Yeah. As A Part Time Zookeeper Myself? Yeah. My Brother, Who Also Works At The Zoo, Once Overheard A

yeah. as a part time zookeeper myself? yeah. my brother, who also works at the zoo, once overheard a guest remark with maximum confidence that our polar bear was an animatronic. when asked why the hell he thought as much, this guy.

oh my god this fucking guy.

without HESITATING he replied that "polar bears are made up by the government for global warming propaganda."

I just can't stand how stupid some people are.

So this comment section on a tiktok about insane things people ask at aquariums is a goldmine

You've been diagnosed with jack of all trades disorder! Good luck finding a career you're supposed to hold for the rest of your life!

fungal cell walls are made of chitin, i.e. bug skeleton material. some of them produce chemicals that will make you see god, others produce chemicals that will make you meet him. they communicate electrochemically in ways we're only just beginning to decipher. they form symbiotic relationships more often than any other phyla. when they first evolved in the devonian era there was so much death in the world that their earliest forms were gigantic pillars of pure fungal tissue feasting on millions of years of unrotted carcasses. many species of fungi, savants of death though they are, are immortal. one whole genus of mushroom tastes like fucking chicken for some ineffable reason.

fungi are the living manifestation of decay and if there was any indication that god was real i'm unshakably certain god would be a fungus: silent, unseen, unnoticed, unbothered by the living world yet helping its cycles tick on ad infinitum. fungi are powerful, everlasting, unknowable, and should be worshipped.

tell me something nice

AND I JUST CAN’T LOOK, IT’S KRILLING ME

CRUSTACEAN CONTROL

Crabs amaze me. They’re the perfect life form, a tank made of legs and living hate-armor. It’s not just about their physicality, though; it’s the soul of the crab. See, no crab in the bottomless history of the sea has ever questioned itself, doubted itself, worried, or been afraid. A crab is pure motion. A crab is pure id and unrelenting forward force. Crabs invented the word violence and they will scuttle on the surface of the world while the red giant of Sol creeps closer to devour everywhere we’ve ever known. They will look into the sky and clack their claws and there will be no fear. 

sometimes i think about the golden record and i want to cry