Now With Yelenas (possible) Thoughts.

Now with Yelena’s (possible) thoughts.

Kate: so, I heard you like bad girls

Yelena: (you heard wrong. Natasha said it was bad after I confessed to being a morosexual.)

Kate: well *laughs* I’m bad at everything

Yelena: (oh god, oh god, I’m going to marry this idiot one day, aren’t I?) *looks down*

Yelena: you’re standing in wet cement (fml, she’s perfect)

Kate: so, I heard you like bad girls

Yelena:

Kate: well *laughs* I’m bad at everything

Yelena:

Yelena: you’re standing in wet cement

“You watched my video?”

“I always watch your videos.”

“… you know that’s a little creepy, right?”

“Bro,” *deep sigh*, “you only post videos at 2 am after you leave Arby’s having fed your munchies and being sufficiently high not to care about the fact your ex, who cheated on you with your best friend, in still your Facebook friend.”

“… it’s even creepier you know that.”

“I work at Arby’s. At 2:15 am there’s pretty much nothing to do but watch your videos or my great aunt Mrytle’s cat birthday party video. And while Mittens gets banger presents she doesn’t share all her deepest secrets to the random Arby’s employee like you do.”

“Oh.” “Is that why you tripped Kevin?”

“Absolutely. Your life is better than reality TV. I’m invested.”

“… sorry about the whole ‘trapping you in a death labyrinth thing.”

“Sorry about finding out your ex and your best friend are now engaged in the worst way possible.”

“Ugh, why do they even watch my videos?”

Horror isekai where Perceiving the Weird Eldritch Thing gets you catapulted into a nightmare labyrinth of puzzle-solving.

I.e Those Who Perceive The Hunt of the Goblin King Must Partake In The Labyrinth and Can Only Be Freed If They Complete It In One Day and One Night. By Fae Law. For Reasons.

But the definition of “perception” clearly needs to be updated because some normal guy simply films the Hunt of the Goblin King Behind Arby’s, and puts it on Facebook -

No, not instagram or TikTok, it’s important that it be Facebook -

Because the rules are pretty clear, “the rules are the rules” as is carved ominously in elvish runes above the grim gate, and the Contract is Sealed. and so therefore the guy and 25 of their most random real-life acquaintances must run the gauntlet together. It’s Some Guy, their immediate neighbors, their first partner’s mom, their friends from hobby Facebook groups (oh this poor guy and their hobbies; the elderly birdwatchers from Facebook and the young up-and-coming drag king community), their random teen kid niece, college friends, a dog who also watched the video, a couple consisting of a woman who is the guy’s Facebook friend and showed her husband the video, and the husband doesn’t even know Some Guy, so he’s in the labyrinth and absolutely furious about being forced to be involved, and they proceed to break up over the course of the puzzle.

It’s important that the narrative keeps trying to be a sexy dark horror isekai! but within this the comedic reality of Catherine, 52, the guy’s horse-riding instructor, being passionately involved in escape-room-style puzzle solving and grappling with minor goblins. They are in fact speedrunning the gauntlet.

The Goblin King finally has to say: all right, actually, I only really set all this up to fuck with one (1) guy at a time, thanks for your willingness to participate, but I think all 25 of you can consider the gauntlet fully run.

And the group would be quite hurt by that. The rules are the rules. We have a contract, actually. Let Catherine cook.

Another point for why it’s important to own your own copies of music and media, and not use streaming services, is because the copy you own can’t be taken back.

(This is also a good time to remind people that yout*be to mp3 converters still exist).

Natasha: We’re just gonna

Yelena: take you with us.

Kate (almost excited): Am I being kidnapped?

Natasha: No

Yelena: no, no

Natasha: no.

Kate (curious): Can I leave?

Natasha and Yelena (softly in tandem as they gently grab Kate’s arms): No.

Kate (willingly going along): Feels a bit like kidnapping.

Yelena: Yes, well,

Natasha: if this was a kidnapping you’d probably be unconscious

Yelena: from my thighs around your neck.

Kate (hopeful): Can it become a kidnapping? Asking for a friend.

Natasha: You were asking for yourself.

Kate (sad): Am I not your friend?

Natasha and Yelena to werewolf Kate after their initial plan went to shit and the red rooms are now onto all three of them

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSY5E7Veu/

afgdshfd accurate af bahaha

Kate: ok i will stay behind to ward them off Yelena & Natasha: bitch u thought

I got a laptop with Windows 11 for an IT course so I can get certified, and doing the first time device set-up for it made me want to commit unspeakable violence

Windows 11 should not exist, no one should use it for any reason, it puts ads in the file explorer and has made it so file searches are also web searches and this cannot be turned off except through registry editing. Whoever is responsible for those decisions should be killed, full stop.

Switch to linux, it's free and it's good.

Witches, in fact, undergo the opposite metamorphosis. Highlighting for the ecological niche or witches and wizards are extremely compatible for apex predators who should be in constant conflict.

A witch is ‘born at home’. Sometimes this means biologically from an older witch who is preparing to leave her home and enter her migratory stage (nearly always, in such cases, with the fantastical illusion of her death being the symbolic spark of her migration and given rise of her progeny’s inheritance of the home. As if a witch, one born of home and hearth, could burn!). Other times by leaving her home empty, all her herbs, cauldrons, and sundries patiently waiting and covered in gathering dust. For what witch does not enjoy ‘wiping out’ out old whilst claiming a home for herself? Thus letting the home itself mystically birth a new witch from the raging indignity and need of a woman wandering in.

The migratory witch, being well learned and done with this shit, carries with her only what she’s going to need in a suitably sized handbag. Which for reasons known only to them are never as big as a backpack and never smaller than a loaf of bread. From which she can, as needed, pull out any meal, potion, or temporary house she might desire. Never a permenant house though. For they are homes and she has left home.

Not many people understand the migratory pattern of witches because they are cursedly hard to find when of such an age. Just as wizards are excitable and chaotically loud when migrating but quiet and reclusive (some might even say shut ins) when older witches too alternate this. A witch at home is very noticeably a witch at home. They may hide from constables or nay’er-do-wells but they are social and extroverted with neighbours and random passersby’s in need. One need not look long to find someone who knows both where they live and how to get there. Older wizard who’ve settled in the area are not very likely to talk to anyone long enough to ask. Thus the two may comfortably settle in the same area.

Migratory witches, however, are outstandingly secretive. They will go to great lengths to hide themselves (sometimes even in plain sight). Such that even if a young wizard were curious he’d be unlikely to surpass her cunning to find her. After all, he cannot fathom why his granny might be a person worth questioning about such a thing. For even in their migratory stage many witches are still drawn to helping other ‘learn a thing or two’.

I feel like witches are sedentary and wizards are migratory. A witch has a home, a cauldron, herbs, you go to them with your problem. A wizard wanders, disappears, shows up at inconvenient times to fix nothing. am i making sense