Finally Managed To Catch Up On All The Fics I Read And Put Them In Recs Posts Spent 4h On It But Its

Finally managed to catch up on all the fics i read and put them in recs posts 🥲 spent 4h on it but its done 💪

oh myyy im so excited for thisss

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART I

Seungmin x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle Masterlist

Synopsis: You and Seungmin become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (14,6k words)

Author's note: Not much of Seungmin in this part but hope you enjoy it nonetheless :)

YOU: I like my men how I like my drinks, I need to have five of them [laughs] I'm a flirt, even when I'm not flirting, they think I am [bites lips] I hate small talk [groans] I don't want anything serious with anyone. If I wake up in the morning and they're not there, that's great [blows kisses]

-

The weather is good and you're feeling good, when the staff says it's your time to enter the villa, you're ready to go.

The hair and makeup are on point, and the white bikini you're wearing compliments your features and complexion, all of that wouldn't stand out without confidence so you put your best foot forward and walk in confident strides.

Not forgetting to put on your best smile knowing so many pairs of eyes are looking at you as you step into the scene and walk faster as you get excited to meet all of them.

"Hello, hello," you enthusiastically greet and waving your hands at them.

"You guys are so beautiful!" You compliment, hiding your insecurities with a flustered smile.

Once you get close enough, you make a brief eye contact with everyone and start hugging around, introducing yourself to them.

"Oh my God, the eyes," you exclaim as you notice a pair of mesmerizing light brown eyes on a guy.

You're genuinely attracted to those eyes that you can't stop staring at him.

"You have such beautiful eyes," you blurt out without thinking.

He shyly laughs at your indirect compliment, "Thank you!"

You carefully remove the strand of hair caught between your lips before speaking, "What's your name?"

"Elliott," he answers with a smile.

"Nice to meet you, Elliott," you say, offering your hand for a high-five since you already hugged him.

You join the other table, wanting to get to know everyone and get behind a man with a tall figure and long hair like Jesus.

"Oh, my Lord!" You playfully gasp.

The other two people laughing at your pun and when you join them, you can see that he has facial hair too.

"Come and join my disciples," He says.

"Wow. Am I in the right show?" You jokingly say, taking the champagne flute he hands you.

The Jesus twin brother pours the bubbly wine into your glass and puts the bottle back into the bucket of ice.

"I'm Vale," he tells you his name.

"Vale?" You pronounce his name wrong.

"It's short from Valentino," he explains.

"Oh! Vale!" You gasp, finally pronouncing his name right this time.

"I'm Italian," he informs you while tucking a hair behind his ear.

You take a small sip of your wine and smile, "I didn't know Jesus is Italian," you joke again.

He bursts into laughter and you try not to laugh or you'd spit your drink which is not the kind of first impression you plan to make on anyone.

"Oh, look!" You exclaim as you catch another guest arriving at the villa.

She's taking everyone's attention with her beautiful wavy, brown hair that looks and beautiful, rosy cheeks, walking with such elegance like a goddess emerging from the sea.

When she comes your way, you can see the adorable freckles on her nose and you just can't help but say, "Oh, you're such a babe!"

She smiles at your words and leans in for a hug, "Devon!"

"Devon, the babe, got it," you repeat and introduce yourself back.

You're not the only one who's swooned by her English charms, you can see everyone is just as excited to get to know her.

While Louisa is making a toast at the other table, you see the last male guest coming with his shirt flying open, showcasing his sculpted abs.

You're not the type that's crazy about muscles. However, when you see them on someone and they have them in the perfect places, you get a little loopy in the head.

"Blake," he introduces himself to you.

And Blake... oh, not only does he have those muscles in the perfect places, he has this gorgeous brown skin and the plus point is he has tattoos. He sure is driving the girls into a frenzy, meanwhile the boys, they're not that impressed with it.

"They're so hot," A girl next to you whispers and if your memory serves you right, her name is Adriana.

You lowly squeal in response and mutter through your gritted teeth, "I'm drooling."

Now that everyone is here, Vale takes the unopened bottle of wine and pops it open, spraying it at everyone to inaugurate the show.

-

YOU: [Rubs hands together] Let's get it started!

-

There are so many hot options in this villa.

There is Elliott's mesmerizing eyes, Vale's sexy hair, Jeff's tattoos, Tom's big biceps and then there's Blake's body.

God! Blake's body is just so hot, you bet it'll sizzle when you lick it.

"Ooo... sexy!" Adriana gasps as she pushes open the door to the bedroom.

There are ten guests but there are only six beds, well, that's a math problem anyone can easily solve.

"It doesn't make much sound," Tom says after testing the bed by rocking it.

A few laugh at that but you're too busy eyeing the guy you want, throwing flirty glances at Blake as he sits on the end of the bed.

You're very much aware that you're not the only girl having the hots for Blake, you see that Devon has her eyes on him too, well, you're not afraid of a little competition anyway.

After the tour of the villa, the girls are gathering in the dressing room to talk about... well, boys.

"Who do you fancy?" Lili asks, playing with a make-up brush.

"I like Jeff," Adriana is the first one to share her pick out of the sexy bunch.

"Going for the bad boy, huh?" Issa teases, twirling her curls around her index finger.

"What about you, sexy mami?" Adriana asks Devon who happens to sitting next to her.

"Blake," she shortly answers

So your guess is true that Devon is indeed going for Blake and it only means one thing: It's game on.

"He's hot, yeah," Lili approves Devon's pick.

Issa grabs your hand and gently shakes it, sending your bracelets clinking against each other, "How about you?"

Well, you have a man in mind but nothing is permanent yet and there's a lot of time to get to know everyone.

"I don't know," You bend against the vanity table and let Issa play with your hair.

"I don't want to limit myself to just flirting with one guy," you add with a laugh.

The girls are both applauding and chuckling at your honest answer. You realize that you can be competitive when you want to but let's hope it doesn't come to you getting your claws out for a man.

-

YOU: I don't know what I want yet so I can't rule anyone out right now [giggles]

-

The shimmering water of the Caribbean Sea is such a delightful sight, you take a long sigh as you take it all in that you'll be living here for the next 30 days.

Everyone else is either chilling by the pool or starting to mingle with each other or both.

You see Devon is closing in on Blake and it doesn't bother you much, you'll have your chance. You remind yourself that it's a marathon, not a sprint.

Someone comes up to you and joins you in the gazebo, it's the guy with the mesmerizing eyes, Elliott.

"Drinks?" He offers, holding up the drinks in his hands at you.

"Yes, please," you answer, scooting to the side to make some space on the sofa for him.

He hands you one of the drinks to you before sitting down, you both take a little sip of the sugary sweet cocktails.

"This is cute," you comment, stirring the drink with the small umbrella.

"Like you," Elliott teases with a flirty smile.

You giggle in reaction to his words, "You think I'm cute?"

Elliott licks his lips after sipping his drink, "Yeah."

Pulling a trick out of the book, you tilt your head to the side and flutter your eyelids a little.

"And I think you're cute too," you sweetly say, then clink your glass with his.

You have another sip of the cocktail and scrunch your nose when you taste the sour of the lime on the rim of the glass. You catch Elliott staring at you and knowing that he just got caught, he may as well ask, "So, do you fancy anyone?"

With your head still tilted, you do a little look away before looking at him right in the eyes, "Oh, wow, that's a tough question," you pretend to think hard.

Elliott is confidently staring right back into your eyes as he asks another question, "Anyone you want?"

You let out a low chuckle and answer, "I think it's too early to say."

"That's a good answer," he mutters.

Elliott is not taking his eyes away from yours even for a second, his stare is so intense that it makes you nervous. An awkward chuckle escapes your mouth, "Your eyes..."

You look down at your drink and put all of your focus on it instead, "They're making me nervous," you continue.

Elliott triumphantly smiles knowing that his eyes are doing a great job, "I'm just trying to shoot my shot here," he coyly says with a sexy smirk.

You nod and tuck your hair behind your ear, "I understand. You want what you want."

"Mm-hm," he immediately agrees with what you said.

"What I want is right here," he continues, clinking his glass against yours.

Elliott is, physically wise, not your type but he's confident, he has that good chat and he knows how to keep the conversation going.

As the saying goes if at first you don't succeed, then go for your second choice and Elliott would make a great second choice.

-

YOU: Well, if Blake is not going to acknowledge the fact that I'm here then I'm just going to give Elliott a chance.

-

It's loud in the dressing room as everyone comes up with guesses on what actually would happen tonight at the first party of Party In Paradise.

They prepare costumes for everyone to wear for the first party in the villa. The boys are dressed as pirates while the girls are dressed as mermaids and you choose the one adorned with sapphire blue sequins that resemble mermaid scales.

The beach is decorated with properties according to the theme and the drinks are ready so is the music, they're blasting upbeat songs through big speakers.

Everyone is looking hot, they're dancing and drinking, having the time of their life, it indeed feels like a party in paradise.

The good time comes to a halt as Issa initiates a game but it's actually what the staff briefed her earlier about.

"We're going to play X marks the spot," Issa says.

She then pulls lipstick out of the side of the sofa and uses it to make two crosses on each one of her breasts, "These are my best features so you can lick them, bite them, grab them, or even kiss the person if you want," she explains the game.

It's a simple game, with or without marking the spot, everyone knows where to touch or kiss. Issa then walks to the center and stands in front of everyone.

"So who wants a piece of me?" She cutely says while shaking her shoulders.

As everyone is about to hype Issa, Jeff dashes towards her and buries his head between her mounds, rubbing the red lipstick all over his face then plants a hard kiss on her lips. He then returns to his seat, leaving Issa standing there in bewilderment.

Everyone is either excited for their turn or to finally have the chance to make physical contact with the person they're interested in, including you.

You can't tell which one you're more excited for, taking your turn or making a move on someone.

It seems like it's the latter for Devon as Blake is drawing small crosses on his six-pack abs. He raises his hands and puts them behind him, letting anyone come to him.

"Come and get some," he says with a devilish smirk that takes his attractiveness to the next level.

Devon not only puts her claws on him but also sinks her teeth deep into Blake's neck, letting everyone know that it's her territory.

Well, Devon can piss on Blake too if she wants and you'll let her have him, for now.

Jeff whistles as Adriana marks both of her buttcheeks with the red lipstick while the others are howling like animals in heat.

"Whoa!" Lili grabs at your forearm in reaction to Tom licking her buttcheeks as Adriana slightly bends over.

"Oh, my God!" You gasp as they continue with a slobbering kiss, sending the red lips rubbing on each other's faces.

She then walks back to her seat and plops down next to you, panting while wiping the skin around her mouth with her fingers.

When it's finally your turn, you get so excited that you can't seem to function normally. You can't stop grinning as you walk to the center, carrying the lipsticks Adriana gave to you.

It's time to get some action so you give them no excuses to miss out on you. With the red lipsticks, you draw an X on your inner thigh, your breasts, and the last one, excessively putting the lipsticks all over your lips.

"Let's go, boys!" You say with a hand gesture, daring them to come.

As expected, Elliott is the first one to come out to play. He walks up to you with a sly grin plastered his face and he stops right in front of you, dropping to his knees to kiss your inner thigh.

His soft lips tickle you as he drags them down your thigh and you can't help but giggle. The trail of kisses stops when he reaches your ankle and he finally lets go of your leg.

Elliott gets up and immediately pulls you close, capturing your lips in a deep kiss. The way he eagerly lathers your lips, you can tell how much he wanted it, craved it and it's low-key arousing you.

You gasp for air when he lets go of the kiss and you hurriedly cover your mouth with your hand, nonplussed.

Before you can fully recover from Elliott's kiss, Blake walks up to you and holds you by the waist as he plants his mouth right on the X you drew on your breast.

He licks the red lipstick off your skin and does not waste another second to crash his mouth against your mouth, kissing you so hard.

You open your mouth to catch a breath, but he uses it as an opportunity to put his hot tongue into you, kissing you deeper, tasting you more.

You can hear everyone cheering and hooting as they watch Blake let go of the kiss with a triumphant smile on his face.

"Don't make me compete with you, man!" Elliott jokingly says with his mouth still tainted red from the lipstick.

To say the kiss was good would be an understatement, it was phenomenal, you get a little disoriented as you walk back to your seat.

-

YOU: I just knew he wouldn't be able to resist me [Coyly shrugs]

-

It's a good thing that you have some drink left in your cup as you need it to help you calm down from the madness you were in a while ago. You feel hot and bothered, finding yourself fanning your face from Blake's kiss.

The host of the show finally comes and leads the show, walking so carefully with her heels in the sand.

"Hello, party people!" She begins with a bright smile.

Everyone answers with a cheery howl, louder than the sounds of the crashing waves in the background.

"Are you having a good time?"

"Yeah!" Everyone replies in unison.

"Are you ready to have some more good time?" The host asks, fanning her hand close to her ear to hear everyone's answer.

"Yeah!"

"You know what? I think I know exactly what this party needs," the host says with a kittenish smile.

The fun keeps doubling as the night gets late and it gets everyone hyped for what's to come.

"We have invited a guest to the villa!" She announces with a playful whoop at the end of the sentence.

Your first thought is that they'll bring another guest into the villa but it's a party in paradise which means more people, the merrier.

"This one guest is very special and can change anything," The host hinted with a cryptic smile.

That piques everyone's interest and they're starting to randomly shout names of famous people, trying to guess and manifesting it at once.

"Are you ready to welcome our world-famous guest?" The host asks, also giving out another hint which makes a few of them believe it's a celebrity.

"Yes!" Everyone answers, getting impatient to find out who the new guest is.

You don't want to get your hopes up but it would be nice to party with a celebrity, whoever it is, you're ready to have some fun.

"Give our new guest a warm welcome!"

All of the lights are suddenly off and then a spotlight shines on the curtain behind our seats, you've been thinking that it's just part of the decoration but now everyone's eyes are on it, looking at it with so much anticipation.

"No way!" You gasp in a mix of nerves and excitement.

Adriana just can't stop squealing next to you, holding your hand by the wrist.

It's been a minute now and the curtain is still not open, you feel like fainting with this much anticipation inside you. A while later, smoke starts coming out as the curtain finally opens in one quick pull.

Then there's that melodic chime that you heard somewhere before.

-

YOU: [Groans] Why? [Throws head to the back] Why?

-

You look around and everyone is just as flabbergasted, as in shock as you are at the reveal of the true intentions of this show. All of you have been tricked into thinking that it's a Party In Paradise when it's actually Too Hot To Handle.

As if the sight of the cone is not enough, Lili turns her head at you and meekly says, "We're in Too Hot To Handle."

Now that she says it out loud, you realize that it's real and you can feel that you're already dreading it.

She rubs her temples and says again, "This is Too Hot To Handle."

Oh, no. This is real. You are in Too Hot To Handle.

"As you can see, this is no longer Party In Paradise," The cone begins talking.

"But it's so convincing, the crew got Party In Paradise shirts and everything," Adriana complain as if that would help her get out of this.

"This is Too Hot To Handle."

"Shit... fuck..." you quietly mutter as you rub your temples in stress.

"You have been specially selected because all of you are having meaningless flings over genuine relationships," Lana continues.

Wish you could deny it but you feel called out instead, if that's the case, then you guess, this is your karma.

"Not wrong at all," Elliott agrees with Lana's statement with a stupid grin.

"Since your arrival, I have been gathering data on your wild behavior but from now on, you must adhere to my retreat rules."

-

YOU: Hmm... my coochie is going on lockdown, isn't it? [Sighs]

-

"No kissing."

But that's exactly your plan which is to kiss everyone.

"No heavy petting."

The more you hear it, the harder for you to process it in your head and whether you can do it or not.

"No sex."

And that's it. You can't do it, it's impossible. You'll be staying with a bunch of attractive people in a villa on an exotic island and told not to make physical contact with them.

"And no self-gratification," Lana announces the last rule.

Which is the hardest one for you to accept. It's your own body and you can do anything to it? It doesn't make sense.

"That's crazy!" Blake reacts with his eyes widening in disbelief.

Despite the complaints, Lana continues with her announcement, "As part of your social development, I have allocated a prize of $200,000."

Hearing that much money on the line, you suddenly have a change of mind that maybe it's possible to keep your hands to yourself for 200 grand.

Among the cheering of excitement at the sum of prize money, Jeff makes a bold remark.

"We surely can spend some of it," Jeff sounds excited to spend it more than to win it.

"No, man. Don't mess it up!" Tom warns him while shaking his head in disbelief.

"Just a couple of grand," Jeff innocently says.

"I'm a college student. I need it," Tom says, putting some sense into him.

Jeff indirectly says that he doesn't mind spending some of the money only supporting the fact that it's not going to be easy and your optimism deflates right away.

Another problem is you don't have that much trust in yourself that you'll be able to keep it yourself.

"Welcome to your long, hard, sexless summer," Lana concludes.

-

YOU: It's going to be hard but... since when do I follow the rules? [Smirks]

-

The morning starts rough.

You wake up as soon as the lights are on, dragging yourself out of the duvet, and sit on the bed only to look Devon and Blake on the bed right across from yours.

Lili wakes up not long after you and sitting on the bed, lowly muttering, "I am so horny."

Hearing that almost causes you to choke on your water as you sip it from a water tumbler.

It's like she triggers the cone by mentioning the word 'horny', the cone lights up and chimes.

"Good morning!"

You groan as the truth that you're in a sex retreat hasn't fully sunk in yet.

"You may find this retreat challenging but I am always here to help," Lana offers some comfort on a gloomy, sex-deprived morning.

"And we ask for sex, Lana," Adriana says with a sleepy, depressive smile.

Tom who sleeps with Adriana on the next bed, turns to see Blake and asks, "Are you sure nothing happened last night?"

You act nonchalant but at the same time, stay quiet to hear his answer.

He coyly shrugs and rubs his eyes as he answers, "No."

"I notice the smug," Adriana teases Devon.

She shakes her head in response, "Nothing happens, I swear."

That doesn't quite put you at ease.

There's a big chance that they did break the rules but act like they didn't and if they did break the rules, then you don't want to waste your time pursuing Blake.

However, as you gather all of your hair and tie it into a messy ponytail, you catch Blake looking at you with a faint smile on his face.

-

YOU: I'm still going for Blake but if he's still not showing any signs that he's interested well... I may have to put my focus on someone else.

-

Last night was just as rough.

Everyone was still coping with the grand reveal and just couldn't wait to end the day, choosing their beds where they felt like it. Lili offered to share the bed with you since she doesn’t want to partner up with anyone just yet and you didn’t have problems sleeping with anyone.

But the other reason was that Blake had chosen to sleep with Devon.

Of course, you’re not going to be so adamant about your choice of man but what you can’t help is being tenacious, you have to always get what you want, and you don’t want to know what would happen if you don’t get it.

Since you took the first turn for the daily interview, you get to start your day late. You’re going down to the beach to do some exercises with Vale sitting cross-legged on the yoga mat not far away from you, meditating.

That’s the kind of vibe you got when you first met him that despite his perfect figure and built body, he’s a spiritual person, he’s the type who seeks ‘that’ connection. Unlike you, Vale fits right into this show and it wouldn’t be a surprise if he won it too.

“Hey, come and join me,” He says to you as you take a break from working.

You stop sucking your water tumbler and ask, “You want me to meditate with you?”

“Yeah,” he shortly says.

You quickly wipe your sweat with a towel and sit on the yoga mat he laid out for you next to him. You follow the way he sits, crossing your legs together and putting your hands on your knees, then intently listen to his instructions for the rest of the session.

It works wonderfully and helps you take your mind off things. Once you both got back to the villa, he playfully asks if you want to shower together.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” You tell him as you splash some water on your face in the sink.

As you continue washing your face, you catch the reflection in the mirror as he stands behind you with the towel hanging low around his hips you can see his pelvic bones.

“It’s not against the rules,” Vale simply says, half-laughing.

 “Yes, but…” You suddenly forget what you’re about to say and turn around only to find him dropping his towel before he walks into the shower stall.

Your hands fly to cover your face but continue to see through the cracks between your fingers, “Okay, now all I can think about is naked Jesus,” you jokingly say.

Vale laughs as he catches what you said even though he’s inside the shower stall, laughing as he runs his hands to wash his golden tan skin. You leave the bathroom before you change your mind and join him in the shower.

-

YOU: Can’t believe I got to see naked Jesus [Laughs]

-

In the dressing room, you’re getting your make-up done and going to dry your hair next. You check for your appearance in the full-length mirror, making sure the bikini looks flattering on you when you hear someone coming from the hallway that connects here with the bedroom.

“Hey,” You don’t want to make it obvious that you’re glad to see him but you’re glad to see him.

“Hey,” Blake says back, grinning when he realizes that it’s you.

He stops on his track just checking you out, his eyes traveling up and down your body, “Been looking for you,” he says.

You know better not to fall on such words, “Oh, really?”

“Yeah,” he shortly says with a grin that is both hot and sweet. He then goes to his closet on the opposite wall and takes out a bucket hat, putting it on to show it to you.

“How do we think?” He asks.

You close your closet door and rest your hand against it, “Cute.”

He switches the bucket hat with a cap and puts it on while also making a dramatic pose for you, “How about now?”

It’s hard to look at his face when his abs keep distracting you and you chuckle at how he spreads his arms out, “Try putting it on backward,” you suggest.

Blake follows your suggestion, turning the cap without taking it off, and strikes another pose for you, “Yeah?”

You were right about the hat, he looks hot with his cap on backward, and just like he heard what you’re thinking, Blake spins around on his feet and almost stumbles as he gets back on his feet.

“I know I’m hot but try not to kiss me, okay?” he says.

Well, you can try not to but that doesn’t mean you won’t do it. You shake your head and suck air through your teeth, “Can’t promise you,” you playfully say.

 “Come here, give me a hug,” Blake says, holding his hand out at you.

You take it only for him to pull you close and hug you, burying his head in your neck to catch your scent, “How are you doing?”

You giggle as he rubs his nose in your neck and you get to put your hands on him, feeling his warm skin under your touch, “Good. You?”

Instead of answering, Blake draws you closer, molding his body to you to feel your whole body against him, and lowers his hands to your hips. You don’t mind though, he’s so big and you like how he envelops you whole.

You hear his overwhelmed sigh before he plants a kiss on your neck, “Damn! You smell so good,” he mutters.

“Well, I showered,” you respond with a witty answer.

“I should try that,” he responds with an even wittier answer.

Blake closes the door of his closet and heads for the door, “See you around.”

“See you around,” you say back with a flirty smile.

-

YOU: I know Blake and I haven’t talked much but there’s something there and I can’t wait to explore that.

-

It feels like it was a while ago that you get ready for the day and now the day has turned to night.

You have to change out of your bikini and into a dress, getting help from Adriana to tie the straps on your back. The girls are busy putting on make-up and looking their best to attract whoever they fancy, including you.

It’s not that hard to know that Blake indeed feels something for you, you sense it in the kiss he gave you during the game yesterday and the way he hugged you this morning, or the way he secretly gives you the eyes even though he’s sitting right next to Devon right now.

People can run their mouths all they want but their bodies can’t lie. You can’t fake a physical attraction.

You join Vale sitting on the lounger next to him with a glass of wine in hand, “Cute shirt!” You compliment his colorful printed shirt.

“Thank you,” Vale responds with a bright smile.

You get comfortable and take a small sip of your wine before asking something you’ve been curious to find out, “My sweet Jesus, do you find anyone you fancy in here?”

Vale scratches his beard as he thinks of an answer, “Honestly… no, not yet.”

Vale is gorgeous and hot, you vibe well with him and he’s earnest which tells you that he’s someone that you can trust. Despite all of those qualities, he’s not quite the type you’re looking for and you believe, it’s vice versa.

“What’s your type?”

“I don’t have such things. I think I never limit myself to a certain type of person. It’s whoever attracts me,” he replies and his words carry some wisdom in them.

To put it simply, he’s not attracted to anyone and therefore, it confirms your assumptions about him.

Vale brushes his long hair to the back, sending a few strands falling over his face, “How about you? Who do you fancy?”

You put your glass of wine down and turn your head around for the person you’re looking for, finding him talking to Tom by the firepit.

“For now, it’s Blake,” you answer.

“How about Elliott?” He asks, tucking his hair behind his ear.

“Elliott is... he is cute and all but I like Blake,” you answer, hinting that Blake is your priority.

Vale cranes his neck to see Blake and then slumps back down on his lounger, “It seems like Devon got him on a leash,” he says.

“Yeah,” you say while chuckling.

You turn your head to see Devon putting her leg over Blake’s lap, “but that’s not going to stop me though,” you add.

Vale cracks a laugh, “I like that,” he says.

“Right? I don’t see any rings on it so...” You decide not to finish your words and have a sip of your drink instead.

Talking about Blake gets you thinking to start making a move, separating him from Devon is going to be the hardest part so you decide to take a moment to refresh yourself before executing your plan.

“I’m going to powder my nose,” you excuse yourself as get up from the lounger.

Vale doesn’t reply but helps you by handing you your glass. As you start walking away though, he shouts, “Hey, you’re beautiful!”

You look over your shoulder and blow a kiss at him, “I know.”

-

YOU: From what I see is that Vale is looking for someone he can instantly connect with and I hope he finds it.

-

The heels you’re wearing are starting to irritate you, you switch into a comfortable pair of wedges sandals and then take your make-up pouch with you to the bathroom.

You take a tube of lip gloss and put on a layer over your lips while leaning close to the mirror. You smack your lips together and check if there’s anything you can fix, deciding that a little more blush won’t hurt.

As you’re about to apply it to your cheek, you immediately stop moving as you see someone come into the bathroom.

“Hey, gorgeous!” Devon sweetly says.

From how enthusiastic she sounds, you’re sure the intention isn’t as sweet as her greeting. You put down everything you’re holding and turn around.

“Hey, babe,” you greet back with less enthusiasm than her.

Devon sits on the edge of the bathtub and starts brushing wavy hair with her fingers, “How are you?”

You rest your hands on the surface of the sink and lean against it, “I’m good. You?”

“Good,” she shortly replies.

She plays with her nails and a while later, looks at you, “I love the dress,” she says.

It seems like the compliment is an effort to try to soften you for whatever trick she has up on her sleeve, you put on a smile for her and mutter, “Thank you.”

A moment passes just you and Devon looking at each other and the silence that hangs in the space in between only adds animosity in the room.

“I have something to tell you,” Devon finally reveals her true intentions on why she came here.

You keep your smile on and slightly tilt your head to the side, “Yes.”

Devon bites her lips and fiddles with her bangles around her dainty wrist, “I know you’ve been like... eyeing Blake,” she begins.

“Yes,” you immediately reply, showing her that you don’t mind making it an open competition with her for it.

“I want to be honest with you and I hope you understand that I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings,” she says with a smile, in contrast to her words, she looks rather enjoying it.

“Blake and I,” she pauses to keep you on your toes.

Devon then flips her hair to the back and continues, “We kissed.”

The thing that you fear the most has happened and you don’t want to give Devon the satisfaction, you calmly cross your arms in front of you and nod.

“Okay,” you say with a plain tone.

“Oh, my God! I’m sorry,” Devon says, being dramatic for the two of you.

She comes and gives you a hug which she thinks would cheer you up. You reluctantly accept it even though you know she’s pitying you.

“I just want to tell you that,” she says as she pulls away from the hug.

Devon indirectly tells you that she comes here just to break your spirit and you don’t know how to respond to that. You actually know how to respond to that but you know you’re better than that.

Once Devon left the bathroom, you turn back around to face the mirror again and lowly mutter, “What the actual fuck?”

-

YOU: How thoughtful of Devon on letting me know about their kiss but girl, what the fuck?

-

It seems like Lana is not going to announce any rule breaks tonight. She’s more likely to collect the rule breaks for now and will eventually turn up with the receipt.

You don’t know how you feel about it but you enjoy seeing the sheer disappointment on Devon’s face that she didn’t get the chance to brag about her kiss with Blake.

Talking about Blake, you reckon you should move on but how can you forget Blake in one night?

It’s impossible, not when you’ll always see him walking around the villa looking so fine and tempting. As you get on your bed, you catch him looking at you and slyly smiling at you.

You don’t want to fall back into it but the bad girl in you tells you to not shut him down completely so you decide to put on a thin smile in return.

That should be enough to tell him that you’re not pleased.

You look away and see your bed partner with her arms flexed as she’s braiding her dark hair. You notice that her arm muscles are so defined and it should be from hours spent in the gym working on them.

Curious, your hand reaches for her shoulder and lowers it to feel her lats, “Lil, how much do you lift?”

She’s tying the end of her hair with a scrunchie then looks over her shoulder, “About 140 to 156,” she answers.

“Girl!” You gasp in shock.

Looking at her lean figure and your hard guess at her body weight, she must be advanced in weightlifting.

You allow yourself to feel the muscles on her arms, from her trapezius muscle down to her bicep, “Remind me not to work with you,” you jokingly say.

Tom enters the room carrying a water tumbler in his hand, he stops right in the middle of the room and looks at everyone.

“Did anyone break any rules today?” He asks.

It’s useless to ask, no one is going to say anything unless the situation pressures them to talk. For instance, Blake is shaking his head as Tom is seeking his answer.

“Be good you two!” Tom says to both Blake and Devon, making a gesture that his eyes will always be on them.

Well, good luck with that because they already did break the rules and succeeded in lying right to his face.

“Goodnight, everyone,” Adriana says, blowing kisses around the room right before the lights are out.

Tom was wrong to fear that these people would break rules during the day. What Tom should be afraid of is what these people do in the dark.

-

YOU: What cuddles? I got to feel my bed partner’s muscles in my sleep [laughs]

-

In the morning, Jesus comes to your bed.

The bed quakes as Vale dives right into the space between you and Lili.

“Morning, beautiful!” Vale says, getting comfortable as he puts his hand over your waist.

“Morning,” you sleepily reply, groping around with your eyes closed to touch him.

“Your skin is so soft,” Lili says.

You turn your head to see Lili rubbing Vale’s back. Wanting to prove Lili’s words, you follow suit and rub your hand down his shoulder.

“It feels like a foreplay now,” Vale mumbles with his head buried in your pillow.

You continue your day with a quick workout and a meditating session with Vale. After that, you decide to skip the shower and put on a swimsuit, taking a few laps in the swimming pool.

Maybe it’s because you have someone to avoid that you keep yourself busy, but when you look at the time, it’s barely noon.

As you take a break from swimming and use the opportunity to enjoy the view of the sea shimmering under the morning sun, you hear a splash. You notice someone joins you in the pool and he swims right at you.

“Hey, morning,” Elliott softly greets.

You put all of your wet hair to the back and smile, “Morning!”

“How are you?” He asks, wiping the beads of water gathering under his chin.

“Alright, I guess,” You honestly answer.

You turn to the side to face him while keeping one hand resting on the edge of the pool, “You?”

“I’m great,” he replies with enthusiasm that matches his answer.

The sun hits right on his eyes, making them brighter yet fiercer and they’re just as good as weapons now. You can only hope Elliott knows how to use them.

“Uhm...” Elliott seems to have something to say but hesitates to do so, “I know you have your eyes on Blake.”

Welp, it’s that obvious? You nod since there’s no use in denying it.

“Do you... still have your eyes on him or...?”

So Elliott wants to know if you have given up on pursuing Blake and you can safely assume that he hopes to slide right into his spot.

“I already made him aware that I kind of fancy him but I’m not getting anything back so... I don’t know,” You honestly answer, you feel pity for yourself as you say those out loud.

“Mmm-hmm...” Elliott bobs his head as he takes your answer.

The water trickles down his face as he pushes his wet hair to the back, “And who is your second option?”

Your assumption is true, Elliott is looking for a way to get into you and you appreciate that he didn’t come on to you and make it one big chase. He’s so easy and laid-back, and you like that.

“You,” You answer.

A sweet smile rises on his face and expresses his happiness with a cute shout, “Yay!”

It’s not even a phony answer, if there’s anyone else you want to try to make a connection with, it’s him.

“I haven’t got the chance to ask you about our kiss,” he says, taking a step closer to you.

It’s getting dangerous now that he wants to talk about the kiss in this proximity where you can see that his eyes are green in this light.

“What do you think about it?”

“About our kiss?”

He nods as the smile has been replaced with a grin, “Yes.”

You recall the moment when he kissed you during the game, “That was very cute.”

He suddenly lets out a chuckle and scratches his head. Is he flustered or nervous? You have no idea.

“How much do you think a kiss costs?” He suddenly asks.

Oh. You sense trouble right away but you’ve been craving for a little something. A kiss will suffice, you reckon.

Elliott is intensely staring into your eyes as you consider his idea, grinning at the 50% chance that you’d say yes to it.

“Fuck...” You curse as you let out a sigh.

You try to get yourself out of it by averting your focus elsewhere, fixing your bikini, and reminding yourself of Lana and her stupid rules. However, when your eyes meet again, your mind is set right away.

It; ‘s like your bodies are drawn to each other, Elliott and you come at each other at the same time and kiss. Maybe it’s because both of you are relaxed and there’s no one else watching, the kiss feels much nicer than the one you shared before.

Elliott puts the right amount of everything, the lips, the tongue, and even the teeth, you like how he kisses you, hungry yet gentle.

You hear nothing but the smooching sounds of both of your lips lathering each other and your bodies moving in the water.

“Your kiss is just so good,” Elliott says as he takes a step back from you.

And just like that, you break the rules for the first time in the retreat.

-

YOU: I was bored. I wanted to make Blake jealous and Elliott, I have a soft spot for him so... yeah, I kissed him.

-

There’s just something about doing the things that you shouldn’t and doing it anyway, the rush, the thrill of it... it makes you feel so alive.

Now that you’ve got a taste of it, you want more.

Just like Jeff said, we have so many cookies in the jar, 200 grand of them to be exact, and eating one or two more cookies should be fine.

The next question is who do you want to have the cookies with?

Elliott is the easy choice, he’s cool, he’s so easy-going, he’s following the vibe but that’s also the problem, he’s easy and you don’t want easy.

If we’re talking about Blake... oh, yes, he’s not easy, not when Devon is keeping him on a short, tight leash and that tells you enough that she’s not confident about him.

You steal a few glances at her as she’s doing her makeup on the other side of the vanity table from you, looking at her and seeing how pretty she is, there’s no reason for her to be that insecure.

Or maybe you’re that threatening to her? Well, that thought amused you so much.

“Pick one for me!” Adriana says, showing you two different colors of lipsticks in her hands to help her choose one.

“Uhm...” you take a closer look at the color.

Adriana has gorgeous full lips so you choose one with a deep berry color that would suit her better, “This!”

You watch as she’s about to apply it on her lips when the cone in the room lights up and chimes, startling everyone in their seats.

“Ah!” Adriana squeals in surprise.

“Hello, girls!” Lana greets.

“Hello, Lana,” You put down everything you’re holding, getting nervous that it’s about time for Lana to announce the rule breaks.

“I have given the chance for Blake to go on a date with one of you,” Lana announces.

Oh? Is it finally your chance to test the water and see if Blake is on board? You look around to see if anyone is also anticipating this but Devon is the only one looking a little fidgety on her seat.

“Blake has chosen...”

The real question is: is Blake ballsy enough to break away from Devon’s leash? It’s time to find out.

“... Devon.”

-

YOU: Un-fucking-believeable!

-

Devon is smiling from ear to ear after hearing Blake has chosen her for the date.

You believe Blake is playing it safe by choosing Devon, oh, well, it’s his loss, not yours. You continue with getting ready for the night with the rest of the girls.

You check yourself in the mirror and like what you see, especially the dress that enhances the curves on your body.

“What a waste of an outfit!” You mutter, allowing yourself to feel upset about not getting chosen.

Someone puts her arm around you and says, “Oh! We look so hot!”

You look at both of you and Adriana’s reflections in the mirror and suddenly gain your confidence back. Since when you’re not dressing for other people, you’re dressing for yourself.

Everyone is hanging out in the firepit. You’re sharing the small sofa with Vale and Lili is taking the other end, talking to Adriana and Tom with drinks in hands.

It only takes a couple of days for everyone to get used to each other and you guess it’s because everyone shares the same vibe, everyone simply wants to have fun and they don’t let Lana’s rules stop them from doing it.

Unfortunately, you get called to the interview room and do your duty as a TV show contestant, telling the camera about everything to its tiniest details.

That’s what they need for the TV, something juicy, and the juicier the better.

You promise to keep yourself as genuine as possible and only tell the truth, not fabricating any of it. Not going to lie, you feel tempted at times but you realize that one day, you’ll be out of here and you don’t want to regret something you said or did in the show.

You bump into Elliott on your way out as it’s his turn next and you squeeze his hand as you walk past each other.

“Have fun in there!” You playfully say.

Instead of going back to the firepit, you make a turn to the bedroom, wanting to take a moment for yourself to unwind. You take your shoes off once you get to your bed and take a hearty sip of water.

It’s not life if you always get what you want. Blake enters the room not long after you, his shirt is undone and you guess he must’ve just come back from his date with Devon.

What is it with him with his shirt flies open though? You have a hot body, yes, you get it.

Anyway, you want to ignore him but he smiles the second he spots you.

“Hello,” he softly says.

You put on a small smile and greet back, “Hey.”

You cap your water tumbler and put it on your bedside table, “Back from your date, huh?”

Instead of answering, Blake comes at you and does not stop until his body crashes against yours, taking you with him as he topples on your bed.

You’re giggling as he pins you under and then you gently push him away to sit on your bed. You don’t want to give it to him east, not after he chose someone else over you.

“So, how was the date?” You casually ask while fixing the straps of your dress.

Blake sits next to you, leaning back with his hands propped against the mattress, “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know what I want,” he vaguely says.

Well, that’s what he gets for keeping his options way too open. Then Blake turns his head at you then continues, “But I know who I want.”

You get it that he’s hinting at you from the way he raises his eyebrow and slyly smiles at you. But you play dumb instead, wanting to hear him saying it out loud.

“And it’s Devon?” You say.

He dramatically closes his eyes and lets out a low sigh, “It’s you.”

You pretend to be surprised to hear it, “Oh, it’s me?”

Blake nods and smiles, he rubs his hand down his abs, trying to make you look at it.

“What do you think?”

You’re sure he’s talking about what he just said, not the abs, and honestly, it sounds not that convincing.

“I don’t know what to feel about it. You just came back from a date with someone else,” you point out the only way that gets in the way of trusting his words.

Blake drags his hand on the bed until he finds your hand and holds it, “I know I have something going on but I wish we did talk more, get to know you more.”

You don’t know what he’s going with it but giving him a chance to explain himself.

“But just know... Just know that I feel something for you,” he says.

It should be a triumphant moment, knowing that the guy you like is liking you back but you feel conflicted instead.

Blake inhales air and then stares into your eyes, “I want you to know that,” he concludes with his thumb gently rubbing the back of your hand.

You want to give him one more chance to prove himself, to prove that he’ll act exactly like what he said to you.

You nod and smile, “Alright.”

But for now, you want to take his words as they are, that it’s simply him telling you what he’s feeling.

-

YOU: There’s something about him that’s calling for you and you kind of want to answer that.

-

As if Lana is aware that the two of you are alone which means there's a big chance of rule-breaking, the cone in the room chimes, making you jolt on your bed.

"Please gather everyone in the cabana," Lana orders.

You're clutching your chest as you walk to the cabana, knowing that it's the time: Lana is going to announce the rule breaks.

The plan is you'll sit there and not going to say anything, and you're aware of how flawed that plan is.

A moment after everyone assembled in the cabana, the cone chimes and lights up as she sits in the middle of the round, glass table.

"Good evening, everyone," Lana starts.

"Hello, Lana!" A few replies in a not-so-enthusiastic tone.

Before Lana talks further, you glance at Elliott and he catches you looking, the anxiety is also drawn on his face.

"The rules of my retreat have already been broken," Lana drops the truth right away.

"Oh, no!" Lili exclaims with her eyes going side to side.

Tom looks upset already with his clasped hands pushed close to his mouth.

"Wow!" he comments with a plain tone.

He takes a deep breath and finally be the one who confronts everyone, "Is there anybody that wants to come clean?"

-

YOU: I broke the rules but I'm not telling anyone shit.

-

You try to avoid looking in Tom's direction but it's hard when he's sitting right across from yours so you look the other away only to catch Elliott looking at you.

Elliott seems not to know how to put on a good poker face, he keeps grinning but the kind that only makes him appear guilty.

Adriana is the first to spot it, "Elliott?"

Elliott lets out a nervous chuckle, "Nah. Not me."

He gives it away as he can't stop grinning and as soon as he glances your way, you subtly give him a head shake, telling him not to say anything. Then you continue to act dumb, playing with your hair like it has nothing to do with you.

"I'm going to come clean," someone says.

All heads are turned to see that it's coming from Jeff and they all seem to see this one coming.

"It was me who initiated it, we had a moment—"

Jeff's explanation gets cut off as Lili interrupts and asks, "Who's we?"

Jeff licks his lips and slowly turns his head toward you, and then you see his eyes flick toward Issa, "Issa and I," he answers.

Issa gets flustered, smiling that everyone now knows who Jeff got it on with. Not that it's a secret but she looks smitten, they're showing a big potential to become an established couple in this retreat.

"This kiss has cost the group $3,000," Lana announces.

It's like taking a shot, hearing how much money lost to a kiss is that bitter aftertaste. But that's not the worst of it yet, you know that the rule breaks don't stop there.

"They were not the only ones to break the rules."

There you go, you mutter in your head and gulp air that people would start digging deeper to find out whoever cost them another $3,000.

"What? No!" Vale says, scanning everyone to spot any guilty faces.

You continue your dumb act, playing with your hair, brushing it with your fingers even though it's looking good. Your luck runs out as Tom notices the error in your behavior.

"You're good? It wasn't you, right?" Tom asks.

It would be nice if he just shot you with a real bullet and you would have died on the spot, that way you don't have to deal with his question anymore.

You put on a calm face, staying quiet and not intending to say anything. You notice Elliott is looking at you and eventually, people connect the dots together.

"Oh, no, you guys kissed!" Adriana says, being the first to figure it out.

The truth is out, all that is left to do is own up to it.

"I did want to tell you guys but I..." you give up on trying to justify your act.

"I'm sorry," you sincerely say.

Elliott looks at everyone and apologizes as well, "We are sorry. We really are," he earnestly says.

"The kiss has cost the group $3,000."

You cringe at the amount of money you spent for a kiss and even though it's not your money, it's still kind of stings.

"Expensive kiss, that one," Vale comments while scratching his facial hair.

"I think that'll be it," Adriana says, or more like hoping that that was just it, no more rule breaks.

Lana hears her and she doesn't intend to stop until everyone committed their crimes.

"That is not all," she says, "There was one more breach of the rules."

Your eyes dart toward Devon and Blake who sit next to each other at the end of the long sofa, it must be the one kiss she bragged to you about.

"Are you kidding me?" Tom reacts with a fed-up tone.

Devon looks at Blake but he seems to want to keep his mouth shut. You're not a lip reader but it's not hard to read what Devon said as she fixes her dress, "Shit."

The tension keeps building as everyone waits for the last confession Lana needs so she can calculate the damage and come up with the bill.

A moment passes and Devon seems to be uncomfortable keeping it to herself any longer, "We should tell them," she says to Blake.

Everyone is exclaiming and yelling at them all at once while Blake is sitting there, taking it all in. Once everyone calms down, he coyly admits everything, "We kissed. I'm sorry."

"These rule breaks have cost the group $6,000," Lana announces.

Tom's mouth hung open, "You kissed twice?"

Blake licks his lips and then nods.

"What the—" Vale doesn't even finish his words, he reclines on his sofa instead and looks up.

You know the one kiss they did and that's thanks to Devon's thoughtfulness, but the other one, you wonder when they did that.

"It was yesterday," Devon says.

"And the other one?" Tom asks.

"On the date earlier," Devon answers.

Wait... so Blake went on that date and kissed Devon, then he came back and told you that you're the one he wants. What the fuck?

-

YOU: I am so annoyed right now.

-

And you're not the only one.

Even though she's just a talking robot, you can tell that Lana is not pleased with these rule breaks. You can hear it from the way she informs the current prize money.

"The prize fund now stands at $188,000."

"What's done is done, guys," Blake coyly says, and somehow, that only pisses you more.

"In the first 24 hours, most of you have already broken the rules."

Tom looks at the people sitting on the long sofa, "Do you hear that, guys?"

"You have left me with no choice. From this point forward, all fines will be doubled," Lana delivers shocking news.

Tom's eyes widen like he's seeing his nightmare turn into a reality. He claps his hands together and leans back, "That's just great!"

Everyone is too stunned by the news that no one is saying anything. While you just can't wait to end the day already.

"Goodbye," Lana ends with a grim greeting.

Lana is indeed pissed and she deserved to be. You even pissed at what you did but what pissed you more than losing than losing $12,000 in one night is Blake.

Fucking Blake won't get away with it.

-

YOU: So Blake is that kind of player... oh, how typical! How boring! [Rolls eyes]

-

The boys are grouping on the terrace instead of going inside to get ready for bedtime so you follow the girls to the dressing room and it’s just perfect.

Telling Devon about what you know face to face, you doubt that she’ll believe you for it, she’d likely think that you’re trying to ruin things for her. This way, with the girls gathered together, you know they’ll support you and see the true intention behind it.

You need to pick your time right, you don’t want to interrupt in the middle of them complaining about the rules and the money, especially when you’re responsible for the $3,000 deduction.

“I mean… I’m trying to be respectful to Lana but some men are worth it,” Devin says while undoing her hair bun.

She pauses to correct her statement, “Not all, but some,” she emphasizes.

The other girls are busy wiping their makeup clean and half-heartedly listening to what Devon is saying and only reacting with short answers.

“Blake and I, we might be able to build something genuine,” Devon says.

Hearing that gets your blood boiling and you can’t keep biting your tongue, you let out a sigh and look at Devon, “You know what, Devon?”

Suddenly, everyone stops everything they’re doing and they probably know that there’s this slight hostility between you and Devon, you wouldn’t be surprised if they think you’re going to fight her.

Now that you have everyone’s attention, you start telling everyone what you know is true. You take a shallow breath before talking, “After he came back from that date, he went to the bedroom and I happened to be there. I asked him about the date and he was like “wish we did talk more, get to know each other more”.”

Lili lets her hair fall and gasps, “No!”

You keep going while constantly reminding yourself to keep calm, “And he held my hand telling me I’m the one he wants right after he came back from the date,” you tell Devon right at her face.

There’s no joy in telling her that she got played, you feel bad for her because you know how shitty that feels.

“That’s muggy,” Issa comments.

“I think he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too,” Adriana says, gripping the hairbrush in her hand.

You look at Devon and she’s in utter shock, you hate to ruin her picture-perfect of what she and Blake could be, but you need her to know and what she’s going to do with the truth is up to her.

“And I’m saying this, as woman to woman, I don’t want you to be that girl who falls for his bullshit,” You conclude.

It turns quiet in the room and everyone seems to give Devon the space to process this, they continue what they’re doing and doing it quietly.

After a moment, Lili tells Devon, “Maybe you should explore other options.”

Devon leans on the table and says, “I think I will.”

-

YOU: Oh, Blake, just know that you fucked it up and you deserve everything that comes to you.

-

“The fuck?” Vale blurts out.

Vale is that one person you feel like you can come and talk about everything with, out of everyone, you trust him the most. You come to his bed to tell him everything about what’s going down between you, Devon, and Blake.

He quickly lowers his voice since Blake is lying on his bed, “And what did Devon say?”

You shrug, “I don’t know.”

 “If she’s smart then she knows better not to…” his words trail off as he puts his hands behind his head as he rests his back against the headboard.

“That’s right,” you agree, kicking your feet in the air as you lay on your stomach.

He plays with his beard as he looks at you, “Then how about your plan?”

You’re so busy being upset about the Blake situation that you don’t think about it until he asks you, you realize you are just as single as he is now.

“Oh, fuck,” you blink your eyes in slight shock.

Vale laughs looking at your reaction, he sees the direness in your eyes, “Is there… uh, anyone else that you like?”

You secretly look around the room to look for your second choice but you witness Devon’s dramatic entrance, she turns her head at Blake and cryptically smiles at him before walking past their shared bed.

Everyone feels the tension in the room as Devon goes to Elliott’s bed and gets on it, witnessing the drama unfolding in real time.

You slowly turn your head back to Vale and say, “Well, there goes my second choice.”

-

YOU: Why did she have to take Elliott too? Ugh!

-

This morning, when you come to the bathroom to shower, you find Tom there, counting the condoms inside the little tray next to the sink.

You burst out laughing at the sight, "Having a busy morning I see," you playfully say.

Tom briefly looks at you and puts the condoms back into the tray, "There are eight of them and it's got to stay at eight," he says.

Tom couldn't possibly think that not using condoms doesn't mean that everyone is not rulebreaking. But you have to admit that he's dedicated to his role as the sex officer in the villa.

In the afternoon, you join Adriana sunbathing in the firepit, sharing the sofa.

"I can't believe that I'm about to say this..." you sigh while looking up at the sky with your eyes closed.

Adriana puts her hands on her sides, also looking up with eyes closed, "What?"

"I miss sex so much," you sigh.

Adriana softly sighs then a while later says, "Same."

You gently elbow her side, "At least, you have a man on your bed," you say.

"Yes but he doesn't want to do anything," she grumbles, reminding you that his partner is Lana's top student.

Being single means you have nothing to do with the situation, you want to rule break but have no one to do it with. Meanwhile having a man and not wanting to do anything, is much, much worse.

"Like I need something to happen!" Adriana says with an annoyed sigh.

You suddenly feel bad for Adriana but you also can't help yourself from laughing and she eventually laughs along with you.

When the day gets too hot for a sunbathe, you decide that it's time to cool down. Slowly, you get into the pool and sit on the edge, facing the view of the sea with the blue sky looking like something you see on a postcard.

Someone is swimming and apparently, whoever that is coming your way. You wait until he emerges from the water and sees Blake.

What a way to ruin your good day!

Blake brushes his dark hair to the back and wipes the beads of water around his eyes, he smiles as he fixes his eyes on you, then stands next to you.

"What are you up to?"

You remind yourself that you're a grown woman who can handle someone like him gracefully even though he doesn't deserve it.

"Just admiring the beautiful view," you calmly answer.

He looks at the view and sighs, "Yeah, it's beautiful just like you."

You feel like gagging but resist the urge to, "Thank you," you say with a thin smile.

There are two reasons why Blake is talking to you right now. One is the possibility that Devon confronted him about last night's situation and told him that she heard everything from you. If reason one is true then it's reason number two, he's going for his second option and unfortunately, it's you.

"I think it's about time we have this conversation. I want to see where's your head at," he says.

It's not the words, it's the way he casually talks to you and completely ignores the fact that he played you and Devon.

But remember, gracefully.

"To be honest, I did think you're the hottest person in here when I first glanced at you and I feel this sexual energy whenever you're looking into my eyes," you say.

Blake is grinning as he looks at you, liking what you're saying about him, "I'm open to see where this takes us," he says.

It seems like Devon dumped him and it's reason number two after all.

You shyly smile and say, "I do like you."

You tip your head to the side and continue talking, "But I want to know that I'm forming a connection here and not because I'm available by default."

The glints in his eyes dim as if someone flips the switch off the second he hears what you said.

"I see the other couples and they have this sort of trust in each other. It makes me want to trust the person I'm with," you lay it out as gently as possible.

Because how can you trust him after what he did? Even if you give him the chance, you're not sure that Blake is capable of change.

"For now, I want to be a bit more free, and figure out what I want while also getting to know everyone," you conclude, rejecting him in the nicest way possible.

Blake takes a moment to process your answer and you give him just the space. A while later, he nods and wipes the beads of water on his chin.

"I guess, it is what it is," he coyly says.

You see, this is not the first time you're facing a player like him. In the past, you gave that person a chance thinking that you could change him but it only ended up hurting you and you surely don't want to go through that again.

-

YOU: I think it's about time I get a little bit more careful in choosing people that I want to be with.

-

Days have passed and you can see that couples start forming in the villa.

Jeff has been going strong with Issa ever since that first rule break. Tom, despite being Lana's loyal follower, is having something going on with Adriana. Last but not least, Devon is smitten by Elliott, it's proven by two rule breaks they admitted last night.

And you, you'd better off alone than having to be with Blake. He was hot until he showed his true colors.

"I thought I was going to be the first to rule break," Vale says as you apply sunblock on his back.

"I didn't think that I would be the one missing all the actions," he continues with a crisp laugh.

You add more sunblock for his lower back and lather in on his tattooed skin. You're dry-humping his back once you're done applying sunblock.

"You are getting some actions right now," you jokingly say.

You both laugh and that's how you survive these past few days. Vale has been a very reliable friend, he's trustworthy and earnest, you talk about everything with him because he likes having these kinds of deep talk.

"You know what we need?" You ask Vale then sip your water.

Vale ties his long hair into a messy bun, "What?"

"We need new meat in the villa," you say, pushing the sunglasses you wear up the bridge of your nose.

Vale nods in agreement, then his hand reaches for the cone sitting on the small round table next to him.

"Lana, I know you'll be my main girl but we need new meat in the villa," he pleads while seductively stroking her cone-shaped body.

"I think that should be considered as a rule break," you joke.

Ask and you shall receive, Lana says.

She makes everyone come to the cabana in the afternoon and you share the sofa with Issa, waiting for the cone to chime in anticipation.

"Hello, everyone," Lana greets.

"Hi, Lana!"

You feel at ease knowing that she wouldn't call you out for rulebreaking but you're ready for some drama today.

"I have observed some early signs that connections may be starting to form. Therefore, I am sending two people on a romantic date," Lana announces.

She's going to send the couples on a date? And what about you? Is it really Lana when she delivers good news?

"I'm hoping it's us," Issa says to Jeff.

Everyone is already hyped for the date when Lana is not done talking yet.

"So that I can put your current connections to the test, these dates will be with two new arrivals."

Now that's the Lana you know. You look at the couples and their expressions change into panic ones.

"Did she say new arrivals?" Adriana asks with her eyes almost popping out of her sockets.

-

YOU: Damn! Lana woke up and chose to fuck shit up.

-

"I have allowed the new dates to choose who they would like to take on a date."

It's kind of unfair that the new guests are only allowed to choose from the coupled-up guests but Lana is brewing some drama in the villa and you're here for it.

"They're coming in hot and heavy, ready to fuck everybody," you comment, provoking the nervous couples.

From the other end of the sofa, Vale is holding in his laughter, he knows what you're doing to the others.

"The first new arrival is... Seungmin."

"I like the name," Lili says.

Everyone tries to guess what he'd look like from just his name but you notice that Tom is looking so nervous, realizing that Adriana could get chosen for the date.

"Seungmin has chosen... Adriana."

It seems like what Tom fears the most has just become reality. Tom and Adriana exchange a look that only they know what they mean.

Lana continues with the announcement of the second guest, "The second new arrival is... Cara."

You can't pass the chance to provoke them more, "Cara sounds like she's ready to get wild," you innocently mutter.

Now it's the girls' turn to get nervous, you see that Devon is looking displeased, maybe it's the previous incident haunting her.

"Cara has chosen... Elliott."

It really is not a good day to be either Tom or Devon, their luck will eventually run out but they didn't know that it'd be today.

"Adriana and Elliott, It's time for you to get ready for your dates," Lana orders.

They leave the cabana to get ready for their dates with the new arrivals and you envy them, you want to go on a date too.

Jealousy aside, you're excited for the new guests, especially this Seungmin guy.

-

YOU: Girl, I can't wait to see how the night turns out!

-

It's embarrassing that everyone in the dressing room witnessed you tripping over your heeled shoes and falling on your butt.

Lili is too late to catch you, she offers her hand to help you get up but you lie down on the floor instead, laughing in embarrassment.

"Are you drunk?" Tom jokingly asks.

You shake your head and sigh, "No, I'm just so horny," you joke back.

The boys and the girls are going their separate ways. You follow the flow, walking to the firepit with the other girls and sitting prettily on the sofa, waiting for the ones going on dates to return.

The one who has been losing her sanity the longer her man going on the date is Devon. She's been rambling and grumbling like a fussy child.

"If he did something, I'll know right away," Devon mutters.

You don't know who she's talking to but since you're sitting close to her, you feel obliged to respond to it.

"Yep," you say, validating her.

Devon shouldn't be scared whether anyone knows because Lana will know and she knows everything.

The first one coming back from their date is Adriana and the new guest, Seungmin, linking their arms together as they enter the firepit.

"Oh, here they come," Lili tells everyone of their arrival.

All of the girls' heads are turned to see them.

Your curiosity about this Seungmin guy is finally answered. Tall, with broad shoulders, his dark hair is pushed to the back with a few strands hanging over his forehead and the faint moonlight casts a shadow over his face, defining his masculine features of sharp jaws and high cheekbones.

And when he smiles, you see those facial features turn soft all at once.

-

YOU: Oh, my God! This guy, Seungmin, is cute [Smiles]

-

"If Elliott walks in holding their arms like that, I'm going to cry," Devon sadly mutters.

You're about to say something to comfort her but Lili goes ahead, asking Adriana and Seungmin about the date.

"How was it? How was the date?"

Adriana briefly looks at him and answers it for both of them, "It was nice, romantic even."

"Oh?" You blurt out, sensing that Adriana may switch beds tonight.

"Lana gave him a free pass to kiss but we didn't, I told him about Tom," Adriana says.

Adriana and Tom have been with each other since day one, they're a couple with great restraint so you're glad that Adriana is not tempted to explore more options.

Meanwhile, Devon is starting to look a little green after hearing that the new arrivals are given a free pass to kiss during their dates.

Issa spots the other has returned from the date and blurts out, "Oh, no they hold hands."

Devon's head snaps to the back, looking at where the boys are gathered on the terrace.

She turns her head back and her mouth curls downward. You immediately scoot closer to offer your shoulder, rubbing her back as she starts crying.

You turn your head to see Elliott introducing the new girl to the boys and he's looking all bright and smiley.

"Not going to lie, that's kind of sus," you say.

You didn't even mean to put salt on Devon's wound, you just don't expect Elliott to be that kind of guy, you know, the Blake kind.

Everyone eventually gathers in the firepit and Elliott proceeds with his duty to introduce the new girl to everyone.

Cara is Italian and your eyes dart toward Vale, that this girl can be his type. In response to that, Vale is eyeing Seungmin, hinting that you have one for you too.

This eventful night turns out to be a good one.

Adriana and Tom are still sharing the bed and thankfully, so are Devon and Elliott. You're relieved that Elliott turns out to be not the kind of guy.

The new guests have to voluntarily sleep on the available spots, Cara shares the bed with Blake while Seungmin shares the bed with Vale.

You're meant to look at Vale but Seungmin happens to be there and since he catches your eyes, you may as well smile and flirt with your eyes.

You don't know what you feel about him yet but you hope that he's not the Blake kind.

-

YOU: Not everyone forgetting that new guests also mean new temptations [laughs]

-

"No one is breaking the rules, right?" Tom says the moment the lights are on.

Everyone is not having it but no one is saying anything as they're sleepy and struggling to open their eyes. You quickly sip water to refresh yourself and not skipping the chance to take a jab a Tom.

"The next rule break is going to be Adriana's self-gratification," you say with a grin.

Adriana lets out a dry chuckle and holds all of her hair to the side, "Might be. Don't leave me alone in a room," she says.

Lana chimes in for the usual morning greeting, welcoming the new guests, and ends it with a satirical message.

"Enjoy your day of celibacy!"

Since the boys are taking over the open gym at the beach, you skip working out and go for a swim with Lili. You take a few laps and have a chat with her.

In the cabana, you see that Devon is talking to the new girl, Cara.

"Should we get in there and intervene?" Lili asks.

"No," you immediately answer.

You blow water out of your nose and wipe it away, "But get ready, just in case."

In the other part of the villa, you spot the new guy, Seungmin heading down to the beach in a plain white t-shirt and black swimming trunks.

"Cute guy. 11 o'clock," you lowly mutter.

Lili clocks him right away, she's lowering her head until her chin dips in the water.

"You think he's cute?"

"Duh!" You react with a dramatic eye roll.

Lili chuckles and stacks her hands on the edge of the pool, "Is he your type though?"

Seungmin is indeed cute but truthfully, he's not the type that you usually go for, someone with a bit of an edge to them. You feel some sort of attraction toward him but it's not enough to pull you in.

"On papers? No," you honestly answer.

"Have you talked to him?"

"Not yet," you reply.

You look at Lili and wonder why she asks you all of that when she should be calculating her chance with him.

"Are you going to talk to him?" You ask her back.

Lili purses her mouth as she thinks of an answer, "Maybe. I will," she answers.

There's not much thing happens during the day and somehow, you feel excited for the night.

You put on a black dress, a red lipstick, and before you go out of the door, you take a look at yourself in the mirror, you look ravishing.

It's kind of sad though that you did all that only to sit by the firepit all alone and it's messing a little with your good mood.

It would be perfect for anyone to come and save your day but what do you—

"Hi, how are you?"

You look up and see Seungmin, he looks taller as he's standing over you, "Hi, I'm good."

"May I sit?" He politely asks.

"Please," you scoot a little to the side to make space for him even though the sofa could fit five people.

Seungmin sits next to you, spreading his legs open a little, and rests his hand on his knee. You notice that he has quite big pairs of hands and evident veins on the back of them.

"I came here wanting to talk to you, get to know you," he casually says as if he didn't just tell you right away what his true intentions are.

But you dig that, you like his confidence and the way he's looking at you right now like you're the only girl existing on earth.

"Tell me something about yourself," he says.

"I didn't know I was interviewing for a job," you joke with a laugh.

He laughs and it's the quiet kind, but you see that he's enjoying your joke.

"I'm a videographer," you tell him a piece about yourself.

"Is it the same as a filmmaker?" He curiously asks.

"Not really. Videographers film their own material, we work with cameras, shoot them ourselves, and edit them. It's uh... a lot to explain," you stop yourself before it gets too boring.

"It's not just beauty on the outside, huh?" He coyly says as if he didn't just compliment you and make you flustered.

"Of course not," you cheekily say with a grin.

"Yeah, I noticed," he agrees.

Your cheeks are heating and your body somehow turns to face him, answering his body language all the while his eyes are not straying away from yours, not even for a second.

"How about you?" You ask, trying to keep the conversation going.

"I'm an athlete. A baseball player," he answers.

"Oh, wow!" You didn't mean to make it sound that surprised.

Oh, it's even more embarrassing than the time you fell in the dressing room. You keep yourself together and quickly say something to explain your reaction.

"That explains the uh... broad shoulders," you say.

Your eyes unknowingly flick down at his hand again and your mouth gets ahead of your brain, "And the veiny hands."

Seungmin softly chuckles, he holds his hands out at you and lets you look at them as you please.

"You like them?"

You shyly laugh and skip on answering, barely functioning as his eyes are gazing into yours again.

-

YOU: He has this beautiful smile. He has these beautiful eyes, I am being swept away by his charm [Smiles]

-

Seungmin doesn't have eyes like Elliott's, they're brown yet they have the power to slowly pull you under.

You were so wrong to think that there's not enough attraction to pull you in because Seungmin is not only pulling you in, he asks you to come drown in his warm brown eyes.

Other than that, his eyes have the power to make you say your thoughts out loud.

"You have such beautiful eyes," you say, unconsciously leaning closer to look into his eyes.

"Oh, they're dilating," you gasp, seeing the black in the middle of the brown becomes larger.

Seungmin softly smiles hearing your innocent, almost too naive talks.

"You know your pupils dilate when you see someone you're attracted to," he says.

"Really?"

He nods with the scintillating smile still on his face.

"Does that mean you're attracted to me?" You ask with a mix of shy and seductive smiles.

"Yes, I am, I'm attracted," he confidently confirms.

You finally find the kind of guy Seungmin belongs in. Seungmin is the kind of guy that should come with a warning sign, he looks cute and harmless but a layer is under that, he's a lethal man who knows what he wants and gets it.

"I want to get to know you," he says.

"Me too," you say back.

"I want to get to know you more because I see that you have more beautiful things inside you," he adds.

Not going to lie, that's the sweetest thing you ever heard a guy say to you in a long time. You don't want to overanalyze it, you want to simply accept them as they are. Also, you can see that Seungmin meant every word he said.

"Would you let me?" He asks, tilting his head to the side as he maintains eye contact with you.

"Yes. I'd love that," you tell him.

The smile on Seungmin's face grows wider and it looks incredibly cute on him like he couldn't get cuter than this. His hand reaches for yours and holds it by the fingers.

"How do you feel about sharing a bed?"

No offense to Lili but you've been craving having a man on your bed so you nod at him.

The stare gets intense as he gets closer, leaving a few inches of space between your faces.

"Then how do you feel about sharing a kiss?"

The more you look into his eyes, the more compliant you are to his wishes. It's not like you don't want to kiss him, only that you wish you could do more than kisses.

But a kiss... it should be enough for now.

"I'd love that too," you answer.

Seungmin puts his hand under your chin, gently grabbing at it to bring you closer to him and slowly, he plants his lips on you.

No, it's not because you haven't kissed in the last few days, it's him, Seungmin got you completely charmed that you find yourself returning his kiss with the same eagerness.

"Oh, my God!" You gasp in awe once you break the kiss.

Seungmin is only smiling in response, he knows that you feel it too. The matching energy, the surge of excitement, the sexual tension, the electrifying chemistry, you both feel them all.

"I got your lipsticks all over me, aren't I?" He asks.

"Yes," you hurriedly help him wipe it off clean from around his mouth and nose.

And just like that, you broke another rule only this time you're not doing it out of boredom or avenging someone.

You broke the rules with Seungmin because he feels right.

-

YOU: Oh, we were just so in the moment that we forgot about the rules. Was it worth it though? Yes. Six thousand times yes.

-

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this made me cry :(( the ending is so sweet

𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐢 ; 𝐥𝐦𝐡

🚨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢 𝐟𝐟 𝐢 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐭𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐢 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞-𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐰 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬. 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬, 𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠… 𝐦𝐞 ;

genre: angst, smut, fluff | 18+, minors dni | ;

wc: around 12,1k ;

cw: non-idol!au ; husband!minho ; explicit sexual content (clit play, unprotected penetration, creampie) ; lots of crying ; infertility ; mentions of an unplanned pregnancy and a pregnancy scare ;

ikigai [ik-ee-guy], 生き甲斐 , japanese : a reason for being, the thing that gets you up in the morning ;

⛅︎

Minho stares at the small, wooden crib in the middle of the room and silently prays to the gods above that he too will get to feel this kind of joy soon. 

He’s happy for his best friend Chan and his wife, he really is, but it’s still hard to watch someone else living his dream and being constantly reminded that it’s not his turn yet, it’s not your turn. He instantly wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you closer as he fights back the tears that well up in his eyes when Chan picks up the small, whining creature wrapped in a soft yellow blanket from the crib. Chan looks at his baby with a gaze that holds all the love of the world, that much is very clear to Minho, and he keeps wondering what does it feel like, Chan, being a dad? But what he wonders the most, unfortunately, is will I ever get a chance to feel this kind of joy, too, someday? 

That’s a question neither him nor you can give an answer to. 

“Let’s go say hi to uncle Lino and auntie Y/N, shall we?” Chan speaks to the baby in a soft voice, then chuckles when his daughter blinks at him a few times and stirs, snuggled comfortably in her fluffy blanket. “Hi, uncles!” Chan coos at the baby once he’s sure you and Minho are both in her peripheral vision. She’s the cutest. Only a few weeks old, she looks just like her father - she even has his dimple.  

Both you and Minho coo at the baby as well, little Haru, and then Chan speaks again. “Do you want to hold her?” He asks his friend, but when he notices Minho’s panicked expression, he chuckles and looks at you, encouraging you with a nod. 

“Sure,” you smile at him, but Minho senses so much pain behind that smile, and the second little Haneul is in your arms, he already knows what you’re thinking. He notices the way your eyes well up with tears as you hold her and caress her puffy cheek as she stirs and looks at you with her cute, boba eyes. “Hi, Haneul,” you coo at her, “This is your cranky uncle Minho,” you giggle and Haneul’s curious eyes fall on Minho’s face. 

He dramatically gasps, pretending to be offended, “Me? Ah, Haneul, your auntie is a liar, she’s the cranky one,” he boops her little nose, “You don’t want to be around her if she hasn’t had her coffee in the morning.”

“Yah, you little sh-“

“Y/N, please, there’s a baby right here,” Minho scolds you with a playful grin on his face, then his gaze falls back on Haneul, who’s frowning, “See? Cranky, I told you,” he shrugs. Out of the blue, little Haneul bursts into a loud cry that catches Minho off guard. 

“Okay, enough time with the uncles,” Chan chuckles as he takes her in his arms, cooing and rocking her as he hums a soft tune, “Yah, Minho, you made my baby cry, ah.” When he notices Minho’s panicked expression, he just chuckles again and says, “Relax dude, I’m kidding. She’s just hungry.”

Will I be a good dad?,Minho can’t help but think as he watches Haneul relax in her father’s arms, her cute eyes light up when she sees the small bottle of milk. Will I be able to calm my child like that? Understand their needs, be their safe place?

“She’s so cute,” you murmur only for Minho to hear, “I want a baby, Minho…” he doesn’t miss the way your voice cracks, and he’s quick to wrap his arm around your waist to pull you closer. 

“Oh, jagi, I know,” he kisses you on the head, “I do, too.” His voice breaks as well, and it’s your turn to hug him now, caressing his back as you both watch Chan feed his daughter as he says something to the guys, Changbin and Felix, sitting next to him, watching the baby in awe. 

“I think I… I think I’d be a good mom?” Your voice comes out as a question, full of doubts, and he hears you sniffle, but you’re not looking at him - you know you’ll break down if your eyes meet his. 

He kisses you on the top of your head once more and lingers. “You’ll be a great mom. You’ll be the best mom in the world, jagi,” he whispers, brushing your knuckles with his thumb. 

He wants to reassure you, tell you everything’s gonna be okay and that soon you’ll have the family you’ve dreaming of for years, that you’ll finally be a mom and he’ll be a dad, but he can’t. How is he supposed to make a promise he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to keep? It’s not something he can control, it’s not something either of you can control. He feels so hopeless, like he’s failing you in some way, not being able to give you what you want the most. 

You’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while now - a couple of years already, nearly three. 

The decision was mutual and came natural for the both of you - you moved in together when you were still in college, and it didn’t take long before the two of you started having baby fever, dreaming of the perfect mix of you and Minho running around the house. You decided to wait until after graduation. College came and went, and just like that, you and Minho started trying for a baby. A baby that never came. 

You’ve always wanted to become a mother. Minho, though, never fully realized how much he wanted to be a dad until he met you. Give you a child, a family, raise your little bundle of joy together, family vacations, the holidays together, him dressing up as Santa on Christmas Eve… He wants all of this, and he wants it with you. It wouldn’t make sense with anyone else - you’re the love of his life, his soulmate. 

“I love you so much, Minho,” you whisper, turning to look at him. 

He sees your teary eyes and wishes he could take the pain away, “I love you too, jagi.”

⛅︎

It’s familiar, but never fails to take your breath away, the feeling of Minho’s fingers on your skin - his long fingers brushing your body, making a shiver run down your spine as you arch your back under his touch. His lips are wrapped around one of your nipples, licking and sucking your hardened bud, occasionally scraping it using his teeth - his thrusts inside of you are slow and deep, his pace is steady, his movements fluid. 

His eyes are closed, small huffs coming out of his nostrils and he fists the bedsheets as he rocks his hips back and forth, steadily. His body blankets you, making you feel perfectly safe in his embrace. As he feels close to reaching his orgasm, he lets go of your nipple, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. He shifts his weight on his elbow, placed on the side of your head, then you feel his other hand travel all the way through your body - his calloused fingers brush the side of your breast, then your stomach, then they briefly stroke your thigh, before you feel them on your pussy. Minho brushes your labia, hissing when he feels how beautifully your lips spread to welcome his length - only when his fingers are damp, pads entirely wet with your arousal, he touches your clit. 

“I’m- ‘m close, jagi… ‘m about to cum,” he chokes on his own words, rubbing your bud a bit faster, drawing tight, imaginary circles on it, the way he knows you like it. 

“‘M close too, please don’t stop,” you pant. Your toes begin to curl, and your thighs start to tremble as your breathing becomes more and more labored. “So close, so close,” you chant, whimpering under him, which encourages him to continue - it doesn’t matter if his wrist is starting to feel a bit swollen. 

He releases inside of you with a choked moan, filling you up with his semen - only after making sure you’ve come, too, of course. In fact, the feeling of your tight walls squeezing him, clenching around him, is what pushes him off the edge in the first place. The awareness that he’s the only one who gets you to feel you this way, to see this side of you - he feels so damn lucky. 

“I love you so much, my jagi,” Minho mumbles, his words are muffled against your skin. 

You catch your breath, running your hand through Minho’s dark hair, pulling it back from his forehead and face once he lifts his head to meet your gaze. His brown, boba eyes, are full blown as he stares deep inside your soul - he already knows what you’re thinking. He knows you so well, better than anyone else.

“I love you, Min,” you smile at him, but he can see the pain you’re trying to hide behind that smile, and it kills him. 

He shifts his body so that he gets off of you, careful not to cause you any discomfort nor pain as he  pulls out of you, not without pecking your lips once more, lingering for a bit. He lets his body fall on the mattress, his chest rising and falling quickly as he comes down his high. When he feels you move, he knows what’s about to happen next. You grab a pillow, his, because it’s thicker, and place it under your spine and back. Then, you lift your legs all the way up, resting your heels and calves on the wall. It’s supposed to work, they say -  help the reproductive system and increase your chances to get pregnant or whatever. You’re not really sure it’s true, though - you’ve been doing it for years and haven’t noticed any changes, and you most definitely haven’t gotten pregnant yet. 

Minho’s heart cracks a little when he hears you sigh. He runs his calloused fingers through your hair, smiles when he feels you lean in to his touch. “I’m gonna take a shower, okay?” He asks, and you nod. He leaves the room, disappearing inside the bathroom and hopping in the shower, shivering when the cold water hits his bare skin. 

He immediately notices something’s off with you when he returns to the bedroom - the way you quickly wipe your cheeks and the skin under your eyes gives away that you cried. His breath gets caught in his throat at the sight. As soon as you witness his presence in the room, you quickly sit up on the bed and smile at him - it’s a fake smile, he knows that, he knows you. Then, it’s your turn to hop in the shower while he changes the cum stained sheets and pillowcases. While he’s at it, he pulls out a clean pajamas for you to wear once you’re done. 

You’re quiet when you come back in the bedroom, and also when he blow-dries your hair - fidgeting with your rings or with your nails, lifting off the acrylic until one accidentally breaks and you cuss under your breath. You’re also quiet when you slip under the covers, next to him, throwing one leg over his lap and resting your head on his chest as his cologne fills your nostrils. You’re quiet… too quiet - unusually quiet. Minho hates it, he wishes you’d open up to him, tell you what’s going on inside your head, and then he hears it - a faint sniffle. 

And his heart cracks once again as his own eyes well up with tears. He pulls you closer, kissing you on the top of your head. 

“You know you can tell me anything, right, jagi?” Minho asks you, praying that his tone won’t betray him, praying that you won’t notice he’s on the verge of tears as well. He wants to be strong for you. 

You nod weakly, without uttering a single word, and he hugs you tighter. That causes you to burst into tears. Minho promptly wraps his arms around you, shifting so that your face is pressed against his chest as his hands pat and rub your back to soothe you, in hopes to get you to stop crying. “Shh, it’s okay, jagi, it’s okay. I’m here, hm?”

It takes you a while to finally calm down and stop crying. Minho doesn’t let go of you until you do. He doesn’t stop leaving kisses on your head, he doesn’t stop whispering soft words to you. 

“Min… Minho,” your voice trembles, muffled by his t-shirt. You sniffle, but don’t lift your head, incapable to look at him right now, especially since you’re about to tell him that… 

“Tell me, jagi,” Minho encourages you, speaking with a soft voice, toying with the ends of your hair, “talk to me, love.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, hugging him tighter as you fight back the tears. “Minho, why don’t we…” you take a deep breath, fisting his t-shirt, “why don’t we… take a break?”

Minho freezes. He’s not even sure if he’s breathing anymore at this point. 

“A break? From… from us?” It comes out as a whisper. His heart aches. He feels numb. He can’t lose you. 

“No, no!” You shake your head as a no quickly, and feel him sighing out of relief. And then - “From… from trying…” you clarify, the tears finally escaping from your eyes. 

Minho feels as if his heart just stopped beating in his chest. He blinks a couple of times, furrowing his eyebrows, breathing slowly. He feels a void in his chest he’s never felt before… you want to give up. He knows there’s nothing he can say to make the situation any better - it makes him feel terrible, hopeless, useless, worthless.

“Jagi…” his voice trembles, lips quivering. He holds you closer to his chest, wishing he could take away all your pain even though his own is eating him too. He doesn’t say anything else, respecting your decision. He bites on his lip so hard he can almost taste blood in his mouth, inhaling and exhaling through his nostrils. 

You’d started trying for a baby as soon as you’d graduated, and then Minho’d proposed to you. 

The two of you would fall asleep in each other’s arms, listing all the possible ways you could name your daughter or son. And then you’d go to bed wondering how your child would look - who would they resemble, you or Minho? Would they have his pretty boba eyes? Or maybe his perfect nose?

These thoughts hurt now. They’re not happy thoughts anymore, there’s no joy nor hope left in them, only pain.

“I don’t want to go through this again, Min…” you sniffle, “I just… I feel so hopeful every time I’m late and then… and then the hope just gets crushed whenever I see that single line on the test,” you sigh, swallowing the lump in your throat. A couple of tears slip from Minho’s eyes. “I just don’t want to feel this pain anymore, Min… it breaks my heart.”

And it breaks his heart as well, seeing you like this. He wishes he could ease all the pain, take it all away, put it all on his shoulders and carry it for you. He can do that. 

It’s when you feel something wet on your forehead that it becomes clear to you that Minho, too, is crying - his body is shaking weakly, it’s so subtle you almost don’t notice it at first. He sniffles when you hug him tighter, nuzzling your face in his t-shirt, kissing his chest. He feels terrible, he feels hopeless. He feels like he failed you in every possible way.  

“Jagi, I’m… ‘m sorry,” his words come out through shaky breaths. He pulls you closer, hugs you tighter. He doesn’t want to let go. “I’m so sorry, I… I want to give you the world, my jagi, I want to give you the family we’ve been dreaming of for so long…”

You lift your head to look at him, but he just buries his face deeper in the pillow. It’s a delicate moment for him, for the both of you, and he feels so vulnerable right now. There’s nothing wrong with that, but Minho prefers to deal with his emotions by himself, and you know that. All you can do for now is be by his side and love him unconditionally, like you always did. 

“I love you so much, Min…” you place a soft kiss on his jawline, hiding your face in the crook of his neck as the tears keep streaming down his face and he’s unable to stop them. “You make me the happiest. It’s just… it’s just all too much sometimes, you know? Let’s take a break for a while, maybe we’re just too stressed about this.”

He nods softly, but your words don’t ease the pain he’s feeling. They don’t fill the void in his heart. 

“Anything for you, jagiya.”

⛅︎

Chan’s wife is pregnant. Again. Their baby is not even six months old and yet Chan’s wife is pregnant with their second child. 

Minho hopes it’s a joke, but he feels his knees give in nonetheless when his older friend delivers the news to him. It can’t be possible. He blinks rapidly a few times, hoping that maybe, just maybe, he’d misheard his friend. Maybe he was distracted and misunderstood what Chan was trying to say, yeah?

“Yeah, she’s… she’s pregnant,” Chan repeats, and a wide smile spreads on his face. Minho’s heart aches, hit breath hitches. “A couple of months already, actually,” he looks and sounds genuinely over the moon, “can’t believe this cutie right here is gonna be a big sister soon,” he coos at the small baby in his arms before kissing her forehead. 

Minho feels bad. He wants to be happy for his friend, he really does, but… he can’t stop thinking about you. About how crushed you’re going to be when you find out. Because if Chan told him and the guys then his wife must’ve told you and the other girlfriends, right? A part of him hopes she didn’t, but he knows it’s just a wishful thinking, his. You’re going to be devastated - hell, you probably are already. 

And you are. 

Chan’s wife announces her second pregnancy with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen, pulling out the ultrasound from her bag, and you hate yourself for not being able to be happy for her. You are happy, it’s not that. However, it’s a bittersweet feeling, yours. You feel like the worst friend ever, because while the other girls are all happily squeaking and clapping their hands as they scoot closer to try to get a better look at the picture - you stay exactly where you are, your gaze lost, as your heart pounds in your chest.

“Oh! I didn’t know you and Chan were trying again,” Changbin’s wife congratulates her with a hug. She sounds so happy, they all do. You fake a smile, the void in your chest has never hurt so bad. 

“Oh we… we weren’t,” Chan’s wife admits with her cheeks slightly pink. Your heart drops, your hands start to shake. You feel your throat closing, you find it harder to breathe now. “We haven’t been exactly careful, you know? So I just knew there could be a chance and, well… here we are.”

They weren’t even trying. It just… happened. Why couldn’t it just happen to you and Minho? Why did you have to go through the heartbreak of seeing that stupid, single line on that plastic stick every month? All the vitamins, the keeping track of your ovulation cycle, the blood tests and medical checkups… It just happened, to them. They weren’t careful. They weren’t trying, it was just a coincidence. One day they fucked without a condom and then oops, pregnant, again. 

“We weren’t sure if we, uh… If we wanted to keep it at first,” Chan’s wife says, and you nearly drop the cup in your hands as your heartbeat picks up its pace, “but we’ve talked a lot about it and we think we’re ready.”

You need air. You can’t breathe. It hurts too much. You need to leave.

⛅︎

Something’s off with Minho when he comes home. He takes his clothes off and changes into his pajamas without uttering a single word. When he slips under the covers, he’s still quiet. You know him, you’ve known him for years - you sense there’s something on his mind. He’s usually like this whenever he’s had a bad day at work. He still puts his arm around your shoulders and pulls you closer, kissing the top of your head, and you can hear him sigh. 

And you feel the exact same way. 

“Min…” you mumble, scooting even closer, resting your head on his chest. 

“My jagi…” he makes himself comfortable, the pads of his calloused fingers gently brushing the skin of your arm. That’s when he hears you sniffle, and his eyebrows furrow. “Hey, hey now, what’s up?” He asks you, placing two fingers under your chin to lift your head and meet your eyes. They’re watery. 

“It’s… it’s nothing, it’s just-“ your voice trembles, and you can’t stop the tears from falling from your eyes as Minho’s stare deep into your soul, “she’s…”

You don’t have to finish the sentence you started, because he already knows what you’re talking about - who. Your face is completely wet, and you keep sobbing and sniffling, and his eyes instantly widen as he sits on the bed with his back against the headboard, taking you with him. You wrap your hands around his wrists as he wipes the tears from your face with his thumbs. Once he’s finished, he kisses the tip of your nose. 

“I know,” Minho whispers, kissing your forehead. “I know, jagi, I know. I’m so sorry,” he says, even though you both know it’s not his fault. 

His arms wrap around your waist and pulls you closer so that your face is hidden in his neck, not caring at all about the fact that you’re soaking his shirt with your tears. He then starts toying with the ends of your hair, knowing it’s something that never fails to relax you. Back in college, he’d play with your hair for hours as you stressed over your exams, holding you tight exactly as he’s doing now. 

“It- it wasn’t even planned, Min,” you cry, and Minho can hear the way your heart breaks. “It’s just… why us, Minho? We’ve been trying for years…” 

Minho can’t answer your question. Technically, it’s no one’s fault, no one is responsible for your fate. 

“They- oh God, they weren’t even sure they wanted to keep it,” you sob into his chest, and Minho flinches because Chan didn’t tell him that. He can’t imagine how you must have felt, how you must feel - well, he can, but at the same time he knows that no matter how similar you feel about this situation, you’re handling it in two entirely different ways. 

As much as it pains him too, he knows he has to be strong for you. “Oh, jagi…” his hand moves up and down your back to soothe you, although it doesn’t really work. “I know how you’re feeling right now, believe me, but… it’s not their fault,” Minho says calmly, “they don’t know about our- I mean, they can’t know about us,” he rephrases what he originally wanted to say, avoiding to mention the word problem or issue. 

“I know. It doesn’t make me feel any better, though,” you mumble in his chest. 

The silence of your bedroom never felt heavier. You and Minho are both lost in your thoughts, still holding each other tightly, because each other is the only thing you’ve got left. You have only Minho, and he has only you - you and, well, the cats. His family. Your family. You wonder if it’s enough for him, if he’s content with his life as it is now or if he’s yearning for more. You wonder if you’re enough for him, if you’ll be enough for him. 

“Minho?” You call his name softly, your voice sounding incredibly small as it breaks the silence. You don’t look at him as you speak, your head stays buried in his chest, your arms around him. You’re scared that looking him in the eye might be too much for you, and that you’ll end up putting off asking him what you want to ask him. “Would you still love me? If I… if I couldn’t have kids, I mean,” your heart thrums in your ears as you speak, “what I’m saying is… would you still think I’m enough?” You toy with your promise ring and wedding band as you ask him the painful question, your worst nightmare, the thought that keeps you awake at night.

Minho’s body freezes under yours, and he blinks a couple of times while staring at an indefinite spot far away while he tries to process your words and their meaning. The more he repeats your questions inside his head, though, the less sense they make to him and the more absurd they sound. 

“Jagiya,” he says, sounding almost as if he’s scolding you or something. “You’re the love of my life,” he states in all seriousness, and he means it. 

His answer, however, is not enough for you. You need to know. 

“Minho, I’m serious.”

Minho was never the type to openly talk about his feelings, but he feels safe with you, and he knows he can tell you anything. It’s how vulnerable it makes him feels, what he dislikes about opening up to other people. It always made him feel kind of stupid, but you managed to change that throughout the years. You showed him you’re by his side no matter what, and you’ll never think any less of him. He loves talking to you. Sometimes, it’s all you do - you’d spend hours curled up on the couch or in bed, talking about your day or literally anything else. Minho wouldn’t change it for the world. The feeling of having you in his arms as he rests his head on your shoulders is everything he needs, the only thing that keeps him sane. 

“I’m being serious, too,” Minho sighs. “You’re the love of my life,” he repeats with a seriousness that makes you shiver. “I told you after five months of dating, I told you the night I proposed and I told you on the altar when we got married. I tell you every day. It’s not just words to me, I mean it,” he unwraps his arms from around your waist to cup your face, forcing you to meet his eyes. 

“Minho…”

“No, listen to me,” his tone is much softer now as his watery boba eyes meet yours. “I love you,” he says with a disarming sincerity - it takes you off guard. “You changed my life completely, y/n. I wouldn’t be half the man I am now if you weren’t by my side. I’m completely and utterly in love with you, so no,” his gaze is fixed on your eyes, “you’re not enough. You’re more than enough, you’re everything I could possibly ask for and so, so much more.”

“Min…”

“You know, there’s a Japanese word: ikigai.”

“What?”

“Ikigai. Now, I could brag about my master in Japanese and explain its etymology, but I won’t,” Minho chuckles. “It’s a word that literally means ‘one’s reason to get out of the bed every day’, it’s your life purpose,” Minho takes your hands in his, brushing your knuckles with his lips. “You’re my life purpose, jagiya. You’re my ikigai.”

Tears are streaming down your face, and you sniffle a couple of times. Minho brings his hands on your shoulders and rubs your skin to soothe you as a warm smile spreads over his delicate features. You raise your hand to cup his cheek, then place a single, soft kiss on his lips. They taste like home - he’s your home. That’s why you’re so scared of losing him. 

“Pf, silly girl, asking if you’re enough,” Minho shakes his head playfully, feigning offence. Wrapping his arm around your waist, he pulls you closer, and you rest your face in the crook of his neck and leave another kiss there.

There’s something different in the way he holds you now, though. His body swiftly becomes rigid, and he gulps, almost as if he’d gotten swamped with a sudden thought. A thought that terrifies him. 

You see, Minho was never one too sure of himself. Insecure is not how you would describe him, though. It’s a strange way to put it, but Minho believes in his capacities and abilities, and most of all in the person that he is. He never really doubted your feelings for him, not even at the beginning of your relationship when you barely knew each other - and, most definitely, not when you were exchanging your vows at the altar. Minho is one hundred percent sure you love him. The question running through his head is, however, for how long. For how long will you love him, before realizing that he’s the one who’s not enough for you? That he’s the one who failed you? That he’s the one who couldn’t give you the family you so desperately wanted? 

Minho needs you more than he needs the air to breathe. He can’t lose you, you’re his home, his everything. 

“Min?” You murmur, voice muffled in his skin - soft and with a musky scent, that reminds you of his body wash. “Are you okay?” Your voice is soft, even though you’re trying to hide the turmoil in your heart. 

What if another man could give you what you want? A baby. A family. A future. What if he just… can’t? Before he knows it, Minho is crying - a broken sob leaving his soft lips. You immediately pull away, lifting your head to look at him. His cheeks are stained with tears, and a few more are running down his face. Minho closes his eyes when you wipe them off with your thumbs, kissing each one of his cheeks afterwards.

“Min, what’s up? What’s wrong?”

“What if… what if it’s me?” He asks with a broken voice after a few seconds spent in silence. 

“What if it’s you what?” You ask him, not fully grasping the meaning behind his question. 

Part of him wants to brush it off and forget about the intrusive thought that has been bugging him for a while now, but deep down he knows he needs to talk this through with you. You’re the only one who can give him the answers he’s so desperately seeking. 

“What if it’s me… the one who… What if you can’t get pregnant because you’re incompatible with me? What if one day you wake up and realize that you could have so much more with somebody else and- and instead you’re just here… wasting your time with me?”

You feel like your heart just shattered into a million pieces, maybe more. Maybe it just broke into countless of tiny, little pieces that are even imperceptible to the naked eye. You can’t believe you’ve made him feel like this, that you let him believe that having a family - no, getting pregnant, is more important than him. He’s your family, has always been. 

“Pf, silly boy, thinking I’m wasting my time with you,” you try to joke the same way he did minutes earlier, but deep down you’re shocked. 

“I’m… I’m serious, jagiya.” You hate how broken he sounds. 

“So am I,” you crack a smile, kissing the tip of his nose. “Remember when you bumped into me during lunch break back in college? And I spilled my coffe all over your white t-shirt?”

“Why are you telling me this?” Minho asks. He remembers everything vividly. If he closes his eyes, he can almost relieve it inside his head. That’s when you met. 

“That’s when we met,” you smile, wrapping your arms around his neck. “It was also the day I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Minho is beyond confused. “Why?” 

“You were so kind to me even though it was one hundred percent my fault. Your t-shirt was so expensive, too,” you chuckle at the memory, running your hand through his hair, gently tugging at its ends as you keep staring into his beautiful, brown boba eyes. “But you didn’t get angry at me, you just smiled and brushed it off with a shrug.”

“And then I asked you out.”

You nod, smiling. “And then you asked me out. On a coffee date, ironically enough.”

Minho giggles. He nuzzles your nose with his. “We had so much fun, too… You were just so cute, I was whipped for you already. I couldn’t wait to see you again,” he tells you, and then he pecks your lips. 

“Me neither,” you smile back. “I spent the whole time glued to my phone waiting for you to text. You made me the happiest. You make me the happiest,” you correct. 

“Still?”

“Minho, you’re all I ever wanted, all I’ll ever need,” you cup his face in your hands. “You and the cats are the most important thing in my life. You’re my… what was that Japanese word you just said?”

He chuckles. “Ikigai.” 

“Ikigai,” you repeat with a nod, “you’re my ikigai, too. Have always been.”

Minho lets out a sigh he didn’t know he’d been holding. He pulls you closer, and it’s his turn now to hide his face in your neck as a few more tears fall from his eyes, drenching your pajama shirt. You keep him close to your body with your legs on each side of his hips while your hands toy with the ends of his hair. You’d missed having him this close to you - not only physically, but also emotionally. You needed to have this talk with him, it really was therapeutic and regenerating for the both of you. 

“You’re my Minho,” you mumble in his hair, leaving a kiss there. “And I love you so much.”

Minho shouldn’t be getting hard right now. It’s an emotional night for the both of you, and he truly is fine with things not escalating at all between the two of you, especially since you said you wanted to take a break from trying. There have been physical encounters between the two of you since then, but you never really went all the way - the pressure’s just too much, but you’re both content either way. 

“Oops, sorry,” Minho mumbles on your skin, and then he places his hands on your hips to gently push you off his lap, afraid that it might make you uncomfortable to feel him there. But you stop him, wrapping your fingers around his wrists. He immediately lifts his head to meet your eyes, his eyebrows are furrowed. 

“Don’t,” you whisper, “I… I want you, Minho. I need you.”

When he kisses your lips, it’s gentle and lustful at the same time - as if he’s scared to touch you in fear you’ll break under his touch. His hands grip your hips, toying with the hem of your shirt as you slowly grind on his lap. Eyes fluttering shut, Minho deepens the kiss, letting his tongue lick your lower lip, and then your mouth - he lets his hand wander underneath your shirt, brushing your stomach, then your back and then up, up, up to your shoulders. 

“You’re so soft,” Minho murmurs on your lips, “your lips are so soft. And you’re so warm, I missed feeling you, having you in my arms like this…” 

Kisses on your cheeks, kisses on your jawline and behind your ear, kisses on your neck. Minho knows every spot - he knows exactly where to touch you, where to put his lips, how to make you fold like a piece of paper. His thumbs brush the soft skin underneath your breasts, and then the side - you hiss when he brushes your nipples with a delicacy and a reverence only he has. What Minho doesn’t say with words, he shows you through his actions and physical affection, worshipping your body as if  

“I missed you, too,” you mumble, running your hands up and down his back over the clothes. 

“Off,” Minho mutters under his breath, lips latched on your neck, “can I take this off?” He asks for permission, tugging at your shirt. You nod. 

His calloused fingers grab its end, and he’s rapid to take it off you, letting it slide over your head before letting it fall on the bed. The same things happen to his t-shirt. And then your chests are pressed together, as Minho resumes kissing you. His body shifts on the mattress so that he’s now lying on his back, dragging your body with his - he doesn’t stop kissing you. Your hands are all over him - in his hair, on his shoulders, his hips. You just cannot stop touching him. 

Both your pajama pants come off in a few seconds, getting tangled somewhere under the bedsheets. You’re naked now, your most private and intimate parts pressed together. Minho’s hands grope your asscheeks, and as a reflex you grind yourself on him, making his hard cock throb and leak pre-cum. He smirks against your skin, and bites your lip. 

“I love you,” Minho whispers on your lips as his fingers come to wrap around the base of his length, spreading his own arousal all over his tip. He lets his cockhead slide up and down your folds a couple of times, maybe more, and he’s surprised by how wet you are already. All for him. Ready to take him like he’s ready to have you. 

“I love you, Min,” you whisper, and he pushes inside, breaching your walls deliciously. 

He fills you up slowly, savouring the way your heat engulfs him wholly as his eyes flutter shut as huffs of air fall from his lips. He missed you, he missed you so much - that’s what he keeps thinking as he sinks into you over and over and over again, thrusting from underneath you, meeting the sweet rocking of your hips. Wrapping his arm around your waist, he pulls you even closer. 

“Close… I missed having you so close to me… missed making love to you.”

Helping you move up and down his length slowly, the way it makes both your heads spin, it doesn’t take long before your orgasms start to build up. You sigh and breathe and pant on top of him, trying to keep as quiet as possible to not wake your neighbors up. Minho himself is trying to hold back the moans and whimpers that threaten to leave his lips - his chest rises and falls quickly, though. Minho pulls a strand of hair away from your face, tucking it behind your ear, then cups your cheek as he stares into your eyes. You clench around him, hard and harder, until your whole body trembles. 

“Min… Min,” you whimper, trying to focus on his movements solely as the tip of his cock brushes your g-spot with delicacy, “‘m close.”

“Baby… my sweet baby, cum,” Minho encourages you, and it’s enough to make you lose control, “let go for me.”

When you finish, it’s with a cry of his name, as your whole body shakes and trembles with force. Minho holds you tight as he continues to move inside of you, a few thrusts away from reaching his orgasm as well. A couple of precise and rough thrusts send him over the edge, and he’s quick to place his hands under your thighs and lift your hips, slipping out of your wet heat right before he spills his seed, finishing on his stomach instead. For a couple of seconds you’re confused about why he pulled out, but then you remember your conversation from a few weeks ago, and your face drops instantly, but you don’t let him see it. Instead, you quickly get up from the bed and run to the bathroom to grab Minho a warm towel to clean himself. 

⛅︎

Chan had had an idea - babysitting. More specifically, you and Minho babysitting their baby so him and his wife could go out on a night date. 

Bang Haneul is an utterly adorable baby. She’s got her father’s smile and his eyes, but the puffy cheeks are definitely her mother’s. She never really cries or whines, only when she’s hungry - and most of the time, she’d look at you and Minho with curious eyes, tilting her head to the side, probably wondering who you are, and where are her parents. She smiles at Minho when he sings to her, and even claps her little hands. 

“She totally loves me,” Minho smiles at her, holding Haneul in his arms. He boops her little nose, earning a giggle from her. “I’m your favorite uncle, aren’t I?” He coos at her, “don’t tell me it’s uncle Binnie, please. He’s too loud, isn’t he?”

“You’re just as loud,” you chuckle, smiling at the sight before your eyes. 

Minho glares at you playfully. “Pf, please,” he waves his hand at you as if you just said nonsense, “I’m her favorite uncle, I know that already. See the way she looks at me?”

“You fed her yogurt this afternoon, of course she loves you,” you roll your eyes at him. 

“And a peach,” Minho adds, “mashed nice and well for this little princess,” he coos at little Haneul, and she giggles at him, patting Minho’s cheek with her small hand. 

Minho would be an amazing dad - patient, loving, caring, and so thoughtful. You watch him in awe, from the floor where you’re sitting on Haneul’s play mat, surrounded by her colourful toys. Minho notices you’re staring at him, and he smiles back at you, as he carefully sits down next to you, with Haneul in his arms. 

“You wanna go to aunty Y/N? Yeah?” He asks the baby as he watches her stretching her little arms in your direction as soon as you enter her peripheral vision. 

Haneul’s eyes light up when you take her in your arms and smile at her. “Hi,” you coo at her, softly caressing her puffy cheek. Minho scoots closer, resting his head on your shoulder, where he leaves a kiss. 

The precious and soft moment is interrupted by the sound of rattling keys and the front door swinging open. Naturally, it’s Chan and his wife. Haneul in your lap wiggles and squeaks as soon as she spots her parents, stretching her arms out to them. 

“Hi, my baby,” Chan smiles brightly at her daughter, rushing to where the three of you are with open arms, ready to take her into his arms and hold her. “I’ve missed you so much, you know that? You missed me? You missed daddy?” He kisses his daughter’s forehead and nuzzles her cheek with his nose. 

“Did she give you a hard time?” Chan’s girlfriend asks you, smiling at you as she sits on the couch. 

You shake your head as a no, and Minho does the same. “Nope, not at all. She’s a true angel.”

“I wonder if baby number two is going to be so calm and peaceful, too,” Chan thinks out loud, glancing at his girlfriend’s stomach even though she’s barely showing. 

“Sorry if we ruined your plans for the day by asking you to look after Haneul,” Chan’s girlfriend says, looking at you and Minho, “maybe you wanted to be alone tonight… Sorry if we asked you last minute, but my friend bailed on us last minute and we didn’t know who to ask.” 

“Yeah, the rest of the boys was busy tonight,” Chan adds, “well, Jeongin and his girlfriend were technically free, too, but… I mean, they’re still babies,” he chuckles. 

“Ah, it’s no problem, really,” Minho nods at his hyung, “we enjoy spending time with Haneul. She’s the cutest.”

“She really is, my cute baby,” Chan pouts, kissing his daughter’s cheek lovingly. “She looks just like her dad,” he jokes, looking at his wife with a mischievous grin. 

She scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest. “I can’t even argue with him, he’s right. It’s not fair, though, I carried her for nine months and she looks like a carbon copy of her father,” she pouts, “I hope baby number two will look like me, at least a bit.”

“You know,” Chan starts, focused on playing with Haneul as she squeezes her father’s hand, “I read somewhere that if the first child is a boy, then he’ll look like his mother, and if she’s a girl she’ll look like her dad,” he says. 

“How do you know it’s not just a casualty?” Minho asks his friend, genuinely curious. 

“I don’t,” Chan shrugs, kissing the top of Haneul’s head. “Hey, why don’t you and y/n have a baby? We can test the theory,” he jokes, but both you and Minho freeze, “I think it’d make a great uncle, wouldn’t I?”

“Chan!” His wife scolds him. “Yah, mind your own business! You’re so nosy, aish…” she giggles.

“Hey, it was just a suggestion! Plus, I think Haneul would love a little cousin to play with, yeah?” He asks his baby, but she just raises her head to look at her dad confused. 

And if either of them notices the way you and Minho are sitting there uncomfortably, with fake smiles plastered on your faces - they don’t comment on it. 

⛅︎

The water feels warm on your skin, the perfect temperature. Yours and Minho’s clothes are scattered on the floor, his black socks are the last thing to reach the pile of fabric by the shower, and the next thing you know he’s opening the glass door, stepping inside right behind you. The water hits his body, rivulets running down his chest, back and legs - his hair is wet and stuck to his face. He wraps his arm around your waist, and you turn to face him. He smiles at you, tucking your wet hair behind your ear with his other hand, and then he leans in to kiss your wet lips. You both had a long day today, and really need to relax and blow some steam off - a hot shower is the perfect solution for that. 

“You’re so cute like this,” Minho chuckles, “your hair looks funny.”

You narrow your eyes at him, smirking. Then you playfully slap his shoulder. “Cute? Funny? Your wife is currently naked in the shower with you. Aren’t I supposed to be, I don’t know, hot?” 

“But you’re always hot.”

You roll your eyes at him, “kiss-ass.” 

Minho chuckles. “I mean it! You’re always hot to me, but you’re also cute and funny. You’re, like, the whole package. I hit the jackpot with you,” he shrugs. 

You shake your head, crossing your arms over your chest. “I stand by what I said: kiss-ass.”

Minho chuckles, then he pulls you in for a kiss. You thought it’d be a quick peck, but you soon feel his tongue on your mouth. And then you feel something poke you, so you lower your head. “Oh.”

When you lift your gaze, Minho is smirking. “I told you I always think you’re hot.”

Sex in the shower is not something that happens too often between you and Minho, and it’s a shame. You wrap your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss as well, and he doesn’t hesitate to push your body against the wall delicately, making sure he doesn’t hurt you by softening the impact with his arms and hands. You whimper in his mouth, but it’s a whimper of pleasure. His length is rock hard between his legs, now pressed on your stomach, already leaking pre-cum because of how aroused he is. 

“Need you,” Minho mumbles on your skin, kissing your neck, then your jawline and lowering his head until his kisses reach your collarbone, “need you now. Need to make you mine.”

“Take me. Minho, take me.”

Minho grunts. Then, he’s turning your body around so that he’s now facing your naked back. The palm of your hands are pressed against the cold tiles, and you hiss under your breath - but when you feel Minho’s hot lips start kissing your shoulders, you can’t bring yourself to care about anything else except him. Him and how much you crave his touch, to feel his hands on yours as he fucks into you slowly. 

One of his hands comes to rest on your hip, where he draws imaginary circles with the pad of his thumb, while the other one slides between your slightly parted legs. Minho hisses and rests his forehead against your nape once he feels how wet you are already - and not because of the water. He plays with your sex - rubbing your clit gently at first, and then running his fingers up and down your folds. Meanwhile, he bites and sucks on the skin of your shoulders, pressing your body further against the tiles. You arch your back as you feel him slide his cockhead up and down your entrance, coating it in your wet arousal. He holds his breath as he penetrates you, excruciatingly slow. He bottoms out inside of you - until his chest is pressed flat against your back, and you feel his hot breath on your skin. He places one hand on your hip, and presses his other palm flat against the bathroom tiles. 

“Feel so full,” you mumble, breathing heavily. 

The warm water, Minho inside of you, his body all over yours - it all feels so intense, your head is spinning already and he’s barely moved inside of you, only giving a couple of thrusts to give you the time to get adjusted. 

It’s primal, the way he presses your body against the wall as he fucks you nice and deep, slowly, allowing you to feel him completely inside of you in the intimacy of your shower, of your home. You sway your hips back and forth, meeting the movements of his hips. He’s not able to reach your g-spot perfectly from this angle, so he moves his hand from your hips to the sensitive spot between your legs - he’ll make you cum this way tonight. While rubbing your clit ever so gently, he nibbles your ear, and you can clearly hear him panting heavily. 

“You’re so hot,” Minho compliments you, while continuing to thrust inside of you. “I want you all the time, it’s surreal. I’m so in love with you,” he rambles, the words falling from his mouth freely, automatically, “make me so hard.”

Squeezing your eyes shut, you can feel your impending orgasm about to wash all over you. Minho knows exactly how to touch you, he always manages to make you cum so effortlessly. “Minho, I’m… I’m close.”

It always manages to make his head spin. He doesn’t change its pace, nor the direction of his movements on your most sensitive spot, and in a matter of seconds, your kicking your head back while calling his name desperately, releasing around him. Minho places his hand on top of yours, intertwining your fingers with his as he chases his own orgasm, rutting his hips against yours. And just like the last couple of times you had sex, his intent is to pull out right before finishing - this time, you don’t let him. 

“Don’t,” you beg, moving your arms behind your back to grab Minho’s ass, squeezing the flesh, “don’t pull out this time.”

Minho doesn’t really have a chance to ask you what’s going on, because as soon as he opens his mouth he’s cut off by his orgasm, that catches him completely off guard. Hearing you sound so desperate for him does it for him every time. He cums, filling you up to the brim - there’s so much of it that it begins to leak out of you, dripping down your inner thighs as Minho stays buried deep inside of you. 

“‘M sorry, I… you caught me off guard, I should have-“ he starts rambling, but you interrupt him.

“Minho, stop,” you mumble, “I asked you not to pull out. It’s okay.”

“But you said-“

“I know what I said. But really, it’s okay. I wanted it.”

Minho nods, but part of him feels guilty nonetheless. Gently, he pulls out of you, stepping under the direct stream of water, that cleans him off of his own cum. You turn around to look at him and do the same, letting the water wash away the proof of his orgasm off your body. Minho quietly grabs the bottle of shampoo, squirting a generous amount on his hands. 

“Turn around, jagiya. Let me take care of you.”

⛅︎

Dori’s behavior is weird today. 

He hasn’t left your side since Minho left for work earlier - he’d remained by your side the whole time, mostly cuddled on your lap or sprawled on your stomach as you slept. And then he meowed every time you tried to get up, begging you with his little eyes to pick him up so he could be as close to you as possible. 

And he’s resting in your lap even now, as you sit on the couch with your book in your hands, and has no intentions to get up, not even when he hears the sound of rattling keys - a clear signal that Minho’s home. Minho steps inside your place and Dori simply tilts his little head to the side. 

“Daddy’s home, baby,” you coo at the small pet, patting his head, “go say hi. You missed him lots today.”

“He missed me?” Minho asks, sounding pretty confused. His pet doesn’t get up. 

“Well, I thought so,” you put your book away, lifting your head to peck your husband’s lips. “Thought he could smell your scent on the t-shirt and it reminded him of you.”

Dori has the audacity to growl at Minho when he tries to pet him, narrowing his eyes at him. 

“Seems like he hates me,” Minho giggles. 

“That’s weird,” you think out loud, because when you try to pet him, Dori accepts the cuddles gladly, and purrs satisfied under Minho’s incredulous eyes and ears. 

“Son of a-“

“Minho!” You scold him, covering Dori’s ears with your hands, “don’t be mean to my baby.” 

“Well, your baby is an ungrateful little shit,” Minho chuckles, scratching Dori’s chin with his finger, and the cat glares at him almost as if he’d understood his owner’s words, “I change his litter and feed him and who does he love more? You.”

“It’s because I give him cuddles and treats when he behaves,” you point out, and Dori lets out a faint meow almost as if he’s agreeing with you. 

“He’s just taking advantage of you because you’re too good to him, don’t trust him. Traitor,” Minho jokes, leaning in to kiss Dori’s little head. “‘M gonna take a shower and then we’ll think of something for dinner, hm?” He asks, and you nod. 

He disappears upstairs, and you resume reading your book. Dori doesn’t move from your lap, instead he snuggles into your t-shirt and purrs, occasionally meowing to demand pets and more cuddles. You wonder what’s up with him, if maybe there’s something wrong with him or if he’s not feeling alright - but Dori doesn’t seem to be in pain. 

“He’s been there the whole time?” Minho asks once he returns to the living room, surprised to see Dori still curled up in your lap. “Isn’t that weird?”

“I don’t know, maybe he’s not feeling well… maybe we should take him to the vet.”

“But he doesn’t look in pain or anything?” Minho pouts, kneeling down to look his cat in the eye. “Maybe he’s sad or something… maybe he just needs an extra amount of cuddles.”

“Let’s just wait a couple of days… if his behavior is still weird we’ll go to the vet,” you suggest, and Minho nods. 

“Alright, boss,” he chuckles, pressing his forehead against yours. Then, he pecks your lips. “What do you want me to cook? Do omelettes sound good?”

“Yep, they sound perfect.”

Well, maybe they didn’t, because as soon as you get a whiff of their delicious smell, you feel the urge to throw up. Literally, you have to practically run to the bathroom and kneel before the toilet bowl, leaving behind a confused Minho, still sat at the dinner table. Eventually, he gets up and comes upstairs to check up on you, softly knocking on the bathroom door. 

“Are you alright?” He asks you, preoccupied, as he spots you washing your face with cold water to freshen up, taking deep breaths. “Is there something wrong with my omelettes? Did I put too many onions?”

You shake your head as a no, limbs still trembling as you place your hands on the sink. “No, no, they were fine. I don’t know what’s up with me, I’ve been feeling nauseous the whole day.”

Hadn’t your period ended a week ago, Minho would’ve thought you were pregnant, but he knows that’s impossible. So he just comes closer to you, rubbing your lower back with his calloused hand, leaning in to kiss you on your temple. 

“How are you feeling now? Better? Worse? Do you want me to make you some tea?” He asks you, and you smile warmly at him, moved by his apprehensiveness. 

“A cup of tea is fine.”

⛅︎

You feel like you could pass out on the spot when Jeongin’s girlfriend, who’s younger than you and has only been dating her boyfriend for about four months, confesses she’s late. Late late. Like, her period’s late. Sixteen days, to be precise. She looks at you with her big, doe eyes, glistening with tears, begging for your help. She needs a friend, someone who listens, and you’re very close to her, even though you haven’t seen her much - she is kind of a younger sister to you. 

“What? Are you and Jeongin having unprotected sex?” You blatantly ask her, staring at her with wide eyes, kind of shocked by the revelation. They’re too young to be having condomless sex, especially if she’s not on birth control or literally any other contraceptive. 

The lowers her head in shame, even though you’re not angry at her. “It only happened twice, I swear,” she justifies herself, “we’d run out of condoms and didn’t think about the consequences. He didn’t… finish inside, though. He pulled out,” she tells you with a hint of hope in her voice, but you both know it’s not an effective method, and that therefore she could be pregnant. 

“You have to take a test,” you sigh. “It might just be a pregnancy scare - my period’s late all the time, I was supposed to get it a couple of weeks ago, but you never know. The chances are pretty high.”

“O-Okay, okay,” she takes a deep breath, covering her face with her hands, “but I can’t do this alone.”

“What do you mean?”

“You… you said you’re late too. Take a test, too, unnie. It’ll be less scary to not do this alone.” 

And you can’t believe that less than an hour later, once you and Jeongin’s girlfriend are finally back from the convenience store, you’re in your bathroom - actually peeing on a plastic stick, even though you already know what the result’s gonna be. Negative, as it always is. You already know it, but you take the stupid test anyway to help your friend feel less nervous. She’s already taken hers and places the stick inside the box, not ready to look at the result yet, and you do the same, not even realizing you’re putting your test in the same box as hers. 

You only realize when the alarm goes off and it’s time to learn the results - that’s when you realize there’s absolutely no way you can tell which test is yours. And your jaw nearly drops once you take a closer look, because one test reads negative, but the other one… 

“Positive.”

⛅︎ 

You’ve been lying in your bed all day, mostly scrolling through your social media dashboards - Dori in your lap as per usual, he’s glued to your side, when you hear the front door close downstairs. Minho’s home. You’d get up to say hi to him, but you feel so helplessly tired and literally can’t get out of bed. You hear him saying something to the cats, and when he pushes the bedroom door all the way open, he smiles brightly at you - Soonie in his arms and Doongie by his feet. 

“Hi, jagi, how are you feeling today?” He asks you, sitting on the bed next to you. You haven’t been going to work for the past couple of days - you haven’t been feeling well, and Minho is kind of preoccupied. 

“I’m doing better,” you smile at him, leaning in for a kiss, “feel tired, though.” Soonie gets off Minho’s lap, and he scoots closer to cuddle you in a spooning position, circling your waist with his arm, scratching Dori’s head when his hand accidentally bumps him. “Did you have fun today, with the boys?”

“Yeah, we… we had fun,” Minho nods, but doesn’t say much. You know he’s keeping something from you by the way he’s nervously fidgeting with his rings and picking at his skin. 

“What aren’t you telling me?” You tease him, rolling to lie on your back, poking Minho’s dimple with your finger. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, please,” you scoff, with a dismissive gesture of your hand, “I know you like the back of my hand, I know something’s up with you. What happened? Something happened with the boys?”

“It’s nothing, really. You know the boys, they’re silly, they say things.”

“Which things?” 

Minho sighs. “It’s stupid, really. Let’s just forget about it, hm?”

“Stop being so grumpy and just tell me already,” you insist, and Minho gives up. 

“Fine,” he waves his hand. Then, he runs his fingers through his hair, unsure whether he should really be telling you what he’d learned mere hours ago. He really doesn’t want to bring up the topic, but you’re just so stubborn. “Jeongin told me something today, and it upset me.”

“What did he tell you?”

Another heavy sigh leaves Minho’s lips. “Him and his girlfriend had a pregnancy scare. She went to the doctor and found out she’s not pregnant, but he was pretty overwhelmed by the whole thing. I scolded him for not being responsible and for not having safe sex, and I don’t know… I guess it upset me.”

Oh. Oh. Jeongin’s girlfriend is not pregnant. She’s not pregnant. But the tests… one of them was positive… Wait, if she’s not pregnant, then… Your eyes widen immediately, and you abruptly sit on the mattress. You can’t be pregnant, though, you had your period this month… it could have been implantation spotting, though, if you really were pregnant, but what are the chances?

“I know you’re upset now, that’s why I didn’t want to tell you.”

You shake your head as a no quickly. “It’s not that,” you mumble, getting up from the bed despite Dori’s upset meowing. 

If Jeongin’s girlfriend’s not pregnant, then it means there’s a slight chance you and Minho… But it could also have been a fake positive. They’re pretty common, you read somewhere once. You rush to the bathroom, opening the third drawer quickly - the one where you keep your stash of pads and tampons and tests, to detect both ovulation and pregnancy. You have two of them. You’re gonna take them both, even though you try to remind yourself to not get your hopes up. 

“Jagiya, what’s… what are you doing?” Minho furrows his brows, looking at you confused as he can’t take his eyes off of the two small boxes in your hands. “Are those…”

“I need to take these,” you tell him, voice trembling. “I was with Jeogin’s girlfriend the day she took the test. It’s a long story, and I promise I’ll tell you, but… if she’s not pregnant then there’s a chance…” you trail, looking at him with tears in your eyes. 

“There’s a chance… you might be?” Minho asks, a new feeling of hope washing all over him as his heartbeat picks up its pace. 

“Yeah,” you bite your lip, looking at him with hopeful eyes. 

It’s been the longest three minutes of your entire lives. You and Minho are sitting on the bathroom floor with your backs against the shower glass in silence, too absorbed in your thoughts. Your fingers are intertwined as you wait for your alarm to ring. This could be your chance. This time, things could be different. When Minho’s phone buzzes, you feel as if your heart has stopped beating inside your chest. 

You take a deep breath, shaking your head. “I can’t look. I can’t look, Min. You do it.”

Minho swallows the lump in his throat, feeling nervous - the most he’s ever been. He’s not ready for another negative surprise. Not when flashes of what your lives could be with a little bundle of joy passed before his eyes as he waited patiently for the results to be ready. “How… how about we do it together? I check one and you do the other one, at the same time,” he suggests, and it seems fair. 

You nod, and Minho finally gets up, reaching for the two plastic sticks placed on the sink, turned upside down not to spoil the result. He grasps one, holding it firmly in his hand, and hands you the other one. Then, he sits back on the floor next to you. 

“Whenever you’re ready,” he mumbles, kissing your temple. 

“Three…”

“Two…”

“One…”

You look at the result at the same time. You hold your breath, as tears well up in your eyes quickly. Before you can contain yourself, you burst down in tears - salty drops rolling down your cheeks. When you turn to look at Minho, his face is stained with tears as well, his lip is quivering, and then he shows you the stick he’s holding. It shows the same result as yours. 

Positive. 8+ weeks. 

You’re pregnant, you and Minho are going to have a baby. 

“Come here,” Minho mumbles, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer as he rests his chin on your head, rubbing your arm with his hand. 

You let the realization sink in - you can’t fully process what just happened, your brain can’t comprehend it yet. A baby. Your and Minho’s dream of a family is finally going to come true, you still can’t believe it, it doesn’t feel real. 

“I love you so much, jagi,” he sniffles, kissing the top of your head, “‘m so happy right now…”

Before you could answer, you hear a loud meow coming from beside you, and that’s when you realize Dori’s here. He makes himself comfortable in your lap once more, and that’s when it all becomes clear to you. 

“Dori, baby, did you… did you… have you been glued by my side because you could sense I’m pregnant?” Dori meows once more, then purrs, making himself comfortable on your lap - you take it as a yes. 

“Aish, you little… your vet bill was so expensive for nothing and here you were, trying to tell us something…” Minho shakes his head, patting his cat and scratching his fur, chuckling, and you giggle as well, “thank you for being by her side when I wasn’t here, buddy.”

You stay like this for a while, in silence, with the tests still in your hands and Dori in your lap, hugging and holding each other, feeling blessed because you finally got the happiness you deserved. 

⛅︎

Minho has always been affectionate with you, but ever since you found out you’re going to become parents in a few months, he just won’t leave your side. 

Your OBGYN had confirmed what the tests had shown, announcing with a big smile on her face that yes, you’re pregnant, and that your baby is healthy and about the size of a bell pepper now, since you’re around twenty weeks pregnant. Minho called your baby “little pepper” until you found out the gender - a baby girl. Minho had bursted into tears in the doctor’s office when she delivered the news, and spent the day glued to you, hugging and holding you, his hands never leaving your round belly. 

“How is my little sunshine? Did you miss daddy?” Minho starts talking to your bump as soon as he slips under the covers, kissing your lips first. “I’m sorry I had to leave, little sunshine. Daddy’s gonna quit his job when you’re here, I’m never leaving you,” Minho pouts, kissing your stomach and caressing it with his hand, “I missed you so much today, did you miss me too?”

Minho’s hand freezes on top of your bump, and his head snaps up in your direction at the same time as you lower yours when you feel a small kick - the first. His eyes glisten with tears, and so do yours. Your little sunshine just kicked for the first time after hearing her father’s voice. 

“Jagi did you… did you feel it, too?” Minho asks you, pouting, “she just kicked. Her first kick.”

You nod, placing your hand on your belly as well, close to Minho’s. “I did, Min,” you sniffle. “Our sunshine really missed her daddy today, didn’t she?” 

Another kick, much stronger now. Minho presses his lips on your belly, kissing it all over its surface as he feels his daughter’s delicate kicks, feeling absolutely and utterly in love - a love he didn’t think he’d be able to feel.

“My precious little sunshine, I missed you, too,” Minho kisses your stomach once again. And then he remembers - he gets up quickly and leaves the room only to come back in with his workbag, laying at the end of your shared bed. “I… I bought you something on my way home, sunshine,” Minho talks to your belly. You just look at him curiously, wondering what he could’ve possibly bought your unborn daughter. “You won’t be able to see it for a few more months, though, but I hope you’ll like it.”

From the bag, he pulls out a small plushie - a white rabbit, with long ears and a mischievous grin. Oddly enough, it kinda looks like Minho. “Where did you manage to find a plushie that looks exactly like you?” You giggle, taking the small toy in your hands. 

Minho just chuckles. “It’s cute, isn’t it?” He comments, looking at the plushie. “I just thought she might like it, you know? Maybe she’ll sleep with it, too, once she’s born,” Minho mumbles, once again placing the palm of his hand on your round belly. 

“It’s cute,” you confirm, “I’m sure she’ll love it. Maybe we should sleep with it, so that it’ll have our scents once she’s born. It’ll make her feel safe.”

Minho smiles - a genuinely happy smile, and his eyes sparkle with joy. He nods, kissing your belly, hoping to feel his daughter kick one more time. She does. “I love you so much, sunshine,” he mumbles against your skin, “I can’t wait to meet you. We’re gonna have so much fun together, we’ll play so many games and go on lots of adventures - me, your mom, the cats and you, my baby.”

After a few more kisses and cuddles Minho gives to your belly, he lies down next to you on the bed, spooning you, wrapping his arm around you to pull you closer as he buries his head in your neck. He kisses your shoulder, breathing in your delicate scent, holding the rabbit plushie close to your body, right on your belly. 

“I’ll never thank you enough for this, you know that, right?” He mumbles, nuzzling your skin. 

“Thank me for what?” You furrow your eyebrows, confused. 

“All of this. For making me the happiest man alive, for carrying our precious and healthy baby girl. It’s pretty amazing if you think about it, isn’t it? There’s a life inside of you - our baby, our sunshine…”

“Minho…”

“I love you both so much, I can’t wait for our new life together to start.”

And all the pain you both went through is long forgotten now that he can finally fall asleep with you in his arms and his hand on your belly, dreaming of a future that, and he can’t put into words how happy he is, is just around the corner. 

⛅︎

-> 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦. 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞.

-> 𝐦𝐲 ☕️

so cute :((

𝐏𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭

☆ Genre: Domestic, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

☆ Warnings: Nightmares, accidental injury

☆ Request: No

☆ Characters: Chan, Y/N

☆ Word Count: 2.1k

it was as though her bedsheets were strangling her. Feeling as though her entire body was being weighed down by stones, Y/N breathed sporadically as she stirred awake, the images from her dream still lingering like a cloying perfume in the air around her.

She placed a hand on her chest as she blinked hard, trying to clear the grogginess from her eyes. She felt heavy, like something was sitting on her chest, and she swallowed thickly as she fought against herself to sit up in her bed. Her husband was fast asleep beside her, gentle snores escaping his parted mouth and one of his arms loosely hanging over the curve of her waist. But feeling suddenly extremely disgusting and overwhelmed from her dream, Y/N carefully pushed Chan's arm away and slipped out of bed. She shivered when her feet hit the cold floor, the temperature minutely zapping her out of her bubble.

Shuffling out of the bedroom, Y/N brushed her fingers over her cheeks, stopping the first stream of tears from going any further. She sniffed as she made her way to the kitchen; it was as though her body moved on its own when she flicked the switch of the kettle and reached for a mug and a floral teabag. The woman's gaze was fixed onto the distance, unseeing as she waited for the water to boil. As she waited, she dropped her head into her hands and leaned against the counter; Y/N couldn't help it when tears spilled into her hands and through the gaps of her fingers.

As hard as she tried, Y/N couldn't rid herself of the face that insisted on barging its way into her dreams every night for the past few weeks. She hadn't thought about him in almost two decades; he was such an insignificant part of her life that she couldn't for the life of her figure out why on earth he was there in her dreams.

She didn't want to admit to herself that she was having nightmares, either. The first few times it had happened she had pushed it to the back of her mind, shaking it off. But as the days went on, her dreams of him became more frequent, the atmosphere in them making her feel like she was drowning. The severe depression she felt inside her dreams whenever he was there and the uncomfortable current that flooded her body had trickled into her reality as soon as she woke up. It infiltrated the rest of her day, putting her on edge and ruining her mood. Not only did she feel disconnected from her life, but she felt guilty towards her husband.

How could she be dreaming about her first, tiny crush when the love of her life was next to her every night?

Y/N's mind was occupied with frustration when she began to pour the water over her teabag. She was so distracted that she didn't notice when her aim shifted; Y/N gasped in pain when hot water splashed onto her fingers, and she dropped the kettle against the counter with a thud.

“Baby?”

Chan had turned over in bed and realised his wife wasn't beside him; frowning, he had vacated the room in search of her. He was just in time to see the woman turning away and rushing towards the sink, and when his gaze landed on the kettle and wet counter, his eyes widened.

“Baby did you hurt yourself?” Chan's husky voice was full of worry as he made his way towards his wife. “Let me see.”

With blurry eyes, Y/N let Chan softly take her wet hand in his; she watched through her lashes as Chan ran his thumb over the back of her hand, his eyes widening at the sight of her raw fingers. He leaned down and kissed her knuckles softly before placing Y/N's hand back under the cold water with a sigh.

“What happened?” Chan hummed in question. He smiled cheekily. “Really wanted a cup of tea, huh?”

Y/N's eyes filled with tears all over again. She looked away, embarrassed, and Chan's smile turned into an expression of sympathy as he leaned a little closer to her.

“What's wrong, baby girl?” Chan asked in a soft voice. “Is something bothering you?”

At that, Y/N burst into tears all over again. Her entire body shuddered with the force of it, and it was all Chan could do to immediately wrap his arms around her to keep her from sinking onto the floor.

“Okay, I'm sorry … I'm sorry,” Chan whispered as he cupped the back of her head with his soft touch. He rocked her gently side to side as he held her close, his fingers patting the length of her hair. “It's okay, baby. I'm here. Just let it all out, okay?”

With her face buried in the hollow at Chan's neck, Y/N did just that; she cried for what felt like a very long time, and once she had finished, her body jerked sporadically as she tried to regain her breath. Chan's fingers were tender against her temples and at the small of her back, his lips a constant kiss on top of her head. When he pulled back a little as his wife's sobbing subsided, Chan settled his hands on either side of her face and gently brushed away the tear tracks she had left behind.

“Let's go get this bandaged up, hmm?” Chan kissed Y/N's forehead before cradling his wife's injured hand in his. He tugged her towards one of the stools behind the counter and sat her down before rummaging around in a cupboard for a few different items.

Once he had sat down beside her, Chan took Y/N's hand again and gently placed it onto the counter. Its surface was cool against Y/N's fingers and she shivered as she watched Chan open up a tub of petroleum jelly.

“You're so clumsy,” Chan chuckled in a light manner as he warmed up the petroleum in-between his fingers. “If you really wanted some tea, you could have woken me up.”

The ghost of a smile crossed Y/N's face. Her gaze was fixed on her husband's curly head; it was bent as he carefully slathered her red fingers with the petroleum jelly, and Y/N felt her heart lurch when she caught a glimpse of the affection sparkling in his eyes for her. His lips were plump as he pursed them in concentration; when he looked up, his face broke into a grin and he giggled upon seeing her watching him.

“Am I making a mess?” Chan asked. He reached for a roll of bandages, keeping his eyes locked on Y/N's. “I don't want to hurt you even more.”

Y/N shook her head. “It doesn't hurt.”

“It doesn't?” Chan raised an eyebrow. “Well, you're stronger than me. I'd probably be crying if I was in your shoes.”

At that, Y/N started to giggle. She knew just as well as her husband did that he rarely cried over injuries.

But he was trying to make her feel better. And it made Y/N's heart feel just a little bit lighter.

“I keep having nightmares,” Y/N blurted out after a while.

Chan looked up as he finished bandaging her fingers. “What sort of nightmares?”

“About a guy,” Y/N said.

Chan smiled. “Me? Am I haunting your nightmares?”

“No,” Y/N started to laugh as she rubbed the back of her uninjured hand over her eyes. She then sighed, sagging a little in her seat. “I wish it was you in my dreams.”

Chan chuckled. He tossed his rubbish away in a bin before giving his wife his full attention, a gentle smile on the curve of his lips. “Go on then. Who's the guy?”

“Someone I had a crush on a really long time ago,” Y/N frowned. “From primary school.”

“Primary school?” Chan started to laugh. “Wow … he really must have had an impact on you.”

“That's the thing though,” Y/N exhaled heavily. “I barely knew him. I haven't thought about him in years. But for the past few weeks he's been in every one of my dreams. And it's always the same scenario … he likes me, I don't, and he doesn't care. In the dreams I always tell him I like you, but ... he just … it's like he tries to force himself on me.”

Chan wrinkled his nose. “Sounds like a cunt.”

Only Chan could make Y/N giggle when she was on the verge of tears again. She smiled at him as he took a hold of her hand, his fingers soft as they played with hers.

“I don't know why I keep dreaming of him,” Y/N continued. “I feel like I'm drowning. And it ruins my entire day. Like I can't think about anything else.”

At that, Chan's eyes softened. He squeezed his fingers gently as he willed her to go on.

“And I feel so guilty,” Y/N gulped. “Because I love you so much. And I should be dreaming of you, not some random guy from the past. I hate it. I'm sorry, Chris.”

“Hey, don't apologise to me,” Chan tutted as he moved closer to his wife. “They're dreams. You can't control your dreams, baby. I mean … sometimes our subconscious processes certain feelings or events through dreams and nightmares - it might just be your body trying to filter him out of your mind? Or maybe you've been thinking about the past lately, and your brain just dug him up too.”

Y/N's eyes welled with tears. “But then why are they so repetitive?”

Chan smiled sadly. “Well, you said you hate those dreams, right? Maybe you hate them so much that you end up dwelling on how much you hate them and your brain ends up dreaming of the same thing again … because technically you've been thinking about him when you think of the dreams, right?”

Y/N blinked at her husband. As she let his words sink in, she realised she had been doing exactly that.

Whether she liked it or not, the figure from her past had been at the forefront of her mind for quite a while.

“Maybe don't fight your thoughts as much … “ Chan was saying when Y/N's attention landed on him again. “When they happen, just accept them and let them go. Maybe the more you push them away, the more they'll come back to haunt you? But if you accept them, your brain will adjust and filter him out and the nightmares will stop.”

With a sigh, Y/N dropped her head against Chan's shoulder. Her breath shuddered when he brought his arms around her again and hugged her softly, his lips like butterfly wings when he kissed the side of her neck.

“Things always sound so simple when you say them,” Y/N whispered into the crook of Chan's shoulder. “It's always chaotic in my head but you manage to make it peaceful.”

At that, Chan smiled widely. He hugged her tighter as she spoke again.

“Sometimes I wake up and I wanna throw up,” Y/N said. “That's how much I hate the idea of being with someone other than you.”

Chan burst into quiet laughter. “How did you just manage to turn your nightmares into something adorable? Do you really love me that much?”

“Of course I do,” Y/N giggled. “You're my whole world.”

Chan's grin widened. He suddenly stood up and scooped his wife up into his arms before carrying her up to their bedroom again. Once he had tucked her into her side, he suddenly giggled.

“Oops. We forgot the tea,” Chan said, making to get out of the bed again.

But Y/N reached out with her uninjured hand and curled her fingers around the man's wrist. She pulled him towards her much to Chan's surprise, and she wrapped her body around him like a little koala hugging her favourite branch.

“I didn't want the tea,” Y/N yawned against Chan's chest. “I just wanted it to relax me. But you relaxed me instead.”

Chan hummed contentedly. “I still feel bad about your hand.”

“It's not that bad,” Y/N smiled. “It'll be fine in the morning.”

“Let me kiss it better,” Chan giggled. He reached for her hand and immediately plastered a flurry of adoring kisses all over the small bandage. “There. Now … if only I could kiss your brain better too.”

Y/N smiled up at him. She let her eyes fall shut as Chan kissed her forehead, the gesture lingering as if he had tried to transfer it into her brain. Giggling, Y/N buried her face against Chan's chest and let him wrap her up in his arms again like a burrito, her eyes drooping and the sweet scent of him fluttering into her dreams.

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Tag list ~ @koos-euphoria @raethethey @hotmesshapa @manonblackbeak-trash @hendsernoodle @stanskzseungmin @ateez-babygirl @dalamjisung @dinosdawn @cookiemonstermusic258 @strwbrryfroyo @gazelle-des-pres @qtieskz @stigmvta @necromancersupreme @super-btstrash-posts @changlix-mp4 @exonations @changboobies @jeyelleohe @rae-blogging @planetdemon @dani41 @jumbocircus @octalalica @velvetand-roses @foivetimesacharm @waverzzzzzzzz @peachy-flxwr @elizabeth11moreno @lenfilms @xhazmania @starshine-moon @snow-pegasus @bbychannie97 @laylasbunbunny @americanokisses @bluechans @bellamuerte1987 @meowmeowisdaname @chanssmiles @minunivers @septicrebel @bangchans-angel @spacegirlstuff @stayconnecteed @linogatinho @smutdumpskz @yeonjunarchives-posts @dprkbyn (let me know if you wanna be added or removed)

Hyunjin fic recs 2

stray kids | Hwang Hyunjin

masterlist | part 1

[ updated 240726 ]

5:15 am { f } @dreamyyeosang

cliche meetcutes { f } 0,9k @chvrrycola

04 sharing haring a bed series { f2l, s } @skzdarlings

Ice { mafia au, strangers2l; a, s, f } 4,5k @healinghyunjin

Sheer good looks aside though…you’d seen his face on the news. What was his name? You remembered that it was something elegant, soft on the lips - a name that didn’t seem to fit the cruel, hardened mafioso it belonged to. 

It was only when those cold icy eyes locked with yours, gaze chilling even from all the way across the bar, that it finally came to mind. 

Hwang Hyunjin. 

kinktober day five { f2l; s } 2,5k @gimmeurtmi

uni student hyunjin but make it art

9:02 A.M { f } @forlix

Read between the lines { f } 0,5k @inkelea

Making out in a car { s } @astraystayyh

are you bored yet? { insecure y/n; a, f } @ebbaskz

“but i can’t help from asking ‘are you bored yet?’ ”

I’ll make those insecurities disappear { a, f, s } @lotus-dly

Taste { s } @moonjxsung

Sunday’s Paradigm { f2l, college; f } 2,6k @sunboki

He was a cold person. Spiteful and brash to all people too close, scared to let his walls down. Except, to him, you’re a spectacle. A classmate he realizes he can’t exactly find reason to dislike while he sketched you from his stool in the art room.

The deal. @hyunedew

the one where you accidentally summon the king of hell in your pursuit to pass your class.

Pendulum { f, a, s } 1,2k @1-800-shedevil

You visit Hyunjin on the night of his big art exhibit intent on closing this chapter of your life but he's not willing to let go that easily.

Say yes to me { f } @astraystayyh

after your seven minutes in heaven, hyunjin wants to plan out how he'll finally confess to you. except you come knocking on the door of his rented cabin unannounced. at 10:53 pm. the perfect time for love, he comes to learn.

Bound to You { Cerberus, Goddess, Greek Mythology; f, s } 4,3k @winter-dayz

“What are we?” { f } @jinhyun

Drunken with a sense of love { drunken confessions, fake dating } 7,1k @hanibalistic

you and hyunjin got drunk at different times, and you two took care of each other similarly. 

Thinking about how attentive hyunjin would be when you’re sick { f } @seungminhour

Christmas Eve with Hwang Hyunjin { f } @agi-ppangx

Eight days of Christmas carols - day 4 { f } @rachalixie

Pussy agenda with Hyunjin { s } @fluffylino

Sigma kappa zeta’s olympic level beer pong team { + Innie x reader; s } 7,2k @/skzms

it's the last frat party before winter break and you, hyunjin and jeongin have a title to defend. who knows where it might lead (we do, it leads to the three of you smoking weed and fucking in jeongin's room)

9mitm { s } @straykeedz

Babysitter.com { single dad Hyune; s, f } @mnwrld

hyunjin's whole life changed when his daughter was born--it was the single best day of his life. but parenting was harder than he thought it would be, especially when he also needed to work to be able to provide for the light of his life. maybe a little help wouldn't hurt? where else could he look but the notorious 'babysitter.com' ?

my love, mine all mine [ f ] 2,3k @/rachalixie

hyunjin setting up the perfect valentine's day for you

verisimilitude [bsf2l; s ] @/skzdarlings

You are a self-identified no-nonsense curmudgeon. Your best friend is an eccentric pretty boy. You accidentally send him an explicit video of yourself. What's the worst that can happen?

The snow falls, we fall apart. [ roommates, f2l; hurt/comfort ] 13k @/astraystayyh

when heartbreak looms on your life, and winter becomes a time you loathe, hyunjin helps you rewrite your memories with the season, and with it, everything you once believed about love.

Something I Needed More [ f2l; f ] 3,2k @skzonthebrain

wherever you are [ f2l; f, a, s ] 12,9k @hyunverse

Hyunjin promised you that he'll be wherever you are. What do you do when your best friend of years — the only person you've ever loved disappears without saying goodbye? Especially when you've spent your entire life with Hyunjin, you didn't know of life without him.

ace [ volleyball player hyune, fake e2l; f ] 15,2k @/forlix

volleyball superstar and your personal hell hwang hyunjin proposes a trade-off you can't refuse: his matchmaking services for a passing anthropology grade. the plan is foolproof in theory; in practice, it is something else entirely.

the storm. [ s ] 2,7k @/tasteracha

Series

devil by the window { DemonxAngel; s } 3k @berryjoong

you’re an angel, hyunjin’s a demon, and you’re both after the same soul. you hate each other, but you just can’t stay away from him.

part two { f, a ,s } 6,4k

the strange man of monterrey manor ( series ) { vampire au; f, s, a }  @quokkacore

chapter one: a marriage most foul

chapter two: voices that wail in the night

chapter three: a solution to the issue at hand (m) [final]

Make Love, Not Porn { s } @charmercharm3r

You crave a life of normalcy, he craves you. And he'd do anything to keep you, even if you're for the world to see.

Play Time 3,8k

Heat Signature 5,9k

Puppeteer 4,3k

Hi, My Name Is 7,7k

Sunday 6,7k

Texts

Boyfriend texts @like-a-diamondinthesky

Boyfriend texts @gyuworm

Note: please let me know if the links are not working ! I’ll try to fix them as soon as possible ^^

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Skz reactions / headcanons / texts | fic recs 5

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

Masterlist

[ updated 240726]

Sfw

Them accidentally pissing their crush off @svngiem-remade

Making up with them after a fight @blue-jisungs

Pranking them with another members sweater @silv3rswirls

Skz having their tummies’ kissed by you @svngcore

Stray Kids Most to Least: House Husbands @kiestrokes

When you have plushies @cheeseceli

You speak another language @/cheeseceli

Ribbon,Bicep,trend!! @jz12luvscl16

Nsfw

Favourite time and place to eat you out (maknae line) @becomingmina

Someone walking in on you @/luvyeni

How they are when they eat you @roseykat

Kisses @bbyquokka

Morning wood @/notsosweetchan

how often will skz and y/n have sex? @seungisms

Texts

I should call him… @skzfairyyydreamz

He accidentally spoils the proposal @sunboki

You’re on a business trip and they’re clingy little babies @giddyfatherchris

Random bf texts @pretty-blkgirl

Skz try to check up on you @thevampywolf

Can you peel an orange for me @channie-143

Skz try to flirt with you @/thevampywolf

“Skz as texts I’ve exchanged with my friends” @markiv3

Skz road trip @starrgaziinggg

Asking them if they believe in love @/thevampywolf

I’m not jealous @daaawnnn

Selling my boyfriend (smau) @luvyeni

Sending them a nude and then saying wrong person @imagine-a-life-like-this

You autocorrect “love” to “hate” on his phone @jinhyun

You got into a stranger’s car because they offered you chocolates @lixie-phoria

How skz would confess to you over text @1025flora

Random texts @cinnamostar

“Would you still love me if i was a worm?” @imagine-a-life-like-this

“Would you still love me if i was a worm?” @ft-3racha

Skz as your doordasher texts @taetr4ck

Princess treatment @wegc

What position y’all in ? @/luvyeni

Finding your tumblr account @/luvyeni

Skz ask you out on a date @/thevampywolf

Cancelling on bff!skz [valentine’s day edition] @jinnify

jealous, jealous, jealous, boy! @diddybok

STRAYKIDS FINDING OUT YOU CAN'T CUM @/luvyeni

bff skz finds out you read fan fics about them @snowyquokka

maknae line — crushing on their member @shoverse

↬"would you kiss the most beautiful person in the world for $1,000,000?" @/jinhyun

Sugar Daddy Stray Kids Hyung Line Maknae Line @thefantasyden

drunk texting stray kids @bbyquokka

"Could you pick it out of a lineup?" Hyung Line @/thefantasyden

"What position y'all in" @/thefantasyden

random skz text @/cinnamostar

Best friend Stray Kids knowing you had a bad day without you needing to tell him @bluejutdae

Random texts with BFF!SKZ Part 2 @/feelbokkie

Texting Skz “Happy Anniversary” Maknae Line @pretty-blkgirl

They dont want to be clingy @charmerchannie

'HE SAID HE LIKES CRAZY GIRLS' @/luvyeni

Easter Baskets from BF!SKZ @/feelbokkie

Drunk text with Stray Kids Maknae Line @/thefantasyden

random boyfriend texts @/thefantasyden

skz forgot your birthday @/snowyquokka

“there’s a man in my bed” @/sunboki

Jealous Stray Kids Texts @/thefantasyden

stray kids being bratty Hyung line Maknae line @crazyco0tz

"So this is how victorian men felt seeing ankles for the first time" @charmerchannie

Note: please let me know if the links are not working! I will try to fix them as soon as possible ^^

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