Sunarins-whore - Lani - Tumblr Blog

Honey, don't be insecure. I can see how amazing you are. You have your own unique beauty, so don't compare yourself to others or put yourself down. You deserve so much more. You should be happy, healthy, and receive the love you deserve. I'm here for you.

🌙💓

Thank you so much! You’re literally so sweet. I’m here for you too🥹🩷.

Hey there, Just popping in to ask how you're really doing. Sometimes, it seems like no one asks how we truly feel, but I want you to know I'm here for you. You deserve all the wonderful things because you’re such a precious person. Smile as brightly as you’re meant to, and soak up all the love and happiness you deserve. You are amazing and important, and I'm super proud of you for keeping on with your journey. Keep shining!

🌙💓

Please I thought Tumblr itself sent this and I was like “ignore” and then I actually read it and cried ㅠㅠ!! I feel like no one has truthfully asked me that in so long. I’ve been struggling and dealing with a lot of insecurities, but i’m trying so hard (even if I feel like i’m failing harder) to get over it. Thank you so much it really means a lot. I hope you’re do well yourself!🩷🦋

What color are ur nipples

Ma’am this is a wendys🤨

I have so many ideas written down I'm just horrible at putting them into sentences that make sense. Once I finishing painting my room I will start posting more. I CAN'T WAIT!! ;)

A Losing Game Part 2

Paring: Oikawa Toruu & Iwazumi Hajime

Genre: Angst with minor fluff

Synopsis: A broken heart is all that's left I'm still fixing all the cracks

-We're the best of friends.

Don't you mean were?

Huh? Well he could never stay mad at me too long. We always forgive each other in the end.

What if the end never comes?

There's always an end.

An end to what exactly?

The losing game of course.

Parts: Pt. 1 , Pt.2 ....more coming soon

_______________________________________________________

~I’ve spent all of the love I’ve saved~

If you could describe the relationship how would you describe it?

Well, he’s my best friend of course.

No, I mean in detail. How would you describe it?

Um, I guess I would say that we’ve been together since we were kids, and no one could ever come between us. I love I admired him in every way possible. He has the ability to make everyone around him look up to him and see him in the best way possible. Even in the worse moments he could make me laugh and smile. Without him I wouldn’t know how to function. It’s like he gives me purpose. He…is my purpose.

~We were always a losing game~

Did you ever stop to think that your feelings were more than just best friends, maybe platonic or lovers even?

As if! The day I admit to having feelings for him would be the day I die. Although I can’t say the same for him.

~Small town boy in a big arcade~

Let’s talk about something else. You loved volleyball, loved it enough that you used it as a stress reliever correct?

It’s the only thing apart from him that keeps me sane apart from him.

Even with the major competition you had?

Y-yes even then.

~I got addicted to a losing game~

For something that kept you sane, it took a lot from you both mentally and physically.

Well yes but it was worth everything in the end I mean it was…wasn't it?

You seem to have had a lot of rivalries, but they never stopped you from quitting and why is that? Why did you continue to play? Continue to hurt yourself? Continue to push forward why?

Why wouldn't I keep playing. I'm the captain, and as a captain you should never give up. I made promises, I worked my ass off, and what good would that all be if I gave up doing every little obstacle. It will be for nothing. I refuse to be a failure...I can't be a failure.

~All I know, all I know~

You do know there is nothing wrong with losing right? It's ok to lose.

Of course, it's ok to lose, it's only ok because you don't have a choice. We don't have a choice in life, in the games, in anything! It's ok to lose because sometimes you already lost…but me? I'm so damn tired of losing. I'm done losing I can't lose anymore I hate it; I hate it, I hate it…I hate it. If I lose one more thing I'll go insane! Just because it's ok to lose does not mean that it won't fucking suck to lose. I'm so tired losing.

~Loving you is a losing game~

First it was that's stupid boy Kageyama stopping me. He was in my way all the time, and once I felt like I got rid of him, then it was that stupid, stupid, stupid team Shiratorizawa. At first, I thought it was just pure luck for them. I thought maybe they had a small advantage. I thought that all I had to do is practice, practice, practice. I thought that was all it would take to be the best, and to win, because after losing over and over again I realized I wasn't the best. I had refused to give up. I refused to be beaten, embarrassed, humiliated. I made a promise to my team; a promise to go to Nationals and every single year it was always them that got in the way. They snatched the golden ticket right from under us no matter what we did. No matter how good of captain I thought I was, it wasn't good enough. That's why I refuse to give up I can't give up because of that promise to my best friend, and I can't just break that promise you don't understand. I can’t break this promise it means everything to me, to us. Just when I thought we could finally do it there he came again, that stupid Kageyama with his stupid team. I just- I don't understand I thought I was the only one who could be great, but I kept getting pushed back further and further, one after the other it just never stopped. The red lights never stopped flashing. The voices never stopped! I don’t want to stop. I just wanna be great, I just wanna win I need to win for me and Iwa.

~How many pennies in the slot~

One thing I could say that is very repetitive in all the conversations we've ever had since we first met, is that you seem to show more and more love towards-

Don't say it, don't say his name I already know…

You seem to be really ashamed when discussing this certain topic. Why is that?

Masterlist

Join my taglist to be notified for your favorite post :) -> Taglist

symbols: A- angst F- fluff H- headcanon D- drabble

F- fanfiction I- imagine

-Haikyuu! Masterlist-

Aoba Johsai-

Oikawa - A Losing Game: Pt. 1 , Pt. 2 /A-F

Iwaizumi-A Losing Game: Pt. 1 , Pt. 2 /A-F

Karasuno-

Nekoma-

INarizaki-

Shiratorizawa-

Fukurodani-

More characters and shows coming soon..

A Losing Game Part 1

Paring: Oikawa Toruu & Iwazumi Hajime

Genre: Angst with minor fluff

Synopsis: A broken heart is all that's left I'm still fixing all the cracks

-We're the best of friends.

Don't you mean were?

Huh? Well he could never stay mad at me too long. We always forgive each other in the end.

What if the end never comes?

There's always an end.

An end to what exactly?

The losing game of course.

Parts: Pt. 1 , Pt. 2 ....more coming soon

___________________________________________________________

~Lost a couple of pieces when I carried it, carried it, carried it home~

When did the panic attacks start?

“Funny of you to think someone like me could ever have one of those.” Right because funny was the way to put it right? No, no it was not. In fact, the only thing Oikawa found funny was how many times he found himself curled up somewhere lost in his own thoughts, his own imagination, his own hell. Funny

You know you cannot lie to me, right?

He is right he cannot lie to him. After all he has been coming to these sessions for years. He usually always told the truth so what is different now? Oh, right the difference now is that he believed in the lies himself. He does not know when it started, but he knows whatever he is shielding himself from would shred every ounce of sanity he desperately held on to. So why now? Why is he turning on himself? Why can’t he keep his mouth closed? Why can’t he protect him from his self?

“I cannot remember where or when they started. Every one of them just seem like one big blur, almost like it never happened. There was one, one that I can never seem to shake. It was not my proudest moment. I was practicing my serves when…”

*Mentions of past events*

“Oikawa-san please show me how to serve.” There he was in all his glory. Kageyama Tobio. I didn’t exactly love him, but I didn’t- well no that was that. It’s like he was put there just to destroy everything I had. Sure, we were on the same team, but with him around it’s like I was slowly being replaced, and of course I couldn’t have that happening. He thought he was better than me I just know he did. He made a mockery out of me, acting as if he looked up to be me just to pull the rug up from under me whenever he pleased.

“Get away, get away, get away don’t come over here!” I didn’t know what I was doing, it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t control myself. Didn’t he see that? Didn’t he...understand that? I was stressed, I was upset- No! I was angry. So. Damn. Angry. I’ve worked my ass off over, and over, and over trying to achieve it, trying to win. Didn’t he see how far behind we were? It didn’t matter how many times we won, or how many trophies we bought back. It wasn’t worth a damn thing if we couldn’t beat the one person, the one team holding me, holding us back. “Calm down, you dumbass!” Suddenly, he was there, like my guardian angel stopping me from doing wrong.

“Sorry”

It was all I could think, I could say. One thing I’ll never know was if I actually meant it. Why would I mean he was the enemy right? “Kageyama, I’m sorry, but we’re done for today.” I could barely hear the words exchanged around me. “Oh, okay.” That’s all he had to say. There he goes mocking me yet again.

“The change up today was to clear your head. You need to have more composure!”

“Right now, I can’t win against Shiratorizawa, so there’s no way I can have composure! I want to win and go to nationals, to win I need to-”

“I this, I that. It’s annoying!” Before I could get a word in, I felt a powerful impact hit me. He headbutted me. “Do you think you’re fighting by yourself !?” You’ve got to be kidding me, you dumbass! If you think how you’re doing equals how the team will do, I’ll punch you!

“You already did!”

“There’s no one on our team who can’t beat Ushiwaka one on one! However…”

He went on to tell me how we have a team for a reason, that we can do it together. I didn’t know how much I needed that pep talk, but it sure as hell made me feel better.

Being there for you made you a better person wouldn’t you say?

Without him I would be someone way scarier than that person who was there that day in the gym. He’s my…anchor.

You seem to alternate between past and present tense. Do you think your past struggles may still have an influence on you to this day?

I-well no it’s just that…we made a promise. A promise that the both of us will go to nationals together, and I intend to keep that promise. I will keep that promise.

Oikawa are you aware that you graduated 2 years ago.

I made a promise.

~I’m afraid of all I am~

It’s just- what if I break that promise? What if he gets tired of waiting, and doesn’t want to be around me anymore? I can’t even stand being around myself for too long.

~My mind feels like a foreign land~

I always get lost in my head, and I feel like I can never find my way out.

~Silence ringing inside my head~

But when he’s around there’s nothing but silence because he knows just the right things to say and do to make my brain quit torturing me.

~Please carry me, carry me, carry me home~

I don’t know what I would do without him. If there’s something wrong he’d figure it out before me. If he thinks I’m overthinking things he’ll yell at me to snap me out of it or give me a hit on the head to help pull me back to reality. To a stranger it seemed so violent, so random, but to me I’m nothing but grateful. He’s my safe space and being around him feels like home to me.

Haven’t you been feeling lonely since the fight?

How could I feel lonely when we’re always together?