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TSIME: The Music

I'm gonna be honest, I'm not cool when it comes to music. I like what I like and some of it is basic AF. But I'm lucky that I have friends who have much more interesting taste than I do. On the Spotify playlist for TSIME, this is my favorite on the entire list and it's the very last one. My friend @curricanus gave it to me. The moment I heard it, I thought, if my fic was a movie, this would be the end credits song. It's playful and sweet and hopeful which is the note I wanted the story to go out on.

If you wanna hear the rest of the long ass playlist, it's here:

The Sun in My Eyes: Chapter Titles

Obviously, when I began writing The Sun in My Eyes, I had no idea was going to take the rest of my goddamn life to complete 🤣 So I titled the first eight chapters whatever came to mind. My absolute favorite is "The Midnight Bombshell What Bombs at Midnight" which is a very obscure reference to an episode The Tick. Runner up is, "The Night was Sultry" which is from a movie called Throw Mama from the Train. I digress... When I realized that TSIME was gonna take awhile, I started using song lyrics for chapters. I have a file that has hundreds of lyrics that follow the themes of the story like weather, light, sky, moon, stars, etc. And they're all broken down into categories of: Love & Hope, Sexy, Angsty, and Hesitance & Longing. So for each chapter I'd decide the predominate emotion and then pick a lyric from the list. Or rather I'd pick eight of them and then make @throughthejunobush pick which one 🤣

Every once in a while someone on Wattpad messages me to ask about them. So, now that the story is done, I thought I'd just share what the songs were. Enjoy!

9. This Daydream is Dangerous – Treacherous by Taylor Swift

10. Follow the Sparks, I’ll Drive –  I Think He Knows by Taylor Swift

11. A Light Shining Through – Collide by Howie Day

12. Just Outside the Circle of Light –  Circle of Light by Ani Difranco

13. Need the Sun to Break – Need the Sun to Break by James Bay

14. I Want to Give You a Brand New Sky – Sunlight by Mason Jennings

15. Captivated By You Baby Like a Fireworks Show – Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift

16. Hand in the Flame of a Flickering Lighter – She Sets the City on Fire by Gavin Degraw

17. Here Comes the Sun in the Form of a Girl – Heaven Tonight by Hole

18. Everytime You Shine, I’ll Shine for You – Jump Then Fall by Taylor Swift

19. Kiss Me Once 'Cause You Know I Had a Long Night – Paper Rings by Taylor Swift

20. Shadows Bleeding Through the Light –  Almost Here by Delta Goodrem

21. No Comfort in the Shade of Shadows Thrown – Lover of the Light by Mumford and Sons

22. Got Scared When the Lights Went Low – Soldier by Gavin Degraw

23. Just a Touch of the Fire Burning So Bright – Just a Kiss by Lady A

24. Wrap Me in Everything that Glows – Hold On by Delta Goodrem

25. Just Keep Me Where the Light Is – Gravity by John Mayer (I know he's disgusting, but I titled the chapter before I knew how awful he was)

26. Toda Mi Vida, Se Abriga Con Tu Calor – Enamorada de Ti by Selena

27. The Fear Before the Flames – Glitter in the Air by Pink

28. One Minute There was Road Beneath Us, the Next Just Sky – Falling is Like This by Ani Difranco

29. You Should See the Way She Holds Me When the Lights Go Low – Hearts Don't Break Round Here by Ed Sheeran

30. You’re All I Want, So Bring Me the Dawn – Need the Sun to Break by James Bay (again)

31. And The Sky Turned Black Like a Perfect Storm – Clean by Taylor Swift

32. It’s Hard Letting Go of the Afterglow – Headfirst by This Wild Life

33. Praying for The Light I See in Your Eyes – Believe Again by Delta Goodrem

34. Flicker and Sway, Still Dancing on the Aftertaste – Old Flame by Kimbra

35. Baby, Look Up, The Sky is Falling – The Happening by Tanerélle

36. Keep Glowing, I’ll Follow Your Explosions – Kill the Lights by Matt Nathanson

37. Like the Colors in Autumn So Bright Just Before They Lose It All – Red by Taylor Swift

38. Deserted Like the Moon is at Dawn – Sanctuary by Delta Goodrem

39. We Will Lie Under Different Stars – Different Stars by Trespassers William

40. Feels Like Summer But It’s Earthquake Weather – Earthquake Weather by Matt Nathanson

41. Day Bleeds Into Nightfall – Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi

42. Morning Light, It Stings a Little – Forever by Lewis Capaldi

43. Been Burning for You Baby Since the Moment I Left – Paul by Cavetown (some sites say it’s "minute I left," but I’d already committed to moment)

44. My Eclipsed Sun, This Has Broken Me Down – Hoax by Taylor Swift

45. Weepin’ In a Sunlit Room – My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift

46. Remnants of Fire Blow Like Sand in the Night – Map of the World by Mariachi El Bronx

47. Skinny Dip in Water Under the Bridge – Skinny Dipping by Sabrina Carpenter

48. Every Shadow Disappearing Into Dawn – Gold in the Summertime by Matt Nathanson

49. Making a Shelter for a Flame – Lighting Matches by Tom Grennan

50. Pocketful of Sunshine - Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield

51. Starting Like a Fire, Tonight You Lit the Flame – Everything Will Change by Gavin Degraw

52. Old Flame, I Fell for Your Inferno – Old Flame by Kimbra (again)

53. Under the Exit Lights as Beautiful as Ever – Forever by Lewis Capaldi (again)

54. 'Cause You're the Storm That I Believe In – You're the Storm by The Cardigans

55. Like Stars in Hidin', You and I Burn On – Undercover by Zara Larsson

56. At Last I See the Light – I See the Light by Mandy Moore & Zachary Levi (Tangled soundtrack)

The Sun in My Eyes: Chapter 56

At Last I See the Light

AO3 | Wattpad

The last chapter. Five years TO THE DAY (because I'm dramatic af) this story is done. No, seriously. It's the smutty, joyful ending Bobby and Lili deserve.

Enjoy this final double chapter. I should have cut it into two but I couldn't do that to you or to me. I have many feelings about this era coming to an end. But I'll save them for another day. Hope you like it!

I'm the slowest writer to ever exist, because I'm 95% paralyzed by perfectionism and anxiety. I get so in my head that I labor over single sentences for days. Sometimes weeks. A single 160 character tweet takes me at least an hour to write and rewrite ten times. Despite that, since 2012, I've written four full length novels, two novellas, and 460k words of fanfiction, which amounts to another six and a half novels.

Was all of that stuff good? Listen, my first two novels are fucking unreadable. The rest? Depends on who you ask. But whether they're good isn't the point. I wrote them. Letter by letter. Word by word. Sentence by goddamn sentence. I don't think you can do it, I fucking know you can, because I somehow managed it with a brain that spends most of its waking hours punching itself in the face, like the world's dumbest bully.

I'm not gonna tell you to believe in yourself. For someone filled with insecurity or self-loathing, believing in yourself can feel as far away as the moon. Much too distant to even contemplate. So no, you don't have to believe in yourself. You just have to keep going, no matter how you feel about you. You can be motivated by all kinds of things. Personally, I'm a big fan of spite. I will write because I was told not to write. I will write because I have a one-sided battle in my mind with everyone who ever doubted me, called me names, hit me, or treated me like I didn't have value.

Long story long, I believe in you, even if you don't. So, just fucking do the thing. Because you can.

I know you can.

You know what? I believe that you can finish your writing project. I believe you can update your fic. I believe you can work on your WIP. I don't care if you think it's cringy or bad. I don't care if we've never met or interacted in our whole lives. I believe in you. Keep going - you've got this.

"I am out with lanterns, looking for myself" (E.Dickinson)

© Jee Won Park (ig: zeewipark)

God this is relatable. All the different ways in which I could end up holding hands with Bobby lives in my head every day.

i feel like i’ve reached a new level of degeneracy every time i’m like “oh boy time to think about The Scenarios” and it’s just me holding hands with a fictional guy

Rude to peep in my window like this.

Please consider giving (even a little bit helps) to my friend Saga and the illustrious Queen Ana of Flutterton, who has a broken toe and meds and vet visits coming up. Thank you!

Ana and I are visiting the vet tomorrow to see how her toe has healed this past week (two weeks? I've lost track of time). It will be interesting to see what they say, considering she's a master at escaping her bandage 🫣

I'm very thankful for the support you guys have given me since this accident, but we're not really out of the woods just yet. As I mentioned in my original post, we have tomorrow's visit plus, most likely, a third visit in another two to three weeks. Veterinary costs are expensive enough, but then we have the medicine she has to take on top of that, which insurance doesn't cover 😭

If there is room in your budget, I would very much appreciate if you could spare €5 (approximately 5 USD/4 GBP) or more to help me out with covering these costs 💜

Photos from today when she a) managed to "free" herself from her bandage just before our lunch walk, and b) made Greta Thunberg proud by prohibiting food waste in form of picking up a loaf of bread from the street before her "mean" owner could even react (said "mean" owner just accepted her faith and are now praying the bread wasn't bad or anything because she does not want to have to deal with diarrhoea)

Who am I?

Okay so like, I think I just accidentally became a fan of BTS?

Like I stumbled on a Christmas version of Butter, and I thought it would be funny to reference that in the Christmas novel I'm working on. But when I did, I ended up needing a random second BTS song. I've only heard Butter and Dynamite, so I thought I'd dig deeper for a song to reference. I found a list of their best songs and randomly chose a couple to listen to. All I wanted was an interesting song to reference and then like... Black Swan? Blood Sweat & Tears? Why are they so fucking good? And why did I listen to Singularity five times in a row and I'm about to listen to it again??? Is this how it happens? One moment you're happily living your life only sort-of tolerating the song Butter, and the next thing you know, you're down a rabbit hole of reading English translations and saying things to your husband like, Oh, those wings in the Blood Sweat & Tears video are the same ones in the Black Swan video, I'm sure of it, and I Need U is definitely not about someone getting stabbed right? and Ah, okay, Jungkook is the one with the lip ring and Suga is the laugh/cry emoji in my fanfic discord.

Today has been very, VERY weird.

I have something to say about this but I'll reply later.

@mrsbsmooth

I felt this deep.

Really deep.

Balls deep.

If I could do it all over again, I'd definitely be a slut. I always wanted to be one, but I was too self-conscious because I didn't like my body and I thought no one else would either. It took age to understand that there's literally always someone who wants to fuck you at any given moment. Like right now, there's someone within a mile of you who will happily blow your back out if you give them the green light. But now I'm married and monogamous and boring, but I'm a slut in my heart, because honestly, I never had any interesting experiences NOT being a slut, and that seems a waste.

non-practicing slut. is this anythign

And that was what destroyed you in the end: the longing for something you could never have.

Leigh Bardugo

Oddly enough, I'm all of these women 🤣 So thank you.

i love you shy women. i love you melancholy women. i love you aging women. i love you perverse women. i love you romantic women. i love you strange women.

Sorry cinnamon rolls, you dry ass bitches. I don't wanna see you or your gloopy, Cinnabun fraternal twin ever again. Byeeeeeeeee.

No but seriously. Dragan sucks. Normally, I love the cold guy who secretly yearns for MC, but he's not cold or dismissive, he's DISDAINFUL. I ain't into an LI who makes me feel humiliated when I play. Effff him. I'm mostly interested in Volot and I'm cautiously interested in Ozar. I don't understand any of the interactions with Tata so she's not in the running, sadly.

Me after reading just 2 episodes of HWTU:

Lewie, we just met!

...

Sigh. Yeah, let's get married.

hey im free later if you wanna like get married or merge souls or something

No, but seriously. Thank you 😘😘😘

thanks for not unfollowing me during my depressive episode u a real one

I don't really have a ton to add but these are brilliant. I love the idea of mixing and matching these traits to create unique characters. My only contribution is to mix three of them and create this:

Charisma - Compassion - Impulsiveness: A character who is dynamic and draws others to them, but also deeply compassionate to their problems. The twist is that they're impulsive in their advice and offers of help, often to their own detriment. I don't know why, but I'm picturing this character accidentally becoming a cult leader and not knowing how to extract themselves from what they impulsively created 😂

20 Compelling Positive-Negative Trait Pairs

Here are 20 positive and negative trait pairs that can create compelling character dynamics in storytelling:

1. Bravery - Recklessness: A character is courageous in the face of danger but often takes unnecessary risks.

2. Intelligence - Arrogance: A character is exceptionally smart but looks down on others.

3. Compassion - Naivety: A character is deeply caring but easily deceived due to their trusting nature.

4. Determination - Stubbornness: A character is persistent in their goals but unwilling to adapt or compromise.

5. Charisma - Manipulativeness: A character is charming and persuasive but often uses these traits to exploit others.

6. Resourcefulness - Opportunism: A character is adept at finding solutions but is also quick to exploit situations for personal gain.

7. Loyalty - Blind Obedience: A character is fiercely loyal but follows orders without question, even when they're wrong.

8. Optimism - Denial: A character remains hopeful in difficult times but often ignores harsh realities.

9. Humor - Inappropriateness: A character lightens the mood with jokes but often crosses the line with their humor.

10. Generosity - Lack of Boundaries: A character is giving and selfless but often neglects their own needs and well-being.

11. Patience - Passivity: A character is calm and tolerant but sometimes fails to take action when needed.

12. Wisdom - Cynicism: A character has deep understanding and insight but is often pessimistic about the world.

13. Confidence - Overconfidence: A character believes in their abilities but sometimes underestimates challenges.

14. Honesty - Bluntness: A character is truthful and straightforward but often insensitive in their delivery.

15. Self-discipline - Rigidity: A character maintains strong control over their actions but is inflexible and resistant to change.

16. Adventurousness - Impulsiveness: A character loves exploring and trying new things but often acts without thinking.

17. Empathy - Overwhelm: A character deeply understands and feels others' emotions but can become overwhelmed by them.

18. Ambition - Ruthlessness: A character is driven to achieve great things but willing to do anything, even unethical, to succeed.

19. Resilience - Emotional Detachment: A character can endure hardships without breaking but often seems emotionally distant.

20. Strategic - Calculative: A character excels at planning and foresight but can be cold and overly pragmatic in their decisions.

These pairs create complex, multi-dimensional characters that can drive rich, dynamic storytelling.

The Snort I Snut 🤣🤣🤣

Amen: How do I make a date more romantic?

Titian: Try being mysterious.

[Later that evening]

Eva: Where are we going?

Amen: None of your fucking business.

Heh heh heh