I Don't Think I'll Ever Again Be As Poetic As When I Wrote This On The Back Of Picture Of Myself When

I don't think I'll ever again be as poetic as when I wrote this on the back of picture of myself when I was a kid.

YES

society would have us believe that sex and romance define humanity

actually it’s our ability to select each image that contains a crosswalk

Wisdom Teeth

A Tolya X Reader Fic

"Tolyaaaa," you whined through a mouth full of cotton as he half led half carried you to the car. "They took my teeth!"

He chuckled and opened the passenger door. "They did," he replied calmly. "Because your teeth were hurting you, remember?"

"But, but they didn't pay meee!" You began crying as your boyfriend buckled your seatbelt for you. Memories of staying up late to catch the tooth fairy were swirling around in your clouded mind.

"What do you mean?" Tolya fought not to laugh, but he couldn't hide his amusement.

"They were supposed to pay me!" You sobbed. Those stupid dentists had conned you!

"I don't think that's how it works, honey." Tolya patted your head and went around to the other side of the car to get in the driver's seat.

"They stole my teeeeeth!" You cried about it all the way home, despite Tolya holding your hand and doing his best not to laugh too much.

By the time he pulled into the driveway, you had mostly exhausted yourself. All you wanted was to be held.

When Tolya opened the car door for you, you tried to communicate telepathically that you wanted to be carried. That didn't work, so you made grabby hands. That worked. It always did.

"Aw," he cooed at you as he picked you up. "So cuddly." You did your best to burrow into him as he carried you

Tamar was in the kitchen, eating a sandwich while sitting on the counter. She had her own key to the place and would frequently let herself in like this.

She grinned when she saw you. "Hey, Y/N. How's the anesthesia treating you?"

You ignored her. There was a mirror in the hallway, and you wanted to see what the inside of your mouth looked likr. You wriggled out of Tolya's hold. "They're high off their ass," he informed his sister as he let you down.

You walked up to it and opened your mouth. You could now see the bloody gauze packed in there.

They were like little pillows. Maybe the dentists left the money under them, like the tooth fairy. That made sense.

You reached up to grab a piece, but Tolya caught your wrist before you could. "That needs to stay there, Y/N."

Your lower lip wobbled. "But..my money."

"What are they talking about?" Tamar asked.

"Y/N thinks the dentists owe them money," Tolya answered for you. To you, he said: "Come on honey, let's get you in bed. Tamar, get the ice cream for them.'

"They do owe me money!" You protested.

Tamar laughed, but Tolya just picked you up again and started walking to your bedroom. "If you want, I can heal the wound right now."

"First I want my money!" You demanded indignintly as he crossed the threshold to your room.

"I'll give you some money, okay?" Said Tolya. He deposited you on the bed, which took up almost half the room. It had to be big to allow him to stretch out fully at night.

You held out your hand. Tolya fished some change out of his pocket and put it in your palm. You looked at the coins.

"You bitch, my teeth are worth way more than that!" You cried as you threw them at him.

Tamar erupted into laughter as coins bounced off Tolya's chest.

"I'm a bitch?" He asked. "The sweet, caring boyfriend taking care of you is a bitch?" The corner of his mouth twitched upward, betraying how funny he thought this was.

"Yeah, Tolya!" Tamar backed you up. "Their teeth are worth way more than that!"

"I'll write you a check," the tall man said. "But right now I think you should eat something. Would some ice cream make you feel better?" You nodded.

As it turned out the only kind of frozen treats you had were grape popsicles. "Those are gross," you murmered, now feeling sleepy from all that had happened. "I want the orange ones."

"We don't have any," Tolya cooed as he patted your hair.

"I think you need to change the gauze," said Tamar, who for some reason was still there.

"Oh, right," Said Tolya. "I was gonna heal it, but I should probably soak up that blood first. Honey, open your mouth for me."

By now, you were more than a little tired. You wanted to go to sleep. You didn't care about taking care of your wounds.

When a yawn pried your mouth open, Tolya reached in and pulled out the blood soaked cotton in seconds. "Okay, now we can replace the gauze."

"My mouth is on it's period," you mumbled. Tolya burst put laughing.

"I'm on my period," said Tamar.

"Oh, you are?" Tolya turned to look at her. "Do you need anything?"

"Nah, I'm good. "

You leaned back against your pillow and closed your eyes. You let out another yawn. You were really tired. It had been a long day.

Tolya got out a new piece of gauze from the bag the dentist sent home, and started mopping up the blood in your mouth. "I'm gonna heal it now, okay?"

"Tolya, I don't think-"

Keeping your mouth open seemed like too much effort to invest in. You let your jaw fall shut around your boyfriend's fingers.

Tolya chuckled. "Y/N, I need you to keep your mouth open."

You yawned again and let your mouth shut once more. "Wanna go to sleep," you murmered. You were starting to feel rather pissed off.

"Come on-HEY!"

Tamar shrieked with laughter. "They really bit you! I knew it would happen eventually!"

"Oh, well I'm glad you think this is funny Tamar," said Tolya sourly.

"Want me to fix this for you? Because I can resolve this in seconds."

Then your head started to feel foggy and a sense of calm washed over you. You didn't object as Tamar opened your mouth and replaced the gauze. When she was done, the weird feeling left you.

"You slowed their heart?"

"It worked, didn't it?"

"All the king's horses and all the king's men-"

Okay but did the king's women get a chance to try? Did they?

Tolya Yul-Bataar x Reader Beach Day Headcanons

First off, if you're white he's going to be very worried about you getting sunburn

He'll slather you with sunscreen every half hour you're there

"Tolya, it's fine." "Y/N, you could get skin cancer!"

He'll throw you in the ocean a thousand times just because he can

But he'll go along with whatever you want to do

He'll let you bury him in sand

He'll collect seashells with you

If you say you want to try and catch dinner, he'll simply stop a fish's heart for you

"What? This is the most efficient way."

Tolya would definitely get sucked into building sandcastles with children

It starts when he offers them a seashell for their castle

Then they realize he's a friendly giant

Before that he was just a giant, and that scared them a little

It ends with him getting buried in sand again

Whatever mythology the Shu have regarding the ocean, he'll tell to you while you sit together under your tent

He'll want to make sure you stay hydrated well out in the sun so he'll constantly remind you to drink something

At the end of the day, when it's time to go, he won't let you carry much of anything

If you show any sign of exhaustion, he may just decide to carry you to the car

He loves it when he gets to pick you up

What my Grammy said: My brother has just called to tell me that his wife is dying!

What I said: That's horrible!

What I was thinking: How the fuck is her brother alive he's ancient