The Jason Chronicles, To Date

The Jason Chronicles, To Date

I have a friend named Jason. Jason is a good lad and I love him like a brother, but my god that boy is weird. He regularly messages myself or a certain group chat to inform us of the odd happenings in his life. Below is a collection of some of the things he has said completely out of nowhere:

Pretty Sure We Earned It Dept.

after listening to the TAZ: Dadlands liveshow, I was struck with an idea for a sequel Dadlands quest.

In the dead of night, dads across the wastes suddenly awaken. They have sensed a shift in the air, a tiny alteration of the stagnant local climate. With dawning fury, the six Dad Clans realize that this could only mean one thing.

Someone has touched the Thermostat.

Dadlands 2: Winds of Change

A lot of people mistake a scientist so heavily domesticated that they can’t function with a feral scientist and that makes me sad.

Domesticated scientist:

Wears a lab coat outside of the lab

Wears sweater vests and suits inside the lab

Uses equipment for making coffee and other non lab things, contaminating all the vacuum flasks

Complete disdain for any subject outside their specialization

Feral Scientist:

Looks like a hazmat monster in the lab

Completely unrecognizable outside the lab

Uses a random brick from outside as a streak plate, repairs the $2000 centrifuge with a paper clip and burner-melted plastic dice

Has a bunch of totally unrelated skills and interests

Xmas with my family this year has been.... fascinating.

the cat’s been totally whacked out on The Nip for three hours.

my Christmas gift was a giant jar of peanut butter.

someone may have gifted us weed cookies? we’re not sure yet (saving them for later).

my brother and I spent ten solid minutes slapping each other with unnecessarily long Slim Jims until his broke and I shouted “YOU HAVE UNLEASHED THE MEATS,” instantaneously slaying everyone in the room.

my dad bought the dog one of those screaming chicken toys and I swear to you there is nothing more instantly dicksoftening than the reverberating noise of rubber anguish.

Chaos Reigns.

HEY I LOVE THIS SHOW!!! one of my short fiction pieces made it to the Hidden Lore Segment of the Kushtaka episode!!! how did I not know CN had a tumblr?!

Somewhere, there are orcas. I’m in my little gray house in Ohio surrounded by the stale, staticky air of winter indoors, but somewhere there are orcas. It’s an easy fact to forget. It’s easy to shrink your world to what you can see. But thankfully, somewhere, there are orcas.