Ranpo Is Joe Mama

Ranpo is Joe Mama

Ranpo: Hey, Kunikida. I have a riddle for you. Kunikida: Not now, Ranpo. I’m busy. Ranpo: Come on, it’s fun. Just one riddle. Kunikida: Fine. What is it? Ranpo: What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs? Kunikida: A clock. Ranpo: Wrong. It’s your mom. Kunikida: What? That doesn’t make any sense. Ranpo: It does if you think about it. Kunikida: No, it doesn’t. That’s not a riddle. That’s just an insult. Ranpo: Well, you’re no fun.

Sickzai

Chuuya: Dazai, where are you? We have a mission to do. Dazai: Sorry, Chuuya. I can’t come. I’m sick. Chuuya: Sick? What kind of sick? Dazai: The kind of sick that makes you cough, sneeze, and have a fever. Chuuya: Oh, you mean a cold? Dazai: No, I mean a terminal illness. Chuuya: Don’t be dramatic, Dazai. It’s just a cold. Take some medicine and get over it. Dazai: No, Chuuya. It’s too late for me. I’m dying. Tell everyone I love them. Especially you. Chuuya: Dazai, stop being ridiculous. You’re not dying. You’re just trying to get out of work. Dazai: No, Chuuya. I’m serious. This is the end. Goodbye, my love. Chuuya: Dazai, don’t you dare hang up on me. Dazai? Dazai!

The sequel to 'The tables got defenestrated'

Fyodor: Greetings, Nakahara-san. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you. Chuuya: The feeling is not mutual, you psycho. Fyodor: Oh, don’t be so rude. We have so much in common, you and I. Chuuya: Like what? Fyodor: We both love Dazai. Chuuya: What? No, we don’t. I hate that bastard. Fyodor: Really? Then why do you wear his hat?

The tables got defenestrated

Chuuya: What are you wearing? Dazai: Clothes. Chuuya: What kind of clothes? Dazai: The kind that cover my body. Chuuya: Be more specific. Dazai: A bandage, a coat, a shirt, a tie, a belt, pants, socks, shoes, and a hat. Chuuya: Why are you wearing a hat indoors? Dazai: Because I’m fabulous.

Author vs. Book

Tanizaki: What are you reading? Dostoyevsky: Crime and Punishment. Tanizaki: Oh, I love that book. What part are you at? Dostoyevsky: The part where Raskolnikov kills the old woman with an axe. Tanizaki: That’s the beginning of the book. Dostoyevsky: I know. I’ve been reading it for three years.

Kunikida is unhappy, to say the least

Kunikida: Ranpo, please focus. We have a case to solve. Ranpo: Fine, fine. But first, can you answer me this: If you had to choose between saving a drowning puppy or a drowning Dazai, what kind of sandwich would you make?