I Remember First Learning That You Can Cry From Any Emotion, That Emotions Are Chemical Levels In Your

I remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to maintain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release that emotion packaged neatly within a tear. Everything made sense after learning that. That sudden stability of your emotions after crying. How crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. And it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally can’t hold on to all of it. So what I’ve learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely possible and that is living to the fullest extent. So keep feeling and cry often and as much as needed

I'm doin' that procrastination thing. I know I need a shower and I know I'll love it once I'm in there but my phone's at 23% so I'll stand here naked in the bathroom watchin' youtube til my legs fall asleep.

It's funny how I can be suicidal one night and discussin' the hilariousness of Gravity Falls with a fellow grown up the next.

Had a fabulous convo with my cousin earlier. Music, books, movies, our shared love tchotchkes... At one point he nearly killed me. I was askin' him if he liked gospel music. We were raised similarly, even tho he's got a good 10 years on me and he said "not really". I told him that despite my general lack of faith, I still seek out gospel music from time to time. He said I was gettin' in touch with my whiteness and I nearly spit out my beer. I found it hilarious because I hadn't noticed it myself but he was so goddamn right. Why, just recently I texted Mama amd asked her if Ricky Van Shelton had done a version of Old Rugged Cross and my cousin helped me realize that, without question, that is the whitest conversation I've ever had. And I've met the lead singer of Pantera so...

Splurged on my favorite beer. Sometimes that's all it takes to improve one's mood.

For as long as I can remember, I've been fascinated by collections. People that dedicate their lives to collecting coins, comic books, shoes, etc. I've never had the patience to collect one thing in particular but I still consider myself a collector. I attach setimental value to random shit and then I surround myself with it. When I was a kid I was really good at finding four leaf clovers and I'd press em in between the pages of my Precious Moments bible. I should really ask my Mama if she still has that lyin' around somewhere.

Here lately, my focus has shifted to feathers. I've got a small pile on my dresser of ones I've found on my walks. Today was particularly fruitful. I found four that my cousin said all came from mockingbirds. Then there was the one in this picture... See, I tend to talk to myself when I go on these walks. I'll whisper out plans for the future or talk myself through things that have happened in the past and try to dig out a lesson. Today, I decided to give myself a pep talk. I was walking up a particularly steep hill and I was reminding myself of all the things I've done. Just as I was realizing that, even though I've had a lot of help along the way, I've also accomplished a great deal on my own. Sure, there were people there to guide me but I was the one that made it work. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for.

Amyway... just as I was reaching the top of the hill and reminding myself that I'm a survivor and always have been, I saw this little hawk feather. Sometimes life has a beautiful sense of timing.

Broke as fuck. Think I shoulda gone with green beans instead of peas but it's still pretty damn good.

No money means no beer for the next couplea days. That'll be interestin'.

Came home from pickin' up dinner and the roommate says to me "I've got strep and they tested me for covid. I'm in quaratine."

Awesome.