I'm Trying This Climb. It's A Mountain. Kilimanjaro Like. It's Called Life Though. Been Climbing For

I'm trying this climb. It's a mountain. Kilimanjaro like. It's called life though. Been climbing for a long time. I'm not giving in to the self hate. All the forces working against me in this realm and the unseen, fuck off. I hate cursing, but fuck off for real.

Like want to heal but just can't.

Life is b****** in a half shell I swear it is

via weheartit

Poem: people think I'm selfish and I care for no one else/ truth is I isolate because I'm trying to kill myself/ I just ain't built up the courage think I still love myself/ just a constant tug of war between I me and myself/ emotionally I crumble/ spiritually I fumble/ no lashing out at others/ I continue to stay humble

Second poem of self hate. Don't know why I decided to upload these now while I'm in my state of healing.. maybe it's the troubled me trying to fight for the spotlight even though I've entered a new and more positive phase in my life. I don't know. I'm doing better though. I guess it's just to give people an idea of how I felt and what I was going through. These phones were written while I was away in the mental hospital. Again, I'm not trying to glorify the suffering of Mental Health, I'm just simply displaying how I felt. Sometimes there's nothing greater then simply being understood when you were in a state of mind where you barely understood yourself, but you were trying to express how you felt in the best way you could. I just want to be understood. Like I said I think I'm on an upward hill of healing now and I hope it will remain that way; it's still surprises me to say this but I think if I remain taking the medication it will help me. I was a medication denier for years. Maybe it is helping me. But a part of me wants to say it's just placebo. But I don't really know I haven't been on the medication long enough but.. yeah I feel it's important for me to talk about all this because I don't often get to talk to anybody about it I only write in my journal my thoughts.. my deep thoughts. Sometimes my deep thoughts are overwhelming to other people and they lose interest quick but I have a lot to say. But yeah again I would like it to be known that I'm not glorifying the suffering bad mental health, it is simply how I used to feel as of 3 weeks ago. Prior to me being forced to stay in a mental hospital. Again thanks for listening for those who actually listen and who care it is highly appreciated.