Hyunjin Fluff - Tumblr Posts

"better, now."

words・749 / pairing・hyunjin x gn!stylist!reader / includes・fluff, established relationship, alcohol consumption / note・an extremely self-indulgent kinda emo take on hyunjin @ vfw. takes place in the crying lightning universe.

Hyunjin is gone.

He stopped walking and started floating about five drinks ago, bode farewell to coherent sentences and his eyesight not too long after. Simply kept plucking flutes of champagne off trays carried around by kindred waiters and let himself bask in the glorious evening.

When his stylist shows up in front of him, he mistakes them for the moon.

Gentle hands push strands of sweaty hair out of his eyes, then move to cup his cheeks fondly, protectively, as if imprinting final touches into a snow angel. He watches your lips form his name from mere centimeters away, but the sound of it seems to travel underwater.

“Hyunjin,” you repeat, more audibly this time, a lick of crisp night air cutting through the afterparty’s steamy throng.

He proceeds to melt into you in ways he cannot currently control, sliding a hand over the one you have on the side of his face, fingertips dipping in the slots between yours. Bringing you close enough to him that your chest moulds right against his. Grinning at you with a sickening sweetness that he can taste on his own mouth.

“Hi,” he replies.

“You okay? How are you?” You inquire. “Do you need anything?”

“Hi,” he says again, because he can’t really think of anything else, and that seems to be answer enough.

Before he knows it, he’s walking somewhere, guided only by the arm that he has slung over your shoulders and your silhouette, just barely discernible in the dim venue, which he would follow to the ends of the earth.

An indeterminate amount of time later, he’s standing in the doorway of an unoccupied lounge. The tables of polished mahogany and gold foil have become graveyards of empty wine glasses, but the couch in the middle of the room has been left pristine.

Only after he sits down does the lightheadedness hit, and it hits hard, hard enough to shut his eyes and furrow his brow. His brain swings around the inside of his skull like a pendulum.

There is a delicate brush of your finger against his chin, your quiet request for him to lift it up, and then something hard and cold comes to rest on his lower lip. Water surrounds his tonsils and slips down his throat. A few stray rivulets escape down the side of his neck, then disappear into the napkin that you have pressed upon the skin.

By the time he’s downed the whole glass, he can feel his wits beginning to return—with them, the rest of his senses. His eyes crack open again.

“Hot,” he whispers. “It’s hot.”

You move your hands to his shoulders. Moments later, his jacket is a leather mass over the back of the couch, and he feels his dizziness subside, his oxygen return. 

“Better?”

With the music so far away, he hears the concern in your tone with crystalline clarity. He leans over to press his lips to the underside of your jaw, conveying a silent message: better, now.

He didn’t have plans to spend the night backstage, but the premise seems riveting where he comes to lie. His head nestled in the plush of your lap, the rest of him stretched across the sofa, your hand carding through his hair with the soporific lull of a mellow tide.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles suddenly, and you look down at him, confused.

“For?”

“Getting so drunk.”

If your hand is the tide, your laugh is the sand, warm and ubiquitous and all-consuming. “You had a good time, yeah?”

A good time. What an understatement for the maelstrom of feeling still raging on within him, the happiness and disbelief and pride and gratitude to himself, to you. To us.

“The best,” he answers.

“That’s all that matters, then,” you hum, your thumb dusting over his hairline. “You deserve to celebrate.”

He’s still too drunk to really think, but he doesn’t have to think when it comes to you—just knows in the very wellsprings of his soul all the love you’ve woven into the thing you’re about to say, by the infinitesimal softening of your eyes alone.

“You deserve everything, baby.”

He lifts your wrist to his lips, presses a kiss to your pulse. Above him, your features blur, then come back into focus. His answer is so soft that he almost can’t hear it over the warble of his heartbeat and the descent of his tears.

“I’ve got it right here.”

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© 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐱 (est. 090323) · liked this work? please consider reblogging, commenting, or sending me an ask to let me know; or, read my other writing here. thanks so much for the support ♡

the big, bad wolf || hwang hyunjin oneshot

》》 pairing: hyunjin x female reader

》》 summary: every year, you and the boys celebrate halloween with a party at hyunjin's - who just so happens to be your mortal frenemy. every year, you all dress up. this year, however, you decide to make it a bit more interesting: everyone picks an outfit for their random secret santa partner. it seems like a bit of innocent fun, but felix has an idea...

》》 word count: 2.4k

》》 genre/tags: halloween au, not quite e2l but e2 like...sexy tension???, suggestive themes (mostly just implications), a little bit of crack lmao

》》 warnings: cliche cheesy dirty flirting (come on hyunjin you're better than this), thicc romantic and sexual tension, reader is a simp in denial, suggestive themes, implied smut at the end, talk of biting but no actual biting, reader has dom vibes, hyunjin is bold until someone else is bolder

》》 notes: my first oneshot on this blog! I already wrote a halloween drabble, but I felt like writing something bigger than that and my friend (I see u vi) inspired me by suggesting some spicy hyunjin content. n e ways, happy halloween everyone! and if u don’t celebrate halloween, I hope u have a lovely weekend <3

navigation || skz masterlist

Halloween is always fun with your friend group. I mean, it's fun anyway - lots of cheap candy, neighbourhood celebrations, an excuse to get way too drunk - it's just a lot more fun with eight other crackheads.

You guys have a sort of tradition going by now, even though each year is a bit different. Hyunjin throws the party, Minho brings the alcohol and hides it from Chan until it's too late to stop everyone from getting shitfaced, Jeongin and Felix bring ungodly amounts of candy, and Jisung is a skeleton (literally every single year - it started when you called Tate Langdon's skeleton makeup hot, and it never ended).

Everyone (except Jisung) keeps their costume a secret - unless they're Chan and Felix, in which case they do couple costumes and keep it a secret from everyone else. Sometimes you even decide on a theme, like the year before the last, where everyone was supposed to dress as their favourite Pokemon. This inevitably led to intense fighting roleplays to assert dominance as your respective type, and in order to spare your reputation in the neighbourhood, you decided the next theme would be a little less wild.

This year, the theme was 'secret Santa costumes', meaning you each picked a random name from a hat to decide who you would be buying a costume for and a few days before Halloween, you were given your own costume to wear to the party by whoever pulled your name from the hat of destiny.

Technically that's not how secret Santa works, but no one questions Chan when it comes to holiday business.

You just so happened to get Jisung, and while the temptation to keep the skeleton thing going just for the meme was definitely there, you ultimately decided he should be a classic bedsheet ghost - except with no eye or hand holes cut out. You know, to add a little sprinkle of chaos to his already very chaotic life.

The lovely boy who decided your spooky fate was Felix, who had coincidentally been in charge of buying Hyunjin’s costume too - when you asked why, he said it was because the number of people was uneven, so he had kindly volunteered to take on an extra. You had honestly expected him to pick something weird or wild for you, so you were quite surprised by the outfit he had settled on.

"Is this...little red riding hood?" you had asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you stared at the dress and hood in your hands.

"Yep! I saw it the other day and I thought it would be nice to go for one of the classics, you know?" he had explained, smiling as if he was ever so proud about his decision. Something about the hint of mischief in his eyes made you suspicious, but you had let it slide. "You don't mind, right?"

No, you didn't mind. You had given Jisung a ghost costume, so you didn’t really have room to speak on the originality of Felix’s decision. Besides, the dress didn’t look too cheap, nor did it look especially short, and the hood-cape made you feel way too powerful for someone wearing a $20 Target costume.

So you really didn't mind at all, until it came to the day of the party. Now, as you stand in the doorway to Hyunjin’s apartment, you suddenly mind a lot more.

”Lee Felix, I’m going to decorate the lawn with your fucking intestines, oh my god!” you whisper-yell to the boy who conveniently manages to dart away with the excuse of needing to help Jeongin open all the candy bags. Your angry eyes follow his retreating blue form - Chan picked his outfit this year, and of course he decided Felix should be an Among Us character.

Everyone in the group knows about the slight tension (read: obvious beef) between you and Hyunjin. Technically speaking, you’re friends. He invites you to his parties, you hang out with him when he’s with the boys. It’s just that neither of you can stand each other, because you’re both very bold and even more stubborn.

Whenever the two of you are together, you bicker like children and it’s pretty much endless. You could probably throw insults (and the occasional murder threat) at each other all day if the other members didn’t interrupt, and on those days you’d be more than happy to teach Hyunjin a lesson with a nice, strong punch in the nose if the opportunity were ever to present itself.

So, with this in mind, it’s quite clear why you’re planning Felix’s murder when you see Hyunjin walking around as the big, bad wolf.

You’re genuinely considering sneaking out the front door before anyone else sees you and running back to your apartment (because Felix just so happens to be your ride home), but fate decides to mess with you and suddenly, Hyunjin locks eyes with you from across the living room.

The way a huge smile instantly graces his pretty face sends a rush of butterflies, followed by anger, through you as you stare back at him. His clip on wolf ears are admittedly quite cute, but the fake fangs he’s wearing send your thoughts in a very different direction. As he makes his way over, you suddenly wish you had followed Felix to the kitchen - at least they keep the alcohol in there. In his living room, you’ve got no choice but to deal with Hyunjin while sober.

”Well, would you look at that? Seems like I found my little red riding hood.” he teases with a wink, leaning against the wall beside the door.

When you scoff at him, he gives you another big grin and you can’t help but stare at the fangs again. The vibrant blue contact lenses he’s wearing make his gaze feel intense even when he’s smiling, and the way his long, blonde hair falls freely gives him a glow that’s both angelic and positively demonic. He looks so annoyingly handsome, as per usual; if only his personality wasn’t the personification of the words ‘cocky asshole’. You can’t help but think it’s a huge waste of beauty.

“Excuse me-” you begin, ready to start the first round of arguing, but he cuts you off like the annoying brat he is.

“You’re excused,” he says, thinking his comment was very smart, and if it wasn’t a night meant for fun and games, you might’ve killed him on the spot.

“Fine, excuse you. I’m not your little red riding hood. In fact, I’m not your anything, thank you very much,” you snap, brushing past his tall figure as you head to the table the boys have set up to the side. There’s an array of Halloween-themed food, prepared by Chan, and you settle for a red velvet cupcake decorated with black frosting and what you assume are meant to be cat ears poking out of it.

“Right, sure, but we’re still matching tonight. It’s kind of like-”

This time, you cut him off. “It’s not like Chan and Felix. It’s not. We’re not wearing couple costumes, so don’t say it.”

He shuts his mouth (finally) and you take it as your cue to leave before he says something else to piss you off. Unfortunately, he seems to have the desire to ruin your night further and chooses to follow you on your journey.

“So anyway, I guess this was Felix’s plan, right?” He gestures to your costumes. “Unless you had something to do with it, that is.”

You don’t bother to address the second part of what he said and instead just nod, scanning the room for the previously mentioned mastermind. As soon as you can get your hands on that boy, you swear you’ll slaughter him for subjecting you to Hyunjin’s torturous teasing all night.

“He was already on thin ice after trying to tell me Bulbasaur is a better starter than Charmander, but now he’s actually dead to me,” you growl out once you spot him sitting beside Minho, laughing happily with his classic red solo cup and a slice of chocolate cake. Jeongin sits beside them, tearing open bags of candy with no assistance from Felix, because of course he was lying about helping him earlier.

Hyunjin laughs softly and you curse your heart for skipping a beat at the sound. Sometimes it feels like your head hates Hyunjin while your body is stupid enough to like him, and it’s part of the reason why you hate talking to him so much. Every time you stop throwing insults and sass at him and instead sit back and listen to what he has to say, a part of you realises you don’t exactly have a proper reason for disliking him. He’s not all that bad, and sometimes you even find yourself laughing at his jokes and witty remarks.

But you’d really rather not go through the endless cycle of those thoughts right now, especially when the cause of your problems is standing beside you eating a chocolate bar.

“I have to say, though,” you comment as you turn to look him up and down, “the big, bad wolf concept suits you pretty well.”

Before he can accept the compliment, you continue. “You’re both big, hairy beasts who dress like grandmas.”

The obvious offence on his face is so satisfying you almost wanna snap a photo to reflect on this moment in the future, but you refrain from doing so. He would just pose anyway, and the photo would probably end up making your stupid heart flutter again.

“Well, at least you think I’m big. Besides, if dressing like a grandma gets me closer to eating you, then I suppose it’s a sacrifice I’ll have to make,” he whispers in a husky, seductive voice that kind of makes you want to choke-slam him, but you suspect he might enjoy that anyway.

It angers you when he makes flirty comments like that, because as annoying as they are and despite you knowing full well he only says it to get under your skin, it still makes your heart race every time. Maybe in another universe, Hyunjin is a sweet boy who innocently flirts with you and brings you roses instead of a big, bad bitch who’s just acting like a horny teenager. Annoyingly enough though, you think you’d fall for him either way.

You turn away with the intention of finally escaping to the kitchen to grab something to drink, hoping to settle the thoughts dancing around your head, but he reaches for your wrist. The feeling of his fingers pressing warmth into your skin just makes your head spin even more, and you’re so distracted you don’t pull away from him.

"Aw, don’t run away now. Are you scared of me, little red? There’s no need to be, I’m just joking. I won’t bite unless you beg me to."

You pull your arm back as soon as the words leave his mouth. Hyunjin has a lot of things (a severely irritating personality, a stupidly handsome face for such an asshole, a loud voice solely meant for pissing you off on a daily basis, the list goes on), but the thing he definitely has most is the fucking audacity.

However, the most annoying part by far is the way you feel your face heat up when you register the last thing he said. You’d rather die than let him make you flustered, so you shake your head slightly to clear those thoughts from your mind and look him in the eye again.

"Scared? Me?" you scoff, staring him down with a steady glare and if he was anyone else, he'd probably shiver in fear.

Unfortunately, he is not anyone else. He is Hwang Hyunjin, and Hwang Hyunjin does not shiver; he beams with a smug grin and makes your blood boil.

"Mhm. Look at you. You’re basically dressed as my prey tonight, babe." He purrs the pet name like the absolute fuckboy he is. "And sure, the real you is feisty, but you're all bark and no bite."

The overly confident, proud smirk on his face makes him look like a damn peacock flaunting its feathers, and you decide then and there that you'll do anything to get rid of it.

"All bark," you echo his words, walking towards him slowly, "and no bite, huh?"

You swear you see his eyes widen for a split second at your change in demeanor before the stupid smirk returns, and the little rush of victory you feel from catching him off guard is enough to keep you walking forward.

His gaze never leaves yours, especially when you're standing on the tips of your toes in front of him, noses just barely brushing against each other. Your hands grip his shoulder to balance you, and you run a finger over his collarbone up towards his cheek, where you gently cup his face. The small distance between the two of you means you can hear his slightly uneven breathing and see the curiosity swirling in his bright blue eyes as he waits for your next move.

You reach a hand up and thread your fingers through his long, bleach blonde hair, and his breath hitches when you gently tug at it. Even his wolf ears almost seem to droop submissively. He doesn't dare move, but his eyes keep flicking down to your lips and back up again.

"Now, that's just not true at all, is it?" you whisper, tilting your head as if waiting for an answer, but he can't find the words to form a witty response. It’s about time he learned some manners, really, even if he needed your guidance for that.

"I'm warning you now," you continue, "you might wanna watch your tone. I might look like your prey, but I promise I bite harder than you do, babe."

You make sure to emphasise the pet name, purring it in the same way he did minutes before. He bites down on his bottom lip, and the way his fangs press into them makes you lick your own lips nervously. It seems as though he can't take the tension anymore, because he goes to lean in and finally close the distance between the two of you as his hands find your hips.

Of course, you'd never let him have that control, especially after his bold attitude from earlier. Even though the temptation to lean in is certainly there, you step away from him and smile sweetly.

"Learned your lesson yet, puppy?"

He doesn’t respond for a moment, clearly still taking in what just happened. When he registers your question, he tilts his head to the side as if in thought - the way a dog might, funnily enough - before he hums quietly.

“I’m not sure. Maybe you should teach me once more, little red,” he suggests, voice low and slightly breathless, “but preferably a bit more in depth this time.”

- ᴇ ɴ ᴅ -

(A/N: AHHHHH I haven’t written a oneshot in SUCH a long time oh my god,,,,, it was a lot of fun tho even if I’m not super confident writing full things. this one was short anyway so I kinda feel like it doesn’t count, but I’m still v happy to finally post my first skz oneshot! I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for reading <3)

© santastic  —  all rights reserved. reposting, translating, copying and/or stealing is prohibited. ask permission if you wish to create anything inspired by my original ideas.

What happens when SKZ discovers you watching The L Word?

{ Pairing } - BF!OT8 (Individual) x bisexual.afab!reader Hyung Line | Maknae Line (coming soon)

{ Synopsis } - A scenario in which each member finds you watching the L word, an old american lesbian drama. They've never seen it before, how will they react?

{ Genre } - established relationship, crack, drabble? imagine? idk what to call it

{ Warnings & Tags } - 18+ MDNI, smut, fluff, crack, queer/lesbian relationships mentioned, fxf intercourse mentioned, oral (f. rec.), unprotected sex (piv), transgender character mentioned, discussion of transphobia within the tv show mentioned, threesome mentioned, pregnancy within the show mentioned, infidelity mentioned, a lot of different things are mentioned & I'm probably forgetting some tags lol, bang chan comes across as insecure and it's only because of the annoying ass character in the show i promise, binnie is just a hornball but we love it, lee know is probably the most logical, hyunjin would 100% binge the entire show on his own probably and for the plot too

{ Disclaimer } - This work is in no way associated or depicting the actual life of the members of SKZ. It is a fictional piece of work, and I do not own Stray Kids. All works of fiction are loosely inspired by SKZ, and in no way am I saying it is true to their character.

{ A/N } - I honestly have no explanation other than, I kept thinking about how each member would react in general to this show. I've been rewatching the L word, it holds a very conflicting and controversial place in my heart lol. Those who've seen it will understand. ALSO. I hope no one takes this as me trying to say SKZ would fetishize queer people. They absolutely would not!!! The show really is lowkey soft porn. Like, every. single. episode. As a queer woman myself, (and this is tmi so I'm sorrryyyyy), there's been many times where me and partners (both men & women) just get turned on from it and get distracted if you know what I mean. So for some of them I guess I pulled personal inspo? I'm hoping this reaches the right audience, because I had a blast imagining these haha.

I hope someone enjoys this very niche piece of work lol ♡

Bangchan -

He was happy to be walking through your door. After the long schedule he had over the past few days, he looked forward to nothing more than being cuddled up and lazy with you all night. He slid his shoes off, and was about to call out for you, when a sound caught his attention. A loud moan coming from your room, with music in the background. And it didn't sound like you.

Curious, he padded his way down the hall. Were you watching porn? Your bedroom door was open. You were laying in bed, on your stomach, and yeah. On your laptop screen were two women, one laying down on her back making obnoxious groaning noises and writhing on the bed as if she were in pain. The other woman was in between her legs, eating her out. The song playing in the background kept repeating, 'everything is perfect now'. He could almost appreciate the song, if it weren't for the fake moaning. He'd never judge you, but, is this what you get off to?

He was stuck flicking his eyes back and forth from the screen, to you, who still hadn't noticed him in the doorway.  You were unphased, watching the scene play out. You were fully clothed, had a blanket thrown over you, and were munching on chips. Okay, so you watch porn for fun maybe? He doesn't know what to think and he doesn't want to interrupt. 

All of a sudden the scene changes, but the song keeps crescendoing. Now there's another couple having sex. This one is sitting up on a couch, head thrown back in pleasure and silent, her jaw hanging open. Her dark skin is glowing with a layer of sweat, and she's got a blonde woman between her legs. 

What the hell is going on? He can't bring himself to look away though. He's too enthralled with what's on the screen now. As different as it was... it was still hot.

The music fades away and now it's back to the annoyingly noisy girl. Her partner climbs up to kiss her and they're talking as the music fades.

The annoying girl says, "Wow, that was amazing. But, of course it was amazing, because you're a girl and..." she trails away as they start to kiss again, "you know how to do that."

Well that got him thinking... he figures it's objective that a girl would be better at it. He started to wonder what you thought. He knows you've been with women before, and he shouldn't compare himself to them. The thought won't leave his head now though.

"Baby?" He mutters.

You whip your head to face him, eyes wide. Then you're jumping out of bed with a smile, to come give him a hug. 

"Hi Channie! I didn't hear you, when did you come home?" You say and wrap your arms around him. 

He's hugging you back, tightly, "What are you watching?"

"Oh, it's called the L word. It's an old tv show from the early 2000's. A lesbian drama." 

He remembers vaguely hearing of the show before, but it's obviously not in his orbit. 

"It's uh- well... it's very-" He's stuttering and he feels his ears turning red.

You give him a devilish smirk, "It's 99% softcore porn, but the plots can be juicy."

He just chuckles at you, "So... do you think it's true what she said? Are women better at head than men?"

"That's the conclusion you drew?" You started laughing, shaking your head, "Don't listen to Molly, I can't stand her character. No, women are not automatically better at it than men. They can be, but men can be too."

"Hmmm... what about the women you've been with? Are they better than the men you've had?"

You eye him curiously now, "Channie where is this coming from?"

"Nowhere. It just got me wondering." He shuffled his feet.

"Well I can safely conclude that you have given me the best head of my life, Mr. Bang." You give him a kiss on the cheek and smile.

He felt his ego inflate, and suddenly, his pants were too constricting, and he was craving tasting you. He pushed you backwards towards the bed and made you sit. Getting on his knees in front of you, he spread your legs and hooked his fingers underneath your waist band.

He looked up at you, "Mmm, maybe we should test it one or two more times... for scientific purposes, yeah? Just so you can be sure."

Lee Know -

He sat next to you, scrolling on his phone. You were watching what you claimed to be one of your favorite tv shows when you were in high school. At first he paid no mind, figuring he'd have little interest. You were always holed up with Jisung and Hyunjin watching k-dramas, and he thought it would be like one of those. He was just glad to be spending quality time with you.

Oh. How wrong he was. 

Not even ten minutes into the episode, and there were already three different story lines going. He didn't catch all of it, but... A seamstress seemed to be inappropriately touching a client, and the client liked it. Really, liked it. Someone named Jenny got kicked out of the house by her husband. There was a lesbian couple expecting a baby, and talking in extreme detail about the more... difficult parts of pregnancy. Now they're all in what looks to be a yoga class, meditating, doing some kind of ritual?

It was unsettling. And it got his attention. 

He attempted to put his focus back on his phone, since he was still lost on it all, but ultimately he failed. He got pulled back into the show, and now he was putting his two cents in.

"Well if those girls are really their friends, why would they make such a big deal about going to a party. I mean, if you were pregnant. I wouldn't want you going to a party on a boat, even if it was with me. Too many things could go wrong." He argued.

He saw how your face flushed at the mention of you being pregnant by him, and he found it cute. 

"Pregnant women are not that fragile, babe. Besides, they didn't mean any harm by it! They just don't want them to forget about their individuality. They want them to have fun before the baby gets here. Once the baby's out, that's it for adult fun for a while." You counter.

"Okay... but isn't this couple the ones who wanted to start a family? The pregnant girl--"

"Tina." You correct him.

"Tina, said it herself, she's nesting. Let her be. They even made comments about how they don't want the two to become boring. Just because they're having a baby, doesn't make them boring. They know their own lifestyle best. The friends don't seem very supportive to me." 

"I mean, I see what you're saying. But I don't know, maybe age comes into play? They're all different ages, I mean Shane is like 23 and Bette is like 33. Their mind sets are different. But they're all, mostly, really good friends to each other." 

He just hums in response, eyes focusing back to his phone once again. He wanted to get back to playing kartrider, but music starts playing on the tv, and his eyes drift back to the screen. This time he's scoffing, this show is so unrealistic.

"You're telling me, you get a bunch of girls on a boat and they all start dancing, making out, getting naked and having sex in a hot tub? I can see why Bette said no."

"It was literally one girl who got naked, the other few were mostly covered by being underwater." You laughed. 

He's laughing at you now, "It wasn't even just her top half either. I saw everything. And they were touching each other. You said this was your favorite show to watch in high school?" 

"Don't judge me," you start to whine, "I had my sapphic awakening in high school! Shane is soooo hot." 

"I never judge, only tease." He reassures you by pulling you into him to cuddle. 

He abandons his phone, interested in finishing the episode of this crazy show with you. 

"Do you want me to restart? We're still on season one, I can go back." You suggest. 

"No, Jagi. I love you, but I don't think I could understand this show if I tried... But I do want to see how this episode ends." 

You just giggle at him, and snuggle up tighter, resting your head on his chest. 

Changbin - 

The room was dark when his eyes blinked open. Not completely though, there was a faint glow from your side of the bed. He looked at the clock on his desk, next to the bed. It reads 1:43 am, what  are you still doing up? He hadn't moved yet, arm still draped over you as you were laying on your side, watching your phone. 

He looked at your phone screen, and saw... three girls making out? You had the volume muted with captions on, he could see why. One girl took the others top off, and exposed breasts were on display now. He noted how you squirmed a bit, rubbing your thighs together as they continued to make out with each other. 

A smirk spread across his face, as he pulled you closer to him, making you jump. You tried to roll over and face him, but he held you in place.

He brought his lips to your ear, "Is this what you're into, bunny?" 

You gasp, "I- It's not... This i-is just-"

"Shhh, my love," and he presses a soft kiss to your neck, and grinds his hardening length against your ass "let me make you feel good, yeah?"

You whimper and nod, and he continues placing kisses on your neck, his hand trailing down to your thigh. You were only wearing your underwear and one of his shirts, so it was easy for him to gain access.

He lifted your leg and pulled your panties to the side, brushing his fingers through your folds. You were so wet already from watching those girls. He grew painfully hard thinking about that. You two loved to experiment in bed, and he knew you were into women too. But threesomes? Fuck, he could lose his mind at the idea.

His fingers were working you now, usually he'd take his time. Worship you slowly, but tonight he was desperately horny, and he was aching to be inside you. 

"Binnie," You moaned, "Please... need you, now..."

He was feral now. All sense gone, the only thing on his mind was the heat between your legs. He gripped the base of his cock, and lined himself up before slowly pushing in.

He groaned lowly, "You feel so good... fuck."

His first few pumps were slow and deep, and you were whimpering for him.

"Faster... please." You whined. 

And he had flipped you on your back now, legs thrown over his shoulders, and was thrusting into you at a near unbearable pace. The sex was erratic and rushed. His hips snapping into you, as your lips locked to each other, teeth clashing, chasing the high. It was only when you clenched around him, reaching your peak, that his hips stuttered with his own release. 

After he got you both cleaned up, he laid in bed and pulled you into him, with your head resting on his chest. 

He broke the comfortable silence, "Princess, why didn't you tell me that's the kind of porn you're into. I've asked you what you've watched before and you never told me."

"I wasn't watching porn." You said laughing. 

"Oh? Could've fooled me."

"I'm serious! It was a tv show I've been rewatching... but, I mean I'm not against the idea." 

"Of a threesome?" He asked excitedly.

"As long as it's another girl..." You say shyly. 

"Bunny... you're going to get me hard all over again."

Hyunjin -

While he had been preparing lunch in the kitchen, you decided to continue your show you've seen a million times. You never get tired of watching it again. You left off right when Carmen's family arrived in Canada for her wedding, courtesy of Helena.

"Shit." Your boyfriend mumbled, and you glanced back to see him taking the pot off the stove.

He'd been paying so much attention to the screen, the Ramyeon started to boil over. You giggled, and got up to help him. The meal was thankfully salvageable, and you filled two bowls of it. He added the toppings to each, and your lunch was done.

When you both sat down, bowls in hand, the next scene was already playing out. 

Jenny and Max. 

"Ugh, I always hated them as a couple. Max could do so much better." You muttered.

He just hummed in response, unsure of what was going on really, and stuffed another bite in his mouth. 

You watched as Jenny and Claude started their conversation. You had to admit they were two extremely beautiful women. They'd definitely make an attractive couple, but they're both just so toxic. 

Your dramatic boyfriend suddenly gasped, "They're flirting."

"Mhmmm." 

"But isn't that girl with the guy? Max?" He argued.

"Yep. Jenny has always been kind of a piece of crap partner. And sometimes a piece of crap friend." 

The scene continued, and soon you saw the two girls laying in bed naked and discussing literature. Food and wine glasses scattered around them. 

"So she's just flat out cheating at this point?" He asks shocked.

"Nothing new really, Jenny has been a cheater in just about every relationship she's had." 

His suspicions are just doubly confirmed when the two girls start making out. Between puffs of cigarette smoke and broken french sentences, their lips continuously meet. It's passionate and sensual, and you always appreciated the beauty of certain sex scenes in this show. 

It did NOT change the fact that Jenny will always disgust you with her unfaithful actions.

You glance over at him, seeing his chopsticks pressed to his bottom lip, his eyes are glued to the screen still. The two girls are pouring champagne in each other's mouths, making out still as it trickles out of the corners of their lips, down their necks to their chest. 

Claude is dribbling some of it on Jenny's nipples, and Jenny is telling her to lick it off of her like a cat. 

"Jeesh." He says, when Claude does just that.

You let out a belly laugh, "Yeah I don't know how they did some of these scenes, it all seems too realistic sometimes."

"No, I'm just still shocked that she's cheating right now. He clearly would have seen them talking at the ski resort, and leaving together. He's going to know what's up. She should've just broken up with him." 

"Jenny likes to complicate everything in her life. She lives for the drama." 

"Jenny seems to be a narcissistic, deceitful, and adulterous woman." He mumbled. 

He's hooked on everything happening in this show. He was one step ahead of each scene, too. Picking up on the characters dynamics easily. He even called that Shane was going to leave Carmen at the altar, when Shane caught her dad having an affair. 

"She doesn't have to be like her father! Commitment issues aren't passed down by your parents or written into your dna." He whined. 

"I know! But her trauma runs deep, it's no excuse though. Shane has her own problems to work out and heal from. I think right now, it's easier for her to play into the 'it's just who I am' card too. Just like dear old dad."

As the episode ended, on at least three major cliffhangers, he turned to you with his jaw dropped. 

"You're telling me in the last ten minutes of this episode, we're experiencing; a baby being kidnapped by her other mother, Jenny being a transphobic piece of shit WHILE cheating in front of Max, and an heiress being cut off financially by her mother, while her mother is having a lesbian awakening?!" He rushes out in one breath, "On top of not knowing where Shane went? And Shane's dad essentially stole ten thousand dollars?!" 

"I haven't even told you about Lara and Alice's back story. Dana's story will break your heart." You chuckled. 

He just deadpanned you, "Alright, we need to start this over from the top. I'm talking about season one, episode one."

He started making himself comfy on the couch, cuddling up to you and tossing the throw blanket over you two. 

"Are you sure...? This show can get so cringey. Especially in the beginning seasons."

"I'm 1000% sure. It's strangely addicting." 

You just laughed at that, and  snuggled up to him, ready to binge watch this crazy show with the love of your life.

All banner cred: @cafekitsune

Taglist:

@eczlipse @sailor--sun @maisyyyyyy @jupire @prettiichocolateprincess

@meowmeowminnie @joyofbebbanburg @adieu-lisette @sleeping-beau-tay @staytinyluv

@lookitsjess @majorlymismanaged @kpopsstuffs @helloimacalumgirl @bbokarimenu

@bubblepop-stay @mauvemelon @ohhlittlegirl @ang4lheart @spnwinchestersd

@adieu-lisette @loud-minhoe @juwire @anylady-fics @antisocialties

@nebugalaxy @wowitsafemale

As always, please let me know if you'd like to join the taglist. And if you do, pretty please interact with my fics besides liking. Although I appreciate liking as well! Feedback is always cherished! ♡

But again, please be gentle in your criticism! I am but a sensitive soul.

intro + master list

welcome to my corner of delusion.

The SKZ House (series)

Summary: When you, down on your luck and looking for a place to live, see the Sigma Kappa Zeta fraternity ad for an "In-House Stay", you apply and are accepted. Your duties? Cooking...cleaning...oh, and pleasing your assigned members: Hwang Hyunjin and Bang Chan.

Chapter One: Of Breakups & New Housing

Chapter Two: Of Ex's & Tesla's

Chapter Three: Of Blowjobs & Birthdays

Chapter Four: Of Pineapples & Punishment

Chapter Five: Of Mirrors & Lessons

Chapter Six: Of Joy Rides & Hot Tubs

Chapter Seven: Of Watching & Submiting

Chapter Eight: Of Drive-Ins & Wishes

Chapter Nine: Of Halloween & Hallways

Chapter Ten: Of Yin & Yang

Chapter Eleven: Of Triple N's & Multiple O's

Chapter Twelve: Of Delays & Professor Bang

Chapter Thirteen: Of Girl Talk & Berry

Chapter Fourteen: Of Surprises & Closets

Chapter Fifteen: Of Showers & Cabins

Chapter Sixteen: Of Chan & Cuffs

Chapter Seventeen: Of Futures & Flights

Chapter Eighteen: Of Beaches & Baclonies

Chapter Nineteen: Of Chokers & Christmas

Chapter Twenty: Of Father's & Basements

Chapter Twenty-One: Of Rotations & Doors

Chapter Twenty-Two: Of Seungmin and Karaoke

Chapter Twenty-Three: Of You (Chan POV)

Chapter Twenty-Four: Of Changbin and Roses (Coming Soon)

References:

SKZ House Photo Book (to help you picture certain scenes)

황현진 BOYFRIEND HYUNJIN WHO...

bf! hyunjin who likes to squish your face and take pictures of you, so he can blackmail you by threatening to send them to everyone unless you give him a kiss.

bf! hyunjin who spams your instagram comment section whenever you post. "woah do you have a bf?" "all mine 😘"

bf! hyunjin who likes to copy your outfits and act like they're all his ideas

bf! hyunjin who makes spotify playlists to romanticize every moment he spends with you, whether its a road trip compilation or a midnight baking mix

bf! hyunjin who likes to send you red roses when he's far from home and adds fancy little handwritten notes for you to find

bf! hyunjin who brags about you to his friends and feels more proud than jealous when other boys admire you.

bf! hyunjin who changes your lock screen to a selfie of him when you're not looking, so you'll have a constant reminder of him

bf! hyunjin who complains about you stealing his sweatshirts but secretly loves to see you in his clothing

bf! hyunjin who sends you real love letters written on paper, instead of just text messages or emails

bf! hyunjin who pulls you outside so you can slow dance in the pouring rain

bf! hyunjin who likes to sketch you in his notebook whenever you aren't looking; when you're cooking, sleeping, or tapping away on your computer

bf! hyunjin who lets you try out new hairstyles on him and loves to post selfies of him all dolled-up, even if he has sparkly pink bows in his hair

bf! hyunjin who buys your perfume and sprays it on his pillow when you're not with him and he misses you

bf! hyunjin who buys a ring only a few months into dating and hides it in his closet for when he thinks you're ready, because that's just how much he loves you.

ᯓ★ 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ― 𝐇𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧

. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁

. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: idol!Hyunjin x GN!reader, established relationship

𝙂𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚: Fluff, suggestive

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 1.2k — 9 𝙢𝙞𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙

𝙏𝙒/𝘾𝙒: suggestive at the end, mentions of drinking alcohol

𝘼/𝙉: This was my first request for Hyunjin! Jisung's version is coming soon. Hopefully you'll like it! :)

⤷ 𝘊𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘏𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘫𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘢𝘺.

⋮ 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 | 𝗛𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗷𝗶𝗻'𝘀 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 | 𝗝𝗶𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗴'𝘀 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻

. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁

When Hyunjin opened the door to your shared apartment, the smell of different spices hit him first. A little bit confused, he took off his shoes and put down his stuff before walking further into the apartment. He could hear your daily Spotify playlist playing over the speakers in the living room. His feet carried him through the apartment in search of you.

Hyunjin had a long day at work and couldn’t wait to feel your arms wrap around him while he took you into his embrace. He had to stay in the studio a few hours longer than expected because the songs they were working on were not really coming along as they had hoped. Chan tried his best to get it done as fast as possible, but he’s no superhero with superpowers. Sometimes it takes a little bit more work and time to get things done.

Normally, Hyunjin didn’t mind working a few hours longer than planned. That was before he met you, though. Before he met you, he often felt lonely. Sometimes it wasn’t a bad feeling, knowing he could be home as late as he wanted without having to consider anyone else with whom he shared his private life. At other times, he longed for the touch of a partner. He longed for intimate touches but also quick, fleeting ones—kissing his partner goodbye before leaving for work, coming home to cuddle in the late hours of the night, moonlight peeking through the bedroom window.

He found all of that when he met you, and he couldn’t be more grateful for it.

The tension and stress of the long workday began to settle in the muscles of his shoulders and neck. He could use a massage, preferably from you while you left soft kisses on his skin in between, he thought.

As he approached the kitchen, he could hear you humming along with the music. A soft smile graced his face as he stopped to just listen to you. You hadn’t heard him come in yet and were still focused on preparing Hyunjin’s favorite home-cooked meal. Cutting up the ingredients, you added them to the pan on the stove before seasoning everything just right.

Hyunjin watched you work for a few minutes before making himself known. Hearing his footsteps approaching, you let out a small yelp, placing a hand over your heart. “Oh my god, you scared me for a second, Hyune.” His face showed amusement at your reaction. “I didn’t hear you come in. I’m making your favorite meal, though.” You set down the cutlery and wiped your hands with a kitchen towel.

“I figured, but I didn’t want to disturb you. I love to watch you cook.” He took you in his embrace, and you wrapped your arms around him. By the way he leaned into you, you could feel how tired he was. “Long day?”

You felt him nod against you, still holding you close. “So busy, it’s stressful.” You peeked at his face and saw tiredness etched across his features. Giving him a soft peck on the lips, you stepped out of his arms and turned your attention back to the food on the stove, stirring it. Hyunjin came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your frame again, resting his head on your shoulder to watch as you cooked. You hummed along to the music once more, and Hyunjin soaked in the moment. Coming home to you cooking his favorite meal and taking care of him after such a long day was one of the best things in his life.

He absolutely loved his idol life, his career, and all the opportunities he’d had since debuting, but nothing beat this feeling with you—coming home to you, holding you, loving you, and being loved by you. He thanked the gods for the day when he bumped into you after you walked out of the coffee shop. Your drink had spilled all over you, and you were ready to get angry at the person who’d caused the mess. When you looked up, it felt like time stood still for a moment. He was the most beautiful man you’d ever laid eyes on, and you almost wanted to apologize for him bumping into you.

Hyunjin felt the same spark when your eyes met, and his breath caught in his throat. Even with your drink spilled all over your white shirt —which was totally his fault— you still looked gorgeous. Eventually, he made it up to you by buying you a new drink. You two started talking and haven’t stopped to this day.

“Go sit down, baby. I’ll pour you a glass of wine and finish up cooking.” Hyunjin let out a soft sigh as you turned around to get him a glass. He smiled to himself and headed to the bedroom to change. After returning to the living room, he saw a glass of red wine on the coffee table and noticed his favorite movie was already starting on the TV.

“What would I do without them,” he whispered to himself. He settled down on the couch, in his favorite spot, and took a sip of the wine. Finally relaxing, he thought, turning his attention to the TV. After a few minutes, he felt your hands on his shoulders. Softly, you began to massage his tense muscles, and he let his head fall back, closing his eyes. Your hands felt like heaven.

You continued the massage in silence, with the sounds of the TV and your playlist in the background. “Do you want to talk about your day?” you asked after a minute. A sigh left his lips, and he opened his eyes to look up at you. “Nothing special, we just needed to finish this song. It was just a long day.” You nodded and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. “I’ll get two plates, and we can eat in front of the TV. Don’t move, mister.” Hyunjin chuckled, already missing your touch as you went back into the kitchen.

He heard you rummaging around, and after a few minutes, you reappeared with two plates. Sitting down next to him, you handed him his. You ate in comfortable silence, watching the movie you’d put on for him. After dinner, you quickly cleaned the plates and loaded the dishwasher. Hyunjin tried to help, but you motioned for him to stay seated and relax.

“You’re the best, you know that?” he said as you came back with more wine. You sat down and poured him another glass. “You work so hard. I thought I’d surprise you with your favorite meal. It’s the least I could do.”

You smiled softly at him and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. His hand came up to hold yours, and he left a small kiss on the back of your hand. Even though the gesture was small, it still gave you butterflies. Setting down your glass, you turned to him. “Are you fully relaxed now?” He nodded. “I think so. Thank you for taking care of me, baby.”

“Always.” You leaned closer and gave him a soft kiss. “I thought about running you a hot bath, and maybe I can join you?” Hyunjin hummed in agreement and kissed you again. “I think that’s a great idea. Afterward, I can properly thank you for taking care of me.” He pulled back with a smirk on his lips. You saw his gaze darken slightly and nodded, your hands running up his chest before resting at the nape of his neck. Leaning in for another kiss, you whispered seductively, “I think I love that proposal.”

. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁˖ . ܁

Ⓒ︎ 𝗶𝘁𝘀𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥. 𝗗𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵.

─ .✦ 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐅𝐅!𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐧𝐮𝐝𝐞 📲

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: bff!Hyunjin x fem!reader

𝙎𝙎:

𝙂𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚: suggestive, fluff-ish

𝙏𝙒/𝘾𝙒: suggestive, some cursing

𝘼/𝙉: requested! Hopefully, you'll love it :)

⤷ 𝘈𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘯𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵.

𝗠𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 | 𝗛𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗷𝗶𝗻'𝘀 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 | 𝗝𝗶𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗴'𝘀 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻

Ⓒ︎ 𝗶𝘁𝘀𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥. 𝗗𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵.

ᯓ★ 𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 ― 𝐇𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: idol!Hyunjin x fem!reader

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 3,2k (got a little carried away lol) — 𝟮𝟮 𝙢𝙞𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙

𝙂𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚: angst, comfort

𝙏𝙒/𝘾𝙒: hurt/comfort, reader's insecure and hyunjin is being oblivious most of the time

𝘼/𝙉: This is also a request. I normally don't really like reading angst but writing it is so much fun lol. Hope you'll enjoy this one!

⤷ 𝘏𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘫𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘺.

⋮ 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

You were heading to the studio with lunch for Hyunjin and the others. He didn’t reply to your texts all morning so you thought you’d surprise him and the others with lunch. You know how they can be when they are busy, so they probably appreciate it if you bring them something to eat.

You entered the building and down the hall to the studio they’d probably be at. Stopping in front of the door, you see it was not fully closed. Raising your hand to knock before entering, your hand comes to a halt when you hear your boyfriend’s voice.

You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, really. It was just that his voice was a little louder than usual, and you happened to stop by at the wrong time.

“Man, it’s so annoying. My phone keeps blowing up and she won’t leave me alone,” you could hear him let out a frustrating groan. “Sometimes she’s just… too clingy, you know? As if she can’t do anything by herself. ‘S driving me crazy.”

Murmurs followed your boyfriend's confession, but your heart was pounding so loud to hear their responses. Hyunjin said it so casually, but his words hit you like a punch to the gut.

Clingy? He thought you were being too clingy?

You thought you were just showing how much you cared for him — it hadn’t felt like too much. But now it felt like you overstayed your welcome like everything you did and every touch had been one too many.

Fighting back the sudden tightness in your chest, you swallowed hard. You stood by the door for a minute gathering your thoughts, before silently turning around to walk away. Your heart now aching with a newfound distance you weren’t sure how to close.

Apparently, your lingering by the door hadn’t gone unnoticed by one of the members. Felix saw something from the corner of his eye and before he could say something, he saw you turn around and walk away from the studio.

He frowned at the words of his friend and the thought of you possibly overhearing him. “She just cares about you,” Felix spoke up before getting out his phone to text you. He didn’t get a response from the older boy, at least not a verbal one.

You arrived back home when you heard your phone going off. Could it be Hyunjin? Did he text you a lie about how he was just busy and didn’t see your texts coming through?

You hated this. You hated this feeling of being lied to. If he thought it was too much, he should have just said so instead of going to his members behind your back.

Sure, he can vent to his friends. It’s not like you don’t do this with your girlfriends. But complaining about your partner and being actually hurtful? You wouldn’t do that.

You set down the bags that contained the lunch boxes before getting your phone out of your purse. It was Felix, asking if you just stopped by. He had seen you turn around and walk away instead of coming in.

You quickly typed a reply, saying you did want to stop by but forgot something at home. It wasn’t really a lie that he would believe, but at this point, you didn’t want to talk about it.

Your heart felt heavy and when you finally sat down on your couch, you felt the pressure behind your eyes building up.

Maybe you were overreacting? No, this was a valid reaction to something that felt so hurtful. This started a spiral of overthinking.

Were you really that clingy? And was it so bad that he might consider breaking up with you? He knew your last boyfriend said one of the reasons he broke up with you was because you were so overbearing towards him. But it was just because you love to show people you care about them.

In the beginning, Hyunjin assured you multiple times that you weren’t overbearing. He said he loved it when all your attention was on him and that you made him feel so loved and special with every little thing you did for him.

So what has changed?

You had hoped your afternoon would be filled with spending some time with your boyfriend, his friends and good food. Instead, it was filled with overthinking and tears.

In the days that followed you tried to act as if nothing was wrong. You tried to continue on, but his words echoed in your head and it made it impossible for you to be as relaxed as before.

Hyunjin could feel you were pulling back slowly, creating distance between the two of you.

The thing that stood out the most was how your frequent texting went from constant texting him things to a few texts a day to almost radio silence during the day.

Normally, you’d always ask him how his day was going, if he needed something to eat, if you could stop by to see what they were working on and even random things you’ve seen during the day that reminded you of him.

Now it felt like you only texted him out of necessity and not because you wanted to talk to your boyfriend.

The week continued, and it seems like the rift between you and Hyunjin has grown even wider. The tension kept knotting in your stomach and your hands kept fidgeting when you were alone together.

You were asleep, or pretended to be, when Hyunjin left for work and the dinners you had together were being eaten in an uncomfortable silence.

You cancelled a date night with the excuse of not feeling great and went straight to the bedroom. You didn’t come out for the rest of the night, leaving Hyunjin alone with his thoughts.

He felt like you were on edge, but he couldn’t figure out why or what had happened for you to be acting this way towards him. The sudden coldness and distance.

He had to admit, he missed your blabbing during dinner, or when you’re watching a movie and you tell him random fun facts about it. He just could not dwell long on your behaviour, because work still demanded a lot of his time and energy.

This resulted in the members deciding to go out to dinner together when they finished the last remaining details for the comeback. Felix suggested asking you along too; he got the feeling from his friend that something was going on between you.

Hyunjin hasn't talked much about you and what you guys have been up to lately, but he hasn't seen you in the studio during lunch lately either. You would normally come to surprise your boyfriend and the members while they were working hard on their comeback.

This also raised suspicions that you might have overheard Hyunjin's harsh words.

That brings you to here right now, at a table in a fancy restaurant, sitting next to Felix and Hyunjin. Your hands started fidgeting again, a habit you picked up the past few days.

Hyunjin sitting next to you, oblivious to your fidgeting, laughing and chatting with his friends - like hadn’t shattered your confidence with one careless comment.

“Hey, are you alright?” Felix’s voice was soft as he leaned closer, his concern clear. You gave him a small, forced smile.

“Yeah, just tired,” you mumbled. The lie felt heavy, but the ache in your chest felt even heavier.

Hyunjin’s laughter pulled your attention back to him. He looked so carefree and completely unaware of the hurt he’d caused. That’s what stung the most—how easy it was for him to say something that lingered with you, while he didn’t seem bothered at all.

Did he really not notice? Or does he not care enough to do something about it. Then again, you didn’t know if you should bring it up to him.

Felix spoke up again, “I haven’t seen you at our studio during lunchtime lately. What’s up with that?”

His attention was fully on you, trying to figure out what was going on in that head of yours. The question seems to caught you off guard. He observed you telling a forced lie to him about your absence. Suspicion confirmed.

Your eyes strayed quickly to Hyunjin but it seemed you didn't want to focus your attention on your boyfriend. His attention went to your hands, which were still fidgeting. He knew now that you indeed heard your boyfriend tell his members that he thought you were clingy and it was eating away at you.

This needs to be resolved quickly, he thought, but he didn’t want to intervene right now. It seems like you need a friend in this moment and he wanted to help you not have the troubling thoughts in your head for a moment.

He switched up the conversation with a different question to ease your mind, and you seemed to be eager to change the topic.

And this did work for a while, you were having good food and good conversations with the rest of the group. Except for Hyunijn, and it didn’t go unnoticed by him.

After the dinner ended, and everyone went their separate ways home, you fell back into an uncomfortable silence again. The car ride home seemed to last hours when it was in fact only a 20-minute drive.

Hyunjin tried to place his hand on your leg, but you just slightly turned your body the other way and faced the window the entire ride home.

When you stepped foot into your apartment, you immediately headed to your bedroom to change into your pyjamas. Hyunjin still was a little confused and watched you disappear into the bedroom.

Deciding to confront you about the distance he felt, he went after you. You were already in the bathroom, removing your make-up.

“Hey,” Hyunjin’s voice was cautious, a little hesitant. “Is something wrong?”

You didn’t answer him straight away. Your eyes found his and you looked at him through the mirror, before settling back to your own reflection to continue removing your make-up.

Should you admit that you’d heard everything? The hurt twisted inside you, mingling with the fear of pushing him away even more.

Finally, you turned to face him, your voice barely audible. “Do you really think I’m clingy?”

The question clearly caught him off guard, he just stood there and blinked at you. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but the words didn’t leave his lips.

The silence followed by your question was suffocating and it made you second — no, triple—guess all the thoughts and emotions you’ve felt for the past days. The reaction he gave you made your mind wonder if you might be overreacting to five simple words.

‘Sometimes she’s just too clingy’.

You felt so vulnerable, but you couldn’t hide your unspoken thoughts anymore. Your eyes stayed focused on Hyunjin. He swallowed thickly before parting his lips to speak. “You’ve heard?”

He had no idea you were at the studio, or near the studio when he was venting to his members.

A sad and tired sigh left your lips and you turned your attention back to your reflection, continuing your skincare. It felt weird, acting as if it was just a normal question, meanwhile the words chipped away at your confidence.

“It’s just... sometimes...” His voice finally broke the tension, but it didn’t sound as sure as you’d hoped. Running a hand through his hair, frustration flickering across his features.

You could see him trying to find the right words, but every second he hesitated only making your chest tighten more.

“What? Sometimes what?” you pressed on. “I’m sometimes too much? Am I too close all the time? Overbearing? I can’t do anything by myself?” Though your voice was quieter now, he could hear the hurt and uncertainty bleeding through.

He winced slightly at your words and pressed his lips together. He let out another sigh, “No, it’s not like that. I- I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words.

You didn’t respond to his words, just waiting for an explanation as to why he said you were ‘too clingy’ and ‘couldn’t do anything by yourself’. But the explanation never seemed to come, the words stuck in his throat.

Though, you weren’t sure what you wanted to hear. His silence felt louder than any explanation he could have given.

“I was venting, and I just… I didn’t know you heard that... I’m sorry.” Frustration was seeping into his features. “It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you or- or what you do!” His voice softened and his eyes searched yours.

He didn’t know whether to take a step towards you and reach out or keep his distance, though the latter option is something you already succeeded in the past few days.

It didn’t feel good enough for you. The words fell flat between you, without meaning. You felt your chest tighten again and the suffocating feeling in your throat came back. The burning sensation of fresh tears behind your eyes was building up, ready to be released down your cheeks.

Turning away from him and nodded, “I get it, Hyunjin.” The man winced at the sound of your voice and hearing his name coming from your lips. “It’s fine. My ex said the same things, I’m used to it by now.”

It wasn’t fine. You weren’t used to it, not by a long shot. But you didn’t know if you could handle hearing more, or even if you wanted to.

Pushing past him, you went back into your bedroom. Turning on the lamp on your bedside table, you pulled back the covers and got into bed. Hyunjin lingered in the bathroom, trying to gather his thoughts on how he could explain to you he didn’t mean it like that.

He didn’t mean to hurt you, it was just in the heat of the moment and being stressed out because of work didn’t help either. Not that it should be an excuse.

You reminded him of the words your ex had said to you tugging at his heartstrings. That hurt. He knew it was a bad and rough break-up for you.

Even though it was so significantly small for him, something said in passing when he was stressed, holds an entirely different meaning and feeling for you.

You lay in bed staring at the window, silently letting the salty tears run down your face, and onto your pillowcase. From your position in bed, you reached out to turn off your light. The darkness engulfed you.

Hyunjin came into the bedroom after a minute. You felt the bed dip behind you, and he softly reached out to you. He rested his hand on your shoulder, trying to be comforting to you.

He could hear your breathing, uneven and heavy. Without seeing your face, he knew tears were rolling down.

The moonlight is peeking through the see-through curtains in front of the window., and it lit up your face. Right now, that was the only light in the room. You stayed quiet, not trusting your voice to say anything to your boyfriend.

“It’s not fine,” he murmured, almost like he was talking more to himself than to you. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.” When he didn’t hear anything from you, he continued.

“I just…” He exhaled slowly, clearly struggling. “I didn’t know how to explain it. Sometimes, when I’m stressed or overwhelmed, I don’t know how to handle things. But it’s not about you. It’s never about you.”

His words hovered between you. The sting of what you’d overheard lingered, reminding you of how easy it was for him to call you clingy in front of the others.

You wondered if he even realized how much that had hurt, or if he was just trying to smooth things over now that he knew you’d overheard.

“Then why say it at all?” you whispered, barely able to keep your voice steady. “If it wasn’t about me, why say it like that? Why make me feel like… like I’m too much?”

Hyunjin looked pained, his eyes flickering with regret as he gently pulled you to him in the dark. “You’re not too much. You never are.” At his words, you turned to face him.

Carefully he reaches for your hair to brush the loose strands from your face. “I know it's not an excuse to say I was stressed, but I really didn't mean it. The past few days I felt the distance between us and it ate away at me. I didn't know what was going on and what I had done to make you distance yourself from me.”

Your silence urges him to continue, “I didn't know how to bring this up, but I understand why you've been so distant these past few days. I was just venting to my friends without realizing this could hurt you. Especially after your break-up with your ex, I'm so sorry...”

His fingertips traced the side of your face before wiping away the tears that ran free. You swallowed hard, you wanted to believe him. You really did, because it is normal for people to vent about their feelings, good and bad.

But another part, the part that heard him so casually say you were clingy, kept you guarded.

Your hand reached out for his that was still lightly tracing your face, “I don’t want to feel like I’m smothering you, Hyunjin. I just… I don’t know what to do now.”

“You know, I missed your random texts. The one you always send if you see something that reminds you of me. And when you ask me how my day is going. The boys also have been asking about you, y’know.”

The sincerity in his voice made you look up at him. “They miss you at lunch too, just like I do.” For the first time since this conversation started, you saw the cracks in his usual confidence.

“It really hurt, the way you said it so casually too. And it felt like a punch in the gut after you know what my ex said to me. But it is my insecurity, not yours. I just need to figure out how to deal with it.”

He gently shook his head. “If you feel hurt about what I said, that is completely valid. I know it is an insecurity of yours, and I shouldn’t have been so casual about it.”

You let out a sigh and initiated intertwining your fingers with his. The small act brought a soft smile to his face. Watching your features, being lit up by the moonlight, he felt his racing heartbeat calm down.

“We’ll figure it out together baby. If I feel like I don’t need a distraction during work, I’ll put on my do-not-disturb mode on my phone, okay?” His words made you nod in agreement.

“And I will try to communicate my feelings more, especially when it comes to something like this. I realize now that I just have to talk about this when it bothers me.”

In response to your words, he nodded. “I love you, baby, so much.” Before you could respond he drew you closer, his lips brushing yours in a lingering kiss. “I love you too Jinnie.” You tugged him closer, kissing him with tender, quiet softness. You finally felt the tightness in your chest melt away.

He wanted to do better for you. His hand in yours felt like a promise—one he wasn’t going to let slip away.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

Ⓒ︎ 𝗶𝘁𝘀𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥. 𝗗𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵.

─ .✦ 𝐓𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐛𝐟!𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐫 📲

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: idol!Hyunjin x reader, established relationship

𝙂𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚: fluff

𝙎𝙎: 10

𝙏𝙒/𝘾𝙒: fluff fluff fluff

𝘼/𝙉: part of a request and it was just really cute. Took some inspo for this request of my conversations I have with my boyfriend when I'm away for a few days lol

⤷ 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘺𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘳.

⋮ 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 | 𝗛𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗷𝗶𝗻'𝘀 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 | 𝗝𝗶𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗴'𝘀 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻

Ⓒ︎ 𝗶𝘁𝘀𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥. 𝗗𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵.

one of my fav hyune fics omg love this sm ahhh and i felt so seen when reader was a swiftie loll 🥹🫶

off-limits

synopsis: hwang hyunjin was multiple things to you: incredible. god-like. everything. but most of all, he was off-limits. that is, until, you both are forced to share a room at a beach getaway. sounds perfectly romantic, right? except for your fear of the ocean and his recent break-up.

pairing: non-idol!hyunjin x fem!reader

genre: best friends brother trope, one room trope, angst, fluff

warnings: mentions of alcohol, swearing, mentions of death, nightmares, graphic description of nearly drowning, eating and food, slightly suggestive, near death experience

please do not read if any of these topics are triggering

word count: 15.4k words

playlist: box in the ocean - alessia cara, swimming pools - francis on my mind, mixtape: time out - stray kids

a/n: guys. my baby is here. this was requested by the wonderful @scarlet789 also, shout out to my bae avi (@stayinlimbo) for letting me scream in her dms. as usual, pls leave your comments and reblog!! they mean everything to me <3

"all these explosive emotions, i'm holding"

Hwang Hyunjin was multiple things to you. Beautiful, heavenly and ethereal were just a few words to describe him. Off-limits, however, was probably the best and most encompassing in this situation. He was your best friend Hyun-jee's brother, and a long time ago, you chose friendship over love.

Hyun-jee and her brother came from an extremely well off family. Hyun-jee's mother was a famous model while her father was the owner of one of the most popular media channels in South Korea. Unlike the stereotypical rich kid, however, Hyun-jee genuinely did want to inherit her father's business someday, eagerly waiting to take over as CEO after his retirement. For now though, she was content with just being the CFO of their overseas subsidiary.

Hyunjin however, was a bit of an enigma when it came to company legacy. Rebellious couldn't be the right word considering his parents never really minded about what he would become (they did have the extremely ambitious to the point of it being slightly terrifying younger daughter). Hyunjin was destined for greatness though. The entire Hwang family was. To your astonishment, even the family dog had his own fanpage.

Hyunjin had cemented himself in the art industry, having gone to a special arts high school and studied painting in Paris for a few years. His artwork sold in the millions, and their relevance was extremely pertinent to everyday life. A part of you marveled about how you even came to become friends with such extraordinary people when you were just the opposite of that, bland and normal.

You first met Hyun-jee in boarding school, you with a scholarship and starry eyes and Hyun-jee with her father's massive paycheck and worldly wisdom that rivaled that of the oldest ahjumma's. It was an international one, meaning that the medium of speaking was almost entirely English. You could have taken Korean as well, of course, but you opted for French instead. That was when you met Hyun-jee, the dorm arrangements being set according to the second language chosen.

Hyun-jee shone as bright as a star but she never made that cover your light. If anything, she amplified it to an incredible degree. Being friends with her wasn't slavery (as popularized by fiction), but instead it was earth-shaking, revolutionary and the most brilliant thing to happen.

Ah, fourteen year old minds.

But really, Hyun-jee was a friend you would always cherish, having been extremely close to her even after graduation. Every first day of school, you two would curl up in the couch of your common room and start telling each other all about your wild summers.

You knew, of course, about Hyun-jee's brother, but she rarely brought him up. He was a slightly sensitive topic in your friendship and you knew why. All you knew was that he liked painting and was a year older than Hyun-jee.

To be completely honest, not only were you Hyun-jee's best friend, you were also probably her first and only close friend. People had a tendency to get close with Hyun-jee just to take advantage of her family. Nine out of ten times, that was girls who wanted to date Hyunjin.

Hyun-jee loved you for being completely unaware about who she was until after you met her. Not being a South Korean native, you had no idea who the Hwang family was. The only member you did personally know was Hwang Hyun-jee, future CEO. Except to you, she was nearly a sister. She was the girl who snorted milk out of her nose while laughing, owned practically a shrine dedicated to Michael B. Jordan and had the most awful bed head. You saw a Hyun-jee that she only showed to two people in this world: you and Hyunjin.

━━━━━━━✦✗✦━━━━━━━━

All that ambiguity was about Hyunjin was about to change however, that junior year of high school. It was the first day of school and you were waiting for Hyun-jee to be dropped off near the school gates. This time though, it wasn't her old driver but someone a lot younger pulling up to the school front.

Hyun-jee opened the door and practically flew into your arms, causing a giggle to arise from your mouths and the both of you slightly stumbling backwards. Behind her, you heard a throat clear.

"Your bags, miss?" came an overly exaggerated tone of what you assumed was a male.

"Oh, piss off Hyunjin," snapped Hyun-jee, straightening her school uniform and letting go of you. She quickly introduced you both to each other. Hyunjin offered his hand and, your brain must have been on autopilot because your hand smoothly grabbed his without a hitch.

Your mind, however, was a mess.

Hyunjin was absolutely gorgeous. You could tell why so many women (and some men) pined over him. His then blonde hair fell into his eyes and he had a literal, a literal twinkle in his eyes. You probably just imagined it, but when your hand grabbed his, you felt a shock coursing through (although in hindsight it was probably just static electricity). He was attractive, yes, but you wouldn't really call it a crush, per se. It was more of a 'hey. you're good looking.' type of situation, not a 'i have envisioned our entire future together pls marry me.' kind of situation.

That was, until, Hyun-jee invited you (well, more forced by her parents to invite you) to spend the summer before senior year at her family's ski resort.

Hyunjin made you feel like you were glowing, like you were the only person in the room. If Hyun-jee amplified your brightness, Hyunjin captured it, understanding you in a way nobody else did.

While Hyun-jee was off skiing and being athletic, you and Hyunjin spent hours locked in the library. Sometimes, you sat in silence. Other times, you talked about everything under the sun, from classical literature and Jane Austen to cat videos and singing to Taylor Swift.

Being a huge bookworm yourself, you adored the concerningly large labyrinth which they called a  library housed in their lodge. Hyunjin would paint on a chair with him and his easel facing you as you would lounge on the sofa, poring over yet another thick, hard bound novel. Then, you would pass that book to Hyunjin, who would also read it, giving you both a topic of conversation.

You were never bitter towards Hyun-jee for leaving you behind with Hyunjin while she took classes and taught classes at the local ice rink and snow hill. She always was better left outside than cooped up inside, unlike you and Hyunjin who were ambiverted to a fault and short-circuited if outdoors for too long.

In fact, you were thankful for it. If Hyun-jee hadn't been gone long enough for you and Hyunjin to have some time together, you never would have experienced falling in love with him. If that is what it was.

Your relationship never blossomed into something more than soft smiles and knowing glances, even the occasional (and never accidental, at least on your part) brush of fingers being constrained and a rare occurrence. Even though you weren't sure if Hyunjin had such feelings towards you, you both knew that there was a line you couldn't cross.

Still, your brain romanticized all of it. Being in love with you best friend's brother, secluded moments in a library... it really was turning into an 'i have found a wedding dress. get a ring. we are already mentally married.' cacophony of feelings. Paired with the snowy backdrop of the mountains and Hyunjin more often than not offering you his hoodie, you were, to put it mildly, in heaven.

"Hey, do you want to make hot chocolate or bake something? I'm not really getting inspiration to paint and..." Hyunjin just waved his arm around, trailing off and looking at you with hopeful eyes.

The lodge had a personal chef who could whip something up at just a sentence. He knew that. You knew that. You grinned at him, "Okay. Let's do it."

The two of you worked your way up to the private kitchen (the shock you felt and finding out they had two kitchens was so comical that Hyun-jee even recorded it). Baking with Hyunjin was terrifying. By the end of it, you had flour all over you, Hyunjin having icing on his cheek. The end result was delicious but very off-putting looking cupcakes.

While Hyunjin busied himself with cleaning, you swiped your thumb across the icing that had laid base on his face (conveniently missing the tissues practically staring at you).

Hyunjin turned his head to look at you in surprise, eyebrows scrunched and cheeks puffed. "I'm sorry," you stammered, "There was icing and-"

"No," he laughed, "It's not that. Your hands are really cold. I thought I was doing a good job of keeping you warm."

A small pout formed on his face as he motioned to take your hands. You obliged and he rubbed them for a bit, humming along to some pop song that was trending. As he was doing so, you nearly bore a hole into the floor with tour eyes, trying (and hopefully succeeding) in hiding the massive blush threatening to creep onto your face.

That night, Hyun-jee asked you nonchalantly, "Is something going on between you and my brother?"

While the question might have seemed like an innocent one, you knew the venom and pain behind it. Your thoughts were only confirmed by her usage of the terminology 'my brother', instead of just his name.

You were laying down on her bed, bile rising in your throat. Love or friendship? The thoughts in your head collided, crashing into each other like a tsunami. Hyun-jee had been there for you your entire time in Korea, caring for you like you were her own blood. Hyunjin had only known you for a few weeks but made you feel like the only girl in the world.

Your conflicting feelings towards both your situations gnawed and twisted at you like a thorn bush, scratchy weeds clawing at you and desperately awaiting respite. All it would take to get rid of that awful feeling would be one sentence of confirmation or otherwise.

Hyun-jee made eye contact with you through the mirror as she brushed her hair. "Well?" she prompted, slightly impatiently.

You rolled over onto your stomach, eyes locked onto hers. "Hm? Sorry I couldn't hear you. Nope, we're just friends, if you can even call it that." You shrugged at her and she shot you a grateful smile, eyes full of relief. Your stomach, on the other hand, was tangled up in knots that felt painfully similar to the knots that had wound their way into your heart.

Hyunjin didn't see you in the library again.

━━━━━━━✦✗✦━━━━━━━━

The irony of your situation, looking back was, well... ironic. Of the three months that you spent with the Hwang family, half of it went in trying to spend as much time with Hyunjin as possible and the other half went in avoiding him at all costs.

You were never a hopeless romantic, not really. You knew what love practically looked like, and that it wasn't perfect. If it was, then the phrase wouldn't be something as harsh as falling in love, would it? However, one thing that you constantly chided yourself about was the importance of first love.

You placed first love on a pedestal higher than anything else. You were extremely meticulous about it though. You were frighteningly determined to experience the most perfect first love one ever could, tailored to your desires. Falling in love with Hyunjin, however, was not part of the plan.

Falling in love with Hyunjin was like breathing. It came so naturally, as if it was always there but couldn't be shaken off as soon as you noticed it. It felt inevitable, it felt like life was giving you another reason to live in the form of a soft-spoken artistic boy who had a penchant for dyeing his hair.

It was so extremely easy too. How could it not be? The way his eyes crinkled in the sides when he smiled and high pitched laugh were sensations that you would pay anything to relive. The way his eyes never left you when you passionately (and sometimes violently) gesticulated about your favorite books, the way he somehow understood what you were communicating his way even without you verbalizing it, made you realize that no one had ever quite made you feel this way.

'This way', being, feeling excited at just the mere thought at knowing that you were inhaling the same air as them. Small firecrackers igniting in your stomach at just the thought of seeing them. Feeling like you would simultaneously combust and drown if you couldn't be with them.

You often lied to yourself though. No, it wasn't love. Just a passing crush, was your mantra, repeated over and over again in your head until you almost believed it. Almost. A passing crush wouldn't entail not being able to concentrate on anything apart from Hyunjin when he was in front of you. A passing crush wouldn't cause you to look at him when he thought you weren't, in an attempt to memorize his features, capture every moment and seal it in an imaginary locket.

The reason why you made yourself think these thoughts were because you were unraveling. The realization that your first love did not love you back, not even a little bit (or so you thought) crashed down all your ideals about romance. The you that existed back then was positive that you would never, ever, love again. If the person you had first fallen in love with couldn't fall in love with you, then how could anyone else?

Of course, compared to your life now, such issues felt trivial. Right? Then why did you still have such a hard time forming romantic attachments? Why was your self-esteem when it came to be loved was in the gallows, rotting in the negatives?

It wasn't Hyunjin's fault, it never was in your head. It was the causation and effect of your own fucked up idolization of falling in love for the first time. You had so profoundly accepted the notion of first love being unforgettable that you only assumed it to be positive, not even thinking about how you would grapple with the situation if it were negative.

Maybe if you did, you would learn and grow from every failed romance that you would have, all up until you found 'the one', even if it was just for that moment. But you didn't. Instead, you had grown such a clawing and deafening fear of rejection that you refused to fall in love at all.

Somedays, the loneliness would get to you. The day Hyun-jee announced to you that she officially had a girlfriend, you were happy, immensely so, but a part of you just... broke. Going to parties and dinners and even just staying in with your friends meant that you had to witness all the small things about love that you would never experience.

Your friends and their significant others were never obvious around you. They weren't constantly touching each other and making comments about their undying love for each other. But even those tiny actions, the little aspects, didn't go unnoticed by you.

The small smile of affection on one's face at anything the other did, an entire conversation passing through just a glance, the featherweight touches that probably had a heavier meaning that you would ever know - all of this was just something you could vicariously experience through the people in love all around you.

Maybe, if you weren't such a coward, you would be in love right now too, instead of wallowing in despair and the trenches of missing out.

On the last day of your stay at the Hwang lodge, you went to the library to see Hyunjin one last time. For seeking some sort of closure? Probably. For seeing Hyunjin one last time and committing his features and mannerisms, anything and everything that made up him to memory? Definitely.

You had pushed the doors open softly, letting out a shaky breath and attempting to still your restless legs. Hyunjin was hard at work behind a large canvas, propped up on a wooden easel. His arm furiously brushed against the canvas, angry strokes slapping against the medium of artwork.

He didn't notice you, continuing his work, until you cleared your throat. "Hi," you said uncertainly. Hyunjin looked at you in perplexation, like a deer caught in headlights. Quickly turning around his easel and regaining his composure, he motioned for you to take a seat on the couch.

You took him in, the light streaming in from the large window bathing him in cold sunlight that glinted off the snow. He looked like he wasn't human. It hit you, the absurdity of it all. If there was one word you would use to describe Hwang Hyunjin, it would be human.

He captured humanity within him in the sweetest form possible. He wasn't the blueprint, not by any means; he could be petty, overly dramatic and had a bit of a temper. But he was kind-hearted, constantly curious and overwhelmingly empathetic. He was so perfectly imperfect that it was incredible to you how someone like him could be a product of society as cruel as this.

"I leave in a few weeks," he said almost ponderingly, breaking a silence that hung between the two of you that was, for the first time, uncomfortable.

"If you want, I can get you something," he enunciated. You knew there were several unsaid words on his end; there were some on yours as well. But you had almost no indication about what they could possibly be, and were itching to know what they were.

"We can't- we can't be friends," you blurted out.

Hyunjin's expression was one of expectation. So he knew this was coming. He sat down next to you and let out a resounding sigh.

"I know. I'll send you something from Paris anyways," he lightly responded, attempting to liven up the mood. You just raised a shoulder and the two of you sat there for what felt like hours. Finally, you got up and made your way to the door. But before that, you stopped.

"Do you mind if I see what you were painting?"

Hesitantly, Hyunjin turned the easel around. You were met with absolutely nothing, just splashes of water all over the canvas.

"Artist's block," he said matter-of-factly.

You nodded as if you understood, even though you didn't and walked out the door with a, "Thank you. I'm sorry."

Head hung in shame, you took a step outside. You were about to step out when a voice called out to you, "It was nice, to pretend. Even if it was just for a while."

You turned to give him a wry smile, "Thank you for making summer fun for me."

He would understand what you told him. You knew he would. But that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt. That was the last time you had ever physically seen Hwang Hyunjin, ever spoken to him.

He never sent you anything from Paris.

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While you wished that your relationship with Hyunjin would be one for the romcoms, your relationship with Hyun-jee was definitely one for the situational comedies. The rich girl becoming best friends with the new scholarship student? Cable TV viewer gold.

If you were being completely honest, the first time you met Hyun-jee you did find her a little bit stuck up. The two of you had to end up being friends though. Studying the same language, French, meant that she was your roommate for the four years you would spend at that high school (unbeknown to you then, she would spend another five years as your roommate in university).

Seeing Hyun-jee walk into the dorm room, decked in designer clothes and lugging a large suitcase behind her, was enough to demolish your self-confidence. The sight made you feel extremely self-conscious about your jeans, which were sporting gravy stains, and the mud brown sweater vest which your mother simply insisted you must buy.

All your fear disappeared, however, when one of Hyun-jee's heels (Dior!) caught on the edge of the living room carpet. She collapsed onto it, placing her palms face down to avoid hitting her face. She looked up at you.

"Hi, I'm Hyun-jee. I would shake your hand, but this is the unfortunate circumstance of letting my mother style me for the first day of school."

You laughed and offered her your hand and she held onto it, steadying to her feet. You gave her your name and a once-over to make sure she wasn't hurt. Then when you finally looked into her eyes, the two of you burst into laughter over the farcical situation that had just taken place. You both were wheezing by the end of your solid ten minute fit of laughter, laying on the couch in contorted positions and trying to catch your breath. Her eye caught yours, just setting of another bout of giggles.

You two had been inseparable ever since.

Hyun-jee wasn't as perfect as she was made out to be, and she had no shame in it. If she had the choice, she would go everywhere in her pajamas. She was horrible at Math and made fun of the World History teacher you both shared, convinced he was a Freemason. Hyun-jee was as human as one could get.

Even her parents were quite natural around you, or at least the cookies her mother sent everywhere which she and Hyun-jee baked made it seem that way. Hyun-jee was always sensitive when it came to the topic of her family. She skirted around it when it was a topic of conversation as if it was poison.

It wasn't that she had a bad relationship with them; she adored her family. She just seemed extremely uncomfortable about the topic, so you never really pried, instead regaling her with stories about your two younger sisters, parents and lineage of goldfish with abnormally high mortality rates.

There was moment in your life when you understood the gravity of just how alone people like Hyun-jee was in this world. You had noticed, that despite being extremely well-known and friendly with everyone, Hyun-jee could only call you her friend. On the other hand, you weren't at all as well known as Hyun-jee but had multiple friends.

That moment was at this end of the year party your academy was hosting to celebrate the end of exams. The upperclassmen were planning to go to another location, without teachers for an afterparty, but you had convinced Hyun-jee against attending it. She always had been the risk taker in your friendship.

You were walking around, checking off your social pleasantries. Light shone in the big auditorium and you swished around your floral flock. You caught Hyun-jee rejecting yet another poor guy (too bad he didn't know she was gay), and laughed a little to yourself. Even at fourteen, Hyun-jee had model-like looks. Probably because she inherited them.

You were lost in the moment of it all, entranced by the fact that you were even standing here. Coming to this prestigious international academy was your dream. It would kickstart your scientific career, which, back then, only revolved around discovering something incredible and winning a Nobel Peace Prize.

You came from an extremely mundane family. Middle class, living in a different country in a three bedroom apartment. Both of your parents worked in software engineering, and while you loved them for it, you couldn't help but find it slightly boring. You wanted to do something great, be someone great.

Hyun-jee must have walked over to you at some point in time when you hadn't noticed, because she laced her arms through the crook of your elbow and asked, "What's got you so concentrated, wife?"

Hyun-jee had a habit of jokingly calling you her wife, which you always entertained because why not? She had made it extremely clear that she would never date you, despite being romantically interested in women. "Eh, too nerdy," was her response when you asked why. She wasn't wrong though; if it wasn't for your 'nerdiness', you wouldn't be where you were.

You just shrugged in response to her question and turned to give her a smile. The expression you were met with gave you a bit of a surprise. For once in her life, Hwang Hyun-jee looked serious about something. Her normally mischievous eyes were now set in an unreadable expression.

"What is it?" you asked as the two of you headed to the buffet. Hyun-jee grabbed two plates, one for you and one for her, and proceeded to put a little bit of everything in her plate onto yours, despite you already having taken a lot.

She didn't give you a reply, instead opting to walk towards the table where you two had laid claim. You towed behind obediently, sitting down with a satisfied 'ah!' after having been standing for over an hour. You were digging into your food, relishing the taste of school food that was good for once (okay, that was a lie; your school actually gave you good food but that was only justified considering the insane costs).

"I was trying to figure out a way to say this but..." Hyun-jee's voice faltered.

Your glanced at her, finally looking up from your plate after eating like a starved, ravenous beast. Your eyes slightly widened. Did she not want to be friends with you anymore?

Hyun-jee took a visibly deep breath, "I just wanted to say thank you."

"Thank you for being my friend. I have never really had anyone to call my own. If anybody ever got close to me, it was just to take advantage of me or use me to gain access to my family. Especially when it comes to my brother that I mentioned, remember? Hyunjin. Guys aren't friends with me because they're intimidated by him and girls only become friends with me because they want to date him. All my life I have felt like nothing more than a porcelain doll, only valuable because I held the title of being a Hwang daughter. I was labelled before I was even born, I have had to wear that label, written all over myself with fake pride, even though it sickens me. That was until I met you though. As Disney cliché as it sounds, you not knowing anything about my family and treating me like a normal person has really made me feel seen this past couple of months. Thank you, Y/N, for being my friend. A real one."

Tears began streaming down your face and streaming down her face. Paired with the emotional word vomit that Hyun-jee had just placed before you and both of you being on your menstrual cycles, this was kind of bound to happen.

You reached over to give her hand a squeeze. You were unable to say anything, partly because you were choked up with emotion and mostly because you had stuffed an entire slice of chocolate cake into your mouth while Hyun-jee was in the middle of her monologue.

That was the day that you made sure to make Hyun-jee never feel used, and that started with keeping her family at a seven-foot man's arm's length.

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seven months before.

Needless to say, your friendship with Hyun-jee wasn't always perfect. One topic that often came up during arguments was stepping out of the house. Hyun-jee was naturally more extroverted whereas you preferred the comfort of your home.

You both came up with a plan to alternatively go out and stay in while you both were roommates in college and this practice continued well after Hyun-jee had graduated.

Hyun-jee had dragged you to this upper class, high profile party as her plus one. Her girlfriend was at her parents' home and Hyun-jee simply 'could not go alone or would combust'. Regret at deciding to attend university in Korea was palpable in you (but no where else would you get delicious kimchi).

Beads of sweat clung to your forehead as you surveyed your surroundings. The party was filled with almost-drunk socialites, foreshadowing business deals and gossiping with each other. You rarely attended such events with Hyun-jee; this was her circle, not yours. You always overthought every little interaction that you had with one of them, turning it over in your head millions of times.

Even at such an event taking place at a simple rooftop resto-bar, you spotted the occasional man wearing an entire three piece set and woman rocking an evening gown. You had confirmed with Hyun-jee about what the dress code was multiple times leading up to the event, not ready to lose face in front of such prestigious people. She kept reassuring you that it was 'casual'. Clearly, the upper class' definition of casual and yours were worlds apart.

You were wearing a black, tight crop top, white skirt and white jacket that was currently below your shoulders and in caught in the crook of your elbows. You had already fended off quite a few men approaching you with a look in their eyes which made you quite uncomfortable. Having excused yourself uncountable times using numerous excuses (you had to put use to the skills that you had picked up on as an ambivert), you decided to step out onto the open area to catch some fresh air.

You glanced at the cup in your hand, not knowing where it came from. It definitely looked alcohol though, and you sent a small glare towards the cup while you set it on the first surface that you could fine. You drank sometimes, but today you opted against it. You were going to be driving yourself home and knew that Hyun-jee was going to be wasted, having lost her a few minutes after entering the premises. 

You knew that Hyunjin was there too, and were uneasy at the prospect of seeing him again. After the ski lodge, you never really met him again. He had taken you phone number once while he dropped of you and Hyun-jee snowboarding while you were there at their lodge. You both rarely texted, never going beyond the cordial 'happy birthday's' and exchanging wishes during various holidays. He never questioned why you stopped coming to the library, just giving you an understanding nod when you linked arms with Hyun-jee and looked at him with guilt evident in you eyes.

Deciding to ditch whatever the hell this glorified adult frat party, you made your way to the front door when you caught sight of Hyunjin. He sat near the door, scrolling on his phone. He seemed as uninterested to be here as you were. His hair was black now, slightly wavy at the end. You knew that; of course you knew. You followed him on social media and witnessed his hair evolution, praying for his scalp while you did so.

"Hi Hyunjin," you said hesitantly. Hyunjin glanced at you, surprise evident in his face while his eyes scanned yours, "I was just about to head out. I thought I'd stop by and say hello."

"Oh, you're leaving?" he questioned in a tone of confusion laced with something else. Recognition, maybe. "Call me when you get home, so I know you're safe."

He must have noticed you expression of apprehension, because he quickly added, "So I can let Hyun-jee know when we drive home of course. I think she mentioned that we're driving to our parents house tonight."

You aren't shocked by his request, knowing how protective (and worried to death) he can be, but were taken aback at the fact that he did not want nothing to do with you. "I actually wasn't planning on going home," you told him.

At that, it was Hyunjin's turn to wear an expression of surprise. You drank in his features as you noticed the gears twisting in his head. He was thinking hard about something. Deciding that this was his way of dismissing you, you headed towards the door that led to the stairwell that would take you downstairs. Abruptly appearing beside you was Hyunjin, giving you a small tap on your shoulder.

He offered you a small smile. "Mind if I join you?"

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Hyunjin was probably at that party because of his presence in the art world. Something about his art always spoke to you, in ways the no other piece of media ever did. You always proudly reminisced about how Hyunjin showed you artwork that summer that he hadn't ever shown anyone else.

His artwork was capable of moving someone without words. You could nearly feel the emotion pouring out of him and onto his canvas. It was like his paintbrush was just an extension of himself. Everything, from the colours he used to the angle of his brushstrokes were calculated measures, all joining in the most radiant harmony of pure artwork.

After a small discussion of where to go, you both decided that it would be best to catch some fresh air and then proceed to go your separate ways. You both walked a little ways down to an old park.

You were still processing the entire situation, marveling at how on earth you managed to keep your cool the entire walk here. You both didn't say a word while on your way to the park, walking in silence. Hyunjin had his hands jammed into his pockets while you played with the strings of your jacket, curling them in and out.

That was when Hyunjin spotted a playset, smack dab in the middle of the aforementioned park.

"Come on," he squealed excitedly, "Let's go on the swing set."

You couldn't help but let out a burst of laughter. No 'hi' or 'how is life', but suggesting swing set antics instead? Gosh, he was so endearing. You both didn't really talk much, just exchanged giggles as you swung as high up as possible. Finally, after around ten minutes of swinging and one rendition of 'I Believe I Can Fly,' you both finally came down.

A part of you still loved him, didn't it?

It was dark, but you didn't really care. You were with Hyunjin and the area was known to be one of the safer, more-family centric parts of the city you lived in. You sat on the grass, knees brought up to your chest. Your arms wrapped around them while you closed your eyes, a small breeze whipping around you. It was strong enough to keep you cool yet gentle enough to not cause your hair to be similar in nature to that of a tornado.

Hyunjin observed you silently, leaning back on the grass with the help of his forearms. His legs were sprawled in front of him and he broke the silence with a casual, "How's life?"

You suppressed the urge to burst out into laughter. Imagine being asked by one of the hottest men you had ever seen, and had objectively been in love with for the longest, ask you 'how's life'. Adding to that, he was asking you the said question after suggesting that you both swing on a swing set.

"Fine, I guess. I'll be submitting my thesis, hopefully by the end of summer and then receive my doctorate," you replied, ignoring the rapid thumping in your chest.

You were not going to be held captive by a high school crush. You were so much better than that. You hadn't physically seen Hyunjin is over five years. He could have changed completely for all you knew. He could have had a girlfriend (which Hyun-jee would have told you about if that was the case, but you never know), maybe even a wife. And yet, that familiar feeling of wanting curled through your bones, engulfing you.

The two of you started talking about your lives, him as a painter and you as a final year PhD student.

"Hmm," he hummed in contemplation to something you had said, "You know, I always liked your company more then Hyun-jee's. Don't tell her though." He had mischievous look in his eyes and a smirk on his lips, eliciting a laugh from within you and bringing back a memory you had forgotten.

You were still slightly awed by the fact that the Hwang Hyun-jee invited you to spend summer with her. At a ski lodge. A fricking ski lodge! The shocking revelation that you could be considered cool enough to hang out with her and her brother were the thoughts in your head as you stared at the copy of Emma in your hands, pretending to read the text.

Beside you, you could hear the steady scratching of pencil against paper, interrupted only by the symphony of an eraser rubbing against the sheet. This little orchestra playing next to you was evidence of Hyunjin's existence, an art in itself if anyone asked you.

"You should teach me French," he asks you out of the blue, "For when if leave to go to Paris."

You look at him inquisitively. He told you that he got accepted into art school in Paris a few days ago. You did feel sad about the fact that he was going, but deep down you knew very well that practically, after this summer your interactions with Hyunjin would be few and far in between.

"You have Hyun-jee, she can teach you. If, that is, you can put up with her," you retort teasingly.

Hyunjin gives you a sly smirk, "That's exactly why I was asking you. I think I'll like your style of teaching better. And so, I want you to please, please, please teach me French."

You had no idea where this sudden newfound confidence to flirt with Hyunjin had bloomed within you but, oh well, you only live once. "Do you want me teaching you, or just me in general?"

"Ah," he said shaking his head regretfully with a smile, "Even though you have only known me for a few weeks, you already know me too well."

Butterflies ignite in your stomach, although you're pretty sure he was just playing along with you. You wonder what he's sketching, his bottom lip caught between his teeth and his eyes set in concentration. Even though you have a feeling it isn't, you sincerely hope it's you.

You don't know that your hopeful assumption was true.

A tightening in you chest starts to grow when the topic shifts to love. Earlier, talking to Hyunjin about love used to come as easy walking on your two feet. Now, it just hurts. He asked you if you were seeing someone. You promptly replied in the negative. You asked him if he was seeing someone. He reflected your answer back onto you.

But what did it really mean? You were always going to be bound in this life by that unspoken oath you made to Hyun-jee all those years ago. It wasn't even about love anymore, it was about not breaking another person's trust, a person who you held closer to your heart than most of your family.

You started thinking though. What was the point of hiding your feelings, old or not, from Hyunjin any longer? It wasn't like you could act on it, but you may as well have told him. Maybe then a huge weight from your chest would be released and you wouldn't be shackled by commitments, things you felt you owed to both of them.

"I don't think you know this but," your expression suddenly changed, "I used to have the biggest crush on you that summer."

"Used to?" At this point, Hyunjin is sitting up straight, eyeing you curiously. You roll your eyes and give him a playful slap on his arm. His expression, however, turns into one of regret. You begin to feel remorseful about telling him, paranoia settling in and molding itself into the fabric of who you were.

"That's a shame," he says quietly.

The air changes, charged with something you can't quite place. Hyunjin holds eye contact with you, unsaid words coursing through them. You never really believed in the phrase 'the eye is the window to the soul', but right now, you were terrified of whatever the hell your eyes were revealing to him right now. Hyunjin then proceeds to utter something, something so capable of infusing you with poisoned hope, that it takes your breath away.

"I think I would have loved loving you."

Time has stopped. Feelings of desperation, annihilation and most importantly, temptation, cascade in a whirlpool inside you. It had been years. This was wrong. This was the universe dangling temptation in front of you, urging you to just take a bite. Rebelliously, you wondered, what if you were selfish for one? Why were you feeling this way now?

"I think I would have loved being loved by you," you whisper back. Hyunjin's hand laces through yours and gives it a little squeeze in response.

That is when it dawns on you that Hyunjin is as confined in this matter as you, if not more. Hyun-jee is his sister for God's sake; whatever guilt you felt in wanting him, he must have felt tenfold in wanting you. You know exactly what the little squeeze he gave you signifies: It will pass. If it cannot be, it will cease.

And you know it's true because you and Hyunjin can never be 'us' or 'we' as long as you were present in this reality. You wished there was a universe somewhere, a parallel reality when Hyunjin and you were considered of one breath because to breath you would need him like oxygen.

Judging by his expression, he must have been drifting in thought about that too.

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Hyunjin was a hopeless romantic. Everyone he knew was painfully aware of that. He romanticized love in all it's aspects and yearned for it like a prerequisite for living. His standards were obnoxiously high though, and he had never met anyone even close to reaching them.

The thing was, Hyunjin didn't have high standards when it came to a romantic partner. He had high standards in what to expect during a relationship with said partner. Having never been in love himself, he could only witness it through other's experiences.

Until he had met you.

The first time he had seen you, you seemed unremarkable. Not in a rude way, of course, it was just that nothing about you really stood out to him that way. Hyunjin was a firm advocate of 'love at first sight' not being a logical concept. How on earth could you love someone without intertwining the fibers of being that made you with the strands of life that made them?

But then, when you walked into their hauntingly large ski lodge, your face full of wonder, Hyunjin felt an overwhelming calling of entrapping that moment forever. Your expression was so pure that is caught him off guard. He forgot what it was like to see some genuinely enjoy something. That night, he was sitting on his bed sketching something without any clear intention. The end result bore an uncanny resemblance to you.

Soon enough, the two of you began to spend exponentially increasing amounts of time together. Hyunjin was quite introverted, which was in stark contrast to the rest of his family. His mother used to also like spending her time in a lot, but nearly twenty five years of marriage to his father had definitely worn off on her.

The first time you stumbled into the library, you had audibly gasped. Hyunjin peered up, only his eyes visible, the rest of his face covered by the easel. When he saw that it was you, a small smile broke across his face and he sent you a wave, striking up a conversation with you and inviting you to sit down with him.

Hyunjin even knew exactly when realized that he had fallen in love with you. It was around a month into your three month stay with them. You were on the couch, laying down on your belly and Hyunjin was on a bean bag, munching on popcorn. You had a blanket covering you and a book in your hand, but your eyes stayed on Hyunjin as you both talked.

"I have a question," asked Hyunjin in between his mouthful of popcorn.

You rolled over into a position of sitting, legs crossed underneath you. "Before you ask, my interpretation of the meaning of life is pining for Michael B. Jordan against all odds. Blame Hyun-jee for forcing his movies down my throat and coming to me about her daily rants about how he is the only exception to her sexuality and how she would elope with him in a heartbeat."

Hyunjin shook his head with a laugh and passed you the bowl of popcorn. Having been on the receiving end of the conversation one too many times himself, he could quote Michael B. Jordan's monologue from Black Panther nearly perfectly.

"What I actually wanted to ask was whether or not you're happy with what you plan on studying in the future," Hyunjin asked curiously. You always avoided the topic of this, reiterating your love for Science time and again but always talking about how you planned on taking an English course on the side while in university.

At his question, your face fell a little bit. "Oh, well," you said sadly, "Truthfully, not really. But it's what my parents want me to do. I figured that if I did what they wanted me to do, then my sisters could be given a little more freedom at what they wanted to do."

Hyunjin's lips slightly parted, turning over your words in his head. Your selflessness really hit home, especially when he was so extremely selfish. He suddenly felt like he didn't belong to even be in your presence, and yet cherished it nonetheless.

"I have always been so adamant about becoming an artist that I never thought that it could lead to Hyun-jee potentially thinking that she doesn't have an option other than taking over the company," fell Hyunjin's confession from his lips. His eyes swirled with shame.

"If I'm being honest, she might have felt that way initially, but she truly loves the business Hyunjin," you told him comfortingly.

"You're a good person," he whispered to you softly.

"I'm not," you laughed condescendingly, "I'm really not."

Hyunjin's heart broke when those words flew out of your mouth. He wished he saw yourself at the standard that he did. But his heart pieced back together when he realized that he loved you. The realization dawned upon him when it hit him that your laugh, in no matter which context, seemed to lull him like a siren's call and draw him towards.

Later that day, Hyunjin called up seven of his closest friends to lament about his unfortunate predicament. He had all the textbook symptoms: gazing at you when you didn't notice, making up excuses just to be close to you and turning a fire hydrant reminiscent shade or red whenever he was near you (to the point where you would often end enquiring about his health).

"You are down bad in love," declared Changbin over the phone. Hyunjin decided against telling him that he had self-diagnosed himself before seeking anyone else's consul.

Hyunjin wasn't blind either though. He knew you felt something towards and although he couldn't quite pinpoint whether is bordered on love or like, he was quite content with simply knowing. It was extremely evident to him, in the way you began stuttering when he started flirting with you and the blush that would creep up your neck (albeit less pathetically obvious as his) when his fingers would accidentally or otherwise brush against yours.

He knew though, that blushes and wandering eyes was all your relationship ever could be.

He loved you, but by extension he loved his sister more. The night she came home to him, eyes puffy from crying and making him swear that he would never date one of her friends in the occasion that she ever did make a real one.

In that moment, Hyunjin made an oath encased in salty tears and bruised emotions that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

When you stopped coming to the library to squander away your time with Hyunjin, he knew he should have expected it. If you hadn't initiated the distance, then he would have been the one to do so, knowing it to be imperative when Hyun-jee questioned him on the nature of the both of yours's relationship.

He couldn't create anything, however. It was like your presence was what gave him the patience and creativity to actually go through with fishing a piece of art. He was frightened to death at the prospect of never being able to make something again if you weren't there.

Slowly, he realized that that wasn't actually the case. He could still paint, still draw, because he found love and emotions in so many other places.

Hyunjin found love in the way dewdrops beaded flowers, he found love in the cobblestoned alleyways of Paris and in the steaming mug of Americano he would drink every morning. He came to understand that he could pull inspiration from any love, romantic or otherwise.

But all of them paled in comparison to the love he held for you.

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five months before.

You were lounging in Hyun-jee and her girlfriend, Reina's apartment, which was practically your second home. The three of you went to the same university, one of the most prestigious in Seoul, and were quite a formidable trio. Hyun-jee was studying in business school, you were studying bio-chemistry and Reina was a lawyer in the making.

People had a tendency to stay away from the three of you.

You were sitting cross-legged on the floor of their apartment, back resting against the leather couch. Reina was in the shower and Hyun-jee scrolled on her phone. You gazed at the blank wall, completely zoning out from reality.

"Oh," Hyun-jee said with a small smirk, "Hyunjin is coming over."

You tried to hide your surprise and anticipation. Excitement brewed a sickly solution within you as Hyun-jee caught your eye and sent a wink your way, signaling that she would be teasing her brother mercilessly upon his arrival.

Her grin faltered, however, when she her eyes went to her screen which lit up with yet another text message, presumably from Hyunjin.

"Oh. He's bringing a girl."

At that, you jerked your head up to Hyun-jee's, leaving your task of picking at your nails behind. She just gave you a shrug, indicating that she had no idea about any of this either. You studied Hyun-jee's reaction to this carefully. If anything she seemed unfazed.

Jealousy and anger pooled within you. You wished that it was you who Hyunjin was bringing, which was absolutely absurd because you were already in Hyun-jee's apartment. The girl he was bringing would probably be beautiful. At least, far more than you.

In the events that followed leading up to Hyunjin's arrival, you were halfway here and halfway not. Reina had come out of the shower, Hyun-jee had ordered some food, Reina had put on a movie, Hyun-jee had given her a kiss; everything happened around you presently, but you yourself weren't present.

Oh. He's bringing a girl.

You resorted to biting your lip anxiously, drawing blood even. Ah well. Small problems compared to the things people have to face all over the world on the daily. But it should have been duly noted that your small problems felt gigantic to you.

Sighing and attempting to kill time, you decided to be extremely unproductive and watch a romcom. They really did help make up for the lack of romance in your life (as if). Eventually, however, you got bored and instead switched your screen to watch a zombie movie.

You were sitting on one of the three barstools that lined the marble island countertop. Your hands were propped up on your elbows and you had managed to precariously balance your phone against a jar of strawberry jam.

You heard the doorbell ring amidst the screams coming from your earphones. Quickly stuffing away your phone in your pocket in the name of courtesy, you cupped your chin with your hand.

Reina went to open the door and in waltzed Hyunjin in all his glory followed by, yep, only the most drop dead gorgeous woman you had ever seen.

He quickly made introductions, introducing her as Ellie. You avoided Hyunjin's eyes like the plague as you offered her a smile that you hoped looked genuine because it most certainly was not.

Ellie was extremely sweet. She even brought cookies. Ellie laughed and smiled and made herself feel comfortable. You laughed and smiled and contemplated what life would be like in jail if you committed murder.

You couldn't help it. Jealousy came to you in waves inhibiting your sense of everything and clouding your judgement. You hoped the scowl on your face wasn't obvious as you offered to go bring plates for the pizza in an attempt to excuse yourself from the conversation taking place.

"Oppa," nudged Hyun-jee, "Go help her."

Hyunjin stood up and approached you the way one approached a hungry tiger. His smile was warm and inviting but his eyes reflected well deserved caution. He attempted at making conversation with you but you only answered with nods and hums.

Eventually, he just gave up and sat on a bar stool sprinkling seasoning over the freshly delivered pizza. "I'm surprised you got your girlfriend here," you broke the silence, the snark in your voice painfully audible.

"Why?" Hyunjin's eyes trailed up from his tedious task and surveyed you carefully.

"Well, after our conversation that night..."

Irritation flashed in Hyunjin's eyes. "Not all of us can pine over someone we know we can never be with," he huffed.

You blinked for a second, something suspiciously wet prickling the depths of your eyes. What? To him, this might have been just a casual passing comment. To you, this was venom, seeping into your heart and poisoning it.

"Maybe if I didn't have unreasonably high standards of love, I would be better at holding onto it," you rebutted harshly without even thinking about the consequences of what you had said.

Hyunjin's face wore the undeniable expression of shock. In the heat of the moment, you felt almost angry at him. How could he say something so cruel and not expect you to give a befitting reply in return?

Then, the effect of your entire conversation weighed upon you. Gasping at your insolence, you turned around and felt a drop of water slide down the side of your cheek. You wondered if Hyunjin's eyes became a catchment area for tears the way yours did, pushing violently to be let out in a torrent.

Afterwards, you barely spoke to anyone. Quickly eating a slice of the unfortunately delicious pizza, you cited sickness as a reason to not be a present of the lovely and suicidal thought inducing situation you were stuck in.

Making a mental note to ask Hyun-jee where she ordered the pizza from, you headed home, thinking and over thinking your conversation with Hyunjin. The entire scene replayed in your head multiple times but one thought was annoyingly persistent: You went from loving Hyunjin, to somewhat professing said love for him, to giving him very, very good reason to despise you.

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the day of.

Hyun-jee was finally turning a year older and after spending her last six birthdays in the comfort of only you and Reina, this year she was planning a lavish one week beach getaway. All her closest friends were coming which honestly wasn't a lot: just you, Hyunjin, Reina and one of Hyun-jee's cousin's and her boyfriend.

You hoped that tensions would be alleviated between you and Hyunjin considering that you both hadn't communicated a word to each other since the mini argument you both had five months ago. Surprisingly enough, Hyunjin broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago, after only a short two months of dating.

You gulped in fear at the thought of you and Hyunjin being the only single people on the trip. Mustering up courage nonetheless, you sat in the taxi that was taking you on the way to the resort lobby where you would meet the others.

Sitting in the car, you decided to try and get some more writing for dissertation done. You already had all your research and citations compiled; all you had to do was type it all up and submit it. Hell, you even had your thoughts in order, but every time you opened up that blank document and watched the cursor blinking at you, all your motivation vanished into thin air.

Not wanting to put yourself through any more torture, you decided to open up your phone and scroll aimlessly through social media. The thought of a beach getaway excited you. After working to death's end for the last few months, you knew you had earned a well deserved break.

When the taxi pulled up to the resort, you got out and closed your eyes at the salty breeze that hit your face. You didn't care that the wind blowing around did not, in fact, make your hair look like it was in a shampoo commercial and instead made it look like the individual strands were having a seizure. The cool air was a welcome contrast to the stuffy interior of the airplane and subsequent taxi you had taken to get here.

You walked into the large reception lobby, trying not to gasp at the sight in front of you. Large potted plants lined the walkway with a humongous fountain of an angel in the middle. Golf carts whizzed around you and servers carrying bottles of champagne and rose offered you kind smiles.

Noticing that Hyun-jee and the other's had just arrived then, you raced up to her, lugging your suitcase behind you. Hyun-jee face lit up as soon as she saw you. Throwing her hands around your neck and pulling you in for a hug, the two of you giggled after she stumbled on a stray pebble. Giving everyone else a warm grins and nods, your eyes met Hyunjin and he offered you a tight smile in acknowledgement.

This was going to be a long week.

Hyun-jee walked up to the receptionist to ask for all of yours's rooms. While she was busy with that, you took out your phone and clicked pictures of everything. You never really posted pictures like these (or any in general), rarely ever active on sites like Instagram unless the occasion called for obsessive internet stalking (which you were questionably amazing at). Instead, you sent all these pictures to your sisters, mostly to make them feel jealous because that was a very older sibling-like thing to do.

Snorting at your youngest sister's almost instantaneous response, which was a string of emojis containing mostly eye-roll emojis, you didn't notice Hyun-jee walk back to the group. You noticed the worried expression on her face, taking in her knitted eyebrows. She had been spending a lot of time sorting out the reservation with the receptionist.

"Guys, I'm really sorry but turns out I forgot to reserve the rooms and I'm so sorry and-"

"Breathe, Hyun-jee," Hyunjin cut her off and placed his hand on her right shoulder.

Hyun-jee took a deep breath, the guilt simmering in her eyes. She sneaked a quick glance at you for reassurance and you notedly obliged, shooting her a thumbs up.

Hyun-jee was nothing short of a perfectionist. Lately, she had been spending literal days at her office, wrapping up an important business deal. Always having everything planned, always knowing the exact details of everything was something she prided herself on.

"So- so here's the thing. I have booked three rooms right now which are on the same floor. Two of them have one bedroom and the third-" Hyun-jee slowly glanced at you and Hyunjin, "And the third is one room but with two beds."

Oh, so then you would still be able to stay here. Perfect. Oh. You would have to share a room with Hyunjin.

Hyun-jee looked at the both of you nervously, gauging your reactions. You hadn't told her about your petty little conversation with Hyunjin and assumed that he hadn't either. His eyes widened with shock and met yours, but a wave of understanding passed through the both of you: you would tolerate it because it was Hyun-jee's birthday and she was the priority here.

"Is that okay?" Hyun-jee stuttered softly.

Reina had walked over to Hyun-jee and wrapped her arms around her waist. Hyun-jee's cousin, Byeol, assured her that the arrangement was just fine.

Not wanting to worry Hyun-jee further, Hyunjin hastily replied, "Yes, yes, of course."

You spared him a glance before your eyes went to Hyun-jee's once again, and with a smile you hoped did not look stressed, you added on, "Yep. I mean, it's just a week, isn't it?"

Hyun-jee let out a sigh of relief and reached out to give your hand a squeeze. Absentmindedly, you gave her a distracted smile. Your mind was on other things, Hwang Hyunjin and the prospect of sharing a room with him at the forefront of your long train of thought.

It would be fine, right? After all, there were two beds. And as absurd as the entire situation was, you had read enough romcoms and watched enough Hallmark movies to know that the real problems only began when there was just one bed. Which there wasn't. Unfortunately.

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Hyunjin had graciously offered you to take a shower first. Stripping bare, you felt the lukewarm water hit your skin as you went through the itinerary of the day ahead in your brain again.

1: Lunch at a cute rooftop restaurant that Hyun-jee had (for real this time), reserved.

2: Coming back to the resort get changed into your bathing suits.

3: Fulfilling the 'beach' part of the beach getaway.

4: Sleep, maybe.

5: Bonfire dinner!

You came out of the shower wearing tank tops and jeans shorts, a wet towel in your hand. Hyunjin strewn was on his bed (closer to the door), texting someone, or in his case, multiple someones. You assumed it was a group chat because the screen lit up with a notification numerous times.

The sight of Hyunjin biting his lip to stop himself from bursting out in laughter while wearing nothing but (at least you assumed it was nothing) a bathrobe did things to you that most definitely should not have been done.

For the sake of your sanity, you cleared you throat as a sign of banishing Hyunjin to the shower. He gave you a nod, grabbed his towel, and walked away. You let out a sigh and after hanging your towel on the balcony railing, dramatically fell onto your bed.

Hyunjin hadn't really told you much after you both entered the room. He only offered to let you shower first. You were brushing your hair and humming in partial contentment. You had resulted against washing your hair, knowing you would wash it again after coming back from the beach.

You're Taylor Swift album marathon was rudely, in you humble opinion, interrupted by the sound of a door opening. You were met, however, with an ethereal looking Hwang Hyunjin, fresh out of a shower. Beads of water hung to his neck and the tips of his hair. You were overcoming by an extremely concerning urge to lick them off.

Although Hyunjin was currently very aggressively wiping his hair with his towel, he had a smirk on his face, an obvious indication of him noticing you checking out. You looked away with a cough and a blush. Hyunjin fell onto his bed with an oomf and laid on his back while playing games on his phone.

You decided to break the ice wall erected between the two of you by blurting out, "I'm sorry for what I said that night. You didn't deserve to here any of that."

Hyunjin looked up from his phone in surprise. He studied you for a moment. Hyunjin finally broke the agonizing silence. "Likewise. I genuinely apologize for anything I may have said that night," he hesitated, "Does this mean that we can go back to normal?"

You gave him a small smile and a nod, although you knew just as well as him that there was no 'we' to go back to normal too.

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All throughout lunch, you failed at acknowledging the close proximity between you and Hyunjin. He sat next to you because, who was he to sit with somebody else's significant other? His thigh was pressed against yours and his fingers brushed yours over and over again.

"So, um, I heard about your breakup. How have you been holding up?" you asked. You wanted a gauge on how depressing your de facto roommate would act over the week.

"Oh," he responded nonchalantly, "I never really saw it as a relationship. We just weren't compatible at all."

Your brain processed his words as your eyes trailed the plate of seafood kebabs being brought to your table. You were in the process of eating one when Hyunjin added, "I think I might actually like someone else, and I'm not one for emotional cheating."

It's safe to say that the hot sauce you dipped the kebab in went down the wrong pipe.

After that tantalizingly long endeavor you had just undertaken, you were back in the comfort of your hotel room. You and Hyunjin decided that you would change in the bathroom while he would change in the actual room itself.

You had absolutely no intention of actually getting into the ocean water. It was getting late (yes, you considered three in the afternoon late) and you were not a big fan of swimming, despite having learnt it when you were younger. Your outfit was extremely simple, consisting of a sage green crop top, white long flowy skirt, a pair of sandals and finally a cute tote bag to store your camera, books and other essentials.

Stepping out of the bathroom, you did a little twirl to check if the skirt was spin worthy. Hyunjin watched you with a smile and give you a small clap after you were done. You blushed profusely, his existence somehow (?!) completely slipping from your mind.

"You look beautiful," said Hyunjin kindly with a wide smile.

"So do you," you replied breathlessly.

Hyunjin looked effortlessly attractive in a white button up that was half untucked and loose black pants. The first button was undone and you could see a shark bone necklace perfect encapsulated in the dip of his collarbone.

You were imagining how it would feel to run your fingers along it when Hyunjin asked, "Don't plan on swimming? I know I don't."

"Nope," you replied sheepishly as you both walked out the hotel door, "I actually have a fear of the ocean, as embarrassing as it sounds."

"It isn't embarrassing. I get nightmares about carrots," Hyunjin confessed with a shudder. You snickered at his words.

Hyunjin's hand lightly held your arm and guided you towards the right direction. The feel of his skin on yours completely wiped away your initial mortification at walking in the completely opposite direction.

He dropped your arm as spontaneously as he held it and you both stood awkwardly in the lobby, waiting for Hyun-jee and Reina. Byeol wasn't feeling well (she could come up with a better excuse) so her and her boyfriend went ahead with the decision of staying in.

The four of you walked out the resort in animated chatter. Being more of a listener yourself, you took a backseat as Hyunjin and Hyun-jee wildly gesticulated about work, life and (for some reason) the benefits of chocolate milk. Reina passed you a knowing smile; the two siblings once brought together could not shut up for the life of them.

You noticed Hyun-jee hanging back. She waited for you to catch up to her and said, "I'm sorry about the arrangement. It can't be easy for you."

You looked at her questioningly, "Why wouldn't it be easy?"

"Well, you both don't really know each other that well. To top it all off, Hyune oppa stopped seeing that Ellie girl. He hasn't been moping around much, probably because it only lasted like a month."

Hyun-jee paused and continued in a whisper, "I think she was more into him than he was into her."

You just laugh with a shake of your head and run up to Reina, throwing an arm around her shoulder. Through the corner of your eye, you see Hyunjin observing the three of you with a sad smile. You instantly feel guilt at leaving him out, even though the three of you were close friends long before Hyunjin came into the picture.

When you finally reach the beach, everyone settles into their designated role. Reina and Hyun-jee play volleyball with a bunch of locals while you and Hyunjin retreated under a covered cabana. Hyunjin sat on one side of it, sketching on his sketch pad, while you laid down on the other side, indulging in a mystery thriller.

Old habits really do die hard.

You turned to look at Hyunjin. The expression of concentration on his face was still the same. His hair was longer now though, and locks of it fell into his eyes. You felt the urge to push it away and subconsciously, ended up doing so.

He looked up at you. "Oh, um, your hair, I-" you stammered incoherently.

Hyunjin let out a chuckle. "It's fine. Thank you."

He turned back to his unfinished sketch and you put your book back in your tote bag. Wanting to stretch your legs, you noticed a dock like structure stretching out over the vast expanse of sea. Hyun-jee beckoned you towards her and the two of you set off to take pictures near that dock.

It felt slippery, at first, but eventually, you and Hyun-jee caught your balance. The farther out you went, the deeper was the ocean. The colors all blended to create beautiful hues of blue. They eerily mimicked the same hues that you currently were living in.

Hyun-jee's arms were full of shells, multicolored and all shaped differently. You both were so engrossed in picking at them that you didn't notice that you almost reached the end of the dock. Your sandal got caught on one of the stray nails.

And then you slipped.

And then you fell.

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Funnily enough, the only thought in your mind while you were falling was how the whistling of the wind sounded like that of a tea kettle. You had only heard the sound of a tea kettle once before, at your grandmother's house. Your mom decided to take out the old blue kettle that laid forgotten under the stove and decided to whip up some chamomile tea with it.

What an odd thing to reminisce about.

After what felt like hours, your body hit the water. The screams you were initially hearing were now muffled. Water attacked you, dragging you downwards. You did learn how to swim, but your body felt like it was made up of bricks and lead, not skin and bones.

Instinctively, you closed your eyes and tried to throw your hands up. In an attempt to get an intake of breath, you opened your mouth. What a stupid mistake. Seawater and other substances flooded into your mouth. Bile rose up but you couldn't close your mouth. When you finally could, you were compelled to close it.

You felt your brain separate from your body, as if you were just watching what was happening and weren't present in the situation. All sense of time was gone. You had never felt more helpless and locked out of your body before. Tears streamed down your face, but it didn't matter because all of you was drenched anyways.

You felt your consciousness slip, and felt a peculiar serenity that you had never felt before. You were floating out of your body now, your mind keenly observing the vessel that was once you, flailing about like a fish out of water.

How ironic.

People said that drowning was the worst way to die.

Wait, what? What were you even thinking?

You were dying.

You were dying.

No. No, you couldn't die. There was so much left for you to see, to experience. You wanted a stable job, a family. You wanted to taste what a snickerdoodle cookie was like and wanted to see Olivia Rodrigo in concert. But most of all, you wanted to live.

Life was so beautiful. All the dips and highs and small straight lines made it an endless rollercoaster, yes, but it was a ride you were not ready to get off yet. If you lived after this, you told yourself, you would be selfish and do what you wanted.

You wanted to submit your thesis and and stand on that podium, certificate in hand. You wanted to go on a date with Hyunjin and did not care about whoever objected otherwise. You wanted to be Hyun-jee's bridesmaid when she and Reina got married in San Diego. You wanted to tell your parents you loved them and wanted to watch your sisters grow up.

You wanted, and wanted, and wanted and that was enough to keep you some kind of awake and alert.

You felt a pair of arms around your waist and another hoisting you up. Concerned chatter and sighs of relief were sounds that managed to seep through the thrumming in your ears. Opening your eyes and letting it adjust to the light, you collapsed onto the dock. You threw up whatever was inside of you, feeling someone patting your back.

Somebody helped you stand up, since you were still shaken up by the whole incident. You could see a small crowd on the actual beach and a drenched Reina in front of you. Hyunjin must have been the one holding you up then.

Hyun-jee face was frozen in shock, eyes still glued to the place where you had fallen. When she finally looked up at you, she let out a choked sob, and eventually a torrent of tears fell from her eyes. Watching her cry made you cry, as you were gently tugged back to the beach by Hyunjin.

He sat you down on the edge of the cabana you both had occupied earlier. A lifeguard was rushing over to you, checking vitals and making sure you weren't having any problems with your breath. After you felt like you were in a sober state capable to answer questions, you rattled off responses in a monotonous tone.

"Considering she was in the water for just under a minute," confirmed the lifeguard, "She should be fine."

Worry was still etched on everyone's faces though, frustrating you. You were not okay, and you knew that. Not being okay after such an incident was to be expected of you. But you were not okay in a way that couldn't be helped by them. You had no such severe physical injuries or major repercussions; but mentally?

You weren't quite sure your mind was even yours.

You assured everyone that you were okay over and over again. Hyunjin grabbed a blanket from a kind family also on vacation, offering you some water and hydrated salts as well. After thanking them profusely, you stumbled into the taxi that Hyun-jee had booked. While Hyun-jee and Reina stayed behind to file formalities with the local authorities, Hyunjin volunteered to take you back to the hotel room.

The entire sequences of events left you so dazed, that you couldn't even process what was happening. Sitting in the taxi and reflecting on what happened finally allowed the physical effects of almost drowning to settle deep into your bones.

It started with the shivering, your body uncontrollably shaking. You could feel someone's arms - Hyunjin's - wrap around you and start rubbing your sides. Then came to coughing, your throat parched and desperate for water. Through it all though, your mind stayed fixed at one point.

There was a light. And peace. So much peace it felt nearly unnatural.

You began sobbing. Your head was throbbing and the entire world felt dizzy. Hot tears streamed down your face. You could feel some rubbing circles on your back, hear someone comforting you. But you weren't present in the situation itself. Words blended into white noise and everything hurt.

The entire time, from Hyunjin helping you out of the car to Hyun-jee clearing the way to your hotel room, your brain was on autopilot. It wasn't that you were thinking about something else; you just couldn't think. You wanted silence and quiet.

As soon as Hyunjin closed the door, you slumped against it, dragging Hyunjin down with you. You entire body was still covered in water, but you didn't care. You couldn't even take in complete breaths; the lack of dryness on your skin didn't even occur to you.

Hyunjin put his chin on your head and whispered, "Just breathe. It'll all be over soon."

As your breathing and heart rate slowed, you became distinctly aware of the fact that you were currently covered in dirty water and the pee of aquatic animals. Breaking away from Hyunjin's comforting hold, you let out an incoherent string of words, grabbed the first pair of pajamas you could find, and staggered into the bathroom.

Throwing off your clothes with a newfound urgency to feel dry and clean, you stepped into the shower and let out a tired sigh as soon as the hot droplets hit you repeatedly. It was a startling contrast to the unchanging sensation of cold you were locked in for the past thirty minutes (at least that was what you assumed it was, considering your knowledge of time itself was currently fucked). Feeling your muscles loosening underneath you, you made the blunder of closing you eyes.

As soon as you did, the water now sliding down your naked skin felt all too similar to the water that nearly took your life.

You were drowning again, literally in water and figuratively in despair. You reached out for help, screamed until your voice went hoarse. The light was coming for you, luminescent orbs turning into menacing vessels of death. But nobody came. And the terrifying reality was, nobody would.

Tripping over the shower cubicle, you lunged for your towel and scrubbed your skin until it was red and raw. Even a single drop of water felt like acid on your skin. In you haste to put on your clothes, you forgot to turn the shower on. Mustering your courage, you reached to turn the knob and made sure that no part of your body contacted anything other than a dry surface.

When you teetered over the elevated surface of the bathroom an soon as you opened the door, Hyunjin was already there to steady you.

"I'll dry your hair," he offered.

You nodded, still mum, and sat down on Hyunjin's bed. You noticed that he had changed into a white cotton shirt and gray sweatpants. Hyunjin leaned over to plug in the hairdryer. Coaxing you into turning around, his hands wove through your hair and nearly rocked you to sleep.

"Hyunjin," you whispered deliriously, "I feel safe in your arms."

You must have been really tired because you completely missed his response.

"And I feel safe knowing you are in my arms."

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After Hyunjin had dried your hair, he helped you onto your bed. You had fallen asleep due to the sheer weight of your exhaustion. Hyunjin promised that he would be in the room, not leaving for a second. Your eyes shut and you slept for almost four hours.

When you woke up, it was late. The sky was no longer colored light blue, but instead shone a dark navy. You turned over your phone on the nightstand.

9:00 PM

"Hyun-jee came over," Hyunjin said.

You turned around to see him watching a drama on his phone. His hair was tussled, as if he had run his hands through it repeatedly. His eyes looked tired and his body looked weary but his smile was like a peek of sunlight on an unreasonably cloudy day.

"She left some noodles for you," he motioned towards the large Styrofoam box on the little coffee table in your room.

You snatched up and hungrily began eating. "Thanks," you said between mouthfuls.

"No problem. You should be thanking Hyun-jee."

"I will."

"Do you want to watch something?"

"Okay."

Hyunjin started a new drama for the both of you to watch. The only sounds in the room were noises from his laptop and your slow chewing. You were grateful that Hyunjin didn't press whenever you replied half heartedly or with one word.

It was such a paradoxical situation, the one you were stuck in. A mere ten hours ago, the thought of him being in close proximity almost drew you to insanity. Now, his steady presence was the only thing keeping you grounded.

Fate truly is fickle.

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You woke up from your slumber with a start, sweat soaking through your clothes and onto your bedsheets. You were breathing heavily, so much that your lungs were hurting. Beside you, you could hear Hyunjin stirring in his sleep.

You chest was constricted and your breathing was shallowed. Ugly tears inched slowly, down your cheeks. Your hands were shaking and your vision was blurry.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here now."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," you whispered to Hyunjin in the darkness.

"No," he said firmly, "You clearly aren't. Let me help you. Please."

You gave him a nod, which he probably didn't see in the darkness. Leaning over to turn on the table lamp nestled between the two beds, with a small click, the entire room was eliminated.

"Nightmare?"

"Yes. Sorry for disturbing you."

"Don't be."

Hyunjin started humming something into your hair, making you feel drowsy. Sleep was coming in waves, but you refused to close your eyes. Fighting to keep them open, you tried to place why whatever Hyunjin was humming sounded so familiar. Finally, you realized it.

"Oh my god," you snorted, "Are you humming the Sofia the First theme song right now?"

"Shh," he giggled, "Let me honor Sofia in peace."

You nestled into him more comfortable and felt his head fall onto yours. Slowly, he pulled you down onto the bed.

"Do you mind is I sleep?" he questioned.

"No," you replied, "Just please keep holding me."

He placed a soft kiss on your cheek in response and comfortably placed his head on the crook of your neck. Soon enough, melodious snores (how do even his snores sound attractive?) filled the silence in the room. You could do this forever.

Oh. You could do this forever.

But you didn't have forever. What you had was tantalizingly short in the grand scheme of things. And nearly dying had really put things into perspective. You might not have forever, but you have now. And ideally, now was all you needed.

But what would Hyun-jee think?

Except, did it really matter what she thought? She was your best friend, she had seen pieces of you that you hadn't shown anyone. If anybody would understand, it would be Hyun-jee. You began to question yourself. Was it really Hyun-jee you were scared of, or something else entirely?

Putting the blame on Hyun-jee for stopping yourself from pursuing Hyunjin was so easy. The truth was, you were frightened. Hyun-jee's opinion had nothing to do with it whatsoever.

You were so scared of the consequences after the falling apart of a relationship, that you were hesitant to be in one in the first place. The prospect of heartbreak and it's accompanying nastiness petrified you to the point where you were blind to the beauty of being in a relationship.

Your situation was pathetic really. You were pathetic. It wasn't even a paradoxical situation of unrequited love where you were hopelessly head over heels in love with Hyunjin and he couldn't have cared otherwise. He liked you back, at one point, may even have loved you back.

After tossing and turning, you finally came to one decision you were determined to go through with.

That night, you didn't sleep for two reasons: fear of drowning in the ocean and anticipation to drown in Hyun-jee's.

"Good morning angel," he yawned, "Did you get any sleep?"

"No," you gulped.

"Well that's to bad," he mumbled against you neck.

His hair tickled your face and you began second guessing whether or not you should really do this. Hyunjin blinked once, slowly, as if taking in his surroundings. When he probably realized where he was, he got up with a start.

"Shit, I had no idea I was this close to you. I'm really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable and-"

"I like you," you blurted out. "I like you and I want to date you. I know you like me as well and I love Hyun-jee, but I want to experience loving you."

You looked down shyly as Hyunjin's jaw dropped. He cupped his hand around your cheeks and replied breathlessly, "Oh thank goodness. I would kiss you but you just survived a traumatic event and my breath probably stinks."

You opened you mouth to respond but ended up yawning instead. Hyunjin visibly held back his laughter and you playfully hit his arm.

You gave him a side-eye and he pulled you back into bed again, tickling you in the process. You shoved him and he laughed at you and by the end of it, you were so out of breath and so happy, that a part of you forgot that you very well may not have been here today.

You didn't have forever, but you had Hyunjin and that was enough.

━━━━━━━✦✗✦━━━━━━━━

epilogue.

You put your bags down on the wooden floor with an animated 'oof!' while you once again took in the grandeur of the Hwang family ski lodge. You were back again, invited (this time by Hyunjin) to spend the summer with the Hwangs.

Everything was coming full circle, wasn't it?

Hyunjin's mother approached you with a smile on her face. She pulled you in for a tight hug, her perfume attacking your senses.

"How have you been, my child?" Her hair was pinned up to perfection and her skin was flawless.

"Really good," you told her excitedly, filling her in on all the gossip that was taking place at your university.

She listened to you keenly and once you finished, she told you, "Oh, Hyunjin is in his room, by the way."

She shot you a wink and you felt like you would melt out of embarrassment.

"I didn't know he told you," you said sheepishly.

"He didn't have to," his mother laughed.

Mothers. Their powers were strong enough to make the childhood version of you believe they were psychic.

You bounded up the familiar stairs to Hyunjin's room. Not bothering to knock (what's the worst he could be? naked?), you rushed inside and fell dramatically onto his bed. Hyunjin regarded you with a hint of fear at you sudden entrance.

Turning over on your stomach to face him, you announced with an air of superiority, "I did it."

That could only mean one thing in this context.

Hyunjin's eyes widened. "You did it? You submitted your dissertation?" he asked in awe.

You nodded enthusiastically and brought your face close to his. "I'm yours for the next three months now."

Hyunjin pouted, "I thought you already were mine."

You rolled your eyes at him and pulled him in for a long awaited kiss. It was to no avail however; you both were smiling against each other's lips so much that it wasn't quite a kiss.

Breaking away, you were about to settle in next to Hyunjin when you told him, "It feels weird though. Not having to do anything. Does that make sense?"

"If you say it, it makes sense. And if I happen to think it does not, I will attempt to look at it from your perspective. Regardless of either situation though, I will accept it because I love you, and that to me is what love is. Unwavering dedication and acceptance," Hyunjin replied with ease.

You felt your heart stutter. He was the first to say he loved you, two weeks ago under a dimly lit bookstore you were in. Hyunjin was said he knew the moment you gave him a smile and he realized, it was a smile you only presented in front of him.

"I love you too, dork," you said cheekily.

Hyunjin had shown you shades of love that you could never escape from. Every little action of his encompassed love. From the small smiles he always sent your way to the way he tucked your hair behind your ear and always carried extra rubber bands for you, Hyunjin was love personified

"I'm here!" came the unmistakable voice of Hyun-jee.

You and Hyunjin exchanged a glance. You had decided that it would be best to tell Hyun-jee about the relationship as soon as possible. Hiding your relationship from her for three months seemed like a mammoth endeavor.

After finding Hyun-jee wolfing down cookies in the kitchen and giving her a customary bear hug, you gave her a nervous laugh.

"Wosh? You bosh look like you neesh to chell me shomething."

"Ew," whined Hyunjin, "Chew first."

Hyun-jee swallowed and said, "You both look like you're hiding something from me. You didn't break something I own, right?"

"Actually," you hesitated and Hyunjin gave you a small nod of encouragement, "We did have to tell you something. Hyunjin and I... we have been dating for the last two, two and a half months."

You let out a slow breath, gauging Hyun-jee's reaction. Her eyes widened and her eyebrows knitted. You could see her visibly tensing and take in a shallow intake of breath.

Shock slowly settled into Hyun-jee's features. "How long?"

"Well technically since we were eighteen, but we were scared of your reaction and-" you gave Hyunjin a small kick to his shin. He ruffled your hair back.

"So, you are telling me that you both have liked each other for that long but decided not to do anything about it because you were scared of me?" Hyun-jee marvelled.

"Well, yes-"

"Oh my god," Hyun-jee laughed, "You both are so dense. Do you know how much I have been rooting for this relationship? Hell, I even booked one room for the two of you as soon as I realized that I forgot."

"You did that on purpose?" you were reeling from the revelation.

All of your belief that you would have to choose between friendship of love came crashing down. Relief washed over you and a sob that was lodged in your throat finally found release.

Hyun-jee and you went back and forth until Hyunjin finally put an end to the conversation. "These," he declared picking up the tin of cookies that Hyun-jee was previously snacking on, "Are mine."

He proceeded to run out of the kitchen as Hyun-jee chased him with a spatula, screaming bloody murder. After the siblings finally calmed down, all three of you collapsed onto the large couch in the middle of the lounge. Looking at your friends, your family, made you realize that you were loved.

Maybe, falling in love wasn't so bad. Yes, you fell. You fell hard and soft, you fell with your hands bloodied and the sensation of flying. You fell, but Hyunjin was there to catch you. And as he assured you over and over again, he would always be there to catch you.

Hyunjin laced his hands through yours and gave it a squeeze. This time, it was a promise. A promise of whatever eternity you both had left that would be spent together. A promise to love through the light and the dark.

A promise to be each other's first and last loves.

main taglist (reply to be added) -

@linoalwaysknows @moon0fthenight @hyulino @palindrome969

@squishybinnieee

fic taglist - @scarlet789 @taichoushadowficrec

could you do 94 with hyunjjn ?

94. pregnancy cravings

f!reader

+ Seungmin + Lee Know, Felix + Han +

Hyunjin fic recs

stray kids | Hwang Hyunjin 

masterlist

[ updated 230805 ]

Innocent mornings { s }  1,3k @sailorhyunjinz

two types of fireworks { tangled! au, historical! au; a,f }  21,2k @chanluster

when you find a notorious thief wounded within the woods you wondered, you heal him, not realising that the same man will lead you to your destination, and the few feelings you’ll develop along the way.

enough for you series  { idol au; a, f } @lotus-dly

You and Hyunjin have been keeping your relationship a secret for awhile. However, when Hyunjin finally decides to come clean to his members about the two of you, you overhear a conversation that you weren’t supposed to, leaving you questioning not only your relationship with Hyunjin but your worth as well.

experienced (series) { f2l; f, s, a }  @/ballelino

Dressing Down { f2l, a, s, f } 5,8k @jl-micasea-fics

A shopping trip with the gloriously attractive, delightfully oblivious man you've lusted after since time began? During a particularly lengthy dry spell? Definitely not a recipe for disaster.

hotter than ur ex, better than ur next {emo! hyunjin; f, s } @i4lixie

[ 1 ] 

hyunjin was only supposed to be a fleeting moment in your life between lovers, but his fierce attitude and your greed for more of him makes him stay much longer.

[ 2 ]

after a recent encounter with your fuckbuddy, you start to turn back on the one rule you gave him before this relationship even started. you wouldn’t fall in love, and neither would be. too bad you can’t keep your own damn word.

Tulips and Lilac { f, s } 7,3k @drewexe

the fateful party is already in the past, but you and hyunjin have a new game to play; and he's dead set on winning this one, even though he's perhaps already won

the small things { f } @/i4lixie

just in case { office au; f, a, s }  8.6k @the7thcrow

your valentine’s day plans of bad cable and a bottle of wine take an unexpected turn, as when leaving the office you witness a completely different side of your least favourite coworker, hwang hyunjin. perhaps valentine’s day really does hold a little bit of magic.

[8:55 a.m.] hhj { f, a } @/lotus-dly

Pretty please { sub hyunjin; s } 1,9k @ohmysparkle

Tattoo artist!Hyunjin @slytherinbangchan

College Tutor { nerd hyunjin; f, s } @/slytherinbangchan

party cup { idiots to lovers; f } 12,2k @changbeanie

you have one brain cell, and it’s heart-shaped for hwang hyunjin; or alternatively, hwang hyunjin hates parties but likes you.

Supposedly Date Night { insecurities; a, f }  1,7k @seungly

vampire drabble { f, s } @j-onecult

The (almost) Perfect Date { f }  3,5k @hanqu0kka

Due to his busy schedule, you and Hyunjin weren't having enough time to spend together. To change that, Hyunjin planned out the perfect date for you, too bad you were extremely sick and refused to tell him.

#Scream For Me { sub jinnie; s } 3k @sugar-petals

the fwb rules { fwb; s }  4,5k @etherealeeknow

Breakfast in Bed { s }  3,5 k (deleted ?)

forgive { royal au; f, s, a }  4,1k @ncitygirls

#006DB0 | HWANG HYUNJIN. { a, f }  1,3k @hanibalistic

the valentine trials  { f2l; a, f }  17,3k  ao3link

to be alone { f2l; a, s }  5,7k @straylightdream

She couldn’t sleep at night, and her loneliness always led to her calling the same person to share a bed with her.

[20.30] { greaser au, fwb2l; f, s, a }  4,1k @lettersfromaphrodite

[8.03] { vampire au, medieval, f, s }  4.6k @/lettersfromaphrodite

the study of relationships.  { roomates au, f2l; a ,f }  15k @huenjin

college team's volleyball captain and your roommate-cum-best friend, hwang hyunjin argues with you over guys being better than girls in relationships to help you out of one. or in which hyunjin is in love with you for years now and he finally decides that maybe he doesn't want that best friend tag anymore.

inexperienced { f, s } 2,2k @/ballelino

the distance between you and i  { f } @wishingyouback

mind your business! { f }  1,2k @rachalixie

the aftermath of the crew finding out about yours and hyunjin’s unintentional secret relationship, complete with domestic fluff at the end.

Flames { fantasy, assassin au, e2l; c } 3,7k @fizzydrink698

You frown. “Is it so hard to believe I find you attractive?”

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow, eyeing you with pure scepticism. “You’ve tried to kill me. Multiple times.”

“I fail to see how one negates the other,” you reply with a shrug. 

The differences between us { a, f } @/lotus-dly

warmth { f } 1,8 k @inkybird

boyfriend habits { f } @yyx2

vampire hyunjin { f } @ppiri-bahng

relax with me { f, s } 3,4k @koorminii

It’s your turn to make noises now, it seems, because Hyunjin drags a moan out of you so loud that you’re worried the neighbours have heard. Your cheeks are red for a whole new reason now, and the fact that Hyunjin is yanking at the collar of your dress doesn’t help. You let him, you don’t care, you want to give Hyunjin everything, anything.

scarlet red { f, s } 6,2k @abiaswreck

A young talented artist has caught your attention. Now you want nothing more than for him to be successful. (Non idol au)

this is me trying { a, f } 1,4k

SATURN { a, f, s } @/seospicybin

Realized that Hyunjin’s true love will always be his art, you decided to move on with your life to only cross path with him once more

three in one { s } 4,7k @strayed-quokka

hyunjin finds it depressing to hear that you’ve never had an orgasm. he’s determined to give you three in one night. at least. 

come here { barista yn, e2l; a, s, f } 4,6k @hh0320

cherry chapstick { f2l; f, s } 8,9k @angelwonie

being hopelessly in love with your best friend is bad enough in itself, but when you decide to spontaneously kiss him at a party and he kisses you back — that's when it gets complicated. or maybe it's not complicated at all.

massage { s } 2,2k @sluttywonwoo

( a lack of ) decorum { art teacher!hyune; f } 1,5k @wooahaes

comfy and cozy { whiny!hyunjin; f }

no nut november ( loser 3# )  { s,f } 4,2k @gimmeurtmi

sky prince { f, s } 3,7k @strayngesparkyds

glossy {possessive gf; s } @bitsauur

sleepy { f } @mmingooo

fic-mas: day 12 { f2l; s, f, a ] 3,6k @hardstraykidshours

getting snowed in with your best friend takes an unexpected turn.

7:30PM { sick hyune; f, a } @yrhome

Underneath the tree { f } 0,7k @lino-jagiyaa

christmas didn't feel like it used to this year, so your boyfriend hyunjin came over to spend the day with you, hoping to cheer you up a little.

sick hyune { f } @/hwajin

UNDERTONES { perfume maker/chef, mutual pining; a, s ,f } 13,3k @/cb97percent

He dedicated his life to scents. You dedicated yours to taste. Your paths were bound to cross at some point.

like a magnet { s }  3,7k @/gimmeurtmi

Bubblegum Bitch { neighbours2l; s } 3,5k @j-0ne25

Hyunjin is severely annoyed about all of your packages being delivered to his apartment because you’re too busy getting them yourself. But maybe an honest apology, some freshly baked cookies and mulled wine can ease the tension between your neighbour and you

the art of love { f } @/ppiri-bahng

MANIAC #4: Hwang Hyunjin { Artist Hyune, Psychological, Thriller; a, s } 13,3k @/cb97percent

PRETTY BOY { proposal; f } 0,971k @/bbujiikseu-archived

hyunjin is planning to propose to you. little does he know you’re also planning to propose to him.

indoors picnic { sulky bf; f } @/inniejeonginnie

when your meticulously planned date gets ruined by the rain, it's up to you to cheer your sulky boyfriend up.

It Is Your Birthday Not Mine { s, f } 4,1k @athenathesharkwrites ites

18:08 { f, comfort, c } 0,3k @softiejoon

hyunjin decides it’s a good idea to eat his birthday cake raw

bits of stardusts. { historical, strangers2l; f, a } 16,8k @jeonginks ao3link

00:00 { ex mafia } @/ppiri-bahng

when you are kidnapped hyunjin has no choice but to reveal the version of himself he has spent years trying to escape from

CHARCOAL BLUES IN C MINOR { slow burn, mutual pining; s, a } 23k @cb97percent

Charcoal and straw papers. Piano keys and sheet music. A lighthouse and a speakeasy. Prestige and the lack thereof.

9:40am { f, hungover & dramatic hyune } 0,8k @skzfairyy

Boyfie privileges { f } @jinhyun

cake pop { f } @inniejeonginnie

you graduated college!! and now all your boyfriend wants is to show you how proud he is of you, but things don't go the way he planned

“oh, god.” { s } @/ppiri-bahng

Series 

Moonrise { historical au, arranged marriage au, s, f }  12,6k @/healinghyunjin

Seeing your future husband for the first time, you knew immediately, even from afar, that the rumors hadn’t even begun to do him justice. 

Moonlight { historical au, arranged marriage au; s, f, } 6,5k 

a throne of roses | hwang hyunjin  { royal au; f, a } 16,7k @scxrlettwxtches

when the king that conquered your country, hwang hyunjin, arranged a marriage for the two of you, not once did you expect to feel any emotion except hatred and bitterness to blossom between you. will you stand to hate your enemy until the end, or will you realize that the cold-hearted ruler is not as cruel as he seemed?

A crown of thorns 14k

a few years have passed since your tumultuous beginnings with the enemy king, hwang hyunjin, and to everyone’s astonishment, your marriage flourished with an abundance of love. however, this was not yet a happy ever after, and danger still lurks within every corner of your peaceful kingdom.

VESPER @/seospicybin

One dance { s } 6,3k

If it wasn’t because of your support, Hyunjin would have been given up to be a painter. One day, he finally get to sold one of his paintings and he decides to celebrate it by getting himself a lap dance.

Part 1 { s,f } 11,2k

You've been praying every night for someone like Hyunjin to come and when he finally did, you doubt that he would approve your job as a stripper.

Part 2 { s,f } 11,3k

Is this love ? { pack au,+ Felix ; a,s,f }

1. 2. 3.

Dangerous { mafia boss hyune, e2l; f, s, a } 4,1k @minghaoyoudoin

Deal 6k Deadly 9,1k Damaged 9,2k

Darling 4,3k

HOTEL VERMILION { hospitality au, mystery, crime; s } @/cb97percent

Chapter 1 { s } 6,6k

Note: please let me know if the links are not working ! I’ll try to fix them as soon as possible ^^

Hyunjin fic recs 2

stray kids | Hwang Hyunjin

masterlist | part 1

[ updated 240726 ]

5:15 am { f } @dreamyyeosang

cliche meetcutes { f } 0,9k @chvrrycola

04 sharing haring a bed series { f2l, s } @skzdarlings

Ice { mafia au, strangers2l; a, s, f } 4,5k @healinghyunjin

Sheer good looks aside though…you’d seen his face on the news. What was his name? You remembered that it was something elegant, soft on the lips - a name that didn’t seem to fit the cruel, hardened mafioso it belonged to. 

It was only when those cold icy eyes locked with yours, gaze chilling even from all the way across the bar, that it finally came to mind. 

Hwang Hyunjin. 

kinktober day five { f2l; s } 2,5k @gimmeurtmi

uni student hyunjin but make it art

9:02 A.M { f } @forlix

Read between the lines { f } 0,5k @inkelea

Making out in a car { s } @astraystayyh

are you bored yet? { insecure y/n; a, f } @ebbaskz

“but i can’t help from asking ‘are you bored yet?’ ”

I’ll make those insecurities disappear { a, f, s } @lotus-dly

Taste { s } @moonjxsung

Sunday’s Paradigm { f2l, college; f } 2,6k @sunboki

He was a cold person. Spiteful and brash to all people too close, scared to let his walls down. Except, to him, you’re a spectacle. A classmate he realizes he can’t exactly find reason to dislike while he sketched you from his stool in the art room.

The deal. @hyunedew

the one where you accidentally summon the king of hell in your pursuit to pass your class.

Pendulum { f, a, s } 1,2k @1-800-shedevil

You visit Hyunjin on the night of his big art exhibit intent on closing this chapter of your life but he's not willing to let go that easily.

Say yes to me { f } @astraystayyh

after your seven minutes in heaven, hyunjin wants to plan out how he'll finally confess to you. except you come knocking on the door of his rented cabin unannounced. at 10:53 pm. the perfect time for love, he comes to learn.

Bound to You { Cerberus, Goddess, Greek Mythology; f, s } 4,3k @winter-dayz

“What are we?” { f } @jinhyun

Drunken with a sense of love { drunken confessions, fake dating } 7,1k @hanibalistic

you and hyunjin got drunk at different times, and you two took care of each other similarly. 

Thinking about how attentive hyunjin would be when you’re sick { f } @seungminhour

Christmas Eve with Hwang Hyunjin { f } @agi-ppangx

Eight days of Christmas carols - day 4 { f } @rachalixie

Pussy agenda with Hyunjin { s } @fluffylino

Sigma kappa zeta’s olympic level beer pong team { + Innie x reader; s } 7,2k @/skzms

it's the last frat party before winter break and you, hyunjin and jeongin have a title to defend. who knows where it might lead (we do, it leads to the three of you smoking weed and fucking in jeongin's room)

9mitm { s } @straykeedz

Babysitter.com { single dad Hyune; s, f } @mnwrld

hyunjin's whole life changed when his daughter was born--it was the single best day of his life. but parenting was harder than he thought it would be, especially when he also needed to work to be able to provide for the light of his life. maybe a little help wouldn't hurt? where else could he look but the notorious 'babysitter.com' ?

my love, mine all mine [ f ] 2,3k @/rachalixie

hyunjin setting up the perfect valentine's day for you

verisimilitude [bsf2l; s ] @/skzdarlings

You are a self-identified no-nonsense curmudgeon. Your best friend is an eccentric pretty boy. You accidentally send him an explicit video of yourself. What's the worst that can happen?

The snow falls, we fall apart. [ roommates, f2l; hurt/comfort ] 13k @/astraystayyh

when heartbreak looms on your life, and winter becomes a time you loathe, hyunjin helps you rewrite your memories with the season, and with it, everything you once believed about love.

Something I Needed More [ f2l; f ] 3,2k @skzonthebrain

wherever you are [ f2l; f, a, s ] 12,9k @hyunverse

Hyunjin promised you that he'll be wherever you are. What do you do when your best friend of years — the only person you've ever loved disappears without saying goodbye? Especially when you've spent your entire life with Hyunjin, you didn't know of life without him.

ace [ volleyball player hyune, fake e2l; f ] 15,2k @/forlix

volleyball superstar and your personal hell hwang hyunjin proposes a trade-off you can't refuse: his matchmaking services for a passing anthropology grade. the plan is foolproof in theory; in practice, it is something else entirely.

the storm. [ s ] 2,7k @/tasteracha

Series

devil by the window { DemonxAngel; s } 3k @berryjoong

you’re an angel, hyunjin’s a demon, and you’re both after the same soul. you hate each other, but you just can’t stay away from him.

part two { f, a ,s } 6,4k

the strange man of monterrey manor ( series ) { vampire au; f, s, a }  @quokkacore

chapter one: a marriage most foul

chapter two: voices that wail in the night

chapter three: a solution to the issue at hand (m) [final]

Make Love, Not Porn { s } @charmercharm3r

You crave a life of normalcy, he craves you. And he'd do anything to keep you, even if you're for the world to see.

Play Time 3,8k

Heat Signature 5,9k

Puppeteer 4,3k

Hi, My Name Is 7,7k

Sunday 6,7k

Texts

Boyfriend texts @like-a-diamondinthesky

Boyfriend texts @gyuworm

Note: please let me know if the links are not working ! I’ll try to fix them as soon as possible ^^

MODEL! HYUNJIN X FEM! MODEL! READER

autor’s note: hi! this is my first post, I hope you’ll like it!

warnings: none!! pure fluff

Hyunjin, a renowned Versace model and gifted artist, has grown used to the fast-paced world of fashion. But when Y/N, a new model, steps into the scene, her authenticity catches his eye. As their paths intertwine, Hyunjin finds himself drawn not just to her beauty, but to something deeper—especially when he discovers a personal connection to his art in her life.

The lights above the runway glowed bright as you walked, your heart racing with every step. It was your first major show—Versace, no less—and the pressure of the fashion world felt like it was resting squarely on your shoulders. You kept your face composed, though. It was the life you had chosen, after all.

As you reached the end of the runway and struck your final pose, you caught a glimpse of someone standing backstage. Hwang Hyunjin. A name you had heard whispered many times, both in the modeling industry and beyond. He was already legendary as a Versace model—and as an artist. He stood with that ethereal grace, watching the runway with a calm confidence. His aura drew you in instantly.

Backstage, the models buzzed with excitement, but you found yourself scanning the room for Hyunjin. You weren’t sure why—maybe it was the effortless way he carried himself, or the way his expressive eyes seemed to speak without words. But there he was, standing near a rack of designer outfits, quietly sketching in a notebook.

He must have felt your gaze, because his eyes lifted from the page and met yours.

You blinked and quickly turned away, embarrassed to have been caught staring.

A moment later, you heard a voice behind you. “Nervous?”

Turning, you found yourself face-to-face with Hyunjin. His smile was small but warm, and it made your heart stutter. “A little,” you admitted, forcing yourself to breathe.

“You didn’t show it out there. You looked great.”

Your cheeks flushed. “Thanks. I wasn’t sure if I would survive that.”

He chuckled, his laughter soft and genuine. “We all feel that way at first. Trust me.”

You nodded, trying to keep your cool. “You were sketching something?”

“Oh,” he glanced down at the notebook in his hand, almost shyly, “yeah, just passing time. It’s nothing.”

“I bet it’s beautiful,” you said without thinking. His sketches were famous—everyone knew Hyunjin wasn’t just a model but an incredible artist. His works sold out faster than any runway show.

Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at your comment, looking a little surprised, but his smile grew just a bit wider. “Maybe one day you’ll see for yourself.”

---

Days turned into weeks, and as more Versace events brought you together, you and Hyunjin grew closer. What began as polite conversations evolved into genuine exchanges—talks about art, fashion, and life beyond the glitz and glamor. He was different from the others. Though he was breathtaking in every way, Hyunjin never acted like it. Instead, he carried himself with a quiet humility, a soul deeper than the world around him realized.

One evening, after a long day of fittings, you sat backstage, scrolling through your phone to relax. Hyunjin approached, as he often did these days, and sat beside you. His presence had become comforting.

"What are you looking at?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, nothing special," you said, not thinking much of it as you showed him your phone. But his eyes widened slightly when he saw your lock screen.

It was one of his paintings—a swirling combination of colors and emotion that you had seen in an exhibition once. You loved how raw and alive it felt, and you had put it as your wallpaper without realizing Hyunjin might ever see it.

"That’s... my painting," he said softly, his voice almost touched with disbelief.

You felt a sudden rush of heat rise to your face. "Oh my god, I—yeah, it is. I didn’t think you'd—uh, I really loved it. It just felt so... powerful. I hope that's not weird."

He stared at the screen for a long moment before meeting your eyes. His usual calm demeanor had shifted, and for the first time, you saw something vulnerable in his expression.

"It’s not weird," he murmured, his voice lower than usual. "It’s... actually really special."

His hand brushed against yours as he handed your phone back, and neither of you moved away. The air between you seemed to thicken with something unspoken.

"You know," Hyunjin began, his gaze dropping for a second before looking back up, "people don’t usually talk about my art like that. They just think of me as a model."

"I don’t," you said softly. "I think you’re an incredible artist."

Hyunjin looked at you like you had said something life-changing. His hand stayed close to yours, and you felt a magnetic pull between you, as if something deeper had just clicked into place.

"Thank you, Y/N," he whispered, his voice almost fragile. "I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that."

---

As weeks passed, the connection between you and Hyunjin only deepened. The fashion shows continued, the flashing lights, the crowds, the interviews—but somehow, when you were with him, it all faded into the background.

He would seek you out between shoots, and you found yourself drawn to him in ways you couldn’t explain. His attention to detail, the way he viewed the world through an artistic lens, the kindness in his words—it made your heart race every time you saw him.

One evening, after a long day of rehearsals, the two of you found yourselves alone in the studio. Hyunjin was working on a painting in the corner while you sat nearby, watching him with quiet admiration. He glanced at you every so often, his eyes soft.

"Can I ask you something?" he said, breaking the silence.

"Of course."

"Why my painting?" he asked, his voice careful, but curious. "Out of all the art you could’ve chosen, why mine?"

You thought for a moment before answering. "Because it felt real. When I saw it, I felt something… like it was a piece of your soul. It wasn’t just a pretty picture—it had emotion, depth. I could see you in it."

Hyunjin stared at you for a long moment, something intense flickering in his gaze. He set his brush down and took a slow step closer.

"You saw me in it?" he repeated, his voice softer now, almost vulnerable.

"Yeah," you nodded, holding his gaze. "I did."

Hyunjin's breath hitched, and in that moment, something shifted between you. He reached out, gently taking your hand. His touch was warm, and his thumb brushed over your skin as if testing whether this was real.

"I see you too, Y/N," he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. "More than you know."

You stared up at him, your heart pounding as he stepped closer. His face was inches from yours now, his gaze flickering down to your lips before meeting your eyes again. And in that quiet space, where words seemed unnecessary, Hyunjin leaned in, capturing your lips in a soft, lingering kiss.

The world faded away, and for a moment, there was only the two of you—two artists, two souls, finding each other in the midst of the chaos.

———

I hope you enjoyed this story! Requests are open!!

Please support the writers by reblogging/interacting with their posts! ( I do not own any of these writings/stories.)

My favorite stories that I've read so far. ♥︎

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Timothee Chalamet (+ his characters)

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These writings/stories are not mine, they are only stories like and this is a why that i can go back when I feel like reading them again.

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(some are triggering/abusive)

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it girl

stanley cup

yapper(lil smut)

quiet reader

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ouch!!

Okay but I don’t normally like long fics but a fallen angel trope I had too, and it DID NOT DISAPPOINT!

Man I love this so so much, literally felt like it was happening around me!

Ahh I’m obsessed 🥲🥺

h.hj. — descent to hell.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x gn reader, former bang chan x gn reader genre: fallen angel au, angst, fluff, strangers to lovers au warnings: blood, injuries, cheating, food, slight themes of jealousy, mild swearing summary: someone like minho would have told you to keep your distance from hyunjin; that he is something inhumane— dangerous and flammable. but you are already waist-deep in those dark pools of liquid glass that he has for eyes. length: oneshot word count: 13.4k+ a/n: this actually took forever so i'm just so glad that i finished it. hope you enjoy!

When you find him, he is sprawled across the sand, unconscious. There is salt crusted over his bare collarbones and a thin stream of blood trickling down the pale column of his throat.

Even so, his beauty takes your breath away.

It takes you the rest of the morning to drag him to the lighthouse. The rest of the evening to coax his body onto the lumpy pull-out couch bed in the living room and dress the two gaping wounds slit along the length of his back.

His wounds heal as you work over them, the skin stitching back together in front of your very eyes, bloody tissue fading into smooth muscle.

You let out a small exhale of awe, wondering what this creature is, if not human. Even then, despite his supernaturality, something about him leaves you unwilling to push him away.

Instead, you tend to his cuts and bruises— although there isn't much need to, seeing that his body is already healing on its own. You rinse the dried salt out of his black locks of hair and pull a thick blanket over him in attempt to warm him up.

It is already late at night by the time you've finished with him. You leave him on the couch and stumble into your own bedroom to collapse onto your bed, exhausted.

The stranger is already up by the time you've rolled out of bed the next morning, preparing to make breakfast. You jump at the sight of him sitting on your coach, blanket spread over his lap, but quickly recover to give him a small nod in greeting.

He stares at you, eyes hostile and untamed. "Who are you?"

His voice is hoarse and slightly scratchy with disuse.

How ironic.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" you ask, a small smile tugging at your lips.

He hesitates for a moment, unsure of what to say. You take a step forward, assessing him carefully. He is even more handsome when he's awake.

"What's your name?"

The stranger balks, swallowing hard, as if trying to remember. Finally, after a long pause—

"Hyunjin," he says. "It's Hyunjin."

"Hyunjin," you repeat, rolling the word off the tip of your tongue. You smile. It suits him.

"Where are you from?"

Hyunjin pauses again, biting his lip, before shaking his head. "I don't remember."

You frown.

"Do you remember what happened to you?"

He shakes his head again in denial.

"You don't remember anything?" you press, "nothing at all?"

His eyes turn defensive, narrowing to gaze at you defiantly. "Nothing at all."

You don't push him— something about him suggests that it would be dangerous to pry. Instead, you come forward to lay a bundle of clothes by his side. When you had found him, his only attire had been a threadbare pair of skinny jeans.

"Put them on," you say, "I can't have you walking around the house half-naked."

Hyunjin takes the clothes in his hands, examining them with interest. You stride out of the living room to give him some privacy. "Come to the dining room when you're dressed to have some breakfast."

Your phone vibrates on your way to the kitchen.

[7:39 am] minho: having fun at the lighthouse ? or have you already started regretting not taking me up on my offer to visit itaewon ?

Grinning, you quickly type out a response.

[7:40 am] i'm having a GREAT time thank u very much

Most people would describe your residence as unique. After all, a lighthouse is not a typical type of home. But if you're being completely honest, having such a tiny home can be restrictive at times. Everything comes in a miniature size. Small kitchen, compact bedroom, miniscule living room. When your parents had asked that you spend your summer vacation at the lighthouse, you had begged to not go, protesting that there were better ways to spend the two luxurious months you got off from college. But they had insisted, saying that visiting the lighthouse was a family tradition, passed on for countless generations.

So you were stuck here. Contrary to common belief, it wasn't an entirely lonesome affair to live in a lighthouse. There was a ferry that traveled between the island and the mainland, which you regularly boarded whenever you craved social interaction and you occasionally hosted tours of the lighthouse as well for curious outsiders. Admittedly, the lighthouse wasn't necessarily a bad vacation destination, it was simply just not your first choice.

You trudge into the kitchen to make some avocado toast, sticking four slices of whole wheat bread into the toaster and spreading mashed avocado over the golden-brown slices of toast. Stacking up the bread onto a tray, you carry it out into the kitchen. Hyunjin is still sitting on the couch, dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants and an white oversized t-shirt. Your breath catches at the sight of him.

In those sweatpants, he resembles Chan a little too much.

Shaking your head, you forcibly push any Chan-related memories to the back of your mind. Instead, you set down the tray onto the dining room table with a loud clatter, pulling out two chairs for you and Hyunjin.

Hyunjin approaches the table cautiously, sitting down hesitantly in the chair. You push a plate of toast closer to him and gesture towards the food. "Go ahead."

You dig into your own toast and watch as Hyunjin carefully picks up the toast and takes a bite. He chews slowly, eyes thoughtful.

You grin. "What, you've never had avocado toast before?"

Hyunjin shakes his head. You raise your eyebrows in dismay— avocado toast is one of the three main staples of your diet along with rice and ramen. You watch as he finishes his toast in silence, his bangs falling into his eyes. You are tempted to offer him a hairband, just to have the visual of Hyunjin with his hair tied back in a purple scrunchie, but decide that it would be too forward.

Instead, you gather up the dirty dishes and dump them into the sink. Hyunjin watches you from the kitchen table, eyes following you wordlessly. He really is too handsome to be true— perfectly-shaped eyebrows and full lips, striking eyes that hold the weight of worlds.

You quickly sponge off the dishes and come back to stand in front of Hyunjin almost hesitantly. He stares at you, dark eyes boring into yours.

"Is it okay if I check on your cuts?"

"What?"

"The cuts on your back," you say, "I want to check if they're doing okay."

Hyunjin's eyes darken with recognition and you pause, intimidated by his gaze. "It's fine if you're uncomfortable I can just—"

But Hyunjin is already turning around, allowing you to lift up his shirt to check up on his wounds. You hesitantly lift up the hem of his t-shirt, eyes sliding over the muscled expanse of his back to where the two long wounds are located.

The sight that greets you makes you gasp. The cuts have closed, but are colored an angry red, the skin tight and swollen.

You run a fingertip down one wound and Hyunjin lets out a hiss of pain. Mumbling an apology, you quickly pull down his t-shirt again and trod into the bathroom to gather ointment from your first aid bag.

Rummaging through the kit, you grab some antibiotic cream and carefully uncap the lid of the bottle, preparing to rub it over Hyunjin's wounds. He watches you quietly, eyes wary, but allows you to lift up the hem of his t-shirt again to apply the cream.

"It's infected," you explain, in case he wants an explanation. Hyunjin nods and allows you to adjust his position for better access.

When you finish spreading a thin layer of cream over his wounds, you wrap his torso with a thick layer of bandages to close off the wound completely and stand up again, letting the t-shirt fall back down. "Hopefully it'll do better after this."

Hyunjin doesn't say anything. For a moment, you hover over him, hesitant, before opting to set to work doing your usual duties. To be honest, you aren't really sure what to do with him. He is so beautiful and strange that it unnerves you more than you'd like to admit. So you leave him to his own devices and make your way to the top of the lighthouse, where you tend to the light beacon.

Technically, it's unnecessary due to modern technology, but you still keep the light on just for the sake of old traditions. Glancing outside, you take a weather reading and record it into the log book — it is damp and humid today, the sky filled with dark menacing clouds.

"What are you doing?"

You jump at the sound of Hyunjin's voice, and turn around to see him leaning against the door frame of the room.

"You shouldn't sneak up on me like that," you breath, "you scared the living shit out of me. And to answer your question, I'm recording the weather in the log book."

Hyunjin frowns, obviously perplexed but doesn't say anything else. You clear your throat. "Do you want anything? Why'd you come and see me?"

"I didn't have anything to do," Hyunjin shrugs. "Can I help? I'd like to repay you for your kindness."

"How thoughtful of you," you smile. "You can help me sweep out the walkway... I rarely have visitors but my parents still insist that I keep the walkway clean."

Hyunjin nods and you lead him outside to the pathway, handing him a broom. "Just sweep the pathway to clear it of any dust. I'll work on weeding it."

Although he is strange and intimidating, Hyunjin proves to be a good worker. He clears out the walkway with a clean efficiency— you watch him out of your peripheral vision while simultaneously weeding the pathway of any stray clumps of grass, marveling over his ethereal looks. In fact, you grow so overly distracted in your attempt to keep an eye on him that you almost end up pulling up a bunch of tulips. Thankfully, you snap awake just before you're about to uproot one of your mother's prize tulip beds.

By the time you've finished weeding, Hyunjin has swept the entire walkway as well as cleared the pathway of any stray pebbles. You stand up to see Hyunjin watching you with expectant eyes. "Is there anything else I can do?"

You shake your head.

"That's it," you say, "unless.."

Hyunjin gazes at you questioningly.

"Have you ever gone fishing before?"

When Hyunjin slowly shakes his head in denial, you take him to the shore of the beach, sitting down by the rocks. The sun has already begun to set, painting the horizon a vivid ochre. Seafoam gathers in frothy clouds against the wet sand as the tide rolls in.

You hand Hyunjin a fishing rod and instruct him on how to fish properly, watching him carefully as he deftly tosses the fishing line into the sea. He moves so adeptly that it’s hard to believe that he’s never done this before.

For a long period of time, the two of you sit by the shore, waiting.

Hyunjin sits with his eyes fixated to the fishing rod clutched in his hands. You hum, leaning back onto your forearms, admiring the ivory reflection of the moon on the sea. Hyunjin glances sideways at you for a moment before turning back to stare at his fishing rod.

"I remember something."

You sit up, suddenly intrigued, and turn to stare at him. "You do?”

Hyunjin nods. "Not much. Just feathers and pain. So much pain.”

He speaks in an oddly detached way, eyes blank as he gazes into the dark seawater.

Sighing, you shake your head, disappointed.

"That's it? I was expecting something more dramatic."

Hyunjin shrugs and adjusts his position, leaning back a bit to press his back against the rock, turning his attention back to his fishing rod. He looks so earnest as he gazes into the sea that you feel inclined to lower his hopes a bit.

"Sometimes I don't catch any fish at all, you know," you say, "so don't be upset if you—"

You are interrupted by a sudden jerk on Hyunjin's line. His eyes glint with excitement as he reels in the rod, lips tugging into a slight smile. Elation looks good on him, you decide. His eyes are dark and alive, almost glowing in the gentle moonlight. You've been sitting on the rocks with him for one or two hours now, watching the tide roll in. You had suggested returning to the lighthouse after the sunset, but Hyunjin had insisted on staying until he caught a fish.

He continues to roll in the line until a skipjack tuna flops onto the shore. You both stare at the fish for a moment until Hyunjin turns to you, grinning. "You were saying?"

You roll your eyes but laugh anyway— it's good to know that he at least has a sense of humor. Hopping off the rocks, you step forward to carefully pick up the tuna, examining it carefully.

The tuna’s scales glint a dark blue in the moonlight, sleek and healthy. Running a hand along the length of the fish, you smile complacently. It’s been quite a while since you’ve last caught a fish as nice as this one.

You end up frying the tuna in soy sauce, topping it off with chopped scallions. Hyunjin watches you like he always does, curled up in the corner of the couch. You serve the fish with rice and kimchi, setting the table for two and gesturing for Hyunjin to come over.

He proves to have a good appetite, devouring the food hungrily. You devote half your time to actually eating, and the other half to admiring Hyunjin. He somehow manages to look attractive even while eating, and you're beginning to think it a little unfair.

The next day, you take Hyunjin out to the beach to dig for mussels. He trots beside you, barefoot in a pair of jeans and a loose fitting white dress shirt. Normally, you hate going mussel hunting, but Hyunjin seemed to want to see more of the island and you thought it would be a good opportunity for him to do so.

Humming, you skip along the length of the beach. It is sunny today— the sky is clear and cloudless, a crystalline blue. You laugh as you run back to walk alongside Hyunjin.

"You kind of look like Howl in that outfit, you know?"

Hyunjin's eyebrows furrow as he peers at you, uncomprehending. "Who?"

You stare at him, eyes widening. "You mean, you've never watched Howl's Moving Castle before?"

Hyunjin shakes his head. You let out a small gasp of despair. "Princess Mononoke?"

He shakes his head again.

"Spirited Away? Ponyo? My Neighbor Totoro?"

Hyunjin's face remains blank and unrecognizing. You shake your head in disbelief. "God, you really are sheltered. I thought everyone knew about Studio Ghibli films."

The atmosphere grows quiet again as you approach the rocks. You demonstrate to Hyunjin the correct way to forage mussels, twisting and pulling them off from the rocks and dropping them into buckets full of cold seawater. Hyunjin proves yet again to be remarkably adept, gathering mussels at a rapid pace. You end up filling the buckets in two hours, and spend the rest of the morning wading through the shallow waters of the tidepools with Hyunjin, gathering exotic looking shells.

You find a pale pink conch shell resting just under the crevice of a barnacle-infested rock and let out a short laugh of surprise. It is tinged gold on the edges, smooth and creamy on the inside. It isn’t everyday that you find a shell so intact and flawless.

"Here," you say, holding out the conch shell to Hyunjin. He stares at you blankly.

"If you hold it to your ear, you can hear the sea."

He takes the conch shell from your hand, slim fingers grazing against yours, and slowly reaches up to hold the shell to his ear. You grin as his eyes light with recognition.

"Pretty cool, right?"

Hyunjin's lips twist into a full-fledged grin. His entire face shifts when he smiles — eyes crinkling at the corners warmly. He looks a little less distant as he smiles, a little less alien.

You turn to go back home at around noon, walking at a considerably slower place. The mussel buckets are heavy, laden with dark gleaming mussels. You boil them in vegetable broth and season them with garlic and ginger.

Hyunjin sits next to you by the dining table and the two of you eat until you feel like bursting. Hyunjin is still cautious around you, but a little less so— his eyes are a bit warmer, less reserved. You watch as he deftly cracks open the mussels to reach the pale yellow meat inside, and realize that it is the longest time you've ever gone without thinking about Chan since The Incident.

You still do not know what to think about Hyunjin, but you suppose that he must be good for you as long as his presence allows you to forget about Chan.

You tend to Hyunjin's wounds after lunch, carefully unraveling the bandages wrapped around his torso and examining the cuts. They are still infected, but considerably less so. You apply more antibiotic cream and wrap up the wounds again.

Hyunjin spends the rest of the afternoon dozing on the couch as you study in your bedroom. You can tell that he's exhausted, even if he's trying his best to conceal it and he looks enormously relieved when you suggest for him to take a nap. By the time he wakes up again, the moon has already risen and hangs low in the inky sky.

You make ramen for dinner and end up forcing Hyunjin to watch Howl's Moving Castle with you. He looks mildly confused as his eyes flit over the screen, quietly observing Turnip-head leading Sophie to the castle and Calcifer complaining as he cooks eggs and bacon. You point out the shocking resemblance between Hyunjin and Howl during one scene, and Hyunjin shakes his head, denying it.

But he wears a small smile throughout the rest of the movie, so you count it as a win.

Hyunjin melds himself into your life until you feel as if he must have always been here with you. He grows stronger as he stays with you, the wounds in his back closing up nicely. But they don't go away, and he says that it still hurts like hell to touch them. Even so, he is healing.

You wonder if he will leave once he is strong enough to.

The memories come back to Hyunjin in fragments, too.

One night, he tells you that he remembers a girl. He doesn't specify any further, but there is a weight in his eyes as he speaks of her.

"A lover?" you ask, peering at him.

Hyunjin shakes his head. "I don't remember."

Another day, as the two of you are sitting by the rocky shore, watching the sunset, Hyunjin tells you that he remembers a large city. A tiny apartment. Cartons of Gamja hotdogs drizzled with ketchup.

Hyunjin's story is absurd when you think of it. Washed ashore onto your island, with no remembrance of his past, and little knowledge about the outside world. Someone whose flesh stitches itself together even as he rips it open.

(You remember Hyunjin accidentally cutting his index finger as he was chopping up tomatoes one afternoon. He had let out an exclamation of pain, dropping the knife. By the time you had rushed over with a bandaid, his skin was already closing on its own, the deep cut fading into smooth skin.)

Someone like Minho would have warned you over the insanity of the entire situation, telling you to tread carefully with Hyunjin, to keep your distance. But something about Hyunjin is so addictive that you find yourself naturally gravitating towards him, even as you attempt to hold him at an arm's length.

His dark eyes, those silky black strands of hair. Those mornings when he stumbles into the kitchen, a vision of eyes swollen with sleep and crimson lips, oversized t-shirt slipping off one shoulder.

You want him. You have long since ceased to deny this fact, because that's what it is. A fact. A statement.

One morning, you wake up to Hyunjin's panicked yelping. You stumble into the living room, still half asleep, to see him pressed into the very corner of the pull-out couch, arms pulled around himself protectively. A large orange tabby cat sits by the foot of the couch, observing him serenely.

"Hyunjin," you gasp, "what's wrong?"

Hyunjin gestures vaguely towards the cat, aghast. "What's that?"

You suppress a peal of laughter. "You mean Kkochi? She's a cat."

Hyunjin stares at you. "You mean it has a name?"

"Sure she does," you say, "she's my pet. She's usually outdoors but she comes into the lighthouse occasionally when she wants company."

You come forward to rub Kkochi's chin as she purrs, closing her eyes in bliss. Hyunjin stares at you in amazement. "You can touch it?"

"Yep," you grin, "she loves it."

Hyunjin slowly inches forward to pat Kkochi's soft fur, running his fingertips over her head. His eyes are wide with awe. You think it's adorable. Kkochi purrs and nudges her head further into Hyunjin's hand, eyes closed half shut.

"Oh, she must like you a lot," you say. "She doesn't usually warm up to strangers so quickly."

Hyunjin smiles a little, scratching over her head. "She's very soft."

That’s how you bond with Hyunjin. Through half-domesticated cats and Studio Ghibli films. By the end of his first three days at the lighthouse, you've already watched four other Ghibli films already, including Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away.

Hyunjin learns of cream puffs and bubble baths and Spotify during his stay at the lighthouse. He picks up a hobby of drawing, filling a notebook you bought him with flawless sketches. You watch as he blooms under your very eyes, and wonder if you are holding him back by keeping here in this lighthouse. Even so, you feel reluctant to let him go.

After all, he is the only good thing that has ever happened to you since The Incident.

Twelve days after Hyunjin arrives at the lighthouse, you open up the fridge and find it devoid of any avocados.

Normally, you only have to visit the mainland every other week or so for groceries, but with Hyunjin here with you, the food has disappeared much faster. You sigh and grab your bag, slipping on your sneakers and donning a hoodie. Hyunjin appears before you, gazing at you curiously. "Where are you going?"

"Town," you say, "I have to pick up some groceries there."

Hyunjin nods, opens his mouth to say something before closing it again. You watch him carefully. "Want to come with me?"

He gives a small nod in affirmation. You hesitate, doubtful, but consent anyway. After all, it’s beneficial for Hyunjin to have more exposure to the outside world. So you take him along with you on the ferry, keeping him close to you.

The ferryman gives Hyunjin one or two dubious glances, but he doesn't comment on it. By the time you reach the mainland, it is already noon. Hyunjin keeps beside you, gazing around him with mild interest.

You turn to glance at him. "What do you think?"

"There's a lot more people than I expected," he says, "but it's nice. I like it."

It's hardly been a minute since Hyunjin stepped off the ferry, and already he's attracting stares. A pair of girls gaze at him from their table at the local café, eyes sliding over his bold eyes and sculpted cheekbones. If Hyunjin notices their gazes, he doesn't show it.

"Want to stop by the local restaurant for lunch? It's already noon."

Hyunjin’s stomach growls in response.

Laughing, you lead him over to a small restaurant and order two servings of bibimbap. He sits on a chair adjacent to you, curious eyes wandering through the restaurant with interest. The restaurant has gone silent since he walked in, the customers abruptly pausing their conversations to stare at this beautiful stranger in awe. A man sitting next to your table almost makes a move to talk to Hyunjin but decides against it.

You cover your mouth with the sleeve of your hoodie to conceal your smile. They really are too fucking obvious.

Hyunjin frowns at you. "What?"

"It's nothing," you say, still grinning.

A waitress comes and sets two bowls of bibimbap in front of you. Hyunjin thanks her for the food, a shy smile curling at the corners of his mouth.

Blushing furiously, the waitress quickly departs, pressing her hands to her cheeks to cool them down. You stifle yet another smile and dig into your food, gesturing for Hyunjin to do the same.

He takes a bite and gives a small groan of delight.

"What do you think?" you ask, "it's good, right?"

Hyunjin nods, chewing. “It’s good. I like your avocado toast more, though."

You take a moment to absorb the impact of his words, heart skipping a beat in your chest as you gaze at him from across the table, cheeks burning. There is a brief moment where you stare awkwardly at each other, unsure of what to say, before you quickly laugh it off and push his bowl of bibimbap closer to him. "Just eat."

After lunch, you take Hyunjin to the local café and introduce him to iced americanos, which he adores immediately. You grin as he lets the aromatic flavor of caffeine sit on his tongue, nodding approvingly at the taste.

"Why didn't you introduce me to this drink earlier?" Hyunjin asks, examining his plastic cup of americano. "It tastes wonderful."

You smile. "It does?"

He nods.

"It also tastes.." he trails off, searching for the appropriate word, "familiar. It tastes familiar."

"Like you've had it before?"

Hyunjin nods again. You consider this piece of information before sighing— it's been twelve days and you still feel no closer to figuring out what exactly happened to Hyunjin before he washed ashore onto your island. What little Hyunjin remembers is so arbitrary and insignificant that it's practically impossible to piece his memories together. You hand a ₩10000 banknote to the cashier before stepping back outside, walking in the direction of the grocery store.

"I just have to go grocery shopping and then we can go home," you tell him, hoisting your bag higher up onto your shoulder. "We're out of avocados and I can't function properly without avocados."

Hyunjin nods, absentmindedly guiding you to the inner side of the sidewalk as a car streaks noisily past you on the street.

You swallow heavily and pretend that you don't find the protective gesture to be stupidly wholesome. Hyunjin walks close to you, hand brushing against your own with every step. You mentally berate yourself for going lightheaded over such a simple action.

By the time you come to a stop in front of the grocery store, the sun has already begun to set. Hyunjin lets out a gasp of amazement as you guide him into the store, pushing along a grocery cart.

He gazes around him in awe, taking in the huge shelves full of food. "Can you just take whatever you want?"

"Pretty much," you smile, "as long as you can pay for it."

He skips through the aisles, stopping occasionally to examine a random product and point it out to you delightedly. You smile as you push the grocery cart and observe him, a sharp pang of fondness resonating deep within your stomach.

Hyunjin draws your attention towards a snowglobe that swirls with glitter whenever you shake it, eyes sparkling with excitement.

"It's like you suddenly became ten years younger," you laugh.

Hyunjin flushes indignantly.

"But I like it!" you quickly say, to appease his temper. "It's cute."

He smiles at that.

By the end of your grocery trip, there are at least nine items in your grocery cart that you have absolutely no use for including the snowglobe that Hyunjin had found so fascinating, a new sketching notebook (your gift for Hyunjin), and a case of handmade soap (because Hyunjin thought they were too pretty to not buy). It's already late in the evening and the day's events have taken their toll on Hyunjin. He looks exhausted, winces in pain at even the slightest pressure applied to his back.

"We just have to checkout," you promise, glancing at Hyunjin worriedly, "then we can board the ferry and go back home."

So you wait in line at the checkout area and Hyunjin stands beside you, eyes tired and dull. By the time you've checked out, it's already dark outside.

You walk together on the side of the street, thoroughly exhausted. Hyunjin seems to be even worse off than you, letting out small exhales of discomfort every time he takes a step. "Just a few more minutes," you say, touching his arm gently, "hold on for a little longer."

He turns to give you a small smile, eyes crinkling at the corners, and your mind immediately goes blank. In fact, you are so captivated by his ethereal looks that you don't even hear the steady whirring of bicycle wheels from behind you until Hyunjin's eyes focus on something just to the right of your left shoulder. His eyes widen in alarm, and you turn around to see a bike cruising towards you at full speed, the rider waving their hands in the air, desperately gesturing for you to get out of the way.

It all happens so fast that you have no time to react. Instead, you brace yourself for the worst, squeezing your eyes tightly shut.

But it never comes.

Instead, everything goes deathly silent.

After about five seconds or so, you open your eyes again. The people surrounding you are motionless and frozen. Their faces are still animated with emotion, as if still in the middle of conversation.

You slowly turn to stare at the bicycle, which most definitely should have collided with you by now. Instead, it is frozen, although caught in the motion of streaking down the street. The rider too is completely stagnant, mouth opened in a silent scream of horror.

Time is, quite literally, frozen.

Everything stands still, motionless and paralyzed. That is, until you hear the scuffle of shoes against pavement from behind you and see Hyunjin, very much alive and moving, looking equally as shocked.

It doesn't take much to put the two and two together.

"You did this?"

Hyunjin shakes his head helplessly. "I don't know."

But he must have, you think. Because who else could have possibly done so if not him? You stare out into the frozen landscape, incredulous.

"Hyunjin," you breathe, wide-eyed and awed, "what exactly are you?"

Hyunjin presses his lips into a firm line. "I don't know, okay?"

He genuinely sounds so horrified that you resist the urge to gather him up in your arms and smooth a hand over his ruffled hair. He looks down at his feet, voice small and vulnerable. "I don't fucking know."

You gently wrap your fingers around his wrist, guiding him to the side of the street. Hyunjin lets himself be tugged along, eyes still trained to the ground.

Eventually, the world unfreezes. The people continue their conversations the moment they spring back to life as if nothing ever happened, and the bicycle continues its destructive course down the street. You marvel at the fact that for a good ten minutes, you and Hyunjin were the only human beings alive in the entire town.

Well, you were the only human being alive. You still don't know what Hyunjin is.

You silently guide Hyunjin to the harbor and board the ferry.

The ride back home is excruciatingly silent.

When you reach the lighthouse, you tend to Hyunjin's wounds and leave him to sleep on the couch. He falls asleep immediately, curling in on himself almost protectively. You brush his bangs out of his eyes and envelope him in a blanket.

You never knew you could have learned to care so intimately for someone in such a short period of time.

Before you leave, you place a plateful of avocado toast by Hyunjin's side for when he wakes up.

Then, you step outside to sit by the shore for a very long time.

Inside your house, asleep on your threadbare pull-out couch, there is someone who can freeze time itself. Whose body can heal itself before your very eyes.

The worst part is, it doesn't make you want him any less.

You tear him apart in your mind, telling yourself that he is a monster— something inhumane.

You should keep your distance from him, you think. Push him away from you. You can't allow him to stay. You can't keep him here with you and make him warm plates of avocado toast in the mornings and take him to the shore to go fishing for tuna.

But you are already waist-deep in those dark pools of liquid glass that he has for eyes.

You crouch down to drag a finger through the seafoam that gathers on the wet sand and allow yourself, for the first time in months, to think of Chan.

He is so similar, and yet so different from Hyunjin. He loved so obviously— held your hand in public and sent you boxes of chocolates on Valentine's Day. A vivid contrast to Hyunjin's quiet thoughtfulness. You had believed, wholly and naively, that you loved him, and that he loved you back.

And then came The Incident. The morning when you visited his apartment unannounced to pick up a sweater you had accidentally left there and found Chan on the sofa, all messy hair and puffy lips.

Against Chan's collarbone was the necklace you had gifted to him for your third anniversary, and in Chan's arms was Jo Miyeon.

Chan had nothing to say to you when you found out. You didn't really have anything to say, either. You just turned and left, crying all the way back to your apartment. You didn't even end up retrieving the sweater.

You hug your knees to your chest and dig your fingers into the soft sand. Chan had tried to contact you countless times after The Incident, sending you text after text begging you to hear him out. You told him to fuck off and blocked his number.

You feel a light weight against your back and turn to see Hyunjin bending to drape his coat over your shoulders before coming to sit beside you. You blink away any possible traces of tears from your eyes and turn to smile at him. "Feeling better?"

Hyunjin nods, before reaching up to gently graze a fingertip against your cheekbone. Your breath hitches in your throat. "What's with the face?"

His fingers remain against your cheeks.

"What do you mean?"

"You always have this look on your face whenever you've been feeling bad over something," he says, eyes still searching your own carefully.

You shake your head. "It's nothing."

Hyunjin sighs but doesn't push. Instead, he leans back a bit and gazes into the dark water of the sea. His bare forearm presses against your own, warm and reassuring. You pull his coat closer around your shoulders, hugging your knees tighter to your chest.

Hyunjin clears his throat gently. "Do you want to rewatch Howl's Moving Castle with me?"

So you walk with Hyunjin back to the house and watch Howl's Moving Castle together and momentarily, everything is okay.

Momentarily.

The next morning, you wake up and cook omelettes for breakfast. Hyunjin sits by you, chewing thoughtfully as you elucidate to him the purpose of laundry detergent. You've gotten used to Hyunjin's limited knowledge of society, and to be completely honest, it's quite enjoyable to explain to him the significance behind turning away when drinking with elders or why kimchi is such a staple food in Korean culture. Something about his innocence is terribly endearing.

Hyunjin spends the rest of the forenoon sitting by the shore, painting the sea in its misty gray morning glory. After mastering sketching, he's decided to pick up oil painting as well. Unsurprisingly, he excels in it.

You study for a bit but find it impossible to focus when you can just catch a glimpse of Hyunjin painting from the corner of your window in your bedroom. Instead, you decide to sweep out the walkway. It's an excellent excuse to spend more time in Hyunjin's presence.

After sweeping, you clear the path of any stray pebbles. As you near the end of the pathway, you find a dead dove lying limp against the gray stone of the walkway. Hyunjin comes running at your exclamation of shock, eyes flashing with worry. When his eyes fall onto the dove, something lights onto his features.

You are not sure what to call it.

Recognition? Horror?

He stares at the lifeless bird in silence, eyes sliding glassily over the white feathers scattered in a halo around the dove, the stain of blood against its slender neck. The awkward angle of the wings as it lies splayed out across the pathway.

You frown.

"Hyunjin," you say, eyebrows knitting together in confusion, "what's wrong?"

Hyunjin slowly turns to look at you. There is nothing but pain in his dark eyes.

The first thing Hyunjin knew when he first opened his eyes was pain. A bottomless, aching pain from deep within his shoulder blades.

At first, it was all that he knew.

And then came a sense of loss. Hyunjin didn't know what he had lost, or how he could ever find it again.

All he knew was that he had lost something, and it had been very, very important to him.

But then you walked into the living room. Fed him the strange bread with the mushy layer of pulpy green spread on top with a scattering of salt and pepper. Tended to his wounds, with forbearing hands and lithe fingers. Took him fishing and taught him to laugh again.

The pain was still there, but with you, the aching subsided into a dull throb.

Hyunjin still didn't remember what he lost.

But bits and pieces of his past slowly came back to him, so tiny and seemingly negligible that he had given up on making any sense of them.

He remembered laughter on a city rooftop. Borrowed hoodies and iced americanos. He remembered a girl. He didn’t quite remember or name, or even what she looked like.

But he recollected the scent of rain and jasmine she carried with her. The silvery quality of her laughter.

Street hotdogs, drizzled in thick strands of ketchup.

Torn feathers and excruciating pain.

The slivers of memories came back to him at a snail-paced rate.

But as he stares at the dead dove, with its blood-soaked feathers and broken wings, it all comes crashing back onto him like a wave, a tsunami of memories.

And here is what he remembers.

He remembers nights spent laughing under the sheets of a twin bed. He remembers gliding through the night air on starlit wings.

He remembers laced fingers and tight embraces. Shared iced americanos in the comfort of a cramped apartment.

Most of all, he remembered the girl. Her name is still lost to him, but he can remember her voice now. Husky and clear, slightly brittle. He can't recall her face, but he remembers that the color of her eyes perfectly matched the hue of ground coffee beans.

He remembers being apprehended and brought to Him. Kneeling before Him and begging for forgiveness— and receiving only contempt instead. Having his wings torn from him, bloodstained feathers scattered across the ground. Feeling the slick warm sense of blood rushing from his back in crimson waves. Falling into the sea, blood still trickling from the deep gashes in his back.

He gazes at you, the memories still bearing down on him in a torrent. You're still staring at him, eyes flashing with concern.

"I think," Hyunjin says, "that I was an angel."

To your everlasting credit, you manage to keep any incredulity off your face.

"Was?"

Hyunjin nods. "I had my wings torn from me."

You frown. "For what?"

Hyunjin smiles, although it ends up twisting into a grimace.

"I fell in love."

You try, in vain, to ignore the stab of jealousy that shoots through you at his words. You swallow down the envy that tears at your throat, fighting to slip out of your mouth.

"Was it with the girl?" you ask, "the girl you mentioned you remembered?"

Hyunjin nods.

“Does she still remember you, too?”

He gives a tense scoff, pain flashing across his face. “She’s dead now. They killed her. As a punishment for falling in love with me.”

You don’t quite know what to say. The pain in Hyunjin’s voice is so audible that it tears through your chest. Hyunjin shakes his head, kicking at a stray pebble, before looking back up to you.

"Shouldn't you be more shocked about the fact that I was an angel?"

You pause. If you're being completely honest, there is a part of you that cannot wrap your mind around the entire situation. But a bigger part of you has always known that Hyunjin wasn't human, although an angel never really crossed your mind.

"I am shocked," you admit, "but it makes sense."

Hyunjin frowns again, but seems to be grateful for your minimal reaction.

"Are your scars from where your wings were?"

Hyunjin nods. "They were ripped from me when I fell."

"So is it, like, illegal to fall in love for an angel?"

"You make it sound so casual," Hyunjin smiles, "but yeah, it pretty much is. God always insisted that our only purpose would be to deliver his messages and worship him infinitely. It was always forbidden to fall in love."

You raise your eyebrows in alarm. "So you've actually seen God?"

"I was an angel," Hyunjin snorts, "I pretty much spent half of my time flying around in the human world and the other half kneeling before him worshiping or something."

"You could fly?"

You know the questions coming out of your mouth sound insanely dumb, but you also can't stop them from slipping out.

Hyunjin sighs. "That's one of the main attributes of being an angel."

You take a moment to survey the entire situation a little more thoroughly. Knowing and acknowledging that Hyunjin is a fallen angel is infinitely more difficult than just knowing and acknowledging that he isn't human. Hyunjin seems much more confident now that his memories have been restored. A little less lost, although he looks a bit dazed.

"Are all angels this good-looking?"

The question slips off your tongue, and you mentally slap yourself for not shutting up when you clearly should have. A smug grin makes its way on Hyunjin's face as he stares at you.

"You think I'm good-looking?"

"Just pretend I didn't say anything."

Hyunjin laughs, a grin stretching across his face. "Actually, I don't think I will."

You flush red, cheeks burning. Hyunjin gazes at you with something like endearment in his eyes. "And to answer your question, pretty much. We're all meant to look ethereal or whatever."

"Now that you know what you are," you say, swallowing hesitantly, "what are you going to do now?"

Hyunjin hesitates, ruminating quietly.

"I'm not sure," he admits. "Usually, fallen angels descend to Hell to serve Lucifer instead. But.."

He trails off, almost bashfully. You tilt your head. "But what?"

"I'd rather stay here with you."

Oh.

Your heart expands in your chest. You can't help the flush of delight that makes its way to your cheeks. "Didn't know you enjoyed my company that much."

"I'm only staying for the avocado toast."

"I liked you better when you were suffering from an identity crisis," you scoff. "Less cocky."

But you smile anyways, and take him fishing.

Just like that, your life with Hyunjin fades into a comfortable rhythm. Hyunjin grows into his own skin as the days progress, and you marvel at the transformation in his character ever since he retrieved his memories.

There isn't much of a shift in your relationship. Hyunjin still carries himself with a quiet thoughtfulness in his eyes, and you still wake him up every morning to make avocado toast for him.

Admittedly, there is a lot more mindless touching between the two of you. Gentle hand squeezes while walking along the length of the shore, sleepy backhugs while binging a k-drama that neither of you could give two fucks about. Hyunjin is so casual about it that you don't bother mentioning it to him.

Besides, you rather like it when he touches you.

You hardly ever think of Chan anymore. Not when you have Hyunjin here, with his shy laughter and dark eyes. The days pass by in a blur— a melty haze of sunkissed mornings and evenings spent sitting by the shore.

You think you could get used to this. This kind of life, with this boy who fell from Heaven by your side.

Next to you, Hyunjin shifts slightly, shoulder pressing into yours. You're sitting on the lumpy couch, a blanket pulled over your lap. Hyunjin stares at the screen of the television, eyes fixated onto the k-drama.

"Hyun," you say.

Hyunjin turns to glance at you expectantly. You don't know when exactly you had started to use the nickname— you suppose it just absentmindedly tumbled off your tongue one day. But Hyunjin seems to receive it well, and you're a sucker for the sheer domesticity of calling him by a nickname.

"Tomorrow, they'll be holding a huge festival celebration on the mainland for Chilseok," you say, "do you want to go?"

Hyunjin pauses. His back has been hurting more frequently recently, even though the infection has long since left his scars. You've been worrying over it, even though Hyunjin has been insisting that he's fine.

"They hold the festival every year," you explain, "to celebrate the one day Jiknyeo and Gyeonwu meet on a bridge made of magpies and crows. You haven't heard of it?"

Hyunjin shakes his head.

You sigh. "Well, anyway. They always make the best grilled wheat flour noodles at the festival, so I always go. Plus, they also make steamed rice cakes, which is a bonus."

Hyunjin's eyes light up at the mention of food as he nods eagerly.

The next morning, you board the ferry, taking Hyunjin along with you. He winces as he walks, and you feel a stab of worry pierce through your heart.

"Maybe we should go see a doctor or something," you say, glancing at him in concern.

Hyunjin smiles. "And then what? They'll find out about my supernatural properties and then I'll be used as a test subject for all their fucked up experiments. I'd rather not."

"But still, it's obviously getting worse. And I don't know how to fix it, either."

You frown, eyebrows furrowing uneasily. Hyunjin gazes at you for a moment, before reaching out to pull you into a backhug, pressing your back to his chest and resting his chin against the top of your head. "Don't worry about it. It'll be fine."

You allow yourself to lean into his touch, running a hand along the sleeve of his gray hoodie but continue to worry.

The mainland is already in chaos by the time you arrive. Normally, Chilseok isn't a huge festival in Korea, but here, it is easily one of the most celebrated ones. There are streamers decorating the roofs of the buildings, and the smell of wheat flour noodle soup boiling in the air. Hyunjin keeps you close to him as he presses through the crowds, reaching out a hand to grip your waist.

"Hyun, look," you say, gesturing towards a rice cake stand.

Normally, you dislike rice cake. But the ones they make at Chilseok are nothing short of heavenly, warm and sticky, topped with azuki beans. You lead Hyunjin over to the stand and quickly get in line.

Hyunjin stays by your side for a moment, before catching sight of a wheat pancake stall, pupils dilating in hunger.

Wordlessly, you hand him two crisp ₩10000 banknotes and gesture for him to go ahead. Normally, you would be worried about leaving Hyunjin on his own. But you know he needs more social exposure, and you think this would be a good opportunity to do so.

Hyunjin hesitates briefly, almost apprehensively. You laugh and give him a small shove. "Go on, it'll only be a moment."

Hyunjin trots off towards the stall, tightly clutching the banknotes in his hands, and you turn to retrieve a ₩10000 banknote from your wallet, humming to yourself.

And then a voice says your name from behind you.

You pause, your body stiffening instinctively, banknote clutched tightly in your hand.

You would recognize that voice anywhere, anytime.

Slowly, you turn around. Your stomach dips at the sight of him standing in front of you, eyes inquisitive and bright, skin glowing in the beam of sunlight that washes over him. Your chest seizes up at the sight of him.

"Chan."

He's dressed in a pair of black ripped skinny jeans and a white t-shirt. He looks good. Chan always looks good. Maybe he’d be a little easier to erase if he didn’t look so damn good all the fucking time.

Your voice turns hostile as you take a step back, eyes narrowing. "What are you doing here?"

"What, I can't come to celebrate Chilseok too?" he laughs, taking a step forward. "Wasn't expecting to see you here, though."

You take another step back, almost bumping into the person in front of you in line. They shoot you a dirty look, which you ignore.

"Leave," you spit. "Now."

Chan rolls his eyes. "It's been months since we last saw each other, and this is how you greet me? I just came to say hi."

"Chan, go. I don't want to talk. I've got nothing to say to you, anyways."

Chan sighs and takes another step forward, making a move to grab your hand. But before he can do so, a warm hand comes to grasp your shoulder lightly.

Hyunjin stands next to you, staring at Chan almost belligerently.

"Hyunjin," you breathe. The relief in your voice is so apparent that even Chan seems to notice it.

Hyunjin doesn't take his eyes off Chan. "Who's he?"

Chan frowns. "I should be asking the same question."

Hyunjin's grip on your shoulder tightens. "Maybe you should mind your own fucking business."

You feel as if you might just explode with embarrassment. Chan barks out a short, bitter laugh.

"Got yourself a new boyfriend already? You moved on really fucking fast."

"Don't you think you're being a little hypocritical? If I recall correctly, wasn't it you who cheated on me?"

Hyunjin watches the exchange between you and Chan, realization slowly dawning on his face. You sigh, running a tired hand through your hair. "Just go, Chan. I don't have the energy to deal with you."

Chan opens his mouth to retort, but before he can do so, Hyunjin steps in between the two of you, forcing him to take a step back. "You heard them. Leave."

You watch as Chan's face hardens acidly.

"Fine. Have it your way."

He turns and leaves, hands clenched so tightly by his sides that his knuckles turn white. Hyunjin turns to you the moment he leaves, worry etched into his face.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," you say, grinning up at him. "You didn't have to come save me, you know? I was perfectly capable of handling the situation by myself."

Hyunjin's face softens into a smile as he reaches up to brush off a strand of grass from your hair. "You would have done the same thing if it had been me."

You roll your eyes but don't try to oppose him. He's right, anyways. "Did you get the wheat pancakes?"

Hyunjin holds up a white paper bag victoriously. "The woman operating the stall even offered to give me another 2 pancakes for free! The people are so nice here."

"They're not nice," you laugh, "they just think you're handsome."

Hyunjin flushes, ears going red. You laugh again, something like adoration pulsing through you as you gaze at him. From behind you, someone clears their throat. You turn to see the rice cake stand operator staring at you expectantly.

Hurriedly, you hold out a ₩10000 banknote to him, cheeks burning and accept the rice cakes he gives you apologetically. Hyunjin stifles a laugh as you trod off, still red with embarrassment.

You sit down by a bench to eat the rice cakes, Hyunjin coming to sit beside you. You groan in ecstasy the moment you bite into a cake, eyes closing in delight. Hyunjin smiles. "Is it good?"

You nod earnestly, reaching into the bag to hold out another skewer of rice cakes for Hyunjin. "You should try some, they taste heavenly."

Hyunjin takes a bite, chewing silently. "It's good. Still not as good as the food from Heaven, though."

You stare at him. "You ate food in Heaven?"

He nods, examining the skewer of rice cake in his hand. "We usually ate manna, although we had ambrosia too sometimes."

You smile. "It sounds good."

"It was," Hyunjin nods emphatically, "ambrosia always tasted different every time you had it."

He speaks with something almost akin to longing in his voice. You are silent for a moment, contemplating.

"Do you miss being an angel?"

Hyunjin pauses, before shrugging. "It was fun. But it was full of restraints and limitations. There were always so many rules— I always knew I'd end up getting my wings taken away anyways. I was too impulsive to be a good angel."

He turns to smile at you shyly, eyes crinkling into crescent moons.

"Besides, I like it here with you."

You exhale slowly. Hyunjin stares at you with such open adoration in his eyes, such pure trust. You throb with want, with the need to love this fallen angel with the scars carved deep into his back and dark eyes that glow with stardust with everything that you are— everything that you ever will be.

Before you can think it through, you lean forward and capture his lips with your own.

You feel Hyunjin tense up momentarily, stiffening in shock, before immediately reciprocating the kiss. He tastes like sticky rice cake and sea salt, thick and sweet against your lips. You allow him to lean further into you, a hand slowly coming up to cup your cheek and the other coming to grip your waist lightly.

You break apart after a few moments to breathe, lips puffy and swollen. Hyunjin hums lowly from the back of his throat, hand still pressed against your cheek. You allow him to nose along your jaw, pressing chaste kisses against your jawline.

"Hyun," you mumble, running a hand through his hair. Hyunjin gives a hum in response, grazing his lips against your cheekbone. You sit back a bit, gently pushing him away. He gives an disgruntled huff but leans back to stare at you expectantly.

Biting your lip, you glance around you. There are several people staring at you already. "We shouldn't do it here."

"Let's go back home, then," he says, immediately standing up and holding out a hand to you.

His eagerness is endearing. You laugh as you take his hand, allowing him to pull you up. Hyunjin doesn't let go of your hand as he pulls you along into the direction of the ferry, dark locks of hair flying in the wind. He wraps you in a tight embrace the entire ride home, pressing you against the railing of the ferry and leaving butterfly kisses across your cheeks, oblivious to the dirty looks the ferryman keeps on sending your way as he operates the boat.

You almost consider apologizing to the man for all the troubles he's gone through with the two of you, but then Hyunjin brushes a kiss to the juncture between your neck and your shoulder and your mind goes blank as you pull Hyunjin closer, wrapping your arms tight around his torso.

The two of you end up spending the rest of the evening kissing and talking, lying in a tangled mess on the couch. You binge watch a k-drama, although you don't end up remembering a single thing the next morning except for the way Hyunjin cupped your cheeks warmly as he kissed you, the way he leaned into you when you pulled him into a backhug, wrapping your arms around his waist and pulling his back into your chest.

You think that this must be the happiest you've ever been. Wrapped tightly in Hyunjin's arms, lips molded against his on the mangy couch of your living room.

You remember how your mother had once told you to be careful with the way you lived your life— that the gods hated to see humans too happy. But you are too intoxicated in the drug that is Hyunjin to care much about what gods think.

You don't bother defining the relationship.

You think that it's unnecessary. Partly because Hyunjin has grown up without knowledge of human norms and seems to see no need in defining whatever it is he has with you, and partly because there is no need to. In the haven that is the lighthouse by the sea, it feels almost irrelevant to live life by rigid definitions and ideologies— it seems much more fitting to live in between the lines, uncharted and hazy.

But you know that you love Hyunjin. This you know better than anything. And you think, at least, that Hyunjin loves you.

It is only during the first week of August that you know for sure that Hyunjin loves you back.

July goes by so quickly that it almost seems as if it never happened in the first place. You lose yourself in Hyunjin's charms, in his raspy morning voice as he stumbles into the kitchen to wrap you into a sleepy backhug as you fry eggs for the two of you or his habit of leaving trails of butterfly kisses against your fingertips as he sits next to you.

Living with Hyunjin seems to be Heaven on earth— a very accurate metaphor considering the fact that Hyunjin was quite literally an angel. But as wonderful as it all is, it is also painfully obvious that there is something wrong with him.

Although the wounds on his back seem to heal at first, they quickly worsen during the period of July. The pain starts off only as a dull throbbing, but soon expands into a sharp and agonizing ache. Hyunjin insists that he is fine, brushing it off with a dismissive smile, but you find it impossible to believe.

Not when he tosses and turns on the couch at night in pain, unable to find a comfortable position to sleep without hurting his back.

You continue to tend to his wounds daily and press him to see a doctor. Hyunjin, again, refuses, saying that he'd rather stay here— that he couldn't risk being discovered to be an angel.

You never realized angels could be so stubborn.

By the first week of August, Hyunjin can hardly get out of bed without wincing in pain. Dark corded veins run along the lengths of his scars, so dark that they almost look black. You can do nothing but keep by his side, pressing poultices to his wounds and running a cool towel across his sweaty forehead. Neither of you can understand why it is that his wounds only seem to worsen, even though they show no sign of infection or contamination.

It isn't until Felix comes a few days later that everything makes much more sense.

Felix comes in all his angelic glory, dressed in dark jeans and a white t-shirt, halcyon ivory wings sprouting from his back. He walks almost hesitantly up the pathway and comes to knock at the door of the lighthouse. When you open the door a few seconds later, you both end up screaming in surprise at the sight of each other.

Hyunjin quickly comes over to the doorway after hearing your scream and halts the commotion by hurriedly explaining to you that Felix used to be one of his angel companions. You quickly compose yourself and let Felix into the house, blushing furiously.

Admittedly, you probably should have seen that coming. But when a real live angel is standing right in front of you, it's difficult to do anything but scream and stare. Felix comes to sit by the couch, wings folded up awkwardly behind him. He introduces himself shortly, his seraphic face a stark contrast to his deep voice.

Hyunjin sits by him rigidly, hands held stiffly in his lap. He keeps on casting side glances at you, as if checking if you were alright. It would be a cute gesture, you think, if the atmosphere wasn't so tense.

The moment Felix finishes his introductions, he jumps straight to the point. Turning to face Hyunjin, he studies him worriedly. "Has it started yet?"

"Has what started?" Hyunjin asks, frowning.

"The pain. Have the scars started to hurt yet?"

Hyunjin swallows, and turns to look at you. You stare at him mutely from across the couch, eyes wide. Slowly, Hyunjin turns to face Felix again and gives a short nod.

Felix groans, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. There is a dusting of freckles across his cheeks and his nose, you notice. His skin practically glows in the dimly lit space of your living room.

Hyunjin leans in closer to Felix, staring at him expectantly. "Do you know why it's happening? How we can stop it?"

"I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yourself," Felix says, "an angel like you isn't supposed to exist in the human world in the first place, even if you have fallen. You have to descend to Hell so you can fully metamorphose into a demon."

Hyunjin's frown deepens as he considers Felix.

"I can only stay for half an hour at the most. I had Changbin cover for me so that I wouldn't be caught, but he can only conceal my absence for so long. If they find out that I visited you, they'll expel me too." Felix cautions. "I just came to warn you. Even if you've fallen, you're still one of my closest friends."

You feel overwhelmed by the sudden torrent of information. Swallowing hard, you tuck your hands underneath your thighs and look down into your lap. You can feel Hyunjin's gaze boring into you, but you don't look up.

"Is there any way I can stay here?" Hyunjin asks. "Without having to leave for Hell?"

Felix shakes his head. "You were never made to exist as something in between, Hyunjin. It was always to be either a demon or an angel. There is no gray area. If you stay here, you'll die."

You don't dare look up, afraid that your eyes will betray you.

Felix lets out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his blonde locks of hair. "Hyunjin, this is a life or death scenario. Why the fuck are you hesitating?"

Hyunjin stares hard at your trembling frame, willing you to look at him. You keep your eyes trained to your lap. Felix slowly follows his gaze until his eyes set onto you and glances between you and Hyunjin, eyes narrowed.

"Don't tell me you're—"

"Yeah. Yeah, we are."

Hyunjin has never spoken in such a hard tone since that day with Chan. You almost don't recognize his voice.

"Again?" Felix groans, sighing. "Was the first time not enough?"

Hyunjin shrugs wordlessly, sitting back into the couch. You sit in silence, contemplating, although there really is nothing to contemplate about. The answer is obvious, although painfully hard to admit.

"Hyun," you say, looking up. Hyunjin glances up to look at you, something like hope glinting in his dark eyes. "You should go. It's wrong of me to keep you here."

His face falls at your words, the light in his eyes flickering out. You tell yourself that this is what was to be expected. After all, the past few months with him really were too good to be true.

Standing up abruptly, you turn to trudge into your bedroom. "You can leave first thing in the morning."

"But what if I want to stay?" Hyunjin challenges, glaring at you defiantly. "What if I would rather stay here? You can't force me out."

"Actually, I can. It's my house," you say, and hate yourself for the way Hyunjin flinches at your words, the hurt that flashes across his face. "Leave by tomorrow morning."

Hyunjin catches your wrist as you brush past him, gazing at you with pleading eyes. You press your lips into a firm line and shake your head.

"You have to go, Hyunjin," you say, softly. "There's no other way."

You tug your wrist from his grip and walk stiffly away from him, hands held tightly to your sides.

Felix watches your exchange silently, bottom lip caught between his teeth. You stumble into your bedroom and collapse onto the bed, burrowing under the sheets.

Your mother did not lie.

The gods truly did hate to see humans too happy— hated it enough that they would dare to take Hyunjin away from you.

You lie in bed, staring at the white plaster of your ceiling, and wonder if Hyunjin will miss you just as much as you miss him.

A few hours later, Hyunjin slips into your bedroom and comes to sit by your bedside. You don't ever dare to look at him.

He reaches out to place a plate of avocado toast by your bedside, pausing for a long moment to stare at you. The look in his eyes is so full of longing that it takes a considerable amount of self-control to refrain from pulling him into your arms and kissing him.

You turn away from him, and hug your arms around yourself.

"When you leave tomorrow, just go. Don't bother saying goodbye."

Hyunjin makes a soft noise of protest from the back of his throat.

"It'll be easier for both of us that way."

You can hear Hyunjin swallow hard as he gazes at you from the doorway of your bedroom. But his voice is hard and steely as he speaks.

"Fine. Have it your way."

You end up telling yourself repeatedly throughout the course of the night that Hyunjin's departure will be easier without farewells.

When you hear Hyunjin rouse from the couch at 5 am the next morning, it takes an enormous amount of restraint to keep from tearing out of the bedroom and pulling him into a tight embrace. You sit in bed, teeth gritted, and tell yourself that it'll be for the greater good.

You eventually give in by the time you hear Hyunjin slip out of the lighthouse. Slipping on a fuzzy pair of bunny slippers and a thin hoodie, you run out after him. Hyunjin is standing by the shore when you reach him, dark hair blowing in the wind. He turns in surprise when you call out his name, although the shock immediately morphs into relief.

You come to stand a few feet away from him, panting.

Hyunjin's eyes sweep over your frame, taking in the fluffy bunny slippers and the striped pajamas. You are too anxious to feel embarrassed.

"Sorry," you breathe, "I couldn't stand it."

Hyunjin looks tempted to tease you for a moment, before deciding against it. Instead, he smiles and brushes a stray strand of hair from your face. "I'm glad you came."

You feel unsure of what to do. For the first time in weeks, there is an awkward tension between the two of you. Eventually, Hyunjin steps forward and pulls you into a hug. You wrap your arms around his waist and press your cheek against his chest. The two of you stay like that for a moment before breaking apart.

"Take care of yourself in Hell, okay?"

Hyunjin nods.

"I don't think I'll ever see you again," you swallow, looking up to gaze at him with glassy eyes. "But thank you for everything."

Hyunjin stares at you mutely, eyes wide. Something flickers in his eyes that you can’t quite pinpoint.

Perhaps it is love.

"The days I spent with you were the happiest moments of my life. I'm glad I met you, Hyunjin."

You let his name sit heavy on your tongue, relishing the sweet aftertaste it leaves in your mouth. Hyunjin reaches out a hand to cup your cheek.

"I'll come back to you one day," he says, almost fiercely. "I will."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," you grin, pushing his hand away from your cheek.

"I plan to keep this one."

Hyunjin genuinely looks so determined that you don't bother arguing back. Instead, you smile and nod. "Okay. Come back to me, then. Someday."

Dawn breaks out across the sky, a soft orange sun peaking out from behind the gray clouds. You take a step back, wrapping your arms around yourself. "You probably should get going."

Hyunjin doesn't say anything, so you turn, almost awkwardly, and prepare to walk away. Hyunjin catches your wrist right before you leave and tugs you to him, capturing your lips in a bruising kiss.

You give a small gasp in surprise but allow him to press his lips against yours, hard. The kiss only lasts for a few moments before Hyunjin pulls back, breathing heavily.

You press a gentle kiss to his cheek before quickly turning to walk away. You don't think you'll be able to bring yourself to leave if you don't go now. Hyunjin watches you go, silently, eyes following your retreating figure.

By the time you've reached the lighthouse, he's disappeared.

Without Hyunjin, the months pass by in dreary monotone.

You move back to Seoul by the time autumn comes around to enroll into college, renting a tiny apartment in Pyeongchang. Although there have been a few who have expressed interest in you, your love life remains static and passive.

How can you have anyone else, you think, when you've had Hyunjin?

Instead, you throw yourself into your studies and try to forget about the boy from the summer, with the dark locks of hair and striking eyes. Admittedly, you only end up thinking of him more in your attempt to forget him, but it doesn't keep you from trying.

It is during a stormy winter night that Hyunjin first comes back to you.

You are sitting by your desk, finishing up a couple of college assignments when you hear a soft knock by your balcony door.

You are unsuspecting as you pull open the door, expecting it to be a pigeon collision or something similar— over the short expanse of time you've spent living in Seoul, you have learned of the shocking amount of moronic pigeons that subside on the streets of Seoul.

So your shock is plausible when you yank open the door to find Hyunjin standing on the balcony.

You let out a yell of surprise, falling backwards. Hyunjin stifles a laugh as he observes you, amusement dancing in his eyes.

Standing up quickly, you brush off your pants and before you can stop yourself—

"What are you doing here?"

Hyunjin looks slightly taken aback. "Why, don't you want to see me?"

"I mean, yes, but.." you falter, "I wasn't expecting it to be so soon."

"Have you missed me?"

You shrug. "Not really. I've been really busy lately."

(That was a lie. There hasn't been a day where you haven't thought of Hyunjin and missed him profusely.)

Hyunjin grins.

"You're a terrible liar."

You splutter in protest and Hyunjin laughs, flicking his bangs out of his eyes. "If it makes you feel any better, you're always on my mind too."

You flush at that, cheeks going red, and allow yourself a moment to admire him, taking in his feline eyes and lean frame. He looks so much healthier than how you left him, skin taking on a gentle glow. Dark wings sprout from his back, sleek and glossy. You let out a small gasp.

"You have wings?"

Hyunjin smiles. "That's kind of the point of being a demon, you know."

You approach him to run a hand along the black feathers. They are as soft as you imagined them to be, rippling like water underneath your touch.

"They suit you."

"Yeah?" Hyunjin smiles. "I've gotten pretty used to them."

Eventually, after a bit of jostling and adjusting, you manage to fit Hyunjin into the apartment. He keeps his wings folded neatly behind him, careful to keep from knocking anything to the ground. The moment you close the balcony door and turn to him, he steps forward to mold his lips against yours.

You wrap your arms around his neck and revere in the taste of Hyunjin against your lips. It's been a very, very long time since you've had him like this, pressed against you, lips moving against your own.

After a few moments, you break apart.

"How did you even get here in the first place?" you ask, breathless.

Hyunjin shrugs. "I pulled a few strings here and there. It took a lot of planning, but it all worked out, eventually."

You lean forward eagerly. "What's Hell like?"

"Way better than what they make it out as," Hyunjin laughs. "I can take you there, one day. Just to see what it's like. And to meet all my friends."

You end up spending the rest of the night sprawled on the couch, talking. You come to realize the magnitude of your yearning as you sit by Hyunjin, listening to him ramble about the breakfast buffet they have in Hell that happens to serve 279 different types of food. He runs a finger along the length of your forearm as he talks, eyes animated and alive.

You've spent so long pining for him that it feels surreal to have him beside you.

When Hyunjin runs out of things to ramble about, he turns to you expectantly. "What about you?"

"Nothing's really been happening with me," you smile ruefully, running a fingertip across the sleek expanse of his dark wings, "my life's really fucking boring compared to yours. Or at least, it's been extremely dull without you."

Hyunjin absorbs your words quietly.

When he turns to stare at you, there is nothing but raw emotion written across his face. His voice is low when he speaks up.

"It's not just you, you know. I miss you more than anything, too."

You bite your lip, looking down into your lap. "When are you leaving?"

"I'll have to leave by the morning," he says, gently.

"Will you ever come back again?"

"I'll have to," he smiles. "I can't go more than half a year without seeing your face at least once."

And then you shove his shoulder and ask him when the fuck did he get so cheesy and he laughs and insists that it's just his love for you and you indulge in the sense of normalcy— the sense of conventionality you feel as he sits next to you, head rested against your shoulder.

That's how you end up falling asleep. In a tangled mess of limbs on the couch, under a thick cocoon of blankets. Hyunjin's wings wrap around you as he presses you to his chest, sighing contentedly. You settle into his embrace and try your best to not think of what is to come by the time dawn breaks.

By the time you awaken, Hyunjin is already up. He is sitting by the couch, watching your sleeping form with something fierce and aching in his eyes.

You let out a sleepy groan, rubbing your eyes blearily. “Leaving already?”

Hyunjin nods wordlessly.

For some reason, it is much, much harder to let him go the second time.

This time, it is you who initiates the kiss. You draw him to you by the doorway of the apartment and press your lips against his, letting out a soft exhale of relief as your lips connect. Hyunjin kisses you back for a moment, before gently detangling your arms from him, stepping back. You watch him go silently.

You are already missing him by the time you close the door to your apartment.

Hyunjin comes back to you for the second time the next summer.

You decide to return to the island after your college semester ends, choosing to relive the nostalgia of last year. Your friends complain loudly when you announce your decision to them, but don't object. You spend the first month or so tending to the lighthouse, occasionally going on fishing trips or collecting shells.

It is not the same without Hyunjin.

You choose to stay at home during Chilseok— you enjoy nostalgia, but not to an extent that you would travel to the same place you and Hyunjin kissed exactly one year ago.

So instead of traveling to town to eat azuki bean rice cakes and grilled wheat flour noodles, you go fishing.

You are walking along the shore, clutching a pail full of fishing gear, when you spot Hyunjin's body, washed up on the shore. Your breath catches in your throat as you run to him, heart beating wildly in your chest.

There is dried salt caked over his collarbones and sand pressed to the pale column of his throat.

Nevertheless, he is breathing. You let out a deep sigh of relief.

It only takes you the rest of the evening to drag him back to the lighthouse. There is a sense of regularity in your actions, although the entire situation is exceedingly absurd.

After all, what are the chances of Hyunjin washing up on your island not once, but two times?

You are rinsing out the salt from his hair when you realize that his wings are gone.

Very slowly, and very carefully, you roll him over and find that his back is free of any blemishes or scars. There is only a smooth expanse of skin where black wings should be. Your breath hitches in your throat.

You don't allow yourself to hope.

Instead, you drape a blanket over his unconscious form and wait until he regains consciousness.

It doesn't take long.

In a few hours, his eyelids flutter open. Slowly, he sits up. You watch him carefully, sitting next to him by the couch.

His eyes flicker to you. For a long and terrible moment, you are afraid that he will not recognize you. That his memory will be completely erased, just like last time.

But then he utters your name, voice hoarse and hesitant. And you are throwing yourself onto him, laughing and hugging and sobbing all at once. Hyunjin groans as you pull him into a crushing embrace but smiles anyway, rubbing away the tears that spill from your eyes with his fingertips.

"How did you come back?" you gasp. "And where are your wings?"

Hyunjin grins sheepishly.

"It took me forever to convince Lucifer," he says, "but he gave in, eventually."

"Convince him of what?"

Hyunjin rolls his eyes. "What do you think? To turn me human, of course."

You stare at him, speechless.

After a long moment of silence, you finally speak up. "So you can, like, stay here now? With me? Forever?"

Hyunjin grins.

The euphoria that floods your veins at Hyunjin's smile is indescribable in its magnitude.

"How did you do it?" you breathe. "Hyunjin, how the fuck did you manage it?"

"It's not like Lucifer hasn't fallen in love before either," he shrugs, "he sympathized with me. Besides, I was constantly slacking off on my duties as a devil. Couldn't stop thinking about you."

He's hardly finished talking before you're tripping forward to kiss him, almost feverishly. You recall the past year you've spent, longing and waiting, and feel that it is indefinitely worth it now that he's here with you, in your cramped living room on the lumpy couch, salty-sweet against your lips.

Hyunjin wraps an arm around you, and you fall into his embrace.

You think that you will love him like this for infinity, in this lifetime, and in the thousands of other lifetimes you will chase him across.

"But love is impossible, and it goes on despite the impossible." — Ada Limón, In a Mexican Restaurant I Recall How Much You Upset Me.

Love

— pairing: hyunjin x reader

— warning: none

— wc: 563w

— genre: fluff

— Summary: Hyunjin is practicing with his members for their new comeback Rock-star. Y/n a professional volleyball player was there to keep her boyfriend and his band mates company. Therefore, Y/n ends up falling asleep as Hyunjin takes care of her.

Sitting in the practice room alongside Stray Kids, your boyfriend's band group watching them practice. Feeling the breeze of silence as the 8 boys were on their break from dance. You sat quietly on your phone, scrolling through instagram. Seeing the love and support from both you and Hyunjin made you smile. The comments always relate how cute you were, as how Hyunjin would always talk about you with sparkle eyes. As for you, you were known for your volleyball career. As time went by, the boys were back up and running on dance.

You watched as their movements were all in sync and how your boyfriend's dance moves were so pretty. Admiring from the black, comfortable couch, you smiled as you made eye contact with Hyunjin. You smiled, seeing how beautifully he flowed with the music alongside his members. Music played as you stared silently with a smile and with a surprise look on how this was their second practice together for the new comeback choreography. By the time they finished, Hyunjin walked over and flattened himself next to you as he laid his head on your lap.

"You're so sweaty, my love," you stated.

"I know, sorry." He apologized.

"No need to say sorry, I'm just stating you're sweaty and tired." You chuckled.

Hyunjin moved into your belly and hugged you tightly as he was still lying down on your lap. Moving strands of hair out of his face as he breathes softly, knowing he might've fallen sleep by chance.

"Hyun?" You softly whispered.

"Hm?" He hummed back as his answer.

"Their getting ready to practice again." You've stated.

"Okay." He softly replied.

Hyunjin sat up as he placed a soft kiss on your lips before running off to where the boys were as they began to practice Megaverse. Softly drifting off to sleep, as they finished their choreography.

Hearing the whisper of your name softly in the distance, you groan in annoyance, wondering who's bothering you. When you hear loud music happening in the music, you can hear your boyfriend yelled to turn it down due to you sleeping.

"Y/n~." He spoke softly.

"Hmm?" You hummed in a whispered.

"We're going home now." He says.

"Okay." You replied softly as you began to stand up, but Hyunjin stopped you.

"Here, I'll help you," he says, "I'll carry you. Don't worry, I got you, love."

Hyunjin wraps your arms from behind as he grabs both of your legs to carry you. You groaned softly, feeling the ache in your lower back. You slowly felt his warmth of his body as you began to fall back to slumber again.

Reaching towards the shared home of yours and hyunjins, hyunjin whispered in your ear.

"Baby~," he begins, "We're home."

"Okay." You softly spoke as he brought you down to your feet as he held your hand, guiding you to the front door. Entering inside, hyunjin sat you down on the floor as he took off your shoes. You thanked him and fell asleep as he carried you to the bedroom.

The Hwangs | Hwang Hyunjin

summary — loud screams in the house of a modern place, where feet are smacking on the floor daily with giggles. Messy toys sproud out of the house with more color crayons and paint all over the place. Hearing the sigh and groans of the parents.

"BABE!" A scream shouted throughout the house, causing the girls to freeze in their position. Waiting patiently for hyunjin to appear as his wife stared at the mess the girls had made on the walls. With paint scattered around the place and crayons on the floor broken while little drawings of flowers were on the walls as well. Hearing soft footsteps coming closer to their girls' play room. "Yeah - oh." Hyunjin stopped in his tracks, looking up at the walls, viewing the mess. Looking at his wife soon after for a solution. "Don't look at me. Look at your girls." Y/n states before rubbing her forehead. "What happened?" He asked his little two peas. "It was Yeona's fault!" Yuna shouts, pointing her fingers at her sister. "Nah, uhhhh, it was Yuna! DADDY, IT WAS YUNA!" Yeona spoke as to throwing her tantrum. "Hey, hey, don't blame each other. Come on, let's clean up." Hyunjin states.

— pairing: husband. hwang hyunjin x wife. fem!reader

— warning: sensitive topics, swearing, arguments.

— genre: fluff, smut, and angst

✦﹒chapters ☆°°

1. Gender Reveal

2. Birth

3. First night

4. Stressed

5. First birthday

6. Swimming

7. Husband and Wife

8. Midnight

9. Holidays

10. Family

summer strike — hwang hyunjin.

trope. strangers to lovers. found family. comfort fic. heavily inspired by the kdrama

synopsis. having had enough of your life in the big city, you head to a small town where you meet a local librarian who feels a lot like love

word count. 23k words

warnings. drinking alcohol, curse words, mentions of loneliness

note. it’s out it’s out! this kdrama might be my favorite and means a lot to me so i just had to write something inspired by it. it’s basically the written form but condensed with a few changes so credits to the kdrama. i’d rly appreciate any feedback :)

one.

It happened without warning.

As you stand behind the glass doors of the building you work at, rain splits before your eyes. Drip by drip, and then a downpour. You suppose you should’ve checked the Weathers app before deciding to work overtime tonight.

You ponder over waiting it out, but there is no place to go but the train station before it takes its last trip. It’s urgent to get back to your empty apartment where it isn’t rainy and it isn’t windy and the world isn’t ending. So, you run towards the only direction you know in this city, even as rain pours over the streets.

Your soles feel heavy by the time you arrive, but you don’t allow yourself the moment to rest as you swerve through the crowds of people to get to the train doors before it closes. You wish to see a time when silence ghosts the usually busy station, but you don’t have the time. You never do. Always rushing. Always tired.

The watch on your wrist reads 8:21, and it’ll only be a few minutes before a wave of office workers litter the narrow space of the train. When they finally do, the first thing you discern is their terrible body odor—dried up sweat with a tinge of alcohol. It no longer surprises you, so used to the fuckery that is your life.

Instead, you plug in your earphones to drown out their voices, listening to the kind of music that drags you back to a childhood memory. It sounds like popsicles, like wind blowing through your hair as you’re being pushed from the swing, like running on concrete barefooted, like the laughter of someone you love.

Now, you live in a city of strangers.

On the next stop, an old woman walks in. No one makes a move to give up their seat—too tired, too selfish, looking anywhere but the old woman. You think of how small humanity really is as you get up and gesture for her to take your seat instead. She has gone through too many years of her life to stand stuck between the terrible stench of office workers.

She holds a sweet smile as she thanks you. You don’t remember the last time someone smiled at you like that. Silver linings.

When you finally make it home, it’s nearly 9pm. This is what working 9-6 is like in the city. You live off your co-workers taking advantage of your work ethic, your boss’s bad breath yelling into your ear, and never coming home on time.

This has happened yesterday. It will happen again tomorrow.

It’s always the same. The same routine, over and over without progress. You feel like you’ve messed up somewhere. You used to have ambitions, but now you’re just a fragment of the person you used to be. The city was supposed to lead somewhere. It was supposed to be promising. But, the same tired eyes walk down the same path everyday in a dead end.

You don’t know where you went wrong.

You lay in your bed, still soaking wet, with a painful cry waiting to erupt from your throat. You hate that there’s no longer time to create happiness. It’s too late, and minutes from now, you will be asleep.

You stare at the ceiling, as you do every night before you fall asleep, and the only sounds that accompany you are the loud honks of the cars outside and your stomach grumbling. No one calls you to dinner. No one holds you to keep you warm.

It’s so lonely here.

The feeling of a hug is something you don’t see yourself remembering so you press your back further against your bed to mimic the feeling of an embrace. It doesn’t feel right, but it’s the closest thing you can get after the mistake you made of thinking you were made for the city.

Though, as you keep staring at the ceiling, you start to feel sick. You don’t think you can handle this rotting anymore. You refuse to believe this fate is by design, not when you feel like this. With tears you didn’t even notice dried up on your cheeks, you make a decision. There is nothing else you can do here, and this will be your last night in the city. So, you do something you have not done in years, you pull your backpack that’s been collecting dust and throw in as much clothes as you can.

You feel you’ve been cruel to yourself for allowing this to happen for years. The next day, you don’t wake up at the usual time. You spend the night in, and you quit your job once they call. They don’t deserve you there.

As for your belongings, you decided to only keep what could fit in your backpack. Cleaning up the house, you realized that you bought a lot of things; mugs you bought on a whim just because they were pretty, dishes that you only used once to host a house welcoming party, clothes you forgot even existed. The selection process was much more difficult than any job interview. Useless items got sold as soon as you posted them online.

You let go of your apartment and jump on the first train out, leaving behind the bustles and the buildings of the city. Seoul is too much for an unemployed person like you.

The sound of the train pollutes your ears as you step in, the voice of the intercom telling passengers to let people out first before walking into the train. And as the train moves away, you watch the city grow smaller and smaller. You don’t bother looking back.

The little town you're heading to is unfamiliar, but the path before is even more so.

There’s a heartbeat.

two.

Nobody ever visits.

In the city, you learned early on that it was a dog eat dog world. Your kindness can only go so far until it becomes the perfect tool to take advantage of you. They liked to call it survival of the fittest, the Darwinian evolutionary theory. It’s something that’s taught early in high school, often forgotten the year after, yet it’s a theory you continue to use long after everyone else has moved on to other things in life. You’d always found it interesting how it flawlessly captured Seoul’s mechanism of natural selection—the one most adaptable to change is the one that survives.

Nobody knocks on your door to greet you there. Nobody wishes you well. For as long as you can remember, you’d always had to fight, always aboard a ship on rough waters that you’d almost forgotten how a quiet shore sounds like.

You suppose this is why there was no warning when a knock sounds on your door. You hadn’t expected anyone at your door.

The morning was spent carving out a new life for yourself in Angok, running away from the sounds of the city and exploring the place you’d soon call home. There aren’t many establishments here, most of them run by families who have been here far longer than you ever have. You take note of the small convenience store just where you live in case you were feeling too lazy to run to the farmer’s market just by the town center. Small things first, afraid to hear the bustle of buildings follow their way to where you are.

By 2 in the afternoon, you had retreated back to the small apartment you’d rented out. Outside, the wind was getting stronger, making the waves collide harshly with the shore. You think you’d have stayed out longer if the gust of wind hadn’t flapped your clothes around violently. Two in the afternoon, with nothing left to do, when the door knocks.

Knock, knock.

Your heart rate speeds up at the sound. Could the city have followed you all the way here?

With heavy feet, you fight against the voice in your head to greet whoever is at your door. By best case, they’d probably mistaken your quaint apartment for someone else’s.

You twist the doorknob carefully, door creaking when it opens and you’re met with the sight of someone with the most peaceful face and the most perfect set of teeth. His eyes are welcoming as he waves at you in greeting, hair messily swept back with a few strands falling on his forehead almost as if they were designed to be.

“Hi!” You squeak out, eyes nervously wandering back and forth between the man and what you could only assume was his parked truck just by the front of your apartment. “I think you have the wrong apartment.”

“Oh! My apologies. Is this not where (Name) lives?” Your heartbeat picks up its pace again, and your hand around the doorknob starts to feel a little clammy for the fear of his intentions.

“It is actually. Um, how do you know my name?” You try to mask the fear in your tone, but the man easily picks up on it. And if it wasn’t for the situation, you think you would’ve laughed when he comically takes long strides to back up a little bit. He looks silly with his widened eyes and parted lips.

“I’m sorry, that must’ve sounded really creepy. I’m Chan! I live just around here, and my mom just rented you this house? The previous owner ran away with all the furniture, so I brought some so it doesn’t feel so empty.”

Chan flashes you a bright smile, angling himself a little so his truck is in full view.

It solicits a sigh of relief out of you, gripping hand on the doorknob dropping as you feel a little safer. You’d been ready to shut the door. Almost defensive. Almost letting his words fall into mumbles.

“I apologize again. I didn’t mean to scare you.” His tone is soft, genuine even as he scratches the back of his head and bows a little. It’s a strange sight the man with the kind smile. Strange that it only occurs to you now how long you’d gone without seeing a smile so soft in a long time. After all your years in the city, you had almost forgotten the sight of genuineness being directed at you.

“It’s alright. I’m just… a little…” The words fall on your mouth. Frankly speaking, you don’t know how to explain your own behavior. Nervous? Afraid? Defensive? You don’t really know. You feel like a stranger in your own body.

Chan is quick to dismiss it when it seems that you don’t have the intention to finish your sentence. There is no pressure to come up with an excuse here. “Come in. The wind must’ve been harsh on you.”

Pulling the door back a little wider, you invite Chan into your empty apartment, and after asking you twice if it was okay, he finally obliges. As he makes his way inside, he takes the furniture he had brought with him—back and forth, and back and forth from the truck until everything was inside.

He doesn’t even let you lift a finger.

“Sit anywhere.” You make your way to your kitchen to grab him a glass of water, emptying the bottle you had just bought down to its last few drops. You try to take as long as you can in the kitchen in nerve of the small talk that was bound to happen when meeting strangers. Though, your walls start to look at you reproachfully, and you realize you’d been gone far too long to be called disrespectful.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” You hand him the glass, sitting adjacent to him. He simply shakes his head, thanking you instead as he takes the glass from you with both his hands, careful not to touch you in case it makes you uncomfortable.

“I hope this is enough.” Chan motions over towards the pieces of furniture he had brought with him—a couch, a few chairs, and a table for now. “I have some more, but it didn’t really fit in my truck.”

You allow yourself to smile at him, though your eyes fail to meet his for more than five seconds. You don’t know what to say, and something akin to an itch starts to eat at your brain the way a caterpillar does with leaves, one bite then another, pressuring you to say something to satiate the silence.

Chan saves your brain from being chewed away.

“I hope you don’t have a hard time settling in.” He finishes the water you’d offered him before he continues, “I live just 2 apartments away if you need anything. I’ll see you around?”

You nod your head, following him out of the door, and you can only hope you hadn’t scared him away already. You manage to meet his eyes one last time as you move to shut the door, polite smile on your face as he turns back one last time.

“Ah, before I forget… I noticed you had a lot of books with you. There’s a library just a few blocks away in case you were interested.”

“Oh. Thank you. I’ll be sure to check it out.” With one last bow, you gingerly close the door behind you as he finally drives off.

Chan. He feels comfortable despite only knowing him for a few minutes, almost like a caring older brother you never had. You hope to know him more.

As you turn back around, you look at your apartment a little more closely this time, inspecting how the pieces of furniture look, decorating what once was an empty space. It looks more like a home now. You should’ve thanked the man more, you fear you didn’t say it enough.

You brush the thought off and spend the rest of the day cleaning.

three.

It takes you almost a week to go to the library Chan had suggested.

You had promised yourself to finish the book you brought with you first, before committing to new stories and new horizons. Though, it proved difficult as you have always been the type to take more than you can bargain for—purchasing books after books only to leave them behind on a dusty shelf.

But, new places call for new habits, and you vowed to leave that inclination behind.

When you step outside, a wispy curtain of clouds cover the skies. It’s a lovely weather to be outside in, with the summer breeze floating about. Not too cold. Not too sticky.

The air in the city has always been tangled with some form of pollution. Dirty and suffocating. It’s nice to have a change in pace. Being kind to nature, you find, has you reaping the benefits of basking in its beauty. They don’t litter her land with buildings here.

On the way to the public library, you pass by the market where a multitude of people line up, selling more than you can name—fruits and vegetables, homegrown plants, fish, textiles of clothing, brooms, almost everything.

The old and young gather alike, children running around to help their parents, office workers taking a break from their job to buy street food from the vendors. It’s colorful and vibrant, almost fiesta-like that only the people of Angok can radiate.

“(Name)?” A familiar voice has you ripping your eyes from an array of freshly baked cookies, turning towards the origin of the sound to find Chan waving at you.

“Chan, hi!” You reply shyly, yet a little less reserved than when you had first met him.

He looks the way he did a few days ago when he showed up on your door, though more sweaty as he puts down the final box of fruits they had loaded up on his truck. He’s dressed in a loose tank top, you assume to be more efficient in his job, and the beads of sweat glistening on his forehead are more visible the closer he gets to where you’re standing.

Chan definitely stands out with his height, and the way he smiles so easily.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, hands wiping at the side of the shorts he’s wearing.

“I’m actually going to the library… the one you talked about. Though, I’m not quite sure I’m headed the right way?” You try to mask your embarrassment with a short laugh, and his eyes brighten at the way you had taken his suggestion.

His stature lights up in the same manner, clasping both his hands together and replying, “Ah, if you can wait a minute, I can walk you there. I have to deliver a box of oranges there, anyway.”

“Really? I’d really appreciate that actually. Thank you.” You smile politely, and he gestures for you to follow him back to his truck where a man is waiting for him.

The stranger is carrying way more than he should be, about to jokingly boast about his strength to Chan when he takes an abrupt step. An earthquake rumbles in the way a box falls from his shoulders, hitting the pavement and bursting open—almost in slow motion as apples and oranges roll out.

“Shit!” He exclaims with his whole chest, and he immediately bows in apology at the elders around him who look disapprovingly at his choice of language.

“Ah, Jisung.” Chan mumbles, jogging forward to grab the fallen fruits that are still rolling on the pavement. A few onlookers help, much to the embarrassed boy’s dismay, and you quickly bend down to grab at the ones nearest to you.

“Sorry.” His tone is abashed, loading fruits back in the box and setting it aside. Chan simply pats him on the back in fondness.

“Wait, who’s this?” It’s only now he notices you, standing behind Chan with a few fruits in your arms which you hand to him. “Wait, wait, wait. I know, wait give a second.” He continues.

You can hear a faint chuckle from Chan.

“You’re (Name)! Right? You recently moved here?” The sheepish grin on his face is quickly replaced with a look of interest tangled with excitement, forgetting about his ordeal with the fruits in favor of greeting you.

You wonder if news travels as fast as his expression changes in this little town.

“Woah, easy Ji. You’re gonna scare her.” Jisung takes a step back, suddenly aware of how much personal space he’s taking away from you.

“I’m Jisung, Chan’s super handsome and cool friend.” His enthusiasm makes up for his clumsiness, waving at you before suddenly grabbing a plastic container from a big blue cellophane sitting by the side of the box he had dropped. “Here, my mom’s taking up an interest in baking lately. She’s not very good, but please have it as a welcoming gift from me.”

You take the container from his hands, bowing in thanks before meeting his crinkled eyes. Does this boy ever stop smiling?

“Thank you, really. I’d introduce myself but, it seems… you already know my name.”

His unwavering kindness takes you by surprise, just like everyone else in this village. And you’re about to thank him again when he excuses himself to help who you assume to be his mother, who is grumpily carrying a new batch of her baked concoctions.

“So, the library?” And then it’s Chan’s smile again. This time, he has with him a small box of the oranges he told you he’d deliver. You snap out of your far-away look to follow him through the streets.

It’s a short walk, brisker than you thought, and Chan sets the box down on a wooden table just outside of the public library where a young man waits for him—impatience clear on his face.

“Finally. Took you long enough, old man.” The boy opens the box, grabbing an orange from the pile and inspecting it before letting out a satisfied hum when it seems to have met his criterion.

“What do you even need all these oranges for, anyway?” Chan inquires, looking down at the crouched figure of the boy.

“Oranges have vitamin C, which plays a major role in preventing age-related mental decline.” He states matter-of-factly, standing up from his previous position. “Something you can’t relate to, obviously.”

The older boy doesn’t take anything to heart. Instead, you find the same fondness on his face, the one he wore when Jisung had dropped that box earlier.

“Well, I’ll get going then. Will you be okay here?” Chan looks back at you, a huge question mark of an expression decorating his features to ask if it was alright for him to get back now and leave you there.

The younger boy is long gone now, having retreated back into the library with his oranges.

“Oh, yes, yes, of course, sorry. Thank you again.” You smile, and he continues to wave goodbye until he’s no more than a distant figure.

The building is three stories tall, and you have to walk a flight of stairs to get to the library on the second floor. But it’s quiet, and you liked the change of pace from the vibrancy outside to the sudden tranquility inside.

It provides a safe barrier for when you want to be alone with your thoughts, something you never had in the city.

The inside of the library is cold, but the sun reflects through the panels of the windows just right so that it isn’t freezing. It’s as inviting as it is outside, and you’d go as far as saying the friendliness of the library was similar to that of Chan’s warm welcome for you. It isn’t the biggest room, and its run-down nature was particularly striking, but it isn’t something you mind. The cheap furniture and the slight discoloration of wood gave the place a character of its own—like this library has stood for generations and has protected centuries worth of knowledge from the books it holds.

It reminds you of a scene from Avatar the Last Airbender, when they find a lost library with all the knowledge in the world. And the boy with the obsession for oranges can be Wan Shi Tong, the giant owl spirit who’s tasked with collecting information and protecting the Spirit Library.

The door sounds and the floor beneath you creaks as you walk through the room. Though, it isn’t loud enough to catch the attention of the boy you had seen earlier, or as you liked to call him, Wan Shi Tong. He simply calls out an obligatory “welcome”, before going back to the book he’s reading.

The closer you got to the shelves, the more it smelt of books. It’s a nice addition to the ambiance, the scent of pages roaming around and escaping past the ventilation.

You go through the bookshelves, hand moving along their spines. So many books and every single one you wanted to read, even those in foreign languages.

You like this place, you decide. It’s filled with a quiet that allows breathing space, not simply an absence of noise, but a comforting stillness that isn’t easy to replicate. You might come here more often, make it part of a new routine you’re crafting for yourself.

Back in Seoul, you woke up at 6am like clockwork. You shower, eat when you can, go to work, overtime, and go home. Repeat. It’s to the point of exhaustion that the first time you slept in felt like your body was catching up on all the rest it’s been denied, and now it’s being given a space to breathe.

Reaching the end of the shelves, you’re subjected to the sight of broad shoulders and long black hair, standing still as the figure moves to return some books into their slots. They must work here. Should you inquire about how to make a library card? They already seem way friendlier than Wan Shi Tong.

“Excuse me miss?” They give no sign of having heard you. “Miss?”

When he turns around, you’re thinking of all possible ways to move out at this very instant. The boy, whom you had mistaken for a woman, looks at you with slightly widened eyes as if not having expected you to have spoken to him. While that isn’t reason enough to warrant your sudden thoughts of running away, his beauty surely is.

He’s hypnotizing, a beauty that Aphrodite must’ve blessed upon him, the kind that leaves a lasting impression. You’ll meet him once and never forget about him. His hair falls perfectly just above his shoulders, and a mole sits on his face like it was always designed to be there.

You’re embarrassed—if calling him miss wasn’t enough, you’re unsure if the staring did anything to help. Without another glance, you bow and mutter a quick apology before turning to walk away from where he’s stood.

“I’m sorry.” You say, for extra measure even when your back’s already turned from him.

Wan Shi Tong it is.

“Hello.” You speak quietly, and the boy once again looks up from his book. He looks like he’s studying for something.

“How can I help you?” He doesn’t have that false customer service voice, the one that’s overused and far from genuine. Instead, he speaks to you with a sort of passive tone—but it’s not too much that it sounds condescending.

“How do I make a library card here?”

He puts down his pen. “You need an address in Angok for that.”

“Ah, I do have one.” You smile, a little shy, yet relieved that your sudden intrusion of their village hasn’t spread to the entirety of the population yet.

“Did you move here?” He inquires, to which you nod your head in response. “Hm, alright. Hyunjin will help you make one. I’m Seungmin, by the way.”

“(Name).” You introduce yourself back, thanking him for his help as you turn around to only be greeted by Aphrodite’s son, though, you suppose you now know him as Hyunjin.

You can do this.

Hyunjin quickly makes his way behind the desk on the seat next to Seungmin’s so he can hand you a piece of paper you assume you have to fill out for the library card. Though, he still doesn’t say a word. He only points at the parts you need to fill in before going back to another one of his tasks behind the computer screen.

It’s hard not to look at him, and you’d lie if you said you didn’t feel anything when he looked back at you. Though, the feeling is overpowered by the embarrassment of possibly causing him any form of discomfort. You don’t want it to eat away at you until you’re avoiding the library.

You don’t want to avoid the library.

“By the way…” You start suddenly, keeping your voice down. “I’m sorry again for… earlier.”

Silence greets you, as he panics to grab the tiny camera for your library card. “And thank you for helping me right now.”

You seem to only be digging deeper and deeper into your own grave when he still doesn’t respond to you, simply stares as he bows his head slightly to acknowledge you. And it seems that awkwardness spreads like a virus when Seungmin’s head peeks from his book to witness the funny exchange before him. He looks like he’s trying his best to not laugh at whatever the hell is happening.

Then a shutter sounds as you’re filling up your paperwork, unaware he’d already taken your picture. You can only let out a nervous laugh to try and mask the silence that suddenly feels a little suffocating under the prying eyes of Seungmin.

“Here you go.” You hand over the piece of paper, and Hyunjin gives you a printed out library card in return. “Thank you.”

You suppose you can come back the next day to actually start reading. Meeting four new people and embarrassing yourself on top of everything is a little taxing, and you know the weather outside and the pretty cherry blossom trees will help put your mind away enough that you’ll feel better by tomorrow.

The bell rings as you leave, just as it did when you entered and you find yourself smiling at the breeze and the possibility of new friendships.

You told yourself to live a life you won’t regret.

You can do it.

There is excitement when you think of what will happen from now on. Time is all you have now.

As you walk outside, you map out where Chan had led you earlier to make it back to your rented home. If you were gonna come to the library on most days, you might as well have the path memorized until you can guide yourself there blindfolded.

You feel something fluffy just by your legs before you see it, eyes too focused ahead to only now realize you’re being followed by a long-haired Chihuahua. A chuckle escapes your mouth as you bend down to greet the dog. “Hello there, who are you?”

A bark follows, but not a threatening one.

“Come here.” He follows, little paws jumping up to rest on your bent knees with a wagging tail. Almost immediately, you coo at the sight, supplying him with all the head rubs he could possibly ask for.

“Where did you come from, hm? Why are you all alone?” The pitch of your voice is definitely higher, speaking to the dog with a tone similar to one you’d use when talking to a baby. “So cute.”

“I’ll get going now, okay? Go back home too!”

Four padded steps continue to follow you, and the culprit is exactly who you think it is.

“You can’t follow me around. You have to stay here!” Phony scolding, to try and get the dog to stop following you. You don’t want their owner to worry.

“Hey, stop following!” You laugh, starting to jog away from the chihuahua, but he refuses to listen. Instead, he starts running to keep up with you. “Stop it!”

Turns out, it’s hard to convince a dog to stop following you. Especially when he’s made his way into your own home, walking with you for the entirety of your path. The little dog doesn’t have a tag, no owner to contact, and it’s nearing night that you don’t feel safe letting him sleep outside in the inky dark. So, you invite the dog inside who walks around like he owns the place.

You sigh, though never one of indignation, as you sit down on the couch Chan had lended you, and the chihuahua quickly follows to lay himself on your lap. Curled up. Safe.

“What should I call you? Hm? You’re pretty stubborn.” You look down at the dog who’s looking back at you as if having understood anything that you’re saying. “Berry? No?”

It takes you a couple more tries before deciding on Kkami—when the chihuahua’s tail starts wagging aggressively and he attempts to lick your face at the mention.

“Okay, Kkami then. You like that? Hm?”

Your night routine doesn’t change much, there’s just an addition of a curled up Kkami sleeping beside you on your bed. But, you find that you don’t mind it one bit. It’s less lonely like this, and it’s nice to have some company.

four.

You return to the library’s stillness the next day after finishing up some chores—the laundry, the cleaning, everything. Washing your clothes was something unfamiliar to you, as you’d always just sent them to the laundry services near the place you stayed at. There was never time to do them yourself.

It’s a totally new experience when all you have is time now. You keep burning the food you make, but eat it the same. And hanging up your wet clothes outside took forever, but you manage. You just have to remind yourself there’s a book waiting for you in the public library.

The walk to the library is easier now, but the commotion you’d caused yesterday still echoes in your head. It engraves itself even as you make it to the door, hand hovering over the handle. But, there’s no point in delaying. You’ll be here most days so it’s best not to avoid anyone. So, without another thought, you open the door and step into the quiet of the library.

The bell rings as it always does.

“Welcome,” is what Seungmin says, just as he did yesterday. You greet him back, smiling politely as you make your way to the shelves. The room is almost empty. There’s only one other person in the library, a book with black hair on his own table, and he seems to be in his own world.

Hyunjin is also seated at a table, books and paper plastered on the wooden surface as he repairs torn pages. An uninterrupted routine he’s probably grown accustomed to.

“Hello.” You decide to greet the boy as you pass by the table he’s occupying. His hair is swept back today, and it looked like it smelt good.

His eyes light up when he sees you.

“You’re hello again.” He tilts his body so he can look at you, bowing a little. Though, his words come out croaked, and you’re unsure if you heard him right.

“Sorry?” Hyunjin doesn’t repeat himself. Instead, his face grimaces at how he had failed to utter the phrase he had practiced—hello, you’re here again.

But it isn’t his choice of words that surprises you, it’s that he spoke to you at all. His tone is soft, and completely unexpected after the silence you had received the day before. It’s the first words he ever tells you, and you find yourself smiling at the small progress.

A voice in your head tells you that you want to know him more.

So, after a few days of fleeting eye contact and small smiles from afar, you decide to come back to the library.

The afternoon air outside is beautiful, as it always has been when you walk outside, and there’s a mental checklist you go through in your head. Forgetting is so easy, so you try not to.

Buying Kkami dog food was first on the list of things you have to do on your way home from the library. The little chihuahua doesn’t seem to mind being left behind. In fact, Kkami loved his little space on the couch. Though, you still promise to be back as soon as possible, wanting to walk him outside while the sun is still up.

Hyunjin is seated at the same table as he did when he first talked to you, books and pages neatly plastered again when you walk into the library.

Today, you’ll try your second attempt at talking to him.

“Do you… repair all the books yourself?” You ask, looking down at the multitude of pages he’s tending to and the stack of books waiting to be repaired in a trolley parked at the side of his table.

“Yes.” He smiles upon answering, and it’s one that radiates pride in the work he does.

Your lips quaver slightly, trying to find words to say to him. You wonder if it’d be okay with him if you wanted to help out. The work looks interesting, and a little soothing. Would that make him uncomfortable?

Fiddling with the ends of your shirt, you stab your hesitance straight in the chest. “Can I try too?”

His mouth falls agape, and then he’s nodding his head, gesturing for you to take the seat adjacent to him. Hyunjin grabs an extra spatula, passing it to you before smiling shyly down at the books and pages.

“You take the spatula, and spread the glue evenly.” Hyunjin looks up at you before grabbing a page and his own spatula so you can mimic his gestures. “Then, you place the page at its original location.”

He closes up the book he’s working on, patting down at the spine so the glue sticks well. “That’s it.”

“Oh.” You look at his work with fascination, smiling as he sets the book aside. “You’re kind of like a doctor. It’s like you’re applying medicine to the books.”

He grins at your words, eyes averting from your eye contact as he shyly grins. You know he has pure love for what he does, and it warms your heart. It’s a sentiment you wish you had for your job back then.

“I think…” You fix your gaze to your hands that are propped on the table, intertwining your fingers together. “I’m in love.”

Hyunjin’s inability to look you in the eyes seems to falter the moment you speak. His mouth falls back into an ‘o’, and the tip of his ears are awfully red.

“Wait, sorry. What I mean is… I think I’m in love with the process of fixing up old things.” With slightly widened eyes, you gesture at the book he had just fixed cartoonishly, chewing on your lips a little embarrassedly.

The boy in front of you nods, fingers pausing over his task; you turn to look at him, and you’re relieved to see his smile returning.

“I see.” He chuckles, grabbing onto the pages that still need to be glued and grouping them together, tapping them lightly on the table so they align.

“Let me help you.” You reach out to the remaining pages, and Hyunjin looks at you with an expression you don’t quite recognize, but you know has no ill-intent. He always looks this way. Always natural, never forced.

As you quietly work on the task, Hyunjin can’t stop himself from looking at you from time to time. He thinks it’s to monitor your work, but does that excuse the way he stares at the small smile tugging on your lips?

“Has anyone told you how you resemble Aphrodite?”

“Me?” He asks, eyes darting you and the book he’s working on. You grin at him, nodding your head.

“Yes. Goddess of Beauty in Greek Mythology. You know her, right?”

“I do.” He smiles back easily, willing the blush that’s obviously creeping on his cheeks away.

“When I first met you, that character came to mind.” You mumble as you stare at the page in your hands, furrowing your eyebrows as you try to match it to its proper book. You pause, catching yourself before you can misplace the page, and Hyunjin looks up at the sudden silence.

“Which one was this again?” Sheepish. You think you’ve embarrassed yourself more times than not in this library.

You don’t notice Hyunjin leaving his seat, sauntering over to where you’re seated so he can peer at the page and at the books in front of you. “May I?”

His tone is kind, and it didn’t seem as if he were upset that you didn’t know where to put the page. On the contrary, he made you feel as if it was okay that you didn’t know. Quick to reassure.

“I don’t memorize all of these either. I only remember the names and places in the books, and I like drawing to keep an image of them in my head too.” He’s arranging the pages now, putting the corresponding paper atop the book they belong to. “Why don’t you try this one?” The way he says it is so full of expectation, leaning down to hand you a page and you can only smile up at him.

“I’ll give it a try.” You sputter out for words to say, taking the page from him gratefully.

Seungmin watches from a distance, lifting an eyebrow in curiosity as he observes his usually quiet friend speak more words than usual. Though, the observation makes his heartstrings contract.

It goes on like this for a while, silence engulfing the pair of you as you work to repair the books together. Hyunjin showed no signs of you being a bother to him, even reaching out to help most of the time—appreciative of your time. No sound follows, just the beating of your hearts and the rustling of paper.

Until a loud bang rumbles in the sky, interrupting the four of you in the room (even the freckled boy at the corner table who is at the library again today).

Your reaction is instantaneous, jumping back in surprise at the sudden interruption of silence, but a smile replaces the initial shock when you see the gentle pitter patter of rain from the windows.

Hyunjin slips himself out of his seat, rushing to close them so the books don’t get wet as Seungmin goes to help, all while you stare at the drizzle.

You’re reminded of the last day you stepped foot in the city.

“Oh!” You suddenly exclaim when the sound of the rain increases in volume. The burst of rain as the sky splits open reminds you of your laundry and how the initial heat they absorbed must’ve been washed off by the rain.

“I have to go.” You quickly excuse yourself from the boy who has just returned from closing the windows, smiling for the last time before rushing down the stairs to start heading home. Though, you falter in your step. You don’t have an umbrella with you. Should you just make a run for it? You think the jacket you’re wearing can help at least a little bit.

You sigh, about to step into the rain when a hand reaches for your shoulder. Warm and gentle, almost feather-like even. You spin around, only to be met with Hyunjin’s goddess-like features.

“Hyunjin?”

He clears his throat, pulling out his umbrella before handing it to you. “Use this. You’ll get sick.”

“No, no, it’s okay. I can just use my jacket!” Hyunjin doesn’t seem to budge at your rejection, simply smiling as he places the umbrella in your grasp.

“I think an umbrella will do a better job than your jacket.” You laugh a little, not knowing he was capable of teasing. It was cute. He was cute.

“Thank you! I’ll give it back to you tomorrow.” You don’t know why your heart is thumping so fast at the small gesture, but you reason it’s because you’re worried about your laundry. Though, a voice in your head is telling you that’s not quite the answer.

He disappears back into the library, and you shield yourself with his umbrella as you sprint back home to tend to your now wet clothes. The rain smelt acidic as you put away your clothes, setting them aside as the sun seems still so far away in the distance. You’ll hang them back outside when the heat returns.

“Did the thunder scare you?” You pick up Kkami in your arms, cradling him as you try to shield him away from the sudden loudness of thunder and lightning. “I’m sorry I couldn’t walk you out in the sun today.”

The rain is louder in your house, and it’s only when your own stomach grumbles do you remember you were supposed to buy Kkami dog food on your way back home.

Forgetting is so easy.

“I’ll go buy you some food, okay? You must be starving.” You rub the back of his ears, setting him down on the couch before grabbing the umbrella Hyunjin had lent you once again. Though, thankfully, the downpour stops just as quickly as it had started. You’re already inside the family-run convenience store near you when the sky clears out and the sun starts to peek behind the clouds again.

“What can I get you?” You turn to find a shorter man emerge from the back of the store, warm smile etched on his face as he pads his way to where you’re standing.

“I hope the rain wasn’t too hard on you.” He continues. His tone is kind as he waits for you to reply.

“Ah, it was okay.” Though initially caught off guard at the sudden presence, you return the smile gently. “I was wondering if you had any dog food?”

“We do!” He heads to a corner, and the way he grabs the bag of dog food punctuates his arms that you can only now see how big they are. His jawline is sharp too, noticing it the moment he turns that his side profile is visible to you.

He leans down to scoop up the bag in his arms, before heading back to you. “You’re the one who recently moved here, right?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?” You hand him your payment before taking the bag in your arms, hugging it so the weight isn’t as heavy.

“Chan mentioned. I’m Changbin.” Changbin takes your payment, returning to you the change. “I hope we can be good friends.”

“(Name). It’s nice to meet you. I’ll… get going now!” You motion at the dog food in your hands, to tell him you still had a pup to feed at home before waving goodbye as you hurry back to your house.

There’s almost no rain now, the only sign that it had even drizzled was the acidic smell, the puddles that had formed on the concrete overtime, and the gentle trickle of water from one leaf onto the next.

Kkami is waiting for you at home. No one used to wait for you before.

five.

You come back to the library the next day, just like you said you would. This time, Kkami walks with you to make up for not being able to take him out under the sun yesterday. Though, you don’t expect the handwritten “temporarily closed” sign to be the first thing that greets you as you head for the door.

You place Hyunjin’s umbrella just by the handle, almost in an awkward manner as you continue to peer at the piece of paper taped on the door.

“They both went to Seoul for Seungmin’s test.” A voice behind you averts your attention to the same freckled boy from yesterday.

“Ohh…” You respond, nodding your head in understanding as you walk over to where he’s seated just outside the public library. “I was just gonna return Hyunjin’s umbrella.”

Felix seems surprised, but it only triggers his smile to grow wider than it already is.

“I’m Felix.” You blink slowly, shaking his hand when he stretches it out for you to take. When your hand meets his, he pulls you down to sit next to him. “And who’s this little boy?”

“This is Kkami.”

Felix is a nice guy, pulling Kkami up to cradle him in his arms. The first thing that catches your attention is his freckles—like constellations in the night, littering his face like stars do the sky. You love the stars, though, you don’t see much of them in the city because of the polluted air and the abundance of lights from the buildings that line up.

The boy resembles the very comfort you find in the cluster of stars, a calming quality in him as he smiles down at your dog.

But, just as much as he resembles the stars, he smiles like the sun. Perhaps it's the way his eyes form crescents and the way his lips curve that trigger the sight of the sun. But he’s blinding in the most calming way possible.

“Do you have somewhere else you need to be?” He asks, shots of espresso in the way he speaks. Deep and reverberating. How fitting the way his voice wakes you up like the sun.

“I think I’m just gonna walk Kkami around.”

“Do you mind if I walk with you a bit?” Felix puts your dog down, tilting his head to look at you that radiates so much friendliness. “I don’t really know what to do with the library closed.”

He offers like he’s already your friend.

You knew it was an exaggeration to call him a friend right away, but for you it was just that. Especially when he walks by your side, laughing and talking to you as if he’d known you forever.

“You know, it’s nice to hear Hyunjin talk more.” His lips curl into a lovely smile as he continues to accompany you and Kkami in your walk.

“What do you mean?” You ask, eyes trailing down to Kkami who’s padding ahead of the two of you.

“He doesn’t do too well with strangers, doesn’t even talk a lot with me. I think he’s only ever truly warmed up to Seungmin, so it’s nice to just hear him more.”

You blink in surprise at his words before lifting your hand to where it was staring at Kkami in favor of looking at Felix instead.

“Oh.” You don’t know what to say or how to respond to the sudden revelation he’s laying down on you, and he throws his head back in laughter at your speechlessness.

“Don’t worry, I just felt the need to tell you. You don’t have to say anything.”

It goes on like this more—Felix initiating conversation and talking about almost everything until he has to go home. You end your walk with an exchange of numbers and a promise of ice cream the next time you come to the library together.

When you get home, it’s already 6pm. Kkami falls asleep almost right away, and you’re left to do the little chores you have left for the day. You wonder what you’ll have for dinner.

You’re in the middle of preparing a meal when your phone buzzes where you left it.

Ring, ring.

Your brother never calls anymore. So when you receive a call, you weren’t expecting to find his caller ID on the screen. You thought it was gonna be Felix who forgot to tell you something.

“Hello?” You’re the one who speaks first.

You're a ball of nerves wondering why he’s calling you right now.

“Hey (Name). Are you doing okay?”

“Hey, is something wrong?”

“Hm? Can’t an older brother call his sister to check on her?” There’s a scuffle in the background of his end.

“You never call.” You say quietly, picking at the ends of your shirt as you stare at nothing in particular.

“Oh, hah. Well, the thing is… can you lend us some money? You can sell the ring mom gave you. Itt’s just… our son, all his friends are studying abroad every vacation, but he never went.”

Your brother sounds shameless in his request, as if your mother hadn’t given him everything when she passed. All you have left of her are pictures in your head and the ring she had gifted you. You’ve never worn it, but you kept her going-away present. It’s the only thing you have left of her, and it hurts that your brother even thought of selling it just so his son could go on a trip abroad.

This ring meant something to you. Something more than a trip to him.

“Is this your wife’s idea? Does she want me to sell the ring mom gave me?”

“That’s not it.” He sighs exasperatedly, and you know he’s running a hand down his face at how this conversation is going. “Don’t you feel bad that your nephew is losing confidence because he’s never been abroad before?”

“Hey…” A lump forms in your throat, the familiar hands of pain wrapping around your neck to strangle you into tears. “Do you even… know how I’m living right now?”

Your voice cracks, choking on your own words to know that your brother only calls when he needs something. He doesn’t care. He never has. A sob is brewing in your throat.

“I do! But…” He’s getting defensive now, voice raising so he can try to get his non-existent point across. “My family is short on money right now.”

Family. The word is unfamiliar. It left you the moment your mother passed, replacing itself with loneliness. With emptiness. The unfamiliarity makes your face scrunch in the way it does before a hideous sob leaves your mouth, but you will yourself to get yourself together. Just for another minute, while you’re still on the call with him.

“Am I not family?” You mumble almost incoherently.

You don’t think you can handle talking to him any longer, not when he treats you like a bank account he can solicit money from anytime. Not when the first call you receive from him in years is that of asking you to sell your mother’s ring, not even to ask if you were alright, how you were doing.

The strangers in Angok treat you far better than your own brother.

You hang up before he can say anything else.

He has already caused you unbearable pain, and the reminder of how alone you’ve been. You want the pain to go away, you’ve worked too hard only to let it come back in full force. And there is only one way you know that can take it all away, even just temporarily.

It’s how you find yourself at Minho’s small restaurant, two bottles of Soju empty, and a disoriented haze of the place around you.

Minho doesn’t make it a habit to stick his nose in anyone’s business, but when your wobbly legs attempt to grab a third bottle of Soju, he’s hurrying by your table to stop you. “I’ve just made up a non-existent rule that you can only have two bottles.”

He takes it away from you, and you immediately pout when he does, a whine brewing in your throat. You try to imitate the way Puss in Boots looks, when he widens his eyes to get what he wants, but to Minho—you just look absolutely ridiculous.

“I’ve never heard of that rule before.” You mumble dejectedly, staring at the Soju bottle that Minho’s whisking away and putting back.

“It exists now because you’re piss drunk, and I don’t know how you’ll be getting home.” He says, tone softer than it was when you had first walked in ordering your first bottle, as if not wanting to startle you.

“I’m not drunk!” You blink rapidly, abruptly getting up to which Minho sits you back down so you don’t topple over your own clumsy feet. He mumbles something about getting you water.

“Everything just looks funny right now.” Your words come out in a slur as you look at your surroundings with a curious eye. “But I’m not drunk.”

When he returns, you have your head rested on the table, cheek mushed against the surface as your eyes droop a little in sleepiness. Though, there’s an addition of someone new in his shop. Hyunjin looks at you confused, before he fixes his gaze on Minho as if asking him why you were moping around at one of his tables.

“Don’t look at me. I don’t even know who this is.” Minho says in mock surrender, though, it doesn’t take long before his features mimic that of a Cheshire Cat. “You’ll take her home safely, right?”

Minho quickly ushers the pair of you out, waking you up and pushing you in the direction of Hyunjin who holds out his arms in case your feet decide not to cooperate with you. He needs to close his shop.

“Are you okay?” His arms are still hovering around you, not quite touching you, but prepared to if you ever fall forward.

“Hyunjin? How did you come to find me from so far away?” Your eyebrows furrow together as you stare at the boy beside you, as if there was no way he was real and with you right now.

“I’ll walk you home, okay?”

“I’m a bit drunk. I’m a little bit drunk right now.” You mumble, head still hazy as your eyes blink blearily, feeling the need to inform him. Your legs feel extra wobbly.

“Right. Are you okay?” He pulls you back to his side when you stumble a little too far away, soft tone never changing. He looks at your puffy eyes in curiosity, frowning as he thinks of all the possibilities as to why you had been crying.

“Goodness.” You exclaim in your half-conscious state when you almost trip on something, immediately reaching to what’s nearest to you—Hyunjin’s arm.

“Hyunjinnieee…” You start to sway where you’re walking, clearing your throat as Hyunjin is left predicting what your next move is going to be (on top of wondering why your eyes are red and stingy).

Though, he most definitely doesn’t expect you to start singing.

“Why do you appear before my eyes whenever I’m drunk?” It’s loud, uncharacteristic of the you he’s met, and your arms are flailing around as if to act like a conductor in your own orchestra of sounds.

“You’re going home now, okay?” Your smile is loopy as you nod at his words, continuing to sing the same one line over and over again while skipping in your step.

Hyunjin is attentive to where you’re walking, scooping up a potted plant and setting it aside when you’re about to walk into it. “Careful.”

You tell him all sorts of stories as you head home—how you fell in love with the library, how you never thought you’d own a dog, how you’re glad you’re far away from the city.

He listens. To every single one of your stories, all while making sure you get home safely. He looks both sides before crossing the street, hand outstretched to an incoming car to slow it down as you carelessly walk across without so much as a glance.

“Hyunjin.” You suddenly stop in your tracks.

“Hm?” Hyunjin ushers you to keep moving, hand hovering on the small of your back as you start giggling in your dazed state.

“There’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you.”

“Okay.”

“Is it okay if I ask right now?”

“Sure.” He replies, arms dropping back to his sides.

“Do you think you can like me? I don’t think anyone likes me.”

A silence settles between the two of you right after you get the question out. Hyunjin pauses in his actions, staring at you as you keep marching forward to where you live.

He allows himself to ponder over your sudden question. He couldn’t quite explain how he felt about you, but he knows it’s good. He has surprised himself time and time again for willingly continuing conversation with a stranger, but Seungmin has stressed it was good for him.

You emit a type of radiance, one of comfort. Maybe it was the way you smile at him, so softly when people look at him strangely for not being able to speak to them right away. He has only spoken to you once, but he knows he wants to talk to you more.

He wants to get to know you more.

He gives you a fond smile as he catches up with you once more. Hyunjin doesn’t know the connotation behind your question, and he doesn’t know what premise his answer falls under either.

Still, he says, “I already do.”

“Oh, we’re here!” You yell out and immediately quiet down when you realize everyone around you must be asleep right now. “Sorry.” Now in a whisper as you look around sheepishly.

“Can you get in safely?” He questions, worry still eminent in the way he speaks, even as you nod your head to answer his question.

“Don’t worry about me. Bye bye!” When you slip into your home, you immediately fall face first on your mattress and fall asleep. Drinking can be so draining when the world around you spins.

You don’t think about the splitting headache waiting for you the next day.

six.

You're fucked.

This much is clear as you finally finish vomiting in your toilet, images from the night before flashing in your mind— the giggling, the stumbling, and poor Hyunjin. You can still hear his voice in your head, telling you to get in safely. You can still feel the way his hand hovered over your back to make sure you don’t fall over.

Well, shit. This is way beyond anything you’ve ever done, moving up to the number one spot of the list you liked to label ‘embarrassment’. Calling Hyunjin miss and forgetting which pages go to which book moves down a spot at the sudden entry of your drunk ass.

“Kkami, what do I do?” You groan, head falling back against the wall of your bathroom as you stare at the ceiling. Will a letter of apology suffice for the way he had to take you home last night despite his exhaustion of driving to the city?

“This is so embarrassing.” Kkami consoles you by curling up by your side, paw resting on your thigh before his whole head drops to lay atop your leg.

Hyunjin is so pretty too. He’s enchanting in the way he speaks, and the way his eyes sparkle naturally when he does the things he loves. He’s unstinting with his kindness too, never losing patience even as you took a long time to repair the books you had offered to help with. You don’t even know if you helped much, but he never made a move to stop you even as time passed and you were making little progress.

It’s easy to fall into your embarrassment, which is how you find yourself with a notebook in hand, thinking of how the hell you were going to apologize to him. You don’t think you have it in you to go up to him face-to-face and have to recall the events of the night.

You might as well write something.

“About what happened last night…” You look at your notebook with critical eyes, immediately scratching it out to think of a better way to start your note.

“I’m sorry, Hyunjin. I don’t know how to say this.”

The second candidate is just as bad as the first one.

With your chin on the palm of your hands, you rack your brain for every possible way to say sorry. It’s not like apologizing was anything new to you, it’s even become a habit in your work life for the past few years. Always doing something wrong. Always apologizing. Even if it was never your fault to begin with. Though, this time, you want it to be genuine. You don’t want to imitate the phony way you’ve said sorry before.

Your eyes are glazed as you stare at the piece of paper.

Hyunjin has a routine fixed, so you make it a point to reach the library at noon when he’s busy pushing a trolley full of books to return them to where they belong on the bookshelves. He only hears the bell ring when you walk into the library, like you always do.

Peering over the shelves, he finds himself smiling to himself when you wander inside the library. He peels his gaze away for a few seconds to return a few books to their spots, though, apparently that’s also the time it takes for him to hear the bell ringing again, to indicate that you had left just as quickly as you had walked in.

Tilting his head, Hyunjin backs away from his work to check his desk where a small note sits.

“I’m sorry…” with a small drawing underneath.

It looks like the work of a child, but Hyunjin could tell instantly that it was a portrait of you and him from the night before. It prompts a smile on his face, eyes flicking from the note to the door. He keeps the piece of paper in his drawer to think about later.

Hyunjin has never had the courage to strike while the iron was hot, but he finds himself walking out the public library in hopes of catching you before you’ve left.

He finds you seated on the bench outside, eyes trained on the screen of your phone with your legs outstretched.

“Excuse me.”

You almost drop your phone when you hear him, immediately standing up to greet him. He looks good, as he always does. His complexion shines even prettier under the sun. The natural lighting highlights his hair in that it looks more dark brown than black. And his smile. It’s a little less shy now, and more open.

“Thank you for the note… and the drawing.”

He sounds like an angel too. You’ve always found his voice pretty, in a different way from Felix’s deep ocean voice. His was gentle, soft, and way nicer than you remember it being.

You try to think of the right words to say, sputtering over whether you should bring back what had happened last night or simply accept his thanks.

Taking a deep breath, you nod your head. “You’re welcome.”

Hyunjin has his hands clasped together in front of him as you speak, rocking himself back and forth on the heel and soles of his feet.

“You must’ve come in safely, then.” You laugh a little at what he says, and it only makes his smile brighter.

“Yeah. I’m sorry again.” It makes you cringe when you think of your behavior, but Hyunjin doesn’t seem to mind at all when he puts his hand up as a motion for you to stop apologizing.

“Not at all. I’m just glad to know you’re okay.”

The statement has your cheeks warming up, staring at him and the bag of ice cream you had initially brought for you and Felix. He had texted you earlier saying he couldn’t make it, and promised that he’d be the one to buy the ice cream next time.

Ice cream can be a good peace offering.

Grabbing the bag, you lift it up and smile coyly at the boy. “Do you want some ice cream?”

Hyunjin’s eyes form into crescents at your offer, lips curling up into an easy smile as he makes his way to sit adjacent to you. It feels nice like this, sitting outside in the breeze with only the two of you as you hand him the ice cream flavor of his liking, the tree just behind you doing a great job at shielding you enough that the sun’s heat isn’t too hot, but is still there.

“You know, I prefer cone ice creams over popsicles.” You mention suddenly, looking down at your cone and peering at the popsicle he had chosen for himself. He hums at the information, eyes softening when you ask him the same thing, like his opinions matter to you. Like you want to get to know him too. “What about you?”

“I’m not a big…” He catches himself before he can continue. Hyunjin isn’t the biggest fan of ice cream, but he finds himself unable to reject your offer. It’s an opportunity to sit in this moment with you.

He’d eat ice cream over and over again if it meant being able to stay in this moment.

“Well, ice cream does taste good, but the apple flavor…” He finds that he has a hard time answering your question, pausing to ponder over his words. It has you giggling. He looks cute thinking his options over.

“You don’t have to answer me.”

“But this one is good.” He lifts the popsicle in his hand, taking a bite out of it to show that he was being truthful with his words.

You laugh this time.

“You know, I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing when I first got here. But, I found myself falling in love with the library.” Hyunjin looks at you when you speak, unlike his previous inability to maintain eye contact with you.

“You’ve actually told me that already.”

You tilt your head in confusion. “I have? When?”

“Back then.” He’s gesturing something with his hands, and you continue to stare at him to try and decipher what he was acting out. Though, it’s pretty quick to figure out once he pretends to drink out of a shot glass, and your eyes widen at the realization of when he was referring to.

“Back then?” You repeat, and he chuckles at the way you roll your head back in embarrassment.

He hums in confirmation.

“What else did I say? When I… you know…” You trail off, looking at him for answers, but not quite wanting to repeat the words. He takes the hint well.

He laughs, before shaking his head. “It wasn’t so much talking, but rather singing.”

“I sang?” You stare at him dumbfounded as you try and recall what exactly happened. “I actually sang?” You laugh out loud this time, and you fail to notice the way his entire face lights up at the sound.

“What did I sing?” You look shocked and confused, yet there’s a smile of amusement on your features when Hyunjin actually starts singing the melody you had the night before.

“Why…” He clears his throat. “Why do you appear before my eyes whenever I’m drunk?”

“Wait, stop! Oh my god. Please stop.” You reach forward, resting a hand on the table and leaning forward to get him to stop singing.

“Can you please forget about that entire night?” You bring your hands together almost begging, and he can only laugh in amusement at the way you’re reacting.

“I don’t really think about it that often—“

“You even sang the song!” You interrupt.

“That’s because you asked.” He lifts a hand to scratch at the nape of his neck, bashfully smiling.

“This is so embarrassing.” You hang your head, a wince of an apology soliciting itself from your throat as you swing your feet back and forth to physically cringe at yourself.

Seungmin arrives at that very moment, his own complaints spilling out and drowning yours out. He pauses when he finds Hyunjin outside with you, squinting his eyes suspiciously before letting it go in favor of complaining once again.

“They’re so annoying! They think they’re so high and mighty.” He drops at the seat next to Hyunjin, and you offer him the only ice cream you have left in your bag. You have no idea what he’s talking about, but it seems Hyunjin knows all about it.

“They won’t do it?” Hyunjin asks, and Seungmin all but sighs as he starts peeling the wrapper off the ice cream.

“I mean, I guess it’s not easy to come down here to listen to old people talk.” Seungmin takes an annoyed bite, throwing his head back. “They might make me write the article, too. And I have to do it tomorrow. Can’t someone else do it?”

An idea forms in his head.

Hyunjin looks at you gingerly, and Seungmin visibly perks up when he follows the boy’s line of sight. You clear your throat, suddenly breaking eye contact and looking anywhere but the two boys.

“Will you please do it?” He grins wickedly, whole body tilted to face you as he reaches out to grab your attention.

“Well, you see…” You mumble. “I only proofread when I was working at a publishing company.” You point out sheepishly between each bite at your ice cream, doing your best to not look at Seungmin.

“The fact that you proofread means you’re familiar with writing.”

"Still…” You trail off with your words, not knowing how to defend yourself any further when Seungmin is clasping his hands and begging you to help them do the work. “I’m just not very confident.”

“(Name).” Hyunjin calls, and you look at him in hopes that he has a plan in mind to save you from Seungmin’s request.

“Why do you appear before my eyes…”

Your mouth drops at his words.

“What did you say?” Seungmin questions, and you look back at the boy to subtly shake your head, as if trying to get him to stop. Instead, he smiles a little mischievously.

“Whenever I’m…” You wince, immediately putting a hand up to stop him. Fortunately for Hyunjin, you’ve been begging him to forget about the night before, so you feel as though you owe him something.

With your head hung lightly and a look of defeat on your face, you finally agree to Seungmin’s request.

seven.

When you arrive, Hyunjin is already waiting for you with a camera slung around his neck. He looks so pretty with his hair falling messily over his shoulder. He’s wearing a white shirt and some jeans, though, what catches your eye the most is the huge knitted sweater he’s wearing.

“Hello, good afternoon.”

“Good afternoon.”

You fail to notice his own reaction, too busy admiring his beauty to realize he’s doing the same. Opposite you, Hyunjin’s jaw-dropping reaction to what you’re wearing is staring at your face with a small smile playing on his lips. He’s fiddling with his camera now, eyes traveling from the clip you’re wearing on your hair to the cherry lip balm you’d applied just before leaving.

What colors was he using painting you in his head? Pastel hues with a tinge of vibrancy.

“Shall we go then?” Suddenly, he can’t look at you, eyes trained just behind you as he asks.

“Okay.”

It doesn’t feel like a far walk with Hyunjin next to you. In fact, it barely takes 15 minutes before you reach the house of the person you’re supposed to be interviewing.

The outside of her home is beautiful, and an older woman you don’t recognize greets you and helps you both inside. Her home is surrounded by a wide expanse of grass, the view of the sea beautiful from a distance. The house itself is built with wood, and the row of vegetable plants lining up behind the low-standing table outside provides a breath of fresh air.

“Good afternoon. We’re here for an interview.” You inform politely, and she nods her head as if finally remembering why she’s letting two strangers into her home.

“Sit down, sit down.” Her tone is welcoming as she urges you to sit down, allowing Hyunjin to set up the camera on the camera stand he brought with him. Never imposing as she asks if you need anything else.

“You’re dressed so nicely.” You smile, the full view of her garden behind her accentuating her features. You’re sure she was quite the heartbreaker when she was younger.

“Just relax, and imagine you’re having a chat with your daughter.”

The interview goes smoothly. You ask her of things big and small—her age, her family, her history with Angok, anything you can think of. Seungmin didn’t give you any specifics to ask, just that you would write about her life. In this way, you’d be getting to know her.

She speaks of her children and grandchildren with so much love, that it almost makes you envious that you don’t have a grandmother figure to lean on. You’re all you really have left.

When you look over at Hyunjin, he gives you a toothless grin, as if to assure you you’re doing a great job. It lasts around an hour, and you’re just about ready to go home when she stops you and Hyunjin from fixing up.

“Oh, goodness.” She doesn’t need to ask for Hyunjin to hurry his way to her, grabbing the huge platter of food she grabbed from inside her house, settling it where you had sat earlier.

“I had no idea it was time for food. You guys must be hungry. Come on, let’s eat.”

“Thank you for the food.” You both say, and she only smiles as she admires the young couple in front of her.

The food is cooked with care, having just the right amount of seasoning. There’s a variety of vegetables which you assume to have been freshly picked from the garden she has. Hyunjin seems to mirror your thoughts, immediately praising her for the food.

“The food is delicious.”

“Really?” She finds pleasure in the way you’re enjoying your food. Perhaps, she was trying to catch a glimpse of her children in the two of you.

“Are you two married?” You and Hyunjin pause from eating, staring at each other before looking back at the older woman.

“No, we’re not.” You answer for him, laughing a little at the accusation she had just made. “We’re not married.”

“Oh, too bad. You guys would make a great couple if you were to marry.” She says light-heartedly, staring directly at the boy who’s refusing to make any eye contact at the sudden topic change. Hyunjin nearly chokes on the lettuce he’s eating, coughing a little as he mutters a string of apologies. She only smiles knowingly, offering up some water to the poor boy.

He swallows down his food, putting on a cordial smile directed at the old woman.

The rest of the time plays out without any more questions as to what the relationship is between the two of you, which Hyunjin is more than grateful for. He’s afraid of tripping over his own feet when you’re mentioned as his girlfriend one more time, as if choking on his food wasn’t enough already.

At some point, while you’d been talking, the sun had started to set which prompts the older woman to send in a flurry of farewells as she ushers the pair of you to get home safely.

Looking at you now, while the orange hues of the sun falls on your face, Hyunjin concludes that he feels something for you, evident in the way his heart starts beating a little faster and his palms start to sweat when you’re around. The awkward atmosphere between the two of you is long gone, and he finds himself hearing the gentle undertone of your voice in his head before he falls asleep.

He’s even more floored after today, after having seen first hand how you treat people with so much kindness—even Seungmin, who’s the number one enemy on everyone’s list in this small village. He admires the way you smile at strangers, and your eloquence in conversations even with the little words you say.

It’s only been a while of knowing you, yet he finds himself thinking about you all the time. From the first day you met that muggy afternoon, to how you helped him with repairing the books, even that drunken night where you had sang for him, and the morning after when you shared ice cream with him. He finds himself repeating these moments with you over and over in his head, like sifted sand, until they’re properly engraved in his mind.

“You know… all I really did today was listen to her stories, but my heart feels at ease because of it.”

Hyunjin looks at you as you walk side by side each other, the sunset’s glow falling on everything around you.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

When the wind blows, leaves from the trees lined up near you float around you. From time to time, you’d hear the crunch of crushed leaves as you step on them. All the while, Hyunjin is walking close to you, watching you and listening to you.

“Thank you for working with me on this.” Hyunjin suddenly says, words softer than expected as he locks eyes with you. He wants you to know he’s genuine in his gratitude.

“I hope you’ll like my writing once you get to read it.” You smile nervously, keeping eye contact with him, and you don’t know how pivotal this moment is for the boy. How your kindness is pulling him deeper and deeper into you, everything about you—your sweet smile and your bright eyes.

“I will.”

Talking to you feels easy and natural.

“You will?” A small smile creeps onto your face at his response, and he nods his head in confirmation.

Silence passes.

“I hope we can keep working on this together.” Hyunjin surprises himself with how straightforward he can be with you, with how easy it is to tell you he wants to keep spending time with you.

“If you buy me dinner tomorrow, I’ll think about it.”

The whole world stops in this pocket of time. While everyone goes about their evening, Hyunjin is stuck on your words. Your eyes glisten with a certain type of glow no one can replicate, and he thinks he’ll always remember your face right now, smiling fondly at him, lit by the setting sun.

“Okay. Dinner tomorrow.”

Heat continuously rises to his face the more you look at him, but Hyunjin supposes he can blame it on the sun for now.

eight.

It is exactly 6:36 in the evening when you meet Hyunjin at the library to grab dinner with him.

When the bell rings, he can’t help the smile on his face when he realizes it’s you that’s walking into the library. He never used to smile this much before. But it can’t be helped, not when it’s you.

“Hello.” He’s the one who speaks first.

“Hi.” You reply, mimicking the smile on his face. His eyes are glossy when you meet them.

“Shall we go to dinner?” He lets out a small breath, hovering just in front of you.

Hyunjin looks like a bundle of nerves. You don’t know that, in his head, this feels akin to a first date. One he hasn’t gone on in a long time. So, on the outside, he’s perfectly composed, eyes dropping on the wooden ground. On the inside, however, he’s sweating and twisting and turning and screaming that he’s about to have dinner with you.

“What? Are you buying dinner?” Seungmin’s nosy ears perks up at the mention of dinner, immediately moving from his place behind the desk to join the two of you. “I was just starting to get hungry. Come on, let’s go.”

While Hyunjin wants to be upset at the sudden third wheeling of Kim Seungmin, he finds that he isn’t.

As funny as it sounds, he’s kind of grateful for the sudden interruption. He’s too afraid that if you were to have dinner together, alone, and his fried brain was convincing him it was a first date—his feelings would become too real. He knows he likes you, but he doesn’t want to act on it too soon. He doesn’t want to scare you off, doesn’t want to scare himself off.

Hyunjin has way too much of a feeble heart, that even walking beside you right now, with your hands slightly brushing against the other, he can already hear his heart beating in his ears.

He has always thought of himself as patient, so he doesn’t understand why there’s a growing irritation at the back of his head for the inability to hold your hand in his. It’s even more confusing as he knows he’s never been the type to crave for skinship, never eager for physical touch. So, what’s changed?

“Yah, Lee Minho!” Seungmin’s voice is loud as he walks into the restaurant, though, a much younger boy greets him.

“Innie, where’s Minho?” Jeongin gestures at the kitchen, immediately setting off to find the older boy at the request of Seungmin.

You hide behind Hyunjin the moment Minho appears from the kitchen. You’re sure the memories from that night are still fresh in his mind, and he’d been the first to witness your drunken, hazy state. When he sees you, his lips tug into a lazy smirk, but he chooses not to say anything.

“We went to interview that old lady yesterday.” Hyunjin feels the need to inform Seungmin who’s smiling, pleased with his ability to coerce you into helping them out.

Everyone finally settles down into their seats, Hyunjin cooking the meat silently as conversation starts. Jeongin joins you not long after, asking if it was alright. Your food sizzles behind the chatter around your table.

“What interview?” Jeongin asks.

“A writer didn’t show up, so (Name) did the interview instead.” Seungmin informs the table, and Jeongin nods in pretense of understanding the situation.

“How did you know how to do that? Where did you work in Seoul?” Minho’s the one to ask this time as he refills your meat, setting down a plate of raw pork just by Hyunjin’s arm.

“She worked at a publishing company.” Seungmin says with a mouth full of food.

“I see. Then you must’ve had a lot of boyfriends.”

You tilt your head at Jeongin’s sudden proposition, like he’s trying to fit two completely different puzzle pieces. There’s absolutely no correlation between working at a publishing company and having multiple boyfriends. It seems Seungmin is wondering the same thing, cogs turning in his brain at Jeongin’s stupid question.

“How are those two related?” He deadpans.

“I’ve always found well-read girls charming and attractive.” Jeongin simply shrugs, shoving down another piece of cut-up meat in his mouth before chewing. “So, do you have a boyfriend?”

You fail to notice the way Hyunjin suddenly leans closer to the table, suddenly finding interest in the topic when he had been absent for most of the conversation.

“Oh, I used to have one. But we broke up.” You laugh a little nervously, quietly thanking Hyunjin who sets a few cooked pieces of pork on your plate so you don’t run out while eating.

“Why? How long did it last?”

Jeongin and Seungmin seem to have a lot of questions, and you can see Hyunjin sending them a side eye from your peripheral vision at their rather invasive question.

“Quite a long—“

Hyunjin concludes he doesn’t need to know anything about your ex-boyfriend. He smoothly interrupts the conversation by stuffing food in Seungmin’s mouth. “This is about to burn, you should eat it.”

He glares at the boy viciously, but even the scowl on Seungmin’s face couldn't crack Hyunjin’s persistence in cutting the conversation short. He doesn’t know if it's jealousy, never having felt it before, but he knows he doesn’t want the image of you kissing another boy imprinted in his mind.

Thankfully, Jeongin moves on to another topic, speaking about how he’s in the last year of college and how much he hates it. All the while, you and Hyunjin share small smiles from across the table.

You both let Jeongin and Seungmin carry the conversation. You were never good at keeping the flow of one going anyways. So, instead, you play the listening role. The one you’ve always been good at.

Throughout dinner, Hyunjin does little things for you. He refills your empty glass of water, he puts meat on your plate so you don’t run out, and he constantly checks up on you—to see whether you were overwhelmed with the loudness of the two boys.

He does so by looking at you with an endearing smile, light dimples on his cheeks as he chuckles when you smile back at him. It’s a quiet conversation between the two of you, even if it’s just communication between smiles. Hyunjin is like a breath of fresh air from the crackling volume surrounding you.

He offers to walk you home after the four of you finish up with dinner, telling you that he couldn’t allow himself to simply let you walk alone in the dark. You respond with the crinkling of your eyes and a soft ‘thank you’.

Being with Hyunjin, alone, is quite possibly the purest form of comfort you will ever know. He’s tender and gentle and attentive, like he knows what it’s like to have the peace you value being breached constantly. Though, lately, you find that the quiet you crave for isn’t necessarily complete silence. It’s the comfortable and uninterrupted calm you feel when you’re with Hyunjin—whether at the library or walking home together from dinner. When he’s with you, warmth always makes an appearance.

There is no demand to make conversation.

You let your gaze veer off to the sea and how the waves crash along the shore. There's a breeze softly wafting through your hair, and you smile at just being able to view the ocean anytime you want. A pleasure you’ve always been denied off back in the city.

As your simple house comes into view, your shoulders fall at knowing he would have to leave now. You stop in your tracks, biting at your lips, and Hyunjin waits for you to say something. Never demanding. Always patient.

“Do you wanna meet my dog?”

His mouth opens in response, before a toothless smile forms in his features. “I’d like that.”

Kkami’s wiggling body with his wagging tail is the first to greet you when you open the door. You crouch down, arms open so he can jump onto you just the way he likes. “I’m back. I’m sorry to keep you waiting all this time.”

“Come in, come in.” You urge Hyunjin to get in, resuming your standing position so you can close the door behind him. “You can keep your shoes on if you’d like.”

He refuses, immediately taking them off before crouching down to greet the long-haired Chihuahua. They get along right away, Kkami constantly tapping his paw on Hyunjin’s knees to get his attention.

“I’ll get you something to drink.” You disappear into the kitchen, grabbing him a glass of water before hurriedly returning.

His hand brushes against yours when he reaches to take the glass from you, and you hate how fumbly the simple gesture gets you. It makes you feel like you’re back in high school, helplessly crushing on the boy who’s way out of your league.

“I think he likes you more than me now.” You crouch back down, looking at the way Kkami nudges his head on the side of Hyunjin’s thigh.

“I think he’s just a friendly dog.” He reassures you, though, he can’t help but feel a little pride that your dog immediately warms up to him. He’s always wanted a dog too.

When Kkami starts to give his attention back to you, Hyunjin calls him back. “Come here. There’s food here, can’t you see?”

His false bribery has you laughing.

“Now you’re just lying to my dog.”

He’s unfazed, continuing to lie to your poor dog about the invisible food he has in hand. “I have food for you, come here.”

“Wow, my dog left me and chose you because of your fake food.” You pout when Kkami successfully sits himself on Hyunjin’s lap, barking in glee when the boy rubs the back of his ears.

He sets the empty glass on a table nearby, careful not to drop it with Kkami still on him, gaze falling on the ring around your finger when you take it so it’s safe in your kitchen sink.

“Your ring is really pretty.” His compliment is genuine, and you can’t help but smile as you look down at the metal band your mother had given you, the one you started wearing since your brother called.

“My mom gave it to me. It has the number 220 engraved on it, apparently for bravery.”

“Suits you very well then.”

“I was really afraid when I first moved here, you know. I had no idea what I was doing. I thought I’d fallen into defeat.”

You recall your uncertainty when you had left everything you’d ever known in the city, following the heartbeat in the town of Angok.

“Men are not created with defeat in mind. We may fall at times, but we’re never defeated.”

“That’s a good line.”

“I stole it from a book.” He says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. “Wanna know something cool?”

You nodded your head, sitting with your legs crossed on the floor in front of him.

“Your ring has the number 220, right? Well, back in college, I used to play sports. My jersey number was 284.” You don’t know where he’s going with this, but you listen anyway.

“They’re both amicable numbers. The sum of factors of 220 is 284, and the sum of the facts of 284 is 220.” He says with a smile, hands smoothing down your chihuahua’s fur. “These numbers are linked together by some fate, like your ring and my jersey.”

Hyunjin is a quiet surprise, sputtering about amicable numbers and mathematics to you. It’s almost endearing, how he had found something between the two of you and connected it to something he knows.

Your ring and his jersey. Amicable numbers.

There is so much to Hyunjin, so much you still don’t know and want to learn.

“That is pretty cool.” You think back about it in your head, how rare these numbers are, and how they found themselves to the both of you. Maybe knowing Hyunjin has always been written in the stars, and maybe you’ll know him in every lifetime after this one.

At the same time, Hyunjin is grinning to himself. He’d always thought love was far off, but it looks like it’s been in front of him this whole time, smiling back at him. He knows what he’s feeling, this overwhelming warmth, and he knows it’s real now more than ever.

In this moment, there is nothing else but you, him and Kkami and the knowledge that he’s falling in love with you. Right here, right now, all he sees are your eyes and your smile and the way your hands are brushing as you lean down to scratch Kkami’s ears.

Hyunjin feels like his heart is about to burst, and he has to clear his throat and put Kkami down in some poor excuse of needing to get home. He has to before he does something he might regret. The tides of the waves are pulling at him to make a move on you, and he’s afraid he might never make it to shore at the sheer overwhelmingness of his feelings for you. Could it be possible that you made a move instead?

“I think I have to get going now.” He whispers, and you nod your head, moving to stand up when he does. “Thanks for coming to meet Kkami. You should say goodbye to Hyunjin. Say thank you for visiting! Goodbye!”

You move Kkami’s paw to imitate waving.

“Goodbye!” His smile is wide as he bends down to wave back at your dog, taking small steps backwards until he’s by your door.

“I’ll write up a story about the lady we interviewed and send it to you.” You mention, fumbling with the knob to open it for him.

“Sure.” When you don’t make a move to say anything else, he turns his back to start walking away.

“By the way…” Hyunjin immediately turns back around, both hopeful and hesitant at what you have to say to him. His eyes hold yours, waiting for you to continue. “Are you free—“

“Good evening!” Chan’s booming voice interrupts what you were able to say. “Sorry it took me so long. I’m here to help you with the water leakage?”

You’d almost forgotten. You had called Chan earlier this morning to ask if he could help you fix up the issue with your sink.

“No, it’s okay. Hi, good evening.”

“Weren’t you about to say something?” He asks, and you suddenly feel too shy to ask if he wanted to hangout with you soon. The Little Mermaid live action was coming out soon, and you’d been excited to check it out. You thought, maybe it would be fun to watch it with him.

“Ah, it’s nothing.” An unidentifiable emotion flickers in Hyunjin’s features when you suddenly double back on what you were supposed to say—of dejection? You can’t say for sure, especially when a small smile returns to his face and he’s waving goodbye at you one last time.

“Chan, come in.” In your head, you’re still bruising yourself over cowardly backing down from asking Hyunjin to eat dinner with you tomorrow, hopefully with just you two this time.

Your water leakage problem doesn’t take too many steps, but it does need a few tools that only Chan has. When he finishes, you tell him to sit down a little, finding something to offer him for fixing up what had been broken under your sink.

“What’s going on between you and Hyunjin?” It catches you off guard, the unfiltered way he suddenly asks the question with obvious teasing dripping down his tone.

“Nothing.” You say too quickly, shaking your head.

“I was kidding. You don’t have to tell me.”

“Aren’t you gonna pry?” You’re not used to anyone not prying. Back in the city, you barely could keep anything a secret. Always forced. Always fidgety with the way they ask you questions, only to use that information against you later.

“No. As long as you’re happy, and both of you don’t get yourself hurt.”

His considerateness is breathtaking, and it almost has you tearing up the way he treats you better than your own brother. Chan doesn’t need to hug you for you to feel safe, he just has to smile and look at you with his eyes round of warmth.

He feels familiar, like… family. You think this is what family should feel like.

“Thank you, Chan.” You breathe, and he breathes with you. He reminds you he’s only one call away, and your heart feels like it’s being stripped until it’s bare.

This is family. Chan is family.

And Hyunjin quite possibly is love.

nine.

The epiphany you had posed to yourself the night before proved to be almost as difficult as the one you had when you had left the city. Inevitable, but that doesn’t mean it scared you less. Uncertainties often make you feel vulnerable, and what is love but a thread of uncertainties waiting to be untangled?

You can’t focus in your little rented space, the four corners tend to look smaller and smaller when you’ve trapped yourself long enough in your head. It’s terrifying, to feel the walls closing in on you. So, you might as well take Kkami out on a walk where you aren’t encased in liminal space.

The breeze outside is the kind that takes all the weight off your chest, leaving you to start anew in your train of thoughts. When you try to find the beginning of when you had started to see Hyunjin differently, you lose the thread and find yourself empty-handed. No one has told you how difficult it is to tend to the knotted spool of love.

Was it in his kindness which he showed in the smallest ways, barely noticeable but there when you look close enough? He doesn’t smile in large amplified ways, but the way he looks at you with intention leaves such an impact.

Everything he does—on purpose and by choice and intentionally. From the way he constantly checks on you, and the umbrella he had offered, and the patience that never seems to run thin. He smiles and talks to you by choice, and he gets to know your dog intentionally. You’re enamored with the entirety of Hyunjin, with the way he’s passionate about his job, and the gentle way in which he helps those around him whether that’s driving Seungmin to Seoul or treating Jeongin to dinner. He’s beautiful as he listens, as he shows that he will always listen.

It’s a lot to handle, and it’s a huge epiphany to admit to yourself, so you walk without destination. Nature and the beauties of Angok, you find, can take your mind off of anything. Just like that day you had escaped the city.

There are birds singing from the trees, accompanying the wind with their tunes as they whistle. The breeze carries it everywhere, the sound of their whistling, the crashing of the waves bathing the seashore. Had you really existed in a time before you’d known the salt of the ocean breeze and the sun shining the entire village with a glow?

Everything is beautiful here. There’s nothing that isn’t with the flurry of color bursting in the town of Angok, with the gentle chatter of generations of people who live there, with Hyunjin’s back walking a little ahead of you.

“Hyunjin?”

Maybe you don’t really care about the multitude of ways you can unravel the knotted spool. Maybe the only thing that matters is this moment with him, and every other moment with him.

He turns around immediately at the recognition of your voice, lifting a hand up to wave at you before greeting Kkami. You shoot him a smile, speeding up a little to catch up with him as he stands planted on his spot. Kkami runs faster than you do, already barking by Hyunjin’s feet and jumping up to get the boy’s attention.

There is no overthinking in the way he smiles back at you so easily. No thread to think about.

“Hi.” His gaze never falters from yours, even as noises stir around from a distance.

“Hello. I was just walking Kkami.”

“If we’re going the same way, why don’t we walk together?” He offers.

“Okay.”

A heartbeat passes.

“By the way, what are you doing out here? You know… instead of being in the library.” You ask inquisitively, not used to seeing him outside so early in the day.

“Seungmin’s been a bit anxious over the next part of his exams, so I went to buy him some food. It always calms him down.”

It’s only then you realize the bag of food he’s holding, and the sight only melts your heart further.

“You’re a really good friend.”

“I just do good upon others as I wish the same for myself.” How lovely, how he wants to make the world so painfully beautiful that people want to live in it.

“Well, the world isn't as cold and gloomy because of you.” You smile, and Hyunjin can’t help the way his words jumble up in his mouth at the kindness you utter. He’s wordless, all tangled in longing and flustered-ness.

You make him feel like he can hold sunlight in his hands.

“I’ll be going this way now.” A point in the opposite, and Hyunjin can only frown in disappointment of your time cut short.

“Take care.” He says, standing his ground as he watches you and Kkami start to walk away from him.

Static is zipping through the air, louder than ever. Hyunjin’s fiddling with the straps of his pants, contemplating and contemplating and contemplating—

“(Name)!” The sound of your name on Hyunjin’s lips makes your head instantly turn back.

“Yes?”

Hyunjin’s fumbling with everything he’s ever known, eyes falling to his own hands before back to yours.

“By any chance, are you going to have dinner—“ Hyunjin pauses. No, that doesn’t sound right. “I mean, are you busy tonight?”

“I’m not.”

A knowing smile on both your faces.

“Would you like to have dinner with me?”

“I’d like that a lot.”

The thread is long gone.

ten.

Hyunjin has a profound ability of surprising you every time. He’s almost unpredictable in his kindness—showing up when you’re drunk, refilling your plate with meat, and now handing you a bag of dog toys for Kkami.

“I thought he might like this.”

“Oh, thank you.” You take the bag gratefully, smiling at the selection of chew toys inside before looking back up at the boy. “I haven’t gotten him anything nice, so thank you, really.”

“I also have this for you.” He brings out more shyly this time—a necklace beaded in shells. You look down at it, the necklace. No one’s given you anything in a long time. “You always have this look on your face when you look at the beach. So, it just… reminded me of you.”

You lift it up carefully, almost feather-like as you stare at the simple necklace.

“Hyunjin.” The way he’s looking at you is so powerful, yet so vulnerable at the same time, eyes tinging in hope that you’d like the little present he had gotten you. It’s a look you can feel inside. “Thank you.”

He helps you wear it when you attempt to wrap it around your neck yourself. Wordless, you don’t have to say anything as he gently closes it to encase it around your neck.

“Do you like it?” There it is again. That vulnerability.

“I love it.” You smile, hand lifting to fiddle with the necklace. “I’m never taking it off.”

Hyunjin’s eyes soften, features glowing under the streetlights as you finally resume your walk to where you’ll be eating dinner together.

He had called himself out multiple times as he was pondering over whether to buy it for you or not the moment he sees it, telling himself he was too obvious with the way he feels for you, and yet the thought of the sincerity in your face when you receive it overpowers the voice in his head. He finds himself getting it for you. He was always gonna get it for you the moment he saw the necklace.

“Then, do you want some chicken and beer?” Hyunjin asks as you reach a crossroad, multiple intersections splitting the road into separate parts of the village.

“Chicken and beer?”

“Mhm. Last night, I was actually gonna ask if you wanted chicken and beef before Seungmin tagged along.”

“Oh?” You smile at the thought. “That sounds good actually. Wait, let me search a place up.”

You barely even unlock your phone when Hyunjin starts speaking again.

“Well, if we go that way,” he motions to the first intersection. “There’s a really old place that sells amazing fried chicken. And there’s a place down that way where the interior is nice and spacious, but the chicken doesn’t taste as good.”

“And down that way,” he continues, pointing towards the other intersection. “There’s a place with outdoor tables known for its refreshing beer.”

“You’ve really done your research.” You grin, fiddling with the phone in your hands as you look at Hyunjin who has his shyly behind his back after he has finished speaking.

“Yeah.” He exhales, smile still on his face. “Just in case.

Just in case he got enough courage to ask you out is the continuation of his sentence, though he chooses to omit it for now.

“I…” You ponder, recounting the options in your head before forming a number 3 with your fingers. “Choose number three. Beer tends to vary more in taste than chicken.”

“I see.” He nods his head, taking your words in as he thinks about the numerous times fried chicken had tasted the same to him. “Well then, let’s go that way?”

A silver of the moon shines on the two of you as you settle down the table, arriving 10 minutes after you had pondered over your choices at the intersection. The night breeze is pleasant, blowing in between the two of you until your stomachs are full from the food.

“This is so refreshing.” You praise after having taken a chug out of your beer, leaning your head back to savor the taste longer. “Whoever thought of eating chicken and beer together is a genius.”

He listens, hanging on to every single word you say as he takes a bite out of his own piece. The sight has him wondering if you were free tomorrow too.

Similarly, you’re thinking if you should try to invite him to watch Little Mermaid with you again.

“Are you also busy tomorrow?” His sudden question has your cheeks heating up despite the cold of the breeze and the beer.

“Why? Do you wanna see a movie?” It comes out fast, blurted, speeding from your mouth.

“A movie?”

Oh, shit. You didn’t even realize how you’d suddenly sprung up the topic on him without so much as an introduction.

“What I meant was… there’s just this movie I really wanted to see, and I think it’s out in theaters already.” You laugh a little at your own slip up, hoping to have clarified it better.

The sound makes Hyunjin’s smile widen.

“I see.” He takes a sip out of his own beer.

It’s silent for a while. A second blending into a minute, until you decide you can’t take it any longer.”

“Do you want to come with—“

“Should we watch—“

You make eye contact the moment you speak over one another, and it’s enough to trigger the laughter that’s bubbling in your throats at the sheer coincidence of asking each other out at the same time.

“Only if it’s okay with you.” He says once the pair of you stop giggling, tone significantly softer..

Always putting your comfort at the top priority.

“I’d actually really like that.”

It’s all smiles as you pay for your meal, and you don’t quite notice the slow pace in which the two of you are walking home, as if never wanting the moment to end. As if the great sense of contentment is too much to let go of right away.

Your footsteps fall in with Hyunjin’s, and your smiles never leave your faces on the rest of your way home.

eleven.

Hyunjin spends two days in Seoul to accompany Seungmin as he finishes up the final stages of his Civil Licensure exam.

The first day away from the library is spent just at home, cleaning and finishing up on chores you’ve been meaning to do—putting away your clothes after doing laundry, feeding Kkami, sweeping the floors, and even dusting some shelves because of the abundance of free time. It’s therapeutic, the way you’re able to hold your own time and decide what you want to do for the day. In the afternoon, you walk your chihuahua outside, exploring more of Angok than you could’ve dreamed. It’s a beautiful village, and you find you don’t mind the lengthy walk. If it means you get to be with nature leisurely, you don’t have anything to complain about.

There’s so much time for happiness here, unlike the dark of your room in the city.

When you pass by the library the next day to continue mapping out Angok, you’re surprised to see the hunched over figure of Felix by the benches. You wonder what he’s doing here.

“Felix?” You speak cautiously, tentative even as you walk to his side.

The closer you get, the more you hear his sniffles. An alarm sounds in your head, and you immediately reach a hand over to rub his back as gently as possible. “What’s wrong?”

The words he mumbles are unclear, incoherent as they come out jumbled and stuttered. When he finally lifts his head up, the sight physically hurts you. Who could dare hurt the sun?

You move some of his hair out of his face, sitting down next to him. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Instead of answering, he lunges forward, jumping in your arms to seek comfort in your hug. It catches you by surprise, not because you’re uncomfortable, but because it’s only now you realize how long you’ve gone without a hug. You didn’t grow up from an affectionate family, and your time in the city knew of no comfort. This feels far better than pressing your back against your bed.

Snapping from the initial shock, you wrap your arms around him and pull him closer which only seems to let him release a louder sob. It seems he really needed this.

“I just don’t want to disappoint anyone.” His words are deep and choked, head still buried on your shoulder as he soaks up the shirt you’re wearing.

“You could never disappoint anyone.” You run a hand through his hair, the other hand running smooth circles on his back.

You don’t know how long you hold him like this, but after a while, his tears finally subside and he moves to pull away from the embrace. “I’m sorry about your shirt.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” Reaching out, you swipe away the tears on his wet cheeks, smiling softly. You’re relieved when you see him return the gesture. It seems he doesn’t want to talk about what happened, but you find that it’s okay. He likes that you just listen without demanding him to tell you everything.

“Wanna go eat something at Minho’s? My treat.” You whisper, afraid to startle the poor boy, and his eyes seem to brighten at the suggestion.

“Would that really be okay?”

“Of course. Come on.” You walk with him to Minho’s little restaurant, making small conversation about anything he wants to talk about. If it means he’ll forget about whatever hurt him, you appease any topic that spills from his mouth.

“Ah, good afternoon (Name), Felix.” Minho waves when you enter his space, and you wave back at the boy.

He finally knows your name.

The ten minutes it takes to wait for the food is apparently the same time it takes for Jisung and Chan to stumble into the restaurant and greet the two of you loudly. They drop at where you’re seated, adjacent from you and Felix as they ask you questions of how you’re doing and what you two were up to.

You’re keen to stay as Felix’s emotional support, looking at him first before answering the two boys. It seems he feels way better now, in the presence of people he considers home.

“Look what I have.” Jisung brings out another tupperware from his bag, opening it up to reveal some cupcakes his mom had probably baked again. He excitedly takes one for each of you, babbling about how he can’t finish it all himself or else he’ll suffer from high blood pressure. “I’m glad I bumped into you guys. My mom’s been going crazy with the baking.”

“Felix likes baking too, right?” You turn to the boy next to you, and he nods his head as he recalls the conversation you had earlier on the way here.

“I’ve been trying to make some brownies.” He’s proud as he speaks, hands moving animatedly as he explains to them the process. The three of you listen carefully, immediately demanding him to bake some for you guys to which Felix says he will in his free time.

“Jeongin’s on his way.” Chan nudges Jisung who suddenly stands from his seat. He grabs a cupcake from the container, and you think he’s about to give it to the younger boy when suddenly, the icing crashes on the unsuspecting Jeongin’s nose.

“Are you nuts, Jisung?!” He exclaims, peeling the cupcake away from his icing-stained face.

“That’s what you get for rejecting my kisses.” Jisung smirks mischievously, though it’s quickly wiped off when Jeongin swiftly grabs a chunk of the icing and slaps it on the older boy’s cheek.

Minho’s voice is booming as he says, “Hey, don’t get the floors dirty!”, though there seems to be a hint of fondness on his features as he watches everything unfold before him.

“Oh my god.” With a hand covering your mouth, you can’t help the giggles from spewing it as Felix snorts from beside you.

“Come here, let’s wipe it off.” You get up from your seat, guiding Jeongin to the seat next to yours as you grab a pack of tissues from your bag, moving to wipe the smeared icing from his nose, cheeks, and eyes.

“What about me?” Jisung pouts, and Chan all but laughs as he pulls the boy down to start doing the same thing.

“Are you guys okay?” Felix’s voice is way steadier now, more than it was earlier, and it even holds laughter in it. Your heartbeat calms down at knowing he must feel better. At least this moment can take away what pained him, even for a few hours.

“You have a death wish, Han Jisung.”

“Not the government name.”

Though, Jisung only laughs at the threats spilling from Jeongin’s lips, proud of his work.

When Minho brings the food, Jisung successfully pulls him down to eat with all of you. It’s polarizing how you used to hate meal times, used to hate thinking about what to eat, or the fact that you’d be eating alone. Now, with laughter roaring from your table, you find yourself excited.

People are calling out for you to eat.

You spend hours there, listening to their stories. Before you know it, night dawns upon you, and Felix offers to walk you home.

“(Name)?”

“Hm?” You turn your head to look at Felix who’s already looking at you with a smile on his face.

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything, though.” You laugh, and Felix shakes his head as he maintains unwavering eye contact.

“Thanks to you, I feel happier now.” There’s a toothless grin on his face, though, it’s threatening to grow even wider by the second.

He genuinely looks happy.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Felix’s words stay stuck in your mind even as you lay down to sleep. For a brief moment, you were able to make him happier. You don’t think you’ve ever felt more accomplished than this very moment. There are no words to describe how beautiful the feeling is of being the cause of someone’s smile.

The rest of the night is spent thinking, and it’s only when your phone buzzes is it interrupted.

hyunjin (10:48pm): hi, are you asleep? i hope i’m not bothering you

yn (10:49pm): hello! not asleep yet :) you’re not bothering me at all

hyunjin (10:51pm): seungmin’s exams ran longer than i thought

yn (10:51pm): tell him i said hi !!

hyunjin (10:52pm): is texting a bother? do your wrists hurt when you type?

yn (10:52pm): just a little

He calls you suddenly, and it’s enough for your heart to jump straight out of your chest. Pressing the phone to your ear, you finally speak. “Hello?”

“I hope your wrists don’t hurt anymore.” You can hear the mumble of cars honking in the background, but his words tune them out.

“I guess this will do.”

Hyunjin pauses for a moment, allowing himself the moment to soak up the warmth of your voice and how two days is far too long to be away from your sweet voice.

“It’s nice to hear your voice.”

You swallow hard, shutting your eyes as you bring the phone away a little to let out a suppressed scream. You feel like a schoolgirl, kicking your feet and giggling over his words.

Calming yourself down, you reply, “But, don’t you have to sleep now?”

“Hmm, not yet.“

“Well, what do you wanna talk about?”

“Everything. I wanna know everything about you.” He breathes from his end of the line, running a hand through his hair.

You can hear the sincerity from his voice even if you can’t see him.

“Oh.” You murmur. There’s a blush playing on your cheeks. How is he able to make you feel everything all at once?

The conversation lasts almost 2 hours, until he has to let you go so you can sleep before the clock strikes one in the morning. He feels slightly terrible for keeping you up, but he’s selfish in that it doesn’t bother him that much. Hyunjin missed you, missed the lull of your voice, and he’s happy to have heard it before going to sleep.

“I’ll see you tomorrow? For the movie?”

“Okay. See you.”

You can almost see him, open-mouthed smiles as he speaks. It’s always so evident in his voice when he does.

“Goodnight.”

“Sleep well.”

Hyunjin drifts off to sleep, and it’s the best one he’s had since yesterday.

twelve.

You tug at the dress you’re wearing as you wait outside the theater building. It’s a simple sleeveless white dress that goes down just above your knees, yet you’re still a little nervous whether you’re underdressed or overdressed. Your hair is down as it always is, a little messed up from the wind, and you had worn lip gloss after Kkami had barked once when you’d asked him.

It’s a simple theater for a simple date. You’re not even sure if you could call it a date, yet you were both ecstatic to finally watch the movie and to watch it with Hyunjin.

Smoothening down the creases of your dress that aren’t even there, you finally catch sight of Hyunjin from afar. He looks so handsome with his white sweater and denim pants, hair tucked behind his ears as he wears a pretty-boy-but-is-unaware smile.

Aphrodite’s son.

He’s waving at you, cheeks flushed in a warmth you fail to see as you try to suppress your own grin.

His knee-jerking reaction to you is open-mouthed staring, eyes moving from your eyes to your lips to your hair to your dress all in the span of a second.

Hyunjin isn’t as relaxed as he thought he was. He had prepared himself to see you again after two days, prepared to watch a movie with you and possibly brush hands as you reach for the popcorn, though he wasn’t quite prepared for the white dress you’re wearing. His brain short circuits, and he’s malfunctioning.

“Shall we head inside?”

He’s not able to respond right away. You’re pretty, and he’s nervous, and you’re pretty, and his palms are sweating, and you’re pretty, and words are failing him, and you’re pretty, and you’re shifting your weight back and forth, and you’re so pretty.

“(Name).” Hyunjin’s finally able to say. “You look beautiful."

You look up at him and he looks away. You can only blush in response as you thank him, fiddling with the necklace you’re wearing.

“I’m wearing this by the way.” If Hyunjin thought he couldn’t smile even more, he was wrong, especially peering down at the necklace he had gifted you. The one you’re wearing.

It was nearly seven o'clock when you finished watching the movie. You’re still excited over seeing one of your favorite Disney princess’s on the big screen, but you’re starting to feel a little tired.

The crowded bus was too much for the both of you, so you decide to walk back together. Thirty minutes might sound like a long walk, but Hyunjin begs to differ if it meant being separated from you at the end of it.

Thirty minutes is way too short to walk with you.

“The movie was fun.” He breaks the silence, and you nod your head in agreement with a huge smile on your face. You can still picture Ariel in your head, yet what stuck out most to you was the panicked way Hyunjin had been when he first walked in before completely relaxing when he was seated next to you.

“Hyunjin.”

“Yes?”

“You seemed like you’ve never been to a theater before.”

“It is my first time.” He looks down at his feet, a small grin tugging on his lips at how he’ll forever be able to hold the memory of watching a movie for the first time in theaters.

Especially when it was with you.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“That’s amazing.” It comes out as a whisper, genuinely shocked that Hyunjin hadn’t bothered coming into theaters at all. There’s so much to him, and you want to learn them all.

“Why don’t we kill some time by playing 21 questions?”

“Okay.” He replies a little too quickly for his liking. He can’t hide his eagerness at getting to know you and everything about you. Like that phone call last night.

“Okay.” You repeat, smiling while nodding your head as you think of a question to ask. “Hmm, what’s your favorite fruit?”

“Apples are my favorite.”

“Wow, you answered so quickly.” A quiet chuckle escapes his lips at the realization. Though, you should’ve made the connection when he had mentioned apples back when you had offered him some ice cream.

“Mine are strawberries!” You point excitedly at the black crochet bag you always carry with you, a big strawberry in the middle.

“Strawberries.” He keeps in mind, looking back at you as you keep talking, asking him one question after the other.

You are so lovely, Hyunjin thinks. The sort of person puts a smile on everyone’s face when you walk into the room. The way you quietly speak and the humble way in which you treat everyone has Hyunjin thinking that you must be unaware of how much of an impact you actually have on the people around you.

Seungmin is thankful for you, admiring your hard work. Hyunjin has caught him rereading the article you had written multiple times, praise leaving his lips when he thinks no one can hear.

Chan sees you as a little sister, so fond of you in such a short amount of time. He thinks he’d do anything to keep that smile on your face.

Felix thinks of flowers when he sees you.

“Oh, the moon looks so pretty tonight.” You suddenly mention, staring wondrously at the bright moon and the way the stars litter the sky.

“Do you wanna sit down for a moment?”

“Can we?” The excitement in your voice is hard to miss as Hyunjin guides you over to sit on a block situated at the side of the street. It’s the perfect spot, offering you a view of the sea and the pretty night sky.

You close your eyes to listen to the waves crashing clearer, to feel the breeze better, to smell the salty scent of the sea.

Your thoughts drift everywhere; to your escape from the city to the first time you met Hyunjin and the way he hadn’t spoken a single word to you. It’s always been at the back of your head, but you never so much as spared it any time to resurface. Though, now was probably the perfect time to ask him about it.

“Can I ask one more question?”

“Of course.”

“When we first met, why did you not talk to me?”

Hyunjin thinks back at the time, almost letting out a small laugh in embarrassment when he remembers the way he had greeted you with nothing but silence. It was only a matter of time before you’d ask him.

“Actually…” He looks down at his hands, carefully folded on his lap. “I have trouble talking to strangers.”

“Does that mean you feel comfortable around me now?” Oh, his stomach doesn’t feel so great at the way you’re looking at him right now. He has never felt such violent butterflies in his stomach.

“Yeah.” Blink and you miss it, the way his eyes flicker to your lips before frisking them away to stare at the moon instead.

You stretch your legs out, swaying them back and forth as you lull your head back to stare at the vastness of the sky. The waves and your subtle breathing are the only sounds that accompany the stillness with Hyunjin.

How long had that same peace transferred from the library to the boy seated beside you?

This moment feels nice, though, it seems to only be a catalyst at making you realize how real your feelings are. Hyunjin really is starting to feel like love.

He looks at you as you’re too busy staring at the little things nature had sent to keep you two company.

“When I’m with you, it’s nice that I don’t have to talk so much.” You say suddenly.

His eyes never once leave you as you speak, and it only has his heart beating faster when he realizes that the look in your eyes is something so similar to the way he looks at you. It’s the same one he gives you when you don’t notice him looking at you. The stripped back and bare softness he shows even when he doesn’t try to.

“It’s the opposite for me.” He speaks with a smile that he doesn’t even notice has grown brighter and brighter. “When I’m with you, I tend to talk more.”

Lovestruck is the only word to describe the way his words slip out of his mouth, and no level of words can possibly describe the softness in his eyes.

“Ever since I was young, talking to someone… always felt like a burden to me. It’s never felt that way with you.”

The way you’re looking at him only encourages him to speak more—your naturally dusted cheeks, gentleness swimming in your eyes, and the wind blowing through your hair. How can you sit there and be so unaware of how beautiful you are?

“This is a little selfish of me but…” Midway through his sentence, he breathes out a little. As if to help him in saying what’s burning on the tip of his tongue. “I hope you don’t leave.”

You lean forward to hear him better.

“When you first came to the library to make a membership card, when we spent the afternoon repairing books, when I took you home when you were completely wasted… when we had ice cream together on the library bench, when we went to interview the old lady together, and when you let me meet Kkami the night we had dinner together…”

What was happiness before he knew what your smile looked like and what your voice sounds like? Hyunjin’s voice gradually softens with each memory he recounts.

“I was happy. I’m truly happy that you came to Angok.”

There's a stifling silence on the other end, as you process his words.

You never stood a chance. You were gone the moment you had set eyes on him, when you had accidentally caused a small commotion in Angok’s public library. You had signed over your heart the second he had uttered his first words to you—“you’re hello again.”

His eyes flicker from yours down to your lips, and there’s a hitch in your breath as you breathe in. It feels as though your heart could explode at any moment.

Hyunjin reaches out to brush a hand against your cheek, tentative as he draws himself closer to you. His hand is warm against the night breeze, and you find yourself leaning against him unconsciously.

“So I really hope you don’t leave.” He whispers, and you breathe at the overwhelming sincerity.

His eyes drop back down to your lips, face hovering over yours. Almost hesitant. It’s like he’s waiting for you to make a move, waiting for you to show you won’t leave. You push your lips in his, and he’s still for a second, as if unable to believe you’re kissing him at this very moment.

When he’s finally able to recover, he keeps a hand cupped on your cheek while the other travels around your waist. He holds you against him tightly, but his lips couldn’t be any more gentle as they move against yours. It’s soft, unmoving even. Your heart flutters when his lips chase after yours after you pull away for a second to catch your breath, and you’re kissing again.

Again and again and again until all you can think about is him. You had always been afraid of seeing the city in his eyes and feeling it in his lips, but you never did.

His eyes struggle to stay open when you push your foreheads together, finally breaking away from the kiss. There’s a small smile on his mouth, the one he always wears with you, and the look of fondness in his eyes.

“I’m not gonna leave.”

A shooting star spears through the dark. You both wish to stay like this forever.

thirteen.

A few days after your silent confession, Seungmin passes the Civil Licensure exam.

The boy had apparently been trying to hide his success from Hyunjin, yet was unsuccessful when he forgot he had given Hyunjin the log-in credentials to the site when he thought he’d be too nervous to view it himself.

So, you and Hyunjin plan a surprise celebration.

If Seungmin hadn’t been so caught up in trying to hide the secret you had already known about, maybe he would’ve noticed the way Hyunjin disappears from the library sometimes only to reappear, and the way you’ve been on your phone way more often than you normally are.

Getting Seungmin to the rooftop of Chan’s home was easier than you had expected. For someone who asks a lot of questions, Seungmin had simply stared at Hyunjin suspiciously when he had suddenly expressed the urge to watch the night’s constellations at Chan’s roof. Yet, feeling like he owed the boy for driving and staying with him in Seoul, he complies.

The surprise had taken a while to plan, yet everyone was willing to help after hearing the news. Everyone sits on the roof to wait, antsy when they hear Seungmin’s blabbermouth complain about accompanying Seungmin as he gets on the stairs. You all see Hyunjin first, who’s subtly pointing at his back to signal that Seungmin was coming in hot.

When he finally emerges from the steps, all of you jump in a chorus of “Surprise!”

There’s a small tarpaulin with Seungmin’s name and a congratulations tied between two makeshift posts, and the boy hides his face in embarrassment when he spots a poorly photoshopped picture of him on the side of the printed paper.

“It’s nice to celebrate this good news with everyone.” Hyunjin says, and while Seungmin’s continuing to blabber about in mock irritation, all of you know he’s grateful by the way he looks at how the rooftop is decorated in awe. Fairy lights are hung around like additional stars, and everyone has bright smiles on their faces as they all go in to wish the boy their individual congratulations.

“Congratulations on making it to Seoul!” Chan’s voice is booming as he hugs the boy. While Seungmin naturally recoils from any form of skinship, he finds himself returning most of the hugs given to him.

“Make sure you eat a lot.” Minho smiles as he looks proudly at the food he had brought, all set on the table as he prepares to cook some beef to serve as all of you eat.

“Thank you for the food!”

“Is it good?” Minho’s grilling meat on the side, continuing to prepare food as everyone around him eats satisfyingly. Sometimes, Jeongin would get up from his seat to feed Minho a piece to make sure he was eating too.

“It’s so juicy.” Changbin exclaims in pure ecstasy, and Chan can only laugh at his exaggerated response. “Your beef always tastes good, Minho.”

Jeongin’s walking around with a platter of cooked beef to serve for everyone, like he does at Minho’s restaurant. Lovely chatter echoes from the roof, laughter prominent as Jisung is on fire with his jokes. All the while, Seungmin is roasting the poor boy.

“This is the good stuff. Look at the marbling on this meat.” Minho boasts as he sets down the final platter on the table, taking a seat next to Jisung as he finally starts digging in. “Jeongin, come and eat.”

“This is so good.” Your mouth drops after you swallow the piece of beef you had grabbed. Minho just laughs fondly at the praise as he keeps eating.

As your eyes travel around everyone on the table, you can’t help but think of something your mom used to tell you — a home isn't always the house we live in. it's also in the people we choose to surround ourselves with.

Home is the gleeful playing of instruments from Jisung and Changbin, it’s baked in an oven and served fresh as brownies from Felix, it’s grateful smiles from Seungmin, it’s Chan trampled with fondness, it’s the grilled beef Minho is cooking, it’s Kkami barking in happiness as Jeongin plays with him, it’s the hand holding yours and the gentle smile on Hyunjin’s lips as he urges you to eat more.

“Oh, before I forget. I have something for you.” Said boy brings you back to reality, and he pulls out a magazine in his hand, smiling widely as he looks down at it then at you expectantly.

“What is it?” You take it from him, flipping through the pages.

“Youth of Angok. It was released yesterday.”

“No way!” You look for the article you wrote, skimming through the pages before smiling at the photo of the old lady you had taken. “Wait, hold on. Don’t tell me you read it already.”

“No, I haven’t read it yet.” Hyunjin has a fair share of tells when he lies. One of them is in the way he can’t look at you, like the way he’s avoiding your eyes right now. “It was great by the way. You write so well.”

You laugh, giggles blending with Jisung’s music. “Thank you.”

Changbin’s booming voice interrupts all the ongoing conversations, abruptly getting up as he grabs a box he had hidden to the side. “I have a surprise now that we’re all full. Sponsored by Seo’s convenience store, you’re welcome.”

He hands each one of you with sparklers, and it’s absolutely beautiful when he lights them up and pushes everyone to get up and dance to Jisung’s guitar accompaniment as the fireworks glow from everyone’s hold. Like everyone is capable of holding fire in their hands.

Music from your childhood plays in your head, the same one you never thought you’d hear again as Hyunjin tugs on your hand to pull you to where everyone is dancing, a sparkler on the hand that isn’t intertwined together.

“This is so pretty!” Felix exclaims, waving it around as the lights spring out of the stick in his hand. Jeongin’s carrying Kkami now, dancing with him in his arms.

“I’ve never done this before.” Felix looks to you with so much happiness radiating off of him, dancing around as he stares at his sparkler fireworks.

“Me neither.” You reply with the same excitement, looking to see Hyunjin already looking at you with a smile on his face. Pure, unadulterated happiness.

You thought about what happiness is.

You’ve looked it up in a dictionary once—it is a state of being pleased, fulfilled, and content in life. You think that definition is too long.

Happiness. The state of being sufficient.

Happiness. This moment right now.

Hyunjin’s arm snakes around you, pulling you closer to him as the wind flows between all of you, whisking your hair and ruffling your clothes up as happy singing falls in your ears.

“Hi.” He whispers, caressing your waist. It makes goosebumps erupt, and you know what he’s about to do as he presses a short kiss on your lips.

Sometimes, there doesn’t have to be thunderstorms. There’s no need for the sticky swarm of office workers, or the silence of dinners. You don’t have to think of the city. Sometimes, love is tucked away in a little town you least expect to find it. Sometimes, there is time to make happiness. And sometimes, family can be regained.

Your life is sufficient.

You’ll live this life.