Turn On Those Sad Songs

Turn On Those Sad Songs

Elton got it right didn't he? As many artists who did and do help us get through those tough times. I've got an upcoming week that is one of those bittersweet scenarios that life presents and then I'm turning on those sad songs and letting the memories wash over me like a wave. The eyes may sting a bit, but that is how I know I'm alive.

Before I attend to my nonfictional life, I'm going to queue up some lighter fare on the TASM blog and later I suspect the angst will pour out like a cathartic thunderstorm that grows the grass green and leaves the sky blue. Life isn't always wonderful but it's a wonderful life.

Agree! I don't reblog everything, but I do try to comment below a post if I like but don't reblog. Since my usage isn't daily, it can take awhile to get caught up with those that I follow that post more often. As a novice user I've appreciated those that have provided insight to how things work and the etiquette surrounding this platform.

tumblr just introduced a reblog graph. I sure hope this compels people to use the site it was meant to be: reblog people's posts!!

The graph basically shows you how far a post has gone, how much traction it has gained, and this is all through reblogs. So people better learn to use tumblr properly and share people's posts, so we can have better engagement on her. It's literally social media, and I'm very tired of the tiktokification of tumblr where people just leave likes which are just a private bookmark. Tumblr thrives on reblogs and the new graphs prove it, so please: just reblog things that you enjoy.

Life and art go hand in hand...

ANDREW GARFIELD at the Zegna Fashion Show.

Image source: NBC

Image: (Earth) NASA

The Pale Blue Dot

Last month, the news that Daisy Edgar Jones and Andrew Garfield had signed on to film the Carl Sagan/Ann Druyan biopic, Voyagers, was met with no small amount of happiness in our household. Not because we are fans of the two actors (we are, they are brilliant, talented, and kind people) but because we are especially fond of the duo they will be playing.

I cannot recall the first time I read the excerpt/essay written about the photo taken from Voyager 1 but it has held a spot in my heart ever since. If you haven't been exposed to Carl Sagan or Ann Druyan's works (both written and visual) check them out. Pale Blue Dot is the title of the work that contains that essay. It is powerful stuff.

Here is an excerpt, the piece written about the second photo included above. It is copyrighted so I will limit it to just the very briefest of mentions:

"Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives." --Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot 1994.

If you'd like to read the complete essay here is a link but check the book out if you haven't done so. (Shameless library plug here)

I know that Andrew Garfield and Daisy Edgar Jones will bring us their best, that is what they do as professionals. May we, as Carl Sagan urged, deal kindly with each other in the meantime as we await the effort of their work.

The Planetary Society

A Pale Blue Dot

Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us.

Bonded: Chapter One

A/N: This is my first time dabbling in the Star Wars Universe so I would like to add a couple of notes regarding my choices for this story. It is not canon to actual Star Wars events (as in do not expect a Kylo Ren death). Also, I am fully aware that some of the main plot points are not canon to Star Wars lore and the real stories. This is also posted on my AO3 account under the same username. I hope you all enjoy this and please let me know what you think!

Summary: Being from a royal family from the small planet of Bar'leth should have been enough of a clue to what type of future you could expect to lead. One identical to your parents. Get married, have a couple of children, and then rule with one another. Where does love fit into this all? Arranged marriages are the normalcy in your world, but what was not a normalcy was when that marriage was to the Supreme Leader of the First Order, Kylo Ren. Your entire world gets turned upside once you become the Empress, but will your hopes and dreams of true love be squashed with this arrangement? Perhaps the presence of the force in your life has other plans for you.

Word Count: 6.3K+

Chapter Two

Very rarely are there things that can be a universal experience amongst a general group of individuals. Typically, most do not dream of the same things as others, but this one event is something that some, if not most, do. A wedding day.

The most joyous day of your life, most would expect. A blur of memories filled with a dress tailored exactly to you, decorations filling every nook and cranny of the selected space, surrounded by those most special in your life. Most importantly, the person whom you love most in the entire galaxy, standing there, waiting to start the rest of your lives together.

A universal experience. For most, anyways. 

Despite knowing that this was just a fantasy to you, it didn’t take the sting away from the realization of it being exactly that. A fantasy. Something that would never happen to you or in your world in general. 

Filled with false hope that one day, that dream would come true. Yet, here you were, awoken from said dream, crushed to a final understanding that your life was about to change. For better or worse you were still uncertain, but change was on the horizon.

Just like the sun you were watching rise over the mountain top from your balcony. Peeking over the horizon to welcome another day. A day you had been dreading and fearful of since you had been told. The arrangement had been made only some weeks prior. 

Of course, it should have been expected. Those in your position were never given the opportunity to go out into the galaxy and select the person you were certain you would be in love with for the remainder of your days. Another choice ripped away from you, stamped for you, not a care about you and your thoughts on it.

A heartbreaking, soul crushing reality you had been too numb to face. Unable to sleep for days leading up to his arrival. A showcase of unity across the galaxy was the goal here. The entire purpose of your bond to this man. 

A man you had never seen or spoken to before in your life. A match made in the heavens according to your mother, father, and brother. What more could your small planet of Bar’leth ask for? Their princess was going to marry the Supreme Leader of the First Order. 

Celebrations had been planned and you watched from afar as many citizens rose with the sun and began their preparations for this wondrous and joyous day. Was it joyous? It was your duty. Your responsibility. 

To put up a front to the entire galaxy that the First Order was on a mission to bring peace to all planets. A glimmer of hope was being birthed today. Your peaceful planet that had roots back to ancient traces you couldn’t even begin to track if you dedicated your days to it. The perfect match.

Situated in the Core Worlds, inhabited by lovers of the arts and education, most with family ties dating back as far as your own. A distinguished university in which you were a proud graduate of was the crown jewel of your planet. People and species coming from across the span of the vast galaxy to attend and gain an education unmatched elsewhere. 

A chance to strengthen relationships that most planets had never fathomed would even be a possibility, yours included. Because of you, this was the opportunity presented. A bond creating this all. Today.

It was what you had been trained for since you were a child. To be a diplomatic functioning member of this society to be given a chance at getting your planet's name spread for all to hear. When your father, King Erix, had been requested for a special meeting with the highest officials of the Order, not much thought was given to it.

A regularity for your father and brother, Prince Azra, as he trained to inherit the throne. What was not expected was for a deal to be made that same day between the two governing bodies for your hand.

The agreement was signed that evening. 

While you could admit that this was a serious opportunity for your people, you couldn’t help but feel defeated. You at least had hoped you would have set eyes on your future husband before your wedding day. 

Optimistic indeed. 

An early riser you always were. It was one of the only solitary moments you were granted as a royal. Giving you a moment to breathe and think on your own. Something you would never take for granted as there was always somebody by your side. 

Your pocket of peace was disrupted by the deafening sound of ships entering the atmosphere. For what, you were hoping they wouldn’t follow through. A silly hope you knew was slim, but it slipped away the moment they entered your eye line. 

Only seconds later were your chamber doors thrown open and a slew of people entered. You didn’t startle, expecting them to have arrived any minute. “Princess, your morning tea. We must begin preparations immediately. Your mother is on her way and should be here momentarily with your gown for presentation.”

Nodding at your lady in waiting’s rushed words, her formality dropped as she set the tray down on the outdoor table. “How are you feeling, dove?” A sigh escaped your lips after sipping the scalding liquid, eyes roving over the ginger’s porcelain like features.

“Fine.” You could tell as she cocked her head at you she didn’t buy it for a second. Your warm hand enclosed around her cold one, softening your features. “Truly, Tamsyn. I’m fine.” Only a brief nod, your mother’s chirpy voice bounced off the walls.

The heavy gown tossed onto your made bed, her bright eyes took in your figure as it sat in the iron chair. “My darling dove is getting married today.” Seeing her eyes sparkle as tears welled, you stood and approached her.

She pulled you into a tight embrace, a kiss on your head. “Okay, we need to begin. Your presentation is in only two hours time. They have already arrived and are being shown the plans for the ceremony and celebration.” Being ushered into the vanity chair, you sat patiently, staring at your reflection as they made a miracle happen on you.

As the final lace was adjusted on your gown, Tamsyn squatted, placing your feet in the matching slippers. She smoothed down a pleat on the dress as she stood back up, giving you a final once over. Tamsyn, while only slightly older than you, had been the closest thing to a best friend your entire life. 

Having been your lady in waiting since you had turned thirteen, your mother was the one to claim it was of the utmost importance to have at least one of your ladies be relatively close to your age. You two bonded almost immediately and hadn’t spent a day apart since. 

Once she had become of age, she took over as your main lady and began training the others as they came and went. She was the only one accompanying you on this new journey to which you were eternally grateful for.

She was giving up everything to go with you. Leaving her family, friends, her entire life. Claiming she would never let you depart on your own. It had been a relief despite the guilt that pummeled you whenever you thought about it too much. Tamsyn placated your worries, stating this was her duty and she was proud to be your lady, but most importantly your friend and confidant. 

The wedding wasn’t for hours, supposed to occur later that evening, but the most important part of the day was about to occur. Trailing behind your mother, father, and brother, you entered the drawing room, attempting to steady your breathing.

Chatter that filled the room stilled as you four entered. Eyes quickly scanning the figures, you saw a group of men, possibly five or six First Order generals and officials standing on the opposite side of the room in their uniforms. 

The man in front was older, but unlike his comrades had a small smile on his features. “King Erix, Queen Gaia, Prince Azra, what a pleasure to see you all once more and on such a happy day, yes?”

Your father spoke up first. “General Waylan, how wonderful to see you. I believe I speak for our entire planet as well as the galaxy when I say the pleasure is all ours.” Not able to see him any longer as you stood, anxiously awaiting your acknowledgement, you tried to still the shake in your hands. 

Hearing a clap, who you now knew as General Waylan spoke. “Well, wonderful then. May we see the princess?” Just as you had all practiced for hours the night before, your parents parted, giving you enough space to step forward. 

A small smile gracing your lips as your chin tilted ever so slightly up. General Waylan was entirely white, his beard and hair matching, but perfectly trimmed. His gray suit was fitted to him perfectly. Despite being in what you assumed was his sixties, his skin had few wrinkles. The only give away being the crows feet around his eyes. His dark blue eyes bordered on gray. Quite a handsome man. 

His hands enclosed around one of yours as he gave a bright smile. “Princess, what a pleasure to finally meet you. Your family was quite right about your beauty. We are overjoyed to welcome you to the First Order. General Raj, if you would please?” He released your hands, your smile never faltering as the man he addressed made a quick walk around you entirely. 

A small nod in General Waylan’s direction and his smile grew once more. “Fantastic! We shall see you all in the hall this evening for the union of the princess and Supreme Leader.” An audible breath of relief escaped your mother as the First Order officials filed out of the room. 

Unlike Waylan, the others never showed an ounce of emotion. Not in their eyes, faces stoic, entirely motionless. It sent a chill down your spine. Turning, your father was beaming. He pulled you into a small embrace. “You did wonderful, dove. Now, you need to go get prepared for this evening. Azra and I have paperwork to attend to in regards to the wedding. Your mother will go with you, I assume?” 

She quickly nodded in response. “Yes, we do not have nearly enough time to get you fully ready.” You eyed her. “What do you mean? Don’t I just have to change?” She laughed loudly at you, before pushing you towards the door.

“If only, dear. If only.” 

If anyone understood the importance of this union, it was you. For star's sake, you had studied diplomatic alliances and treaties the entirety of your education. It was the area you were most well versed in which is why you were selected in the first place.

What you did not understand was why this had to be so massive of a production. The halls were overflowing with workers hustling around trying to ensure everything was perfect. Your mother was swept away every opportunity they could grab her. You weren’t sure you had seen anyone for longer than ten minutes the entire day.

With the clock ticking closer and closer, your chamber doors burst open. There stood the event coordinators. One from Bar’leth and one from the Order. Both out of breath and visibly nervous. Your mother eyed them expectantly. When neither spoke up, your mothers irritation peaked.

“What is the matter? Why do you burst into the chambers in such a way?” They exchanged a nervous glance before your coordinator spoke up. “We-we have news Your Highness.” Eyes narrowing in their direction, you hissed as another pin entered your hair and scraped your scalp.

The Order’s planner clutched their data pad closer to their chest. “The Supreme Leader arrived only minutes ago and upon his arrival there has been a change of plans.” Worry filled the room, bordering on panic. “He has requested a private ceremony with no one in attendance apart from the royal family and the Order’s officials.”

Confusion filled you and you spoke up before your mother had the chance, turning in your seat to fully face them. “That’s preposterous. The entire purpose of this is to be done publicly with the people in attendance. Why would he want a private ceremony? Will he attend the celebration following the ceremony?”

Another nervous glance shared, a shifting of feet, causing your jaw to set. “It is unclear at this time, princess.” Whipping around to look at your mother, you could tell she was unsure how to proceed, but in only a second she snapped out of it.

“No bother. If that is what the Supreme Leader has requested then we will be compliant. We can only hope he chooses to attend the celebration.” Shaking your head and going to speak again, she shot you a look of warning, telling you to keep your mouth shut.

Facing back towards the vanity mirror, you sat in angry silence as they finished getting you ready for your wedding. It was the oddest thing you had ever experienced. You did not walk down the aisle, only ushered in by your father from a side door that you didn't even know was in the grand hall.

The pews that were supposed to be filled by hundreds of people, sat empty, but decorated nonetheless. Eyes closing momentarily, you breathed in the sickly sweet scent of the thousands of florals that overflowed in the room. Only the first two pews were taken. One by your family, the other by the First Order. Your soon to be husband not there at all.

Unsure of what you were supposed to be doing, you looked to your mother for guidance, but she seemed as perplexed by this just as much as yourself. Shifting awkwardly to the side, the officiant finally looked up to see you had entered the room.

Standing there, he smiled warmly at you, beckoning you over. It was eerily silent, no music, no chatter, nothing. It was roughly five minutes drenched in the quiet before a sound finally happened. When the doors opened at the end of the hall, it caused you to jump in surprise. A large man stalked forward at a hurried pace to reach where you stood. 

As he grew closer, the larger he became. Dressed in all black, his garb was floor length, long sleeved, a belt in the middle, boots, gloves, and oddly a helmet with a cowl draped over it. Not a word was spoken as he stood next to you, grabbing the pen that sat on the tabletop next to the certificate, signing it.

Not sparing a glance in your direction, he turned and left just as quickly as he had appeared. No vows exchanged, no first kiss, nothing. Not a sliver of skin visible on him. Entirely hidden by his clothing choice. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but this was far from any possibility that crossed your mind. 

Nervous and unsure of what to do next, you turned and looked at your parents. Father making a signature motion, your trembling hand picked up the same pen, signing your name and looking at the officiant. “Congratulations, you are officially married.”

Brow furrowing, you spoke up for the first time. “No vows?” He shook his head, that stupid faux smile still on his oddly thin lips. “No, vows do not need to be exchanged for this to still be a legally binding service. Again, I offer my sincerest congratulations.” With that, he stepped off the altar and walked from the room.

In a single blink, you turned around and looked at the nine attendees, but what you were not expecting was what happened next. “Congratulations, Empress.” Your father spoke, leading the others in a bow of respect to you. Your mouth went dry, throat closing, hands bunching into fists.

You had just become Empress of the First Order by way of marriage and you hadn’t uttered a single word the entire time. What you had missed was the simple black band sitting on the table that your mother grabbed and placed in your palm.

“What is this?” You inquired, feeling the cool object against your skin. “That is your wedding band.” General Waylan chimed in, a smile still in place on his features. A small oh escaped you, slipping the band on your finger yourself, an instantaneous weight dropped onto your shoulders.

Still holding to the tradition of your people, in an hour after the ceremony had transpired, or whatever that had been, you two were to step out onto the palace’s front balcony and greet the citizens who were thrilled about the union.

The room was buzzing with excitement, everyone getting in the correct order for which they were to file out. Standing next to the massive man, you didn’t look at him, your meek voice hardly audible. “I must take your arm.” 

He visibly stiffened. As the announcement was made to the gathered crowd, he had yet to offer his arm for you. The double doors opened and the group began moving forward. You spoke again, more hurried and snippy than before. “I must take your arm.”

His elbow popped from his side begrudgingly. 

A deep breath expanded your lungs as you slipped your arm through his, the First Order officials the first to step onto the balcony, your family following, and lastly the newly betrothed couple. 

He was hard as a rock as your hand rested on his forearm. The fabric surprisingly cool and smooth under your fingers. Standing as close as you were, the smell of leather and a soap of some sort, filled your senses. It was only audible from the close proximity, but small breaths were picked up by the modulator in the mask. Obviously, his jaw was clenched and forcing air through his nose. 

Your mind began to run with thoughts of him. Why was he dressed in such a way? Why does he choose to not show any skin? Does he have undisclosed injuries? Perhaps he’s horribly malformed. You were also betting he was well into his later fifties, possibly around your fathers age. Wonderful. Your new husband was an old man, with extreme deformities, and horribly rude manners. Jackpot. 

Unwavering from his tight stance while still extremely rigid he led you out.

Forcing as large of a smile as you could, you graciously waved to the cheering people below. Easily thousands had gathered in the square to set eyes on you both for the first time as a pair united by marriage. The first front of harmony and peace being presented to the galaxy then and there. 

The officials and your family turned towards you both, clapping and cheering for the newly wed couple. Continuing with the facade for show, you tilted your head back in his direction and offered as genuine of a sincere smile as you could. Watching as his mask tilted in your direction, you knew in there, you were maintaining eye contact with him.

You were the first to break it, turning back to the adoring civilians' cheers and chants, continuing to wave. His helmet did not turn back towards them, still eyeing you. Twitching ever so slightly, a sharp pain hit the front of your forehead. Indication of a massive headache impeding, you tried your best to ignore it.

It was quick after that, him refusing to stand there for longer than a few minutes, but as soon as you were back inside, you withdrew your arm as he dropped his away from you and stalked off. 

Once the doors shut behind your family returning inside, General Raj began rattling off instructions. It was hard to focus, happy you had others there to fully listen to them as your mind was elsewhere. Where in the world could he be running off to? 

There was still a massive celebration planned for that evening that you two needed to be in attendance for. Or so you thought, anyways. It’s how it had always been done. Was he embarrassed to be seen with you? If anything, you could have done much better than him! There were king’s, prince’s, elected officials lined up around the galaxy that would have loved a chance with you. 

Instead, you got a black mass of a being as your husband. Betting on him being a vile creature of some sort instead of the handsome dreamy prince you had always envisioned as your husband. What bullshit.

General Raj gathered your attention back to him. He understood that you hadn’t been listening to a single word he had uttered in the last two minutes, so he kept it simple.

“Empress, you are to be on your shuttle within the next hour. Your belongings are already packed and the final items are being loaded now and will be in transport to the residence momentarily. Welcome to the First Order.” Shaking your head, you stopped him before he could leave. “No, what about the celebration?”

Facing you once more, irritation was present on his face. Knowing he had given you the explanation of that just before, you didn’t care that you were making him repeat it. After all, you were his boss now. “The Supreme Leader has stated he will not be in attendance and requested you be on your way to the Supremacy as soon as possible.” He bowed before turning and following in the direction of where the others had just gone. 

Turning to your mother, her face couldn’t mask the pain and disappointment. “It's alright, dove. I’m sure they are going to have a massive event upon your arrival. Now, come on, we need to get you ready to go.” You knew there would be no event waiting for you. 

Hustling back to your room, you wanted nothing more than to get out of this dress, and wait for this wretched day to be over. Fighting back tears as you practically ran to your room, when you arrived you saw it stripped down to nearly the bare bones. Everything was gone.

All of your memories from childhood and your time spent on the planet you loved most had disappeared in just the few hours you had been gone. Your garments to change into were laid out on your bedding, Tamsyn turning to see you flustered as she went over the list she had in her hands for the last time. 

“Dove?” Immediately throwing yourself into her grasp, she hugged you tightly as you sobbed. Everything as you knew it was over and done with. A new life starting from the ground up was waiting for you on a far off ship you had never heard of just fifteen minutes prior. Some stranger who was now your husband refused to even speak to you.

She soothed you, wiping at your tear stained cheeks. “Alright, enough of that. Let’s get you changed, come on, you can tell me all about it on the way.” Refusing to wait until you were on your transport, you recounted the “wedding” to her. You watched as her face twisted every now and then, opting to bite her tongue so as to not make things worse, but you could tell even she was taken aback by how brazen it all had been.

She stated how shocking it was when a random general entered your quarters and demanded it all be packed within the hour. Everyone assumed you would at least stay long enough to enjoy the celebrations, but no. 

Here you were being ushered out of the only place you had called home, unsure when or if you would ever see it again. Only having a brief moment to mutter goodbyes to your family, you could see the worry evident in your mothers eyes.

“Ensure you’ll let me know of your arrival, okay?” Smiling as she cupped your cheeks, you agreed. “Yes, mother.” She nodded, still refusing to let you go. “I love you. I am just a transport away if you need me. I plan to visit soon so I expect private quarters, am I understood?” As she was tugging you into a hug, your brother spoke up. “Mother, she is the Empress of the Order. Let her go and do not give her orders.”

It was a wet laugh that escaped her throat, but as you stepped back, they all made their courteous bows to you. Your father and brother not offering any more than that interaction. Once in the shuttle, you watched as your father placed his arm around your mothers shoulders, seeing her hands clasped tightly against her chest, tears made tracks on her cheeks as she waved. 

The shuttle took off, leaving the palace in a hurried blur, it grew smaller and smaller as you went further and further from your home. Former home. You weren’t sure if you would ever be able to think of another place as home. 

Home was Bar’leth. Where you attended primary school and painted in the university’s courtyards as a child. Where it was common for the galleries and museums to be open late for those to wander through at their own discretion. Where creativity blossomed and those who came here left as a better version of themselves. 

Nowhere else could ever be home.

From what you had learned about the Supremacy you weren’t sure how to feel about it. The largest ship you had ever heard of, floating in the middle of space, a population only consisting of First Order employees you did not know what to expect.

In all honesty, when you tried to research the history and relevance of said ship, there was little to no information. The Order doing a sound job of keeping the information as locked down as possible. Which you understood, it was a massive security issue. The Supreme Leader resided there mostly, or so you hoped, and their top ranking generals and officials. As well as being home to the largest base for them. Now, their Empress was going to be calling this distant thing her home. 

Empress.

A title you weren’t sure what to do with. The significance of it still uncertain. At least until the Supreme Leader made up his mind. He did not frighten you like how most others claimed they feared him. For the time being, you had no sound reason to. You just hoped it remained that way.

Needing to occupy your time in the shuttle and then the ship ride to the Supremacy, you began going through the various documents that had been given to you. Some background information on the expectations placed upon you as well as some knowledge of what you were getting yourself into. 

Tamsyn was in contact with the workers setting up the residence, ensuring everything was going to be nothing short of perfect for your arrival. While you were relieved to know that it was going to be a two day trip to get to your destination, you knew it was there waiting for you. 

Would he be? 

Your thoughts, despite how much you were trying to deter these thoughts, were riddled with him. Never having heard of a ceremony allowed to be legally binding without at least both parties saying ‘I do’, your sadness was dissipating. What was left in its wake was anger. In all honesty, you felt incredibly disrespected.

This had been a day you hoped would be filled with light and love. Not only did you have no idea who he was, what he looked like, or even sounded like, you were robbed of that. Of having a romantic ceremony followed by an evening of fun celebration. He had ruined that.

Simply because he was too high and mighty to indulge in such activities. That was one thing you had never heard about him. Seeing him at any public outing for the Order. Suppose, that is why you were married to him in the first place. Someone else of significant standing being in attendance, if not being the one to host, such things.

No longer were the people frustrated by his lack of appearance, but now overjoyed because you were going to be there. Oh, joy. What a self-centered, prick! While spending all of your time stewing in anger, Tamsyn watched from afar as you continuously shook your head in silence, jaw grinding teeth together, unsure what was going through your mind.

Although, she had a fairly good idea. 

Five meals had come and gone during your journey, and before you knew it you had reached the unknown location of the ship. Tamsyn immediately placed a large coat over your shoulders, letting you know it was going to be brisk.

It had your jaw dropping as you docked inside of the ship. The hanger being one of the largest you had ever set eyes on. An entire fleet of ships and then some were sitting and waiting for use. How much did something like this even cost to construct? Let alone keep staffed? 

Every so often one would depart or another would land. Hundreds if not thousands of troopers, workers, anyone you could think of shuffled through the area. Some were doing maintenance on the ships, others trying to get to another area, your head was on a constant swivel as you followed Tamsyn to wherever she was leading you. 

Not a single person paid you any mind. It was hard to mask the disappointment bubbling within you. Any hopes of a celebration were squashed immediately. It had been like any other day. The only difference being you were now permanently tied to that wretched man.

It was loud in the hangar, but as soon as you left the area, the noise died down significantly. Did they do some kind of sound modification to make that happen? Quite impressive, you thought to yourself. 

You knew you were going to have to be accompanied by someone at all times in order to figure out the floor plan of this place. Far too many turns and doors to go through, you had lost count after the third turn and fifth blaster door.

Arriving after an almost forty minute walk, there stood massive double doors to greet you. A happy face waiting for you as well. “General Waylan, thank you for taking the time to personally seek me out for my arrival.” You stated with a smile, accepting his outstretched hand. 

“Of course, Empress. I wanted to be here to give you the tour of your residence aboard the Supremacy. I hope it will be to your standard. Alas, a bit different from what you are used to, but I think you will adjust quickly.” Offering instructions on the scans that needed to be done for security measures, the doors rescinded into the walls with a loud rush of air. 

You would never get used to that. Honestly, it was dangerous. If your hand had been even just a millimeter from the indentation where the doors rescinded into the wall, your fingers would be cut clean off. You shuddered at the thought. 

Inside, sleek black floors that were polished immaculately shined so well you could see your own reflection. Directly ahead of you was a large living space equipped with a plush couch. To your left, a massive kitchen, a man standing in it with another smaller woman next to him. 

“Empress, may I introduce you to your cook and his assistant. They will be preparing all of your meals. An extra security measure taken by the Order to ensure your safety.” A quick hello was all you managed, truly taken aback by how large this residence was. Multiple hallways breaking off in every direction from the main space.

Not expecting something so expansive, you were almost certain it was larger than your home palace. A private dining hall, many refresher rooms, main chambers, guest chambers, every time you turned a corner there was another room. By the time you had finished, you knew the only rooms that would ever get used were your private office and your personal chambers.

What you did not notice was anyone else's belongings in the home. “General?” He turned at your address, smiling widely. “Yes, Empress?” Still looking around to see if perhaps you had missed something, you finally asked. “Where does the Supreme Leader reside?” 

His brow furrowed. “Beg your pardon?” Waving your hand around at the open rooms. “Which of these does he reside in?” A small chuckle fell under his breath. “I apologize, Empress. I believe you misunderstood. This is your residence. Solely yours.”

Turning and looking at Tamsyn, her face mirrored yours. “He does not reside here?” He shook his head. “No. His own residence is on the other side of the ship, closer to the hangar.” Feeling irritation bubbling within you, your jaw clicked. 

“Let me be clear on this. The Supreme Leader, who is my husband, is to live apart from me? Permanently?” He nodded, confirming your asks. Turning to look at Tamsyn again, her face did nothing to hide her emotion. “I do not understand, General. How will this work?”

He sighed, ushering you towards the couch to sit for a moment. “Supreme Leader Ren has made his intentions clear. He expects you two to live entirely separate lives, Empress. Only a facade for the galaxy, otherwise duties are separate. They do not coincide hardly ever. We apologize that this was not made clear beforehand, but that is his wish. We must follow Kylo’s demands.”

It was the first time you had heard someone use his actual name since the first mention of him all those weeks ago. Kylo Ren. A bitter taste landing on your tongue by just thinking about saying it. 

“Now, you are expected to report for your duties the day after tomorrow. You will be explained about your role by an official on that morning. You will also meet your personal assistant then as well. In the meantime, please get adjusted. Everyone is thrilled you are here and we want to make you feel welcome. If you need anything, please, let me know.” He departed right after. 

What a lie. Everyone was not thrilled you were there. No one even knew who you were! It was obvious that many of the First Order’s people had no indication that this marriage had even taken place. 

Only having a moment to catch your breath, the door opened once more and in walked Tamsyn with two other women with her. When had she even left? “Empress, I am pleased to introduce you to your ladies in waiting. On my left is Calista and on my right is Layana. They will of course be reporting to me and I to you.”

Standing and smiling at the two ladies, you greeted them. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Calista and Layana. Tamsyn has been my lady in waiting since I was only thirteen. I trust we’ll all get along just fine. Thank you.” They said nothing as they bowed and hurried off towards your room. 

Eyes going wide, you collapsed back down on your couch. “I don’t like this, Tam.” She sat next to you, propping her feet up as well. “It’s weird, right? Him living apart from me? No one knowing I was arriving? Us having no interactions? ” Shrugging, she rested her hands on her stomach. 

“I don’t know. I think it’s pretty normal for most arranged marriages, you know? Your parents were not the normal standard. They were lucky, getting to choose like they did.” You sighed, eyes closing tightly. 

Head turning towards your room, you pouted at her. “Can you get a fire going for me? It’s so cold in here.” She stood, immediately going to your room and getting it prepared for the night. As you had been touring the residence, you noticed her wandering eyes, ensuring your belongings were exactly where she had instructed them to be.

Denying dinner as you did not have an appetite, you were ready for bed quicker than normal. Everything was there. Anything and everything you owned had been placed in the quarters exactly like how you had them back at your previous residence. 

Homesick. 

That was the best word to describe how you were feeling. Wanting nothing more than to return back there and get into the bed you had slept in for years, with the same people around you that you knew like the back of your hand, on the same planet that had been your home your entire existence. 

Instead, you were in an unknown place. On a ship you couldn’t begin to fathom the size of, surrounded by people you had never seen or knew of your own existence or purpose, in a bed that was foreign to you, staring out the massive window at some distant stars, wondering where your husband was. 

This was not home. It would never be home. 

You had always dreamed of your wedding day. Wearing the perfect gown, having had a picture perfect ceremony, followed by an evening full of laughter and love. Having said your beautiful vows to the person you loved most. Looking forward to spending the rest of your life with them by your side.

What did that even look like? A fairytale life where you slept next to them every night, talking and laughing about fond times shared. Thinking about what your respective tasks looked like the following day. Possibly thinking about children in the near future. The picture perfect life. 

Yet, here you laid, entirely alone, having no one to talk to until you fell asleep. No one to wake up next to and be happy that their face was the first one you saw every day. Alone. You had never felt so alone. Hot tears escaped your eyes, hand landing over your mouth to stifle your sobs. 

You were living a nightmare. 

Next round of Conversations With Peter Parker will probably be out later this week on my TASM blog (@backupanddoitagain). Working on the second chapter of an angsty piece that has me by the throat, but that one will take awhile...