For As Long As I Can Remember, I've Been Fascinated By Collections. People That Dedicate Their Lives

For as long as I can remember, I've been fascinated by collections. People that dedicate their lives to collecting coins, comic books, shoes, etc. I've never had the patience to collect one thing in particular but I still consider myself a collector. I attach setimental value to random shit and then I surround myself with it. When I was a kid I was really good at finding four leaf clovers and I'd press em in between the pages of my Precious Moments bible. I should really ask my Mama if she still has that lyin' around somewhere.

Here lately, my focus has shifted to feathers. I've got a small pile on my dresser of ones I've found on my walks. Today was particularly fruitful. I found four that my cousin said all came from mockingbirds. Then there was the one in this picture... See, I tend to talk to myself when I go on these walks. I'll whisper out plans for the future or talk myself through things that have happened in the past and try to dig out a lesson. Today, I decided to give myself a pep talk. I was walking up a particularly steep hill and I was reminding myself of all the things I've done. Just as I was realizing that, even though I've had a lot of help along the way, I've also accomplished a great deal on my own. Sure, there were people there to guide me but I was the one that made it work. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for.

Amyway... just as I was reaching the top of the hill and reminding myself that I'm a survivor and always have been, I saw this little hawk feather. Sometimes life has a beautiful sense of timing.

Got called a piece of shit this mornin' because of the coin shortage. There are so many times that I get mad at myself for not bein' a more peaceful person. I WANT to love people and be kind and all that other crap but nearly everyday I'm reminded that the majority of people are just selfish, rude, and vile.

I miss Thursdays.

I'm doin' that procrastination thing. I know I need a shower and I know I'll love it once I'm in there but my phone's at 23% so I'll stand here naked in the bathroom watchin' youtube til my legs fall asleep.

It's funny how I can be suicidal one night and discussin' the hilariousness of Gravity Falls with a fellow grown up the next.

Had a fabulous convo with my cousin earlier. Music, books, movies, our shared love tchotchkes... At one point he nearly killed me. I was askin' him if he liked gospel music. We were raised similarly, even tho he's got a good 10 years on me and he said "not really". I told him that despite my general lack of faith, I still seek out gospel music from time to time. He said I was gettin' in touch with my whiteness and I nearly spit out my beer. I found it hilarious because I hadn't noticed it myself but he was so goddamn right. Why, just recently I texted Mama amd asked her if Ricky Van Shelton had done a version of Old Rugged Cross and my cousin helped me realize that, without question, that is the whitest conversation I've ever had. And I've met the lead singer of Pantera so...

Splurged on my favorite beer. Sometimes that's all it takes to improve one's mood.

Someone in the know care to fill me in on what's goin' on in the universe this week? I've been in an extra foul mood for the past couplea days and I'd like to know if I can blame the moon, a particular planet, or if it's just the usual chemical imbalance.