For As Long As I Can Remember, I've Been Fascinated By Collections. People That Dedicate Their Lives

For as long as I can remember, I've been fascinated by collections. People that dedicate their lives to collecting coins, comic books, shoes, etc. I've never had the patience to collect one thing in particular but I still consider myself a collector. I attach setimental value to random shit and then I surround myself with it. When I was a kid I was really good at finding four leaf clovers and I'd press em in between the pages of my Precious Moments bible. I should really ask my Mama if she still has that lyin' around somewhere.

Here lately, my focus has shifted to feathers. I've got a small pile on my dresser of ones I've found on my walks. Today was particularly fruitful. I found four that my cousin said all came from mockingbirds. Then there was the one in this picture... See, I tend to talk to myself when I go on these walks. I'll whisper out plans for the future or talk myself through things that have happened in the past and try to dig out a lesson. Today, I decided to give myself a pep talk. I was walking up a particularly steep hill and I was reminding myself of all the things I've done. Just as I was realizing that, even though I've had a lot of help along the way, I've also accomplished a great deal on my own. Sure, there were people there to guide me but I was the one that made it work. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for.

Amyway... just as I was reaching the top of the hill and reminding myself that I'm a survivor and always have been, I saw this little hawk feather. Sometimes life has a beautiful sense of timing.

Yadda yadda trigger warning yadda yadda

I start typin' shit because I need to get my thoughts out there and then I get a couplea paragraphs in and go "Shut the fuck up. No one wants to hear you whine anymore."

My thoughts make me nervous. Ain't that some shit? As if there ain't enough goin' on in the world, my own brain is out to get me. The same brain that tells me that I'm strong is the same one tellin' me that things aren't goin' to get any better and I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore if I just ended it.

Don't worry. I'm not goin' to. I have too many unwatched movies and tv shows in my hulu list.

On one hand I'm thankful this class is holdin' my hand and treatin' me like I don't know a goddamn thing about computers (because I don't).

On the other hand I'm bored out of my mind and this is servin' as a constant reminder that I'm soooo behind the times.