You Watched My Video?

“You watched my video?”

“I always watch your videos.”

“… you know that’s a little creepy, right?”

“Bro,” *deep sigh*, “you only post videos at 2 am after you leave Arby’s having fed your munchies and being sufficiently high not to care about the fact your ex, who cheated on you with your best friend, in still your Facebook friend.”

“… it’s even creepier you know that.”

“I work at Arby’s. At 2:15 am there’s pretty much nothing to do but watch your videos or my great aunt Mrytle’s cat birthday party video. And while Mittens gets banger presents she doesn’t share all her deepest secrets to the random Arby’s employee like you do.”

“Oh.” “Is that why you tripped Kevin?”

“Absolutely. Your life is better than reality TV. I’m invested.”

“… sorry about the whole ‘trapping you in a death labyrinth thing.”

“Sorry about finding out your ex and your best friend are now engaged in the worst way possible.”

“Ugh, why do they even watch my videos?”

Horror isekai where Perceiving the Weird Eldritch Thing gets you catapulted into a nightmare labyrinth of puzzle-solving.

I.e Those Who Perceive The Hunt of the Goblin King Must Partake In The Labyrinth and Can Only Be Freed If They Complete It In One Day and One Night. By Fae Law. For Reasons.

But the definition of “perception” clearly needs to be updated because some normal guy simply films the Hunt of the Goblin King Behind Arby’s, and puts it on Facebook -

No, not instagram or TikTok, it’s important that it be Facebook -

Because the rules are pretty clear, “the rules are the rules” as is carved ominously in elvish runes above the grim gate, and the Contract is Sealed. and so therefore the guy and 25 of their most random real-life acquaintances must run the gauntlet together. It’s Some Guy, their immediate neighbors, their first partner’s mom, their friends from hobby Facebook groups (oh this poor guy and their hobbies; the elderly birdwatchers from Facebook and the young up-and-coming drag king community), their random teen kid niece, college friends, a dog who also watched the video, a couple consisting of a woman who is the guy’s Facebook friend and showed her husband the video, and the husband doesn’t even know Some Guy, so he’s in the labyrinth and absolutely furious about being forced to be involved, and they proceed to break up over the course of the puzzle.

It’s important that the narrative keeps trying to be a sexy dark horror isekai! but within this the comedic reality of Catherine, 52, the guy’s horse-riding instructor, being passionately involved in escape-room-style puzzle solving and grappling with minor goblins. They are in fact speedrunning the gauntlet.

The Goblin King finally has to say: all right, actually, I only really set all this up to fuck with one (1) guy at a time, thanks for your willingness to participate, but I think all 25 of you can consider the gauntlet fully run.

And the group would be quite hurt by that. The rules are the rules. We have a contract, actually. Let Catherine cook.

I got a laptop with Windows 11 for an IT course so I can get certified, and doing the first time device set-up for it made me want to commit unspeakable violence

Windows 11 should not exist, no one should use it for any reason, it puts ads in the file explorer and has made it so file searches are also web searches and this cannot be turned off except through registry editing. Whoever is responsible for those decisions should be killed, full stop.

Switch to linux, it's free and it's good.

some of my favorite replies to this tweet. happy lesbian visibility week!

Lois: Consider, I give you Clark. You give me the Lasso. Fair trade.

Diana: *sigh* Lois, no. For the last time I can’t give you the Lasso of Hestia. I can only let you borrow it.

Lois: Alright. Let me think. Ah! You let me borrow the Lasso for the next sixty- no, seventy years. 😁

Headcanon

Things Lois Lane does not envy Wonder Woman:

Her friendship with Superman. Lois knows that they’re close friends and nothing more, and that her own relationship with Clark is deep and pure.

Her power and respect. Wonder Woman has earned that and more.

Things Lois Lane does envy Wonder Woman:

That goddamn lasso

Why do you even need a truth lasso Diana

Think of all the stories she could get with that thing goddammit

On Demand Streaming of Free Shakespeare in the Park productions

"This summer, throughout May and June everyone will have free access to stream The Public’s Free Shakespeare in the Park productions of MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING (2019), MERRY WIVES (2021), RICHARD III (2022), and the premiere of HAMLET (2023), captured live from The Delacorte Theater in Central Park by THIRTEEN for Great Performances on PBS.

Streaming Schedule:

May 3-June 30: MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING (Click here to learn more!)

May 10-June 30: HAMLET (Click here to learn more!)

May 17-June 30: MERRY WIVES (Click here to learn more!)

May 24-June 30: RICHARD III (Click here to learn more!)"

[ID: 1: Danielle Brooks as Beatrice and Grantham Coleman as Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing.

2: Ato Blankson-Wood as Hamlet.

3: Pascale Armand, Julian Rozzell Jr., David Ryan Smith, Susan Kelechi Watson, and Phillip James Brannon in Merry Wives.

4: Danai Gurira as Richard III. /end ID]

Now with Yelena’s (possible) thoughts.

Kate: so, I heard you like bad girls

Yelena: (you heard wrong. Natasha said it was bad after I confessed to being a morosexual.)

Kate: well *laughs* I’m bad at everything

Yelena: (oh god, oh god, I’m going to marry this idiot one day, aren’t I?) *looks down*

Yelena: you’re standing in wet cement (fml, she’s perfect)

Kate: so, I heard you like bad girls

Yelena:

Kate: well *laughs* I’m bad at everything

Yelena:

Yelena: you’re standing in wet cement