Phony - Tumblr Posts

long ass vent sorry

🌷🌷🌷

i just want someone to love me for me, for all my faults. i know im too online. i know i have no sense of self. i know i people please too much to the point where i offend people. i know there’s something wrong with me .

sometimes i wonder if my thoughts are too much. like what if i’m too ““bad”” of a person to belong in a community… like there’s always lines that can be crossed and im so afraid i’ll cross a line. i don’t want to be alone. i want someone to always be here for me and help me grow. but that won’t happen for a long time probably.

i don’t know who i can even go to, like no one knows abt this blog or who i “really am”. and i don’t want to be vulnerable with people… but how am i supposed to get help if i don’t want it??

sorry that last sentence makes no sense but im just SO conflicted right now… i want to be normal but at the same time i love being sick.. the jirai community is the first place where i felt like i rlly belong and now i feel out of place and disgusted with myself (NOT a blow to the jirai community ily guys ur all amazing)

anyways yeah sorry im rlly sad and angry with myself

i feel like i can’t help anyone and if i can’t help anyone whats my purpose in life? ik im young but if i can’t help anyone might as well destroy myself

ik i’ll eventually HAVE to get better because i do want to , i want to have children one day and i want to give them the most happy beautiful life

so that adds more onto me feeling fake like am i “valid” for wanting to stay sick while im young and i won’t be held *that* accountable??? am i just selfish

maybe i am just selfish

okay i think im done

i love you all so much

A baby palindrome and a baby phony side by side. When phonies are young, they have side countershading and eyes close to the ends of their mouth. As they grow, the side markings fade and their eyes get pushed further back.

Phonies also come in more colors than palindromes do.