Theotastic - Theo ☆ Magicalboy

Trick or treat!

TREAT ..?

have some candy 🍬🍭🍫 >0<

long ass vent sorry

🌷🌷🌷

i just want someone to love me for me, for all my faults. i know im too online. i know i have no sense of self. i know i people please too much to the point where i offend people. i know there’s something wrong with me .

sometimes i wonder if my thoughts are too much. like what if i’m too ““bad”” of a person to belong in a community… like there’s always lines that can be crossed and im so afraid i’ll cross a line. i don’t want to be alone. i want someone to always be here for me and help me grow. but that won’t happen for a long time probably.

i don’t know who i can even go to, like no one knows abt this blog or who i “really am”. and i don’t want to be vulnerable with people… but how am i supposed to get help if i don’t want it??

sorry that last sentence makes no sense but im just SO conflicted right now… i want to be normal but at the same time i love being sick.. the jirai community is the first place where i felt like i rlly belong and now i feel out of place and disgusted with myself (NOT a blow to the jirai community ily guys ur all amazing)

anyways yeah sorry im rlly sad and angry with myself

i feel like i can’t help anyone and if i can’t help anyone whats my purpose in life? ik im young but if i can’t help anyone might as well destroy myself

ik i’ll eventually HAVE to get better because i do want to , i want to have children one day and i want to give them the most happy beautiful life

so that adds more onto me feeling fake like am i “valid” for wanting to stay sick while im young and i won’t be held *that* accountable??? am i just selfish

maybe i am just selfish

okay i think im done

i love you all so much

i want and i want and i crave and ache and yearn and

doomscrolling>>>>>