I Think About This Post On A Regular Basis Lol

I think about this post on a regular basis lol

Sometimes I still look at your art of Martha and Ten with a dodo and it always brightens up my day

:)

Hand in Hand

Pairing: 10th doctor x reader

Song: Mumford and son's- Beloved.

Warnings: Angst then fluff. F bomb is dropped twice. I am absolutely sorry if this makes no sense.

AN: Enjoy!

Fear will take ahold in many ways. That body shaking kinda fear that leaves you feeling drained and exhausted. The one that roots itself deeply into the pit of your stomach. It makes you feel ill and wishing that you were anywhere else.

Then there's the one that makes your blood run cold. The one where your body loses all warmth and makes it feel as if you've been eating cotton balls. It makes your mind run rampant and go blank at the same time.

It's the one where you don't know wether to scream or cry. Maybe you should run? Would that work? Or should you curl up and into a ball and hope that whatever has a deep rooted hold onto your heart will go away.

But that's never the case.

It never goes away.

It's always there at the back of your mind even if the thing your scared of is light-years away and flung deeply into the past.

But. You know.

Time travel and aliens have a way of throwing the wrench into that one.

So. Here you where. At some unknown point in the future. Standing on a foreign planet with your greatest fear standing before you. Behind you. Whispering honeyed words in your ears.

They travel around you. Trail up your sides and tangle within your hair. Trying to poison every crack and crevice they can get ahold of.

So. You fall back onto what you knew as a little kid. Little tricks you learned when having your parents check the closet and under the bed wasn't quite enough.

You close your eyes and pretend that you can't see them.

Because if you can't see them they can't see you.

You try to think of happy thoughts. Puppy's and kittens and

Fuck.

So they can do that know.

It's face was directly in front of yours. Grinning like a mad man set free. Laughter rings in your ears as you open your eyes.

Screaming you fall back.

Happy thoughts happy thoughts.

Fucking happy thoughts!

That's what The Doctor had told you before you got separated.

These beings fed on fear. Thrived in it. And the only way they could get it was by trapping unsuspecting travelers.

They made the planet to look enticing. To draw you in like a siren's song and down you in a sea of gut wrenching terror.

The planet was washed in seas of blue and draped with blankets of deep green. When you land on it the first thing you notice is the sweet smell of flowers. Maybe even the fresh scent of baked bread. The floor was carpeted on the softest moss you could ever hope to see.

It made you feel at home. It drew you in. You wanted to go in deeper. To explore and see more of the beauty it has to offer.

And we fell for it. Both me and the Doctor. He grabbed ahold of my hand and off we went. Seeing new sights I've never seen before. Finding new soft looking animals the Doctor is just now learning of.

The first howl should have sent us back running to the Tardis. And we would have to. If the Doctor hadn't insisted on staying just a touch longer. I'm not blaming him. Lord no. I wanted to see the waterfall to. I trusted that he would keep me safe. So off we went. Hand in hand to see the world as we always did.

Except this time letting go wasn't something we had planned together. The rocks were slick with wet moss. Little pebbles would scatter with every step we took. The bank to the river was a rainbow of colors. The water the deepest shade of blue.

We went towards the water fall that fed the river. It's great roaring sound as it sailed to the ground deafens us the closer we got. Having to shout at one another to be heard.

And down we went. Laughing to one another as we pointed out some great unseen sight. Birds colored with every fiery hue nauture could create. Fish the same scaley green as the oceans back home.

Oh it's was absolutely stunning!

But. All good things must come to an end.

The howling from earlier had gotten louder. Had gotten closer. We could see them in the corners of our eyes. Heads peering over huge boulders as we swiftly made out way back to the Tardis.

My heart pounded deeply with in my chest as a hollowed filling made itself home in the base of my throat. I gripped tightly onto the Doctors hand. He squeezed back just as tightly.

It was him who figured it out first. Of course. He payed attention to how swiftly they moved. Watched as our breathing became erratic and our hearts drummed out a hurried tune.

"Think happy things y/n" He told me. "Tell me about the happiest thing you can remember. Maybe we can call down." So I did. I told him about the time me and my parents went to the coast for the first time. About the way the salty hair clung to every inch of skin. The way the briney air would fill your lungs. About the tide pools I showed my siblings once they came into the world.

And it worked! Both me and him were calm and it was a few more miles back to the Tardis.

Aliens have a way of ruinning things. Remember that if you ever have the chance to travel with this man.

A glob of mud sailed through the air and landed squarely on the Doctors suit jacket. We both spun on heel as another hit the side of my face.

They had us surrounded from the back. Hands filled with mud balls and rocks.

We took of in a blind sprint. Hand in hand as the forest blurred around us. The Doctor lost his footing as the ground suddenly slanted downwards. We lost each other as we tumbled to the bottom of the large hill.

Which led me to where I was now. In pain. Dazed and confused with monsters surrounding me.

One shuffled closer to me. Snuffling it's way around my neck and into my ear. I breathed in deeply trying to distance myself away. Trying to think clearly.

Trying to think about what the Doctor would tell me.

Help me figure out on my own.

With every ounce of strength I had I pushed the creature back. Yelling and screaming.

"You have no power over me!" I whirled around in my spot. Hair whipping wildly as tears welled up behind my lashes.

"Do you hear me! You'll starve with me here! You are just and insignificant little aspect of my life!" The creatures sunk back. On tried to bravely run towards me. I grabbed a broken branch and waved wildly at it. Breaking the branch in two as it came into contact with a burley arm.

"You don't scare me! The demons I face within my own head have told me scarier lies than you could ever hope to whisper." I walked towards the shrinking group hot tears spilling down my face.

"Don't you see! There are scarier things in this universe. And believe me I've seen them all. But you. Your just the monster under the bed. No one's going to remember you." My chest heaved as I breathed in deeply. The monsters shrunk and skittered away. Leaving me alone in the middle of the woods with nothing but my thoughts for company.

I dropped the branch that was still clutched within my grasp. Tears spilled thickly down the sides of my face. My nose ran an my head began to throb in tune with my rapidly beating heart.

I folded in on myself wrapping my arms around my stomach. I gasped for air as my legs trembled before giving out.

I was alone.

Oh God I was alone.

"Y/N!" I jerked up and off of the ground at the sound of my name. The Doctor was sprinting towards me. His suit jacket torn and dirty a deep purple bruise cradled the side of his face.

"Doctor!" We clashed against one another trembling as we pulled each other as close as we could. The Doctor's hand rested against the back of my head his long fingers weaving through my hair. I grabbed fistfulls of tattered fabric while resting my head against his chest.

"It's ok." He whispered. "We're safe now. They're gone." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head swaying side to side. I sniffled and wiped away still falling tears.

"Are you okay?" It came out in a ragged whisper. The Doctor smiled softly. His deep brown eyes shimmering with unshed tears. He pressed another kiss to my forehead and grabbed ahold of my hand.

"I'll be okay when once we get into the Tardis and away from this planet." We began the slow trek forward. His hand held mine tightly and deep down I knew that he needed this more than I did.

I looked down when the ground suddenly felt a little more wet and a lite more squishy.

"Y/n?" He turned to look at me one brow curved towards the sky.

"I... I lost my shoe." We met each other's gaze and burst out laughing heads resting on each other's shoulders. Hands held together in a gentle embrace.

We began laughing even harder when the Tardis whirred a little ways away from us.

Hand in hand we would take on the world. Heaven forbid we were one without the other.

A piece of me. A part of you.

Pairing: The Doctor x reader

Reader type: Gender neutral

Song: Roslyn- Bon Iver

Warnings: N/A

An: It has been a hot minute lol. I'm thinking about doing a mini series of various one shots with a specific type of reader in mind. This is mostly just a quick idea of sorts to figure it out. I'll be tagging all of these ones, if I do it, as readerreader until I figure out a better name lol. Anyways enjoy this one! Any feedback is welcome!

"Just because you are soft doesn't mean you are not a force. Honey and wildfire are both the color gold."

- Victoria Erickson, Edge of Wonder: Notes from the Wildness of Being (via woodlandfawn)

"Are you mad at me?" You asked. Your voice wavered. Spoke the pain you felt.

"Mad?" The Doctor asked softly. Held you closer in his arms. "Why would I be?" He trailed off. Pulled your hand into his. "Y/n." A whisper. Your name is uttered in such soft reverence.

"Please Doctor." You sounded meek. Tired. God so tired. "Tell me." You look up. Your damp cheek still pressed to his chest. "Please."

He brought your hand to his lips. Layed a kiss on broken and bloody knuckles. His jaw clenched. His eyes soft as he looked at you. "Never. Not of this."

.

.

.

He held a lifetime of sorrow. Carried it in a body hewn of ancient stone. Drowned in a pain beyond your comprehension. The Doctor has faced beings claiming God has spoken to death and was spared her hallowed curse. Yet he came out the victor. The lone man in a blue box condemned to live out a life loss and ruin.

There are times you catch a glimpse of him. Genuine moments of his joy. Of his love for learning. Such as now. On a cool, crisp day. Breathing in the mountain air of a foreign planet. He speaks to you, almost tripping over his own tongue as he tells you of the planets history. Its people. He tells you of events as if he has lived them. And perhaps he did. Watched as the first mountains formed.

Did he hold his breath as the first green sprout rose from rich soil? Did he know of that tree? Breathed in the air it gave as it towered miles high into the air? The crown of it touching the clouds. Daring to break the atmosphere and touch the stars just as he did.

You say nothing. Hold his hand while he speaks. You look into eyes that have seen both the birth and death of the universe.

If you listen. Catch your breath. You can hear the TARDIS. The cry of alien animals. Although the Doctor would tell you that "You are just as alien to them as they are to you." You smile at the memory that thought brings up. On a far warmer planet that had a sky of deep violet hues.

Your face warms when the Doctor waves a hand in front of you.

"Are you even listening? I am being very clever you know." You chuckle. Slightly embarrassed at being caught lost in your thoughts.

"I am. I promise. I just." You pause. Get lost in the look he gave you. One brow rose and a flicker of a smile on his lips before he looks away.

You would give anything to see yourself through his eyes. To see what he saw in you. To know what he deemed worthy enough to keep you around.

"Come along then." The Doctor pulled you towards a worn foot path. "There's a town nearby that I want to show you. It has the nicest little shops." Slowly he fades out. Eyes following the curve of your profile. Lost in the look of your eyes. A fresh view in the planet he often visited.

Yet you were the first companion he brought here. The first to view this small piece of peace he so desperately clung to. And he showed you as if to say. Here I am layed bare, open. See the part of me that I keep hidden. Please notice the peace. The untainted memory he so desperately held onto.

His own lips copy the curve of your smile. Finding his own happiness at your joy of another alien world. Caught in new sights and smells. He watches as you call out. Greet people unknown to you.

You have grown since you've first met. No longer cold and calloused to the world. Finding your own softness after being walled off for so long.

You nod as you pass yet another. The people of this planet range in brillent hues of blue. Each of them shifting darker in shade as they age. Their "hair" was a tuble like tendrel that they held great care for. They decorated them with jewels and golden clasps. Horns sprouted from the tops of their heads. Curling like a rambs as they grew older. From this was draped a sheer fabric. A religious practice for some. They have four arms. The bottom set wrapped around their torso when not in use.

You nod your head at a passing couple clothed in deep green hues. A child between them skin such a pale blue it was almost white. Your head nods. Eyes closed. The Doctor copied you from by your side.

A polite greeting that they copy in turn. They tell you of festivities being held in town. An important one for them. Something only held every one hundred years.

These people live for centuries. A long life of peace and deep appreciation of the arts and sciences. They yearn and crave knowledge.

The Doctor grins. Laughs and waves goodbye at the family and pulls you further down the path. Through fog covered trees and over a stone bridge. His hand still in yours as you reach the town.

And oh it was stunning. Filled with the laughter of children and foreign food wafting in the air. Sweet and aromatic. Spice intermingling with the pine like scent of the woods.

What you could only call orbs floated high into the hair. Multi colored balls all shades of the rainbow

Children ran past you. The Doctors hand slipping from your own. His gaze follows the children running towards the bridge you just crossed. Their laughter rung. High and bright.

With a hand between your shoulders the Doctor leads you towards various stalls. Having you try different foods. Drinks. Even getting you a trinket or two. Silver bangles on your wrists. A new ear cuff shaped like a dragon from Earth's folk tales. Takes that held some tune of truth to them.

The day blends into the night. Your full. Body satisfied by a different blend of food. Even so you held a warm drink in your hand. The Doctor had lead you to a high hillside above the town. The two of you sat on dewy grass beneath twin moons.

You shivered. Wishing you had brought a warmer jacket. You took a sip of your drink. Sweet and almost chocolaty. It was caffeinated almost like a coffee. You bumped your shoulder against the Doctor who in turn nudged you back. "Why did we come up here again?" You asked. The Doctor smiles.

"They hold a light show. Drape thier bodies in the floating lights you've seen all night. " His voice is soft. Far off in a memory. One you're soon about to make. "They dance. Tell the story of their people. It's a long one. Sad and filled with pain and trauma. But they tell it. Teach their young about their history and just how difficult peace was to achieve." He begins to add more but stops when the dancing begins.

Light waves. Rolls across the town like water on the ocean. Breaking and scattering when it hits the edge of their home.

They dance and sing. So much pain and sorrow held in their story. It calls out to you. Transfixes you. It also speaks of hope. Of faith.

The Doctor says nothing. Watches you as you watch the town. Colors dance across you skin. Flash in your bright eyes. You face is soft. Small minute expressions only he could see. He has seen this a thousand times and will a thousand more. But he thinks. Just this time. He is seeing it for the first time again through you. And it stills his hearts. Warms his chest.

He sees a part of himself in you. A desperate need to learn. To see. And he knows you see yourself in him to. The hurting. The pain. The coldness. Often he wonders how the both of you got along. How the both of you balance each other out.

You got to grow softer. Learn to give a kindest you so desperately fought for. Learn to give it to others so that you to may get it.

The Doctor got to see things in fresh eyes. To relearn the reason why he ran off in that blue box in the first place. He saw a piece of himself in you. And perhaps you part of himself in you.

The thin line between realities.

Pairing: N/A

Characters: Reader. Tenth Doctor. Other doctors mentioned.

Reader type: Gender neutral

Song: Roslyn- Bon Iver & St. Vincent

Warnings: N/A

An: Is this good? Hell if I know lol.

"Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Somethings are to strange and strong to be coincidences."

-Emery Allen

There is a storm outside. It rages and cries out. Light echoed by thunder. Momentarily it lightens your dark room. Brings forth lengthened shadows. It was a melancholy happiness the storm brings.

The dark curtains to your window were drawn back. Letting you look out into the night. Cold air seemed to fall from the window. Washing over your body. Barely held back by the fire in your hearth and the blanket around your shoulders.

You could still taste honey on your lips. The remints of your chamomile tea. There is the smell of wood smoke and lavender. There is the sound of rain in your ears. The crackling of your fireplace and the rumbling of distant thunder.

It is calming. Soothing to your tired soul.

You shift. Mutter a curse as your journal falls from your lap and to the floor. Picking it up the ink filled pages spill open. You flick through them. Fingers ghosting over letters and scribbles of drawings. The majority of the time it is just grocery lists. A snippet of a song you heard that you wanted to search for later. Sometimes its a recipe. Long to be forgotten until you spill open the contents of this well loved journal.

Now it is filled with dreams. Each one you've been having for the past two weeks. Each of them more fantastical than the last. It felt as if though you have lived entire lifetimes in these dreams. Seeming as if days passed as you slumbered in your bed.

The first had been something of your childhood daydreams. Aliens, another planet. You had ran your hands through purple grass and gazed upon bright orange skies. You smelled sweet, almost syrupy air breathed out from silver trees.

Now the man hadn't been there at first. When he showed up it.

It was something between exhilarating and down right terrifying. He wore a different face each time. Some young. Others old. Entirely different personalities. Yet each time you knew. It was him. That it was that strange man and his blue box.

You've never been in that blue box. The Tardis he called it. You chalked it up to your mind not being able to make something semi reasonable. These were only dreams after all. And even you had to admit that your imagination could only go so far. Strange blue aliens and all.

The journal was slowly filling with every detail you could write about these dreams. With it were sketches of him. The Tardis. Sometimes you tried to draw others. The planets they lived on. It often slipped away from you. Leaving you unable to recall the shape of some ones eyes. The slope of their nose. Even whether or not they had two arms of four.

You sometimes spoke of these dreams to others. You were met with laughter. Being told that you should write a book about these dreams. Some said you've always had a fanciful imagination. That your head was always in the clouds.

They were just dreams. Right? It felt real sometimes. His smile. The laugh lines that formed around his eyes. Sometimes you thought you could see the stars in those eyes. That you could behold the entire universe if only you could look long enough.

Thunder roared and you jumped. Pulled away from your thoughts you laugh softly. You stood. Rising away from the warmth of your armchair you went to the window and drew the curtains closed.

With a yawn you stretch. Popping your back as you twist and turn. You glance over to your bed. The pillows and thick duvet on your bed looked inviting. You fed the fire one last time before crawling into bed and curling beneath the covers.

Sleep never came quickly for you. You could lay there for hours tossing and turning before the sandman would come. You tried a lot of things over the years. Every trick and grandmas remedies you could try. You found it best to focus on yourself. Let your body feel the covers around you. Feel the weight of them. You would listen to the ambience of your room. The movement of the night just outside your window.

Then you would focus your mind on just one thing. A movie you watched. A song. A story you wanted to write. Lately it has been that man and his blue box. A constant on your mind. You could see them. Hear them.

One moment you are lost in thought. The next you are opening your eyes to a golden sky.

You give yourself a moment. A small chunk of time. Breathe in salty air. Then sit up. Brush your hands against the ground. Against soft moss. Small white flowers dotted it. Smelling of something sweet and marshmallow like every time it was disturbed.

You look out onto the horizon of a vast ocean. Waves rose and crashed against a cliff face. Mist brushed your skin.

You stood wiping your hands against your thighs. The air was cool. Raising goosebumps against your skin. It moved your hair. The fabric of your clothes. It smelled of the sea and something akin to pine. Reminding you of home.

Unlike home, twin moons hung in the sky. Hues of silver splashed against a purpling sky as the sun began to rise.

With a grin you spun on the spot. Drinking in everything this planet had to offer.

These dreams. You loved these dreams.

There was little to do but explore. Still in awe as you found small tide pools. Strange little creature filling them. And out there in that too large ocean was something like the blue whales of Earth but so much larger. They called, cried out their music as they rose and fell with the waves.

No two dreams, no two places were alike.

Well. There was that one time you visited the same dream. Like you had picked up where you had left off on a movie. He had been ecstatic. Dragging you off to one of the small shops and getting you the sweetest pastry you ever had. It was both strawberry and vanilla with a hint of something close to almonds.

The look on his face had been a proud one when you bit into it. You were sure you had looked like a little kid eating cake for the first time. It felt like it. And you were damned if you couldn't find a recipe similar to it. Failed attempt after failed attempt left you with a cupcake tin you would never be able to clean.

You walked on a stick in hand. You swung it about like it was a sword. Lost in some childlike part of you as you fought of alien pirates and saved the day.

You stilled as you heard a familiar sound. The only way you could describe this sound is like air gliding against itself. And there was only one thing it could come from. One thing. One person. You could never forget.

A grin so big it hurt your cheeks graced your face. You wonder who it could be this time. The old Scotsman? The one with the leather jacket and slightly to big ears? Maybe it would be the bowtie and fez? He was always high energy and ready to go. You also swore that fez was glued to his head. He often left you feeling more tired than when you had fallen asleep.

The air seemed to split when the Tardis appeared. When she finally showed through it was with the smell of too sweet marshmallow as the white flowers where broke.

Then he stepped out from behind the blue door. You laughed. Called out.

Sandshoes.

"Ah! Fancy seeing you here!" He had a grin on his face that rivaled you own. The end of his coat whipped around his legs with the breeze. "Hello Doctor." You spoke with a smile.

He said a word you didn't understand. It carried away in the wind. Brown eyes looked over the landscape. Drank it in. Then landed on you.

"Sorry?" You ask. He laughs.

"Ahh. Don't worry about it. Alright?" He pulls out his sonic, something you wouldn't really understand, and waves at the air around you. You shrug, chalk it up to him being weird again, and pull him towards the ocean.

The two of you do very little. Speak about past events. It feels weird to catch up with a dream. How your mind could make up so much about a person that was not even real. Even though he felt real. His body heat leaching through his clothes and to you from where your shoulders were pressed together. You could smell something spiced and warm. Whatever cologne he may where.

It. It was strange.

You gasped as a large silver fish leaped up into the air. The light catching its scales and lighting up every color and hue of the rainbow.

You could see the Doctor from the corner of you eye. Watching you rather than the fish. Studying you like he often does. And mostly when he thinks that you're not paying attention. And hey, in your defense the fish was really cool.

As the day fades into the night the two of you travel back to the cliff you first woke up on. The two of you sit side by side. Shoulder to shoulder and drape your legs over the cliffs edge.

Slowly the sun dips into the sea. With a flash of red the sky lights up. Hues of colors that just beg for an artists brush. You drink it in. Etch every last moment of it to your memory.

Still you are in awe as the first stars begin to appear. Dotting along a darkening purple sky. Cool air brushes over you. Steals the breath from your lungs. Your teeth chatter when you shiver. The Doctor says nothing. Drapes his coat over your shoulders. Tucks your arms into the sleeves.

You laugh softly. Almost melancholic when you say. "You know. For a dream? They always seem so realistic." You look up. The Doctor still had a hold on the color of the coat. You catch his eyes with your own. His face, though soft, held a sadness. Like pulling forth memories of a lost loved one.

"After all this time. You still think this is a dream?" He spoke quietly. Mumbling as his hand fall. He pulls out the sonic. Fiddles with it. You tilt your head. Pull the coat tighter around you.

"Well. Yes?" More of a question than an answer. "I mean. Alien planets, a blue phone box that can materialize out of thin air and travel where ever. " You chuckle. "Sound's more like a cheesy sci-fi movie to me." You bump your shoulder against his. "Besides . All this only happens after I fall asleep." You lean on the world after. Emphasizing it.

"After you fall asleep?" The Doctor repeats your words. "After. Of course!" He springs up and pulls you to your feet. You laugh as he all but drags you towards the Tardis.

You would never get over this part. The inside of the Tardis. She seems to sing when you enter. You give your a joyful hello. Run you hands along guardrails and walls. You spin and turn. Ever happy to return to her. She's stunning. Beautiful. And every other word under the sun that would never do her justice.

You let the Doctor run about and mutter to himself. Turning knobs and dials. He speaks to her. Tells her to hush. Wait. Repeat that. He turns to you. Strides over and closes the space between you. His hands cradle your jaw. He looks over you intensely. Turns your head side to side.

"What do you do when you go back? How do you wake up?" You shrug.

"I don't know? I kinda just. Go back to sleep? Close my eyes?" You laugh. "Tap my heels three times and say there's no place like home." You get a chuckle from that.

"Well I need you to do that. Ok? I need you to do that and." He pauses. Pulls something out of the coat pocket that you are still wearing. Its oval like and softly glowing as he turns it about in his hands. He places it into your. closes your hands over it. "I need you to do just that and hold onto this." Gently he presses his lips to the crown of your hairline. "I'm going to find you. There is so much I want to show you."

He pulls away and looks at you pointedly. You just click your heels together. The Tardis lets out a loud sound at that. The Doctor calls back out to her.

As he turns his head you close your eyes. Focus on home. Your bed. Listen for the sound of thunder that you had fallen asleep to.

"Y/n?" His voice. Your name echoes in your ears.

You wake to the sound of rumbling thunder. You sigh. Curl tight against yourself. Your room was cold and dark. Well. You could restart the fire and fix yourself something to drink.

When you sat up something brushed against the bare skin of your thigh. You moved the blankets only to see the very same thing the Doctor had placed into your hands.

You picked it up. Confusion rolled over you. Complete and utter confusion. How? Where you still dreaming? You had to be. You hand to.

It changed hues. Stuttering between blue and green before flashing to a brilliant yellow. You closed your eyes against it it was so bright.

Thunder roared. Lightning cracked and briefly lit your bedroom even through your curtains.

Then that noise. That...

You had never risen from that bed more quickly in your life. Your feet stung as it hit the cold floor. You were shivering and shaking by the time you made it to the widow. The curtains so violently pulled apart they rattled the rails. Your window flew open as it caught the wind.

There. Lightning. The air pulled apart. Again lightning.

The Tardis. Briefly. Your poor garden. Oh your poor garden.

You didn't bother with a coat or shoes. Running out your front door as the sky lit up once again.

The rain fell heavily. Soaking both you and him. The Tardis closed her door quickly.

Tears welled and fell. A gasping breath. This. This can't be real. But you were home. Awake. You. Him. Everything.

"Hello Y/n." The Doctor spoke. A smile on his lips. "Do you mind if we go outside? It's a bit wet out here." A sob broke through your lips as you ran forward. You feet brushed along wet grass. The smell of petrichor was heavy in the air. Overpowered by the smell of spice and warmth as you hug him. Your head cradled into the crook of his neck.

You shiver and shake. The cold biting against your skin. You don't move. Just hold him tightly. And he lets you. His hand moves up and down your back. His body slightly curled over you as if it would keep the wind and rain off of you.

"You're real." You tell him. "Oh you're real." Your voice wavers and breaks.

"I am." The Doctor tells you. "We are."

Eleventh Doctor x insecure/ anxious reader?

🫀REQUESTS ARE OPEN🫀 || Doctor Who-inspired playlist

"Cold feet" - 11th Doctor x Reader

SUMMARY: Funnily enough, after facing death and vicious aliens, it's small talk with strangers that gives you cold feet. Fortunately enough, you found yourself in the company of an expert on running away.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 1.9k

A/N: As an anxious person I cannot be thankful enough for people in my life who casually roll with my anxiety and don't try to "fix" it with cheap advice

"Time Lord to human! Are you listening to me?"

The sudden yelling shook you awake. Only then did you realize you zoned out in the first place, letting Doctor's rushed words brush right by you. You looked at him only to see pure annoyance seeping from his expression. Although you never meant to hurt him, the guilt still gnawed at you.

"Sorry, missed the last bit," you explained yourself as you awkwardly rubbed the back of your neck. "What were you saying?"

Instead of repeating his scientific ramblings which definitely would have been a little too fast and complex for you to understand, he shifted his posture to rest his hands on his hips. You felt as if he had caught you red-handed doing something he had absolutely prohibited you from doing.

"Oi, what's going on with you? It's like you've lost your head."

You absentmindedly shook your head to dismiss his worry. "Yeah, sorry, it's no-"

"Are you in love?"

For a moment you couldn't get any sound to leave your mouth. "What?" It was a bizarre conclusion to jump to. You couldn't tell what on Earth could even get him that idea. "No, it's on-"

"Good for you!" he said as he clapped his hands. "Now, moving on. Focus, eyes on me."

"Look, it's just that I've got a..." you suspended your voice thinking of the right word to use. The Doctor stared at you with wide eyes, clearly awaiting the second part of the sentence. "Thing."

"A thing?" he repeated in confusion. It seemed as if with each of your words he only grew more offended at your misplaced attention.

"Yes, a thing." Out of all the words you could have used, your choice seemed to have fallen on the worst and least exhaustive one. "My friend, Ada, is throwing a party for some of her college friends but apart from me everyone invited is from her course, so she's going to be the only person I know there."

"And that's what you've been thinking about while I was explaining my clever, clever plan?"

The Doctor stared at you with closely knit eyebrows. In some way, he couldn't fathom how a party invitation could be in any way more interesting than him showing off his extraordinary intellect and creativity. Choosing between a college party and aliens should have been a lot easier than it truly was.

"It's not as simple as it sounds, you know?"

"Alright, then tell me." By his hand-flapping and surprisingly undivided attention, you couldn't tell whether he was growing more upset or actually wanted to hear about what was troubling you.

"Honestly, I don't want to go but it's important for Ada. Also, I haven't seen her in ages. On the other hand..." your voice drifted away. Now that you've started this little heart-to-heart, it was pointless to lie to the Doctor - if successful, fooling him wouldn't gain anything anyway. "It's a party full of strangers."

For a moment he stared at you in silence, visibly expecting you to elaborate but truthfully, there wasn't anything more to say. The hypothetical group of strangers, as faceless as they were, was already stressful enough, even without giving them imaginary traits or habits.

"Strangers, right," he said as he clasped his hands. The sound echoed throughout the console room. He looked away for a moment, basking in enlightenment, before looking back at you. "How exactly is that a problem?" he dwelled on the subject. It seemed as if the discomfort of a company of strangers was hardly conceivable.

"You wouldn't get it." You vaguely waved your hand at him in a dismissive manner. Maybe it was unfair towards him but you really couldn't imagine a scenario in which he doesn't throw in a sarcastic comment about your anxiety. "I mean, how could you? Socializing has never been a problem for you."

"How could it be? People, party, cake, dancing. I love dancing! Great times, nothing to be scared of."

"Yes, there is: small talk and thirty people I've never met. And that's only the beginning."

Even the mere mention of that situation made a cold shiver run down your spine. A flutter of anxiety in your chest brought an unpleasant, suffocating sensation. Unconsciously, your face contorted in a grimace.

"You just go up to them and talk, what's hard about that?"

"Everything!" you exclaimed as you made a broad movement with your hands. "It's just... I can't do that. I physically can't make myself go up to a stranger and ask how they're doing, I'd rather hit my head against a wall. I know the theory, the 'walking through a house' metaphor, it's just... I can't force my body to do that. And when I do find myself talking to a stranger, I want it to end immediately. And the silence! Oh God, the silence... Like when you ask them a question, they answer and then the silence. The awkward silence of my anxiety, lack of social skills and being a generally uninteresting person. Just a bit of quiet and everyone knows I'm weird, awkward and-"

"Hey, hey, stop it!" he scolded you in a whiny voice as if you were a child. "Don't say that. You're not awkward or weird, you're brilliant!"

"Thanks, that's nice of you but unfortunately, I am self-aware."

He may have known you for weeks but you've known yourself for decades.

"No, really." He refused to let go. If the Doctor was going to spout cliche pick-me-ups, he appeared exceptionally committed to the meaningless act. "You crossed the universe as it is wide and long. Fought aliens and risked your life because a toddler couldn't sleep at night. Blimey, you told a Sontaran with a bomb bigger than your head to piss off. And it's house party small talk that gives you cold feet?"

Contrary to his presumption, the context didn't give you any comfort or motivation - it only made you feel worse. If you really were as brave as he made it seem, why couldn't you just start a conversation with your friend's guests? By the measure of saving the universe multiple times, you should be more than capable to do so.

"I know it sounds ridiculous and I agree it's stupid but it's not the same. When we're saving worlds it's a mission, a puzzle to solve." You paused for a moment but by your expression, the Doctor could tell there was something else on your mind. "And I've got you," you added.

"Me?" he asked sheepishly. The Doctor vaguely pointed his finger at himself. "What does that have to do with me?"

"You make me a little braver. I mean, you don't look scared even when you are, so it gives me a little push. I feel a little less anxious when I know that you've got my back."

"So what do you do when I'm not there?"

"Bail," you answered with a shrug. Were you really the same person who criticized the fashion choices of an alien with more guns than limbs? "I rarely go but when I do, I just run off around midnight like Cinderella." You made a small pause when you lowered your gaze, avoiding the Doctor's face. "Honestly, it always makes me feel ashamed like I'm making myself miss out on something but it's either that or panicking in the bathroom."

A silence fell between you. The Doctor's typical hand flapping came to a strange halt as he continued to stare at you with an inexplicable expression. He would have agreed on your resemblance to Cinderella, your regent-esque charm and princess-like beauty but there seemed to be a matter more important at hand:

"Has that ever happened?"

His voice was surprisingly quiet, hesitant even as if he didn't want to actually know the answer. Maybe he wasn't sure he was ready for the responsibility the knowledge would bring. The Doctor's words were barely audible over the whirring and wheezing of the TARDIS's engineering.

"Which part?"

"Panicking in the bathroom."

"Yeah," you said quietly. Your gaze fell to the floor. Looking for some kind of comfort, you slowly rubbed your arm. "It was New Year at my friend's, didn't know anyone there except for him. At some point, I just needed to take a break from being around so many people. I sat in the bathroom wearing a silver sequin ballgown and fought back tears. Funny, I probably looked equally pathetic and great. The only thing I could think about was how rubbish I was at just hanging out with people and, you know, being a normal teen at a normal teen party filled with normal teens. I just..." you stopped yourself at the last moment possible. A heavy, defeated sigh left your lips before you continued in a voice barely above a whisper. "I just wish I was a little less anxious."

"You never said anything."

"Why would I? It's not something I'm exactly proud of." You let out a bitter chuckle as you answered him.

Suddenly you found yourself engulfed in a tight hug. The Doctor's arms were tightly wrapped around you, his slow but ragged breath brushing against your neck. Surprised at the unforeseen affection, you hesitantly reciprocated the embrace. The tweed of his jacket was slightly coarse, some strings were coming out of the seams. He always smelled like burnt wires and a second-hand bookshop. At first, that distinct fragrance wasn't exactly pleasant to you but with time it became a beacon of hope, comfort, adventure and a good laugh.

"Oh, you brilliant, clever you," he quietly said in a sad voice.

Then he stepped away from you just as swiftly and surprisingly as he hugged you in the first place. The first thing you noticed was the change in his facial expression: the Doctor was no longer annoyed or concerned but excited as if he had just come up with a perfect solution to some mind-boggling problem.

"Well then, good thing you're not going alone this time."

"I'm... not?"

"Yes! A plus-one. It's still a thing, right? I'm your plus-one."

"That's sweet of you but you really don't have to. I'm fine on my own," you assured him, although he had no reason to believe you after what you'd already told him.

"Change of plans, sweetheart!" he exclaimed as he pulled one of the many levers. The TARDIS was about to take flight and it was a little too late for arguments and second thoughts. "We're going together and when people become a little too much we attend to an emergency," he said while running between different parts of the flight console. As if he was dancing, he made a whole circle around the control switchboard and stood in front of you once again. The Doctor stuck his index finger in your face as if reprimanding you once more. "No panicking in the bathrooms."

"Wait, what emergency?" you asked as he was already taking directions to your hometown.

"You know, this very real emergency that can't wait and we have to take care of it at the very moment. The crisis that I definitely did not invent just now."

"Right..." you drew out your answer as you caught on to his ruse. A smile crept unto your face. "Time travellers, defenders of the universe. You can never know when you're needed. Any suspicions as to what the emergency is?"

"Laskos' fourth moon. There's that small waffle bar that might need an inspection."

I’m Here. We’re Here.

Pairing: Castiel x Reader

Song: Touch- Sleeping at last

Warnings: TW! Mentions of self harm! Swearing. Angst.

An: I know that this is a Doctor Who blog but I had this dream a long time ago and I can't stop thinking about it. It. It helped me so much and the funny thing is was that I wasn't even that much into Supernatural. I was just a casual fan. God I'm rambling again. I just hope that this will help someone out there like it did for me. And if this gets popular enough maybe I'll do both DW and Supernatural on here. And I’m sorry that it’s a bit short. 

Oh god I fucked up. I’ve fucked up big time. Stumbling out of the bathroom I fall to a heap on the floor, my back slamming against the wall as I breath in deeply. I thought I was done with this. I was doing good. So fucking good.

My legs sting as I run my hands across my thighs that burning sensation dulling my senses even more. The only focal point I have in this too dark a place. I draw my legs in close and cross my arms over my chest. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” With each word I smack my head against the wall anger bubbling up from my chest and spilling out past my abused lips. Screaming into the silence that no one else was there to break.

No one else there to help pull me out from the darkness I was drowning in.

It was so fucking stupid. So fucking stupid that I fell back on old habits. I knew I shouldn’t be beating myself up like this but God. 

It was so fucking stupid.  

My body trembles as I try to breathe. My chest heaving as if though I had just ran a marathon. 

Sam and Dean weren’t here and wouldn’t be for hours to come. And I wasn’t about to call them just to talk about feelings or make them worry about me. It wasn’t a good reason for them to be concerned and I would feel to guilty to drag them into my mess.

As I hold my trembling hand into the light flooding from the bathroom I felt myself break. The light didn’t reach into the little corner I shoved myself in and it hit all to close to home.

I scream again.

And again.

And again.

I cry out into the night like a lost child looking for their mother. And maybe I was. Who the fuck knows. Maybe I was just calling out to anything that would hear me. Anything that would make me feel something other than anger.

At some point I stop screaming and rest my head on top of my knees and close my eyes. Listing to the quiet. I was tired. A heavy weight settling itself atop me. Pulling me down further than I already was.

“Y/n?” I pull into myself further and curse silently. “Y/n what’s wrong?” I felt Cass lay his hand on top of my head and I jerk back. Wincing when my head smacks against the wall behind me. His eyes grow wide when he see’s me. I more than likely look a mess. Eyes puffy from crying and trails running down my face from the tears. I know I bit to harshly on my lip at one point. My skins probably blotchy as well. It always does that when I get to upset.

“Y/n?” He tilts his head as his voice grows soft. I almost start crying again. Cass is on one knee in front of my. The light illuminating a halos light behind him. He almost seems to glow. And sure enough he’s on the right side of the light. 

I pull back when he reaches his hand out again. I didn’t want him near me. Not now. Not in the dark.

“You can tell me. You know. Or do you want Dean and Sam instead?” I shook my head no.

“I fucked up Cass. I fucked up big time.” There was no use hiding it from him. He could read me like an open book. He sighs and grabs my hand.

“No. You didn’t.” I came out of my tight shell and got up on my knees so I could look him face to face. 

“Yes. I did.” I swallow thickly as my voice threatens to give. My throat sore and scratchy making it hurt to talk. “I wanted to feel something more. And I fucked up. I fucked up badly and I can’t make it go away. No matter what I do. It won’t go away!” I smack my hands against his shoulders and fall back. Sitting on my heels as I begin crying anew.

Burrying my face into my hands I curl in on myself. I felt ashamed for crying in front of him. Oh god who wouldn’t? He was an angel of God. A man who has been alive since before Earth was even a thought. He has seen and done many terrible things. 

What i’m going through now must seem so. So trivial. 

“Stop.” Almost a whisper. His fingers rest underneath my chin and oh so gently lifts my head up to look at him. His eyes grew sad as they looked at me. 

“Whatever you are telling yourself right now. Stop.”

“I-” He cuts me off with a furious glare.

“No. I know you and I know what’s going on in your head right now. And I know I’m not good with human emotions. Much less ones like your. But I do know what you’re telling yourself right now isn’t real. It isn’t you, y/n.” He brings his fingers up  and presses them against my head.

My body shakes as warmth floods through. Fading away and leaving me a little less hollow. Cass cups my chin an runs his thumb just beneath my eyes. Getting rid of the tears.

“It’s hard now. I know. And I won’t lie an tell you that it’s going to be easy. Because its not. But I want you to know that you are worth much more than you think. You are here on this Earth for a reason. And it wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t.” He pulls me in close and wraps his arms around me. I was to stunned to say or do anything.  

I was touching the light.

I.

“I’m here for you. Were’re here for you.” Cass runs his hand up and down my back before pulling away. “Don’t you ever forget that. Don’t you dare ever forget that again.”