Childhood Can Be Scary.

Childhood can be scary.

A collection of some of my hand-drawn horror looping animations!

When I was 11 years old I found out that most people don't have The Mental Peanut Gallery. Do you know how scary it is to be a little kid and find out that, according to all the kids and adults around you alike, not only is The Peanut Gallery not normal, but The Peanut Gallery is actually a sign that you're broken and crazy, and if you ever tell anyone about The Peanut Gallery then they're going to try and take them away?

It won't matter if you say that you like having The Peanut Gallery. It won't matter if you say that your best friends are in The Peanut Gallery. It won't matter if you say that sometimes you switch places with someone in The Peanut Gallery and if you didn't have them then you'd be so alone. It doesn't matter that if there's no Peanut Gallery then you won't know who you are. According to the people around you, different = crazy, and crazy = needs fixing, and that means your self needs gutting and redoing until it's "right."

But here's a tricky thing about The Peanut Gallery-- they don't shut up. In fact, they resent being told to shut up. They're people too, you know. They have feelings. Thoughts. Opinions. Personalities. Worldviews. Identities. Why should they shut up? They thought everyone was equal and being yourself was OK. Didn't that include them, too?

The answer was no. No, not when you're 11 years old and not ever, said society to The Peanut Gallery. No, when we say it's OK for you to be yourself, we didn't mean you, said the classmate to The Peanut Gallery. No, you're faking, said the social media stranger to The Peanut Gallery. No, you're a disease that needs curing, said the doctor to The Peanut Gallery. No, you're not people, said society to The Peanut Gallery. Shut up and stop existing, said society to The Peanut Gallery.

What happened to The Peanut Gallery? Well, many things. Some of them started to block out their feelings until they could pass for a normal, likable, strong little kid. Some of them were filled with an anger so bright and powerful that it consumed them. Some of them retreated into themselves. Some found solace in helping others, or in escapism. Some of them became anxious wrecks. And still others believed they were monsters and grew bitter. But none of them went away.

Do you know why I say that "the future is plural"?

I say that "the future is plural" because I don't want there ever again to be a scared 11-year-old who wants to die because in their brain lives The Peanut Gallery. I don't want there to be a plural child who cries themselves to sleep because no-one loves them, all of them, ever again. I don't want there to be a plural system that bounces through incorrect diagnoses for 10 years ever again. I don't want a member of a Peanut Gallery to feel guilty for existing ever again.

The future is plural because it must be plural. It needs a place in the future. It needs a place in the future for the 11-year-old that still lives in me and for every other plural out there. Otherwise, what the fuck is the point?

And as for The Peanut Gallery... we're still here, of course. :)

collection of useful things tumblr has taught me:

even if you can't fall asleep, laying down with your eyes closed will still rest your body

you don't have to brush your teeth standing up

you don't have to do any chore standing up, from dishes to showering

you don't have to shower with the lights on

if you can't brush your teeth, flossing and a tongue scraper gets rid of plaque and bad breath

if you can't do that, mouthwash kills a lot of bacteria

eating "unhealthy" food is better than eating no food

you can make the same meal everyday for however long you still want it

some pills come in syrups or chewables if you can't swallow them

kids nutritional shakes can be a quick way to get fuel if you can't eat/don't have time

if walking hurts/exhausts you on a regular basis, canes and rollers are for you, no matter how young you are

we have free will—if doing something "out of the ordinary" makes life easier for you, do it

fat trans men i need y’all to know:

you can get top surgery while fat

you can go on hormones while fat

you can be in a loving relationship while fat

you can pass while fat

you can be worthy of love and respect and space while fat

you can have a respectful relationship with your body while fat

you can be trans while being fat!!!

being fat will not stop you from being trans!!!

i love you!!!

based on this post

Saw an anon somewhere else make a great point and we wanted to elaborate on it:

There should NOT be the hard lines between concepts of traumagenesis and endogenesis that currently exist in the plural community. There's a ton of overlap between the two in reality, and it's a little disconcerting that while "endogenic" is very explicitly an umbrella term, "traumagenic" is constantly considered a singular origin with no leeway, and anything not labeled specifically with that word (EVEN when the definition explains trauma is involved) is thrown under "endo" by medicalists & anti-endos.

Have people not come around to the understanding that "traumagenic" is also an umbrella term? That there are many, many ways for a system to be traumagenic, and sometimes those ways entangle inseparably from other origins? Has no thought gone to the autigenic-identifying system whose plurality came from masking trauma? To the soulbonder that connected with their companion out of desperate isolation and pain? If it were not for the manufactured divide claiming "traumagenic" as singular and separate, there would be a wide range of terminology and conceptions to describe the various ways one can be traumagenic, and it'd be a dramatic boon to the traumagenic plural & CDD communities.

Instead, we're severely lacking in a significant point of plural understanding because of the lateral aggression around here, and it's extremely damaging to our progress as a marginalized group attempting to make our voices heard and understood. How can we articulate the way traumagenesis and endogenesis intertwine and contrast if we're too afraid to even look?

The origin binary in the plural community needs to end. If "endogenic" can have many specific origins fall under it then so can "traumagenic".