The name's Sam, he/him × kinda a writer, kinda an artist × european, my age will remain a mystery × the god of procrastination × language enthusiast × assholes and mosquitoes DNI
483 posts
The Fact That I Bs'd My Essay On The Final And Still Got Full Points Still Amazes Me
The fact that I bs'd my essay on the final and still got full points still amazes me
More Posts from Stuck-in-this-mortal-form
Happy Kupala Night everyone!
MY FUCKING GAWD I FINALLY MANAGED TO DRAW A FACE PROFILE THAT I ACTUALLY LIKE
“Pff. You’re not asexual. You realize they’re a bunch of incels, right? If you think there’s something wrong with your hormones, you should see a doctor.”
“Wow,” Y said, readjusting their glasses. “I never thought I’d find someone like you.”
X smiled. “Someone with common sense?”
“An irl aphobe.” Y started digging in their bag, their face a look of pure excitement. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve encountered plenty of people with ignorant questions. But I’ve only seen the true, malicious hatred online. You’re the first specimen I’ve found in real life.”
“I’m sorry. Specimen?”
Y pulled out a round metal calliper and started measuring X’s head. “Yes. Now tell me, how exactly would you define ‘asexual’?”
X blinked at the tool. “Uh … you know. Someone who thinks being a lonely virgin makes them special. Or just someone with a mental illness.”
“Fascinating.” Y used tweezers to pluck a couple hairs from X’s head.
“Hey!”
Y dropped the hairs in a vile, their eyes gleeful. “Okay, and what about ‘aromantic’?”
“What’s that?”
“Oh my god you’re perfect.” Y had a tiny notebook, and was rapidly scribbling down notes.
“What the hell is going on?”
Y looked up, their attention refocusing on X. “I’m sorry. Where are my manners? You see, I’m a moronologist.” They readjusted their glasses again. “We’re a new field aiming to determine the source of intellectual deficiencies in an otherwise fully functioning brain.”
“Uh … what?”
Y looked ready to cry of happiness.
“Oh please,” they said, grasping X’s hands. “Please come to my lab. You are exactly what I need. Are you afraid of needles, by any chance? Or allergic to latex?”
“Uh, I’m not sure. It all sounds a little – ”
“I will buy you all the White Claw you can drink.”
“Deal.”
Y clapped in delight. They were so getting published from this.
Cashier at starbucks: and your name?
*Brain.exe stopped working*
If I ever disappear for a long time it's gonna be because the duolingo owl kidnapped me for not learning Scottish Gaelic