Her Eyes Widened A Little But They Softened As She Listened More. There Was...relief On Her Face. Like

Her eyes widened a little but they softened as she listened more. There was...relief on her face. Like she found someone like her for the first time in so long.

“I’ll be honest, I never really agreed with that. The whole ‘repopulate’ thing. I think that should be done out of love, never necessity,” She says shrugging. “It should be of choice, and you should never do something that you didn’t choose.”

Growing up away from those two opposing sides, she didn’t really have a mindset to base her opinions off of. Or a place to shut her ability to express herself. To find out who she was as Shimabukuro, not as a COG or an Outsider. She found out that she liked both girls and boys but not like other ‘normal people would. But there was also something she found out as well.

“And I did. She was a girl named Jean. She was in the COG as well, but I never really cared that she was. I wasn’t really into anybody, you know, sexually. Later I found out that’s what it’s like to be asexual,” She admits. Emotions swell in her throat as she continues to open her secret heart.

 “I used to think that something was wrong with me, because I didn’t feel the same things as normal people did.  I was afraid if I told someone, even her, she’d look at me the wrong way, and confirm everything I thought to be true about myself.”

“But I love being with people, and I care for them so much. I still feel, and I don’t feel that way about myself anymore

“I guess...Maybe that’s why I never really cared about the physical aspects of anybody. Maybe that’s why I just care and feel so much more than other people do. Just like you do with Wade. That’s such a human thing and that’s not your fault. Just as much as it isn’t mine.”

“I agree. That’s what I try to do as the Magpie. Be something they can’t ignore and make them think. Just make them think if that mentality’s such a good thing and everything else about the COG. That and so that no one like Jean suffers dying alone.”

She feels that a burden had been lifted as her secrets and heart’s open. To find someone in her situation who doesn’t fit into the mentality. To pour out her vulnerability in an environment where she’s not afraid to say it. It’s a relief to get all the stones out of her stomach.

“I think that’s a valid thing to feel. You don’t know how they’re gonna react. You care for him, and you’re scared to never see him again right? So that’s normal to think that. I used to be scared shitless thinking of Jean rejecting me.”

 “I don’t know enough about him so I couldn’t give you an answer. But I know he cares. He wants to make things better. So I think there’s that chance. I didn’t get the chance to tell Jean how I felt. But you do, and I think you should tell him.”

“And I’m willing to help with that, if you’ll allow me to.”

She nodded, full of exhaustion and overwhelm. “You’re welcome.” She watched him walk away until she could no longer see his faint silhouette.

She makes her way to back to her temporary place of stay, her first action is to run the sink and plug it. When it was full, she submerged her head in, screaming her head off, letting out those overwhelming screams drown in the water. That was a conversation that had too much going all at once. Even though it was important for JD to talk to her, to allow every secret to spill in the space they shared, he really needed a filter to say things one at a time.

She screams until she’s out of breath. She pulls her head back, taking deep breaths. She pulls the loose strands away from her vision and takes a moment to breathe. Drying it with a towel on the counter, she makes her way to her bed and collapses. Crawling she, pulls the blankets over her, and lays there until she sleeps, thinking about just how they were gonna pull it off. 

On top of that, she thinks of whether or not there’ll be someone who’ll love her one day. She keeps thinking until her conscious state slips into that of dreaming and wondering one thing: 

Will people like her and JD find their happy endings in this life?

End

“But all things change, let this remain.”

— Pearl Jam - Sirens

“Start over my darling. Be brave enough to find the life you want, and courageous enough to chase it.”

—

The  SMILE  on your face lets me know that you need me There’s a  TRUTH  in your eyes, saying you’ll never leave me The  TOUCH  of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall                                          You say it best when you say nothing at all