Whenever The Batfam Has An Interview That They Really Dont Want To Do They Just Sick Whoever Is The Most

whenever the batfam has an interview that they really don’t want to do they just sick whoever is the most exhausted on that poor interviewer

it’s a lot of incoherent ramblings about whatever case they’re working on (usually complaining, but it’s hard to tell. even the best listeners can’t decipher what they’re saying) and grumbling about how ‘Damian bit them’.

I fucking loved when Logan read Wade to filth before their homoerotic fight in the Honda Odyssey.

and on a similar note, I don’t think Bruce yells except in very specific situations.

like I don’t think he yells around the house when he’s annoyed or when the kids are pissing him off. he’s more of a lecture guy. so much so that the kids compete every year to see who gets the longest lecture. the winner gets some sort of bat themed merch (it changes every year. last year Duke got a pair of boxers with the bat symbol across the ass)

BUT

when Bruce is scared, he gets loud. He’ll yell about “how could you be so reckless” and how “I need you to be better than this.” It’s how the kids know they’ve really freaked him out.

the first time Dick gets yelled at by Bruce, he’s 10. He was jumping rooftops too fast and slipped. Bruce catches him by the cape, drags him back to the batmobile, and totally dresses him down.

Dick bursts into tears. Not because he’s scared, but because he can feel the fear rolling off Bruce in waves. and it feels so wrong for Bruce to be that scared because he’s The Batman and he’s not supposed to be scared of anything.

anyway. Bruce’s fear is loud.

i just KNOW nightwing would devour all these tiktok trends right now that involve shaking your ass. in or out of costume tbh

Tim, getting impaled with a spear: Which ass-backwards motherfucker is running around Gotham with a spear??? Are you a god damn caveman???

Jason, frantically trying to stop the bleeding: Tim I think you have other things to worry about right now

Tim: Yeah, like how poorly this spear was designed. I mean if you're gonna use a spear at least make it a good one. The wood they used is a terrible choice, the spear head is incredibly impractical

Jason: Well considering it's going through your abdomen right I think it's doing it's job. I think it hit some vital organs. Probably your spleen

Tim: Oh that's not possible I don't have one of those

Jason: ???????

bruce being thankful he never has to worry about damian making niche internet jokes because he doesn’t understand them either

tim then immediately makes online references and never lets him forget how old he is.