge thing. I didn't make the afterglow a super deep and profound moment, but I put a space there, a single emotional reaction between the orgasm and the aftermath, so the reader can catch their breath. He recognized how good it felt and then, they shared a little cuddle. If you want to take it further, you can add a tiny bit of banter.

His thrusts sped and he tightened his grip on her hair, as a harsh growl ripped from him and he came. He breathed heavily against her neck, his body quivering with aftershocks, his world tilted sideways from the feel of her shaking beneath him. After catching his breath, he pressed kisses to her neck and she giggled. "Wow," she said. "Mmm," he rolled over and reached for his underwear before pulling her back to him and kissing her soundly. "Give me twenty minutes and we can do that again."

That's not great, but hopefully you get the idea. I feel like this advice still works for non-romantic smut as well. Even if the sex is rough or antagonistic, you should put an emotional beat in between the orgasm and the transition.

There are few things worse than unfulfilling sex and the same is true for sex scenes. In many ways, they're the same thing. If you want it to be good you have to pay attention to pace and rhythm, appreciate the moment, and don't get up and put on your underwear immediately after coming, like your partner is a video game NPC you're done engaging with.

Happy writing!

**I kept visualizing sex scenes as a singular emotion wearing a trench coat and hat, like the three kids in a coat on Bojack Horseman. Which made me snort laugh, but I couldn't figure out a way to incorporate that description into the post itself. So you get it here. You're welcome.

“you’re a writer, can you explain your process?” yes. first, i panic. then i procrastinate. then, in a fit of productivity at 3 a.m., i create chaos.

Ahhhhhhh, spoooooooky seasonnnnnnn!!!

💖 I know I've been guilty of this in the past (particularly with S5). I've tried really hard to be better about it ever since someone pointed out to me that they were feeling bad about enjoying the season because everyone made them feel like they shouldn't like it. What an awful thing to do to someone. Just siphon off their joy and for what? So they can be as jaded and unhappy as I was with it? What did that gain anyone? When you're an adult and you're saddled with a job and bills and responsibilities, you have to find and hold onto the little joys. The silly things that make you swoon or smile or kick your feet. The hot drink that fills you with five minutes of bliss. And if that joy comes in the form of a slightly disproportionate pixel with an inexplicable amount of abs, telling you the same toxically romantic thing that a different pixel is also saying, who are we to take it from you? Who are we to make you feel like you have to justify that joy?

So, I'm imploring everyone to listen to Suzi here. It's fun to complain, and I love to do that, so if I play, I'll probably complain about it, but I'm not gonna go into people's comments and inboxes to make them feel like shit for eeking some joy out of this stressful life.

I get that everyone is very excited about unbelievably-hot-sexy-tattooed-necklace-floppy-hair-boy, but can I make a humble request?

I'm trying really hard to say this nicely but I've had a hellish week so it's probably going to come out a little harsher than intended.

Once you start playing, and you inevitably realise you're not having a good time, and you decide you don't want to play any more, please don't ruin it for those of us who keep going.

Last season, I wasn't the only one who felt like people were getting really rude and/or judgey over those of us who were still playing. Yeah, it's not perfect. Oftentimes it's downright bad. But we're still playing it, and we're trying to have a good time.

I don't want to be reminded that my LI says the same things as the others. I know. I don't need to be reminded that their proportions are off or that their face is weird or whatever. We know. But we're trying to enjoy the game as best we can. There's just no need for me to post something raving about my LI and have the comments, the asks, whatever saying 'you know his route is exactly the same as [other person] though right?'. It just makes me not want to bother posting to tumblr at all. It's funny if you're laughing and commiserating with your friends if we're all playing together, but when you're not playing, and I am, it actually comes across as really patronising. It makes me feel like you're looking down on me for enjoying a game that you deemed not up to your standards.

I'm not saying I've never complained about the game, that would be insane. I've got a whole blog where I talk about it all the bloody time. But I'm also playing and I'm making jokes and memes with other people who are also playing. We're commiserating together.

Argh, I'm not wording this right.

Here.

If you and your friends are all watching a movie, and you aren't enjoying it, go ahead and sit on your phone that's totally fine.

You're welcome to look up every now and again and ask what's going on, or look up and smile at a kiss scene and go 'awww that's cute' and go right back to your phone.

But don't yell out insults at the movie while your friends are having a good time watching it. And especially don't make fun of your friends who are laughing at the happy bits, or crying at the sad parts.

Don't tell them they're being silly because the movie is dumb and you've seen better.

I just want to watch a movie with my friends, I guess.

I--

The way Fusebox is so deeply committed to somehow getting worse every season would be impressive if it wasn't so depressing.

Sofia darling, what’s going on here😭

You know you take me far,

Loving You Is So Bizarre,

I End Up Seeing All My Stars,

Black gold,

-Tanerélle

Cosmic eyeshadow