I Screamed When He SaidWe Are

I screamed when he said “We are” <3 <3 <3 <3 omfg what is happening??? :O <3 

I’m hopelessly in love with the teeny tiny hope.. And I keep telling myself that it will only end in an emotional slap in the face, and I fight to surpress it, but it is there.

my braincells getting ready for season 15 of supernatural, hoping that destiel will be canon bc it’s the final season

Remember when he was like; “Demons? That is above our paygrade” 😅

#dean ‘idgaf who you are i’m done’ winchester

15×01 Destiel meta

“You okay?”

“Yes but, uh..”

“Good”

Okay so we can all agree this was totally a dick move. But why does it hurt so much to have Dean saying that to Cas?

For that I’m gonna do a little bit of a travel through some of Castiel’s more significant moments of genuine emotional vulnerability where he actually talks about it.

"You misunderstand me, Dean. It's not like you think, I was praying that you would choose to save the town."

[...]

"I'll tell you something if you promise not tell another soul. I'm not a hammer, as you say. I have questions, I have doubts. I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore, whether you passed or failed here, but in the coming months you will have more decisions to make. I... don't envy the weight that's on your shoulders Dean, I truly don't."

It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester, 04×07

“Why are you here, Cas?”

“We’ve been through much together, you and I just wanted to say, I’m sorry it ended like this.”

Lucifer Rising, 04×22

“It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?”

"I was there, where were you?"

The man who would be King, 06×20

For the record, this whole chapter is a moment of emotional vulnerability for Cas, but considering that in most of it he was talking to God, and there was no response, I think that was mostly just talking alone. I chose scenes where he is showing vulnerable to someone else.

“I deserved to die. Now I can’t possibly fix it, so why did I even walk out of that river?

The Born-Again Identity, 07×17

“And, at best, I die trying to fix my own stupid mistake. Or… I don’t die- I’m brought back again. I see now. It’s a punishment resurrection. It’s worse every time.”

Survival of the Fittest, 07×23

“Nothing you could have done would have saved me because I didn’t want to be saved.”

“The hell you’re talking about?”

“It’s where I belonged. I needed to do penance for the things I did on Earth and in heaven, I didn’t deserve to be out, and I saw that clearly when I was there. I planed to stay all along”

A Little Slice lf Kevin, 08×07

“Because if I see what heaven’s become, what I made of it, I’m afraid I might kill myself.”

Hunter Heroici, 08×08

“Everyone you know, everyone you love. They could be long dead. Everyone except me. I’m the one who’ll have to watch you murder the world. So if there’s even a small chance that we can save you? I won’t let you walk out of this room.”

The Prisoner, 10×22

Now a little parenthesis in why I consider this emotional vulnerability, because according to a friend it’s not so clear why I say it is.. Because he wants to save Dean for him, yes, but also for himself. It’s not only that Castiel knows what Dean will do is wrong, or that he knows the true Dean would hate what he is becoming, it’s that he doesn’t want to live that. He’s saying I would still be here by your side, and I would have to watch you do this. Please think of what this will do to me.

By talking about himself, Cas is showing the vulnerability of saying this will fuck me up.

“Dean I just, keep failing. Again and again. When you were taken I searched for months and I couldn’t find you, and then Kelly escaped on my watch and I couldn’t find her and I just wanted… I needed to come back here with a win for you. For myself.”

The Future, 12×19

And now I want you to think what all of these scenes have in common. Yeah, he’s talking to Dean. Maybe Dean isn’t the only one in the room always, but these lines that are so powerful and so full of feelings of regret, pain, fear and anger on himself were all directed to Dean. This is not saying that Cas doesn’t have emotional scenes with other people, he has plenty with Sam and Jack and those are beautiful too, but they are mostly about Sam and Jack, or maybe about how they are all a family, or maybe even showing mutual support, but they are not like this.

Now, I could rant for hours about why Cas only opens up for like this for Dean, but I the simplified version is that 1) Dean was the one pressuring to talk in a lot of these ones, and he was the only one that pressured him to talk about it, and 2) Dean knows what is like to be expected to be a soldier with no emotions, because he had to be that for John.

Their emotional constipation doesn’t come from nowhere. Cas was an angel, they aren’t supposed to feel, and yet he did. And Dean believes he has to be this strong figure Sam and everyone can lean on, someone who’s above all that “chick-flick bullshit”.

Cas knows that Dean understands the strong sense of responsibility and the reluctance to you know, show they have feelings. Dean ‘I’m allergic to talk about my feelings’ Winchester has pushed him to talk about his.

So of course, when Dean asked Cas if he was okay, Cas was so relieved that maybe Dean wouldn’t remain angry and him and they would be comfortable with each other again and the could talk, because Cas needs to talk. He has been through so much the last few days, he wants to talk about. And the only person he knows how to talk about those things is Dean.

But then just walked away, and Cas is being forced to bottle up those feelings. And I guess that you all know what happens when the Winchester decide to bottle up feelings.

Yeah, that moment when Jensen said Cas is going away, we are having a pretty awful break-up, again. Or, as @verobatto-angelxhunter calls it, a Divorce (if you haven’t read her destiel metas what are you even doing with your life?)

So yeah, I’m dying over here.

Can’t believe it took me this long to notice the HART (❤️) in the background

You’re angry.

reality vs. expectations ↳ just relax