The Chronicles Of The Winter || Part VIII

The chronicles of the winter || Part VIII

Part II  || Part III || Part IV || Part V || Part VI  || Part VII continuation of imagine

Summary:  Bucky and Steve are still at Hydra's base. Days are passing by and their situation isn't changing. But Bucky seems to not care about it. He cares about something else. Or rather SOMEONE...

Word Count: 4296

Warnings: Smut, Unprotected sex

From then on out Steve’s training really began. Each day he had lessons in German, Russian, tactics, as well as weaponry training and different forms of hand-to-hand. Steve’s least favorite lessons were the ones on the organization known as SHIELD, because apparently his friends were the founders, and he absolutely hated the idea of working to destroy something they’d built, even if it was for the sake of Bucky. Steve wasn’t sure, how much time had passed since they were kidnapped. Days were blending into each other. Everyday he was wiped again, they wanted to stay in control over him, but Rogers remembered. Everything from his previous life. Steve was given a list of SHIELD’s top agents, Hydra’s own little ‘Most Wanted’ list, and forced to memorize all of their strengths and weaknesses, and how best to take them down. The months passed slowly. Steve rarely saw Bucky, since most of the time they kept him in something called cryo, which was basically them just freezing him to keep him in stasis and make him live longer. However, whenever Bucky was off cryo, Steve tried to make him feel like as much of a person as possible, sitting with him while he ate and training with him. It made Steve very sad to do, since Bucky was unresponsive to everything he said unless he phrased it as an order, which Steve absolutely refused to do.

One day, five months after seeing Bucky for the first time since they had been kidnapped, Steve had just gotten back from a mission and was grabbing a bite to eat in the small kitchen off the gym. He preferred it because he could be alone with his thoughts, instead of in the large mess hall. Then Bucky entered. It wasn’t that unusual, Bucky usually got his meals from that kitchen, too, when he was awake. So Steve said hello to him like he always did, not expecting a reply. Bucky turned and stared directly at Steve after grabbing a sandwich. Steve stared back, surprised, Bucky’s gaze rarely narrowed in on Steve, even if he was looking at him he wasn’t focused on Steve. But in that moment… he was.“Buck?” Steve ventured cautiously, putting down his bowl of cereal and taking a few steps closer to his friend. “Do you…do you see me, Bucky?”“I know you” Bucky said absently, voice rough from disuse. The words were a statement, but the way his voice went up at the end made it seem like a question.“Yeah, Buck” Steve said, unable to keep the relief from his voice. He walked closer until he was right in front of Bucky, carefully placing a hand on his shoulder. Bucky’s eyes darted from that hand and back to Steve’s eyes. “Yeah, you know me. I’m your friend."Bucky was silent for a minute, the seconds ticking away in Steve’s head, and then he spoke again."Your mother… her name was Sarah?” Steve grinned and nodded eagerly. “And my sister…her name was Rebecca?” Once again Steve nodded. “Steve?"Steve didn’t wait any longer, he pulled Bucky into a hug at the vulnerable turn of his words, holding him tightly against his chest. "I’ve got you, Buck. I’m with you 'till the end of the line.”

After that, Bucky began remembering much more, becoming more and more like himself each day. There would be times when something triggered him and he would fall back into The Winter Soldier mode, practically erasing all of their progress. But he always came back to himself, sometimes after an hour, sometimes after a week, but he always came back. They did their best to keep it hidden from the Hydra agents, but anyone with eyes could see that most of the time Bucky was there, the lifeless stare he used to adjurn completely gone. Steve didn’t know why everyone was letting it go, even Black, while talking at Bucky like he always did, didn’t comment on the new Bucky.

Bucky was sleeping in his small room at the second floor of the Complex Zero. It was one of these moments when he could has his own makeshift of a freedom. Suddenly he heard a loud, annoying noise. An alarm. Bucky slowly opened his eyes, he sat at the edge of his bed and rubbed his eyes. His door has been opened by one of the soldiers. ‘Move your fucking ass, Winter, there’s a fire in the warehouse of ammunition" man has said, before he ran further to wake others up. Bucky quickly put on a grey tight shirt and black, military pants. On top he put his tactical bulletproof vest, just in case. He left the room and apace he ran to the point of an ingathering. Most of the guards, soldiers and technicians were there yet. In the crowd Bucky immediately noticed Steve. Brunette went to the Captain, but before he could say anything, a huge explosion has interrupted them. Few men just fell on the ground covered in a snow, they have been hit by shards of a broken windows. Bucky noticed few more familiar figures on the horizon. Aiden Black, his two loyal soldiers and a redhead woman. They were running into the direction of the square, where rest of the people were gathered. Almost as soon as the lightning had struck the little building, the world became illuminated. In the distance,  everyone could see a thick gray smoke billowing into the skies. The once pale blue sky was now shielded by a veil of darkness as the smoke swallows up the whole sky. Bucky blinked few times, before he spoke.“What has happened?” he gave Steve a brief glance.“I’m not sure, Buck. I’ve heard as guards were saying it has to be someone from us who set fire to here” Steve’s voice was trembling a bit, from emotions. Bucky knew it was a brilliant chance to escape. In all that turmoil they could easily sneak out of the Complex and tried their luck in nearest wood. At the second hand, they were in a place they didn’t know. They could get lost, they could fall at one of Hydra’s little branches…There was too many options. To many potential dangers. Without a good plan even he an Steve wouldn’t make it. A plume of fire exploded into the blackness, the flame rolling outwards like the smoke of a mushroom cloud. It was an inferno fuelled by the gallons of accelerant in the warehouse. The heat was oppressive even from two hundred yards away. The onlookers had been excited at first, snapping pictures to upload to friends and generally behaving like a crowd on bonfire night. But then a subtle shift in the wind direction brought noxious smoke and ash raining down into their hair and eyes. With hands and clothing clamped to their mouths they tried to hide somewhere, while the management called for a help of firefighters. Meantime, the newborn flames licked the oxygen with their wrath and fury. Refusing to be contained, they danced orange and yellow reaching hungrily for fuel. After few more moments the fire overtook the main building. Everyone witnessed the fire swallow the entire building. Toxic fumes shot up into the air every few seconds and the thick, poisonous smoke choked everyone nearby. Fortunately, no one got harmed in the fire. Whole headquarter’s building has been destroyed completely.That was the reason, because of which Black decided to move all people to the little city named Yuryung-Khaya.

Owing to the extreme northern location, Yuryung-Khaya had a cold and dry polar climate with severely cold winters and cool summers. The village was situated on the right bank of the Anabar River, shortly before it flows into the Laptev Sea. The village economy was based around agriculture, specifically reindeer herding, fishing and other farming. It was just a perfect place to ran organization like Hydra. Villagers weren’t interested in a newcomers, they all had their own stuff to deal with. It turned, that Hydra was preparing that localization since rather long time period. A three miles behind the village a huge military complex has been built. It even had its own airport. But it was only a cover, just in case if some of the villagers would be too curious. The real base was located a mile aside of the complex. From the outside the secret base appeared to be an abandoned storage barn. Rusty barrels of noxious chemicals were littered around the entrance, each labelled with a skull and crossbones. Tall weeds grew between the stones and the fence was almost falling over, hardly high security. Nobody cared about what was above ground. Underground it was a different story. There was a maze of titanium rooms, each either buzzing with computers or loaded with the latest in weaponry. Every inch was recorded by security cameras and the staff wore electronic chips under their skin. Guards came and went through the tunnel that lead into the back of a complex. There were several different room types. Bucky quickly had to deal with one of them, namely the interrogation room. As Steve, he was suspected to set a fire to the Complex Zero and he had to be interrogated. By Aiden Black himself..The room was small and square, with two plastic chairs, a table and an empty water dispenser. The window is cracked, allowing a faint but pleasant smell of moisture into the room. The window was located just beneath ceiling. The view was at the little meadow above the underground complex. The walls were cream and bare. The light outside was now fading, the watery sun shining a single, dust-laden bar of brightness into the room. Barnes pulled out one of the chairs and sat down, his body immediately uncomfortable, his tongue already asking for a drink of water. His throat was tight and sticky with kind of a fear.

The door opened and slammed shut, making the brunette jump a little with the only slack he had. “Good day, soldier. I am here to interrogate you. Do you understand?“ it was Aiden Black, dressed in a black tight suit with a grey shirt under his jacket. Bucky nodded slowly, he didn’t want to have troubles, so he was trying to be as polite as he only could. “Tell me, Barnes, who set the fire to Complex Zero?” the man said crankily seating himself into the chair opposite to Bucky. Barnes stayed silent. "TELL ME” Black repeated sternly. Bucky felt coldness envelope him, but no darkness came. Suddenly Black rose from his chair and leaned forward, he wrapped his large hands around the Bucky’s throat and squeezed. He easily raised brunette off the ground. Bucky kicked and squirmed, but it was no use. Just as his vision went blurry, two uniformed men came in, and Black dropped him to the ground. "I know you had something in common with that fucking situation” Black growled slowly, his glance still at Bucky. After a moment of silence he was lead out while Bucky sat, panting for breath.

Several days have passed.

The winter wind howled through the desolate marsh. The bleak grey cloud overhead reflected perfectly his grey mood inside. These short days, these long nights. The world seemed to lie barren and lifeless before him as if God himself had put it to sleep.

Bucky was spending his days mostly at trainings. If he had some free time, he was walking around the Complex, trying to find himself something productive to do.

At the dinner, when all people were gathered in a social canteen, Steve and Bucky were sitting at the single table, enjoying their meal.

All talks have faded in a second, when the redhead woman entered the canteen. She was an adult, but so young that she still had the exuberance of youth. She had that movie star look, not overly tall and willowy, but more like an action star. Her muscle definition was perfect and she walked with the confidence of someone a decade older. She wasn’t just flawless in her bone structure, her skin was like silk over glass and she radiated an intelligent beauty. She was holding a cup of cappuccino in her hand and she brought a newspaper with her under her arm. She took a place at the table in the left corner of the room and she started to read as soon as she sat down.

Steve noticed that Bucky became soundless. “Buck.. is everything alright?” blonde asked carefully, not taking his eyes of his friend.

Bucky mumbled something, waving his hand. His eyes were still at the redhead. He couldn’t take his eyes of her. She was stunning and with every day he was finding himself more interested in that woman.

She was definitely his type of ideal woman. Strong, confident, but charming and delicate at the same moment.

Steve smiled sadly. “You know she’s by THEIR side” he reminded gently, putting his palm at Bucky’s shoulder. “Don’t waste your time, Buck. It’s not a woman for you”

Bucky has been dragged out of his thoughtfulness by Steve’s words. Brunette turned his head to Rogers and frowned a bit. “Stop it, Steve. Let me decide by my own, what’s good and what’s bad for me” Bucky’s face tensed as he sighed deeply, he ran his fingers through his thick hair. Steve shook his head slightly. “Easy, Bucky… I just meant you should think before you’ll engage yourself too much in that” Captain measured Bucky with his blue eyes. “I just wanted to give you my advice..” “But I wasn’t asking for it” Bucky snarled coldly and got up from the table, leaving his unfinished meal. “I wanna be alone” he added quietly.

Bucky went straight to the door to the canteen, but before he left, he stopped in a door frame. He felt a blustery glance on himself, so he turned his head to check, who was looking at him.

Bucky’s heart raced a bit when he realized, it was the redhead woman, who was observing him.

He spent rest of the evening at a workout. He worked out until his skin took on a glossy shine and the salty drops invaded his eyes. As he kept moving the sweat was a welcome addition, cooling and helping him to feel like he has been working hard enough.

That was when he heard the door has opened with a characteristic creak. Bucky lifted his head and looked back above his shoulder. He tried to keep his face straight, but it was hard.

Few steps from him a redhead woman was standing, crossing her arms at her chest.

“What the hell do you want?” He asked, trying to sound as cold as always. “I’m kinda busy.” Woman smirked a bit, standing still. “I have to drive to the city. Some kind of business. I need a help.” Bucky frowned in a confusion. “And how am I supposed to help ya?” man asked coldly, pulling up a barbells. Redhead rolled her eyes, still standing in a place. “I need a ride. I don’t have a driving licence” she explained openly, taking lock of her hair behind an ear. Bucky let out a wryly laugh before he spoke. “And what I’ll receive in a repayment?” brunette asked simply, not looking at the woman. She laughed harshly. “You’ll gain a few hours outside a base. It’s a aboveboard deal, isn’t it?” she said. “I can guarantee, that you won’t regret it.”

Bucky was thinking for a while, pretending he wasn’t interested at all. But deep inside his soul there was a war between different emotions. Call of a freedom was much stronger then he thought, though.

“Deal.” Bucky looked briefly at her. He put barbells down and stretched his back. Redhead woman gave him a little smile. “I’m glad we have an agreement.”

She was about leaving the room, but before she did, redhead turned to face brunette once again. “By the way, my name is Emily Vandom” her mouth corners raised a bit. “See you at 8pm at the main gate.”

She left him in a thoughtfulness, exhausted by a hard workout.

He came on tick.

She was waiting at him, sitting on a hood of a black old Mustang. As soon as Emily spotted Bucky, she jumped off the hood with ease. She was dressed in a tight short black dress and high heels.

She measured him with an interested glance. “Hi” she greeted Bucky, tilting her head. “Nice jacket.”

Bucky was dressed rather casually. It was something new, because he used to wear only military pants and oversized t-shirts. But now he had a black boots, tight dark jeans and grey tight shirt under black leather jacket.

Emily threw keys at him and he easily caught them. Woman turned around and got to the car, taking a passenger seat next to the driver.

When they were driving to the city, he couldn’t stop himself from asking. “Where exactly are ya going?” Bucky asked, he was focused on a gravely road. Emily, who was leaning her forearm against the window, mumbled. “It’s none of your business” she said simply, not even looking at him. Bucky was silent for a while. “Hey. I’m involved. I’m here, driving you, so I’m expecting at least a bit of sincerity” man growled with an annoyance. Emily sighed deeply. “If I will tell you, I’ll have to kill you” her voice was soft as always. Bucky rolled his eyes. They stayed silent till the end of the drive.

After some time, Emily came out of the little building. They were somewhere in a city, car has been parked at the little parking lot as brunette was waiting at her. Bucky was leaning his metal limb on a roof of the car, smoking a cigarette. He heard clicking of her Hugh heels and he turned to her. “Finally"he rolled his eyes.

They both got in the car. He put the key in the ignition and started it up. The loud rumble of the engine began to “PURRRRRRRR”.

He put the window down, turned the music up and they were off to begin their way back to the Complex.

"Wait..” Emily bit her lower lip. “Listen.. I don’t want to go back there. Not yet at least” she dared to gave him a look. Bucky lifted his brow a bit. “What do you mean?” Emily stretched her forearms. “There’s a little cosy pub nearby. C'mon. Let’s have few drinks. I need it. And I bet you do too.”

Bucky wasn’t thinking too long. He agreed on her proposition, only because he also didn’t want to go back to base. The night was still young.

They had a good time together. And Bucky had to admit, that this woman was spinning his head round and round. She even managed to pull him on a little dance floor, where they were swaying into rhythm of a music. Bucky caught himself at grabbing Emily’s hips a bit too roughly in that dance, but girl didn’t seem to mind it.

The drinks began flowing and  the sexual desire for one another became unbearable. They swiftly closed their bar tab and headed back to the black Mustang.

Once they were in the car, he grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her close. “Let’s go have some fun” he said in a low voice. Emily looked hardly into his blue eyes, she bit inside of her cheek, but she gave a nod. They peeled out of the parking lot and drove off into the night. They turned down an old dirt road. He put the stang in first gear and let off the gas.

She then leaned over, unhooked his belt and started to unbutton his pants. She unzipped his pants and pulled out Bucky’s hard dick. She wrapped her lips around the tip and began to suck on it. She slid her tongue down the side of his stiff shaft. All the way down to his balls. Up and down… Up and down his cock went down her throat. “Yes, babe that’s it” Bucky moaned loudly. She felt Bucky grabbed a handful of her hair and pull it tight. He pressed down on the back of her head, forcing his dick to slide closer to the back of Emily’s throat. She spit on his cock, making it so wet, then she opened her mouth wider and went back to work.

He yelled. “Yes, baby, yes, don’t stop! Don’t you dare to stop, little bitch!“ She felt his dick pulsating as she moved slowly up to the tip to take in his warm seamen "Oh, fuck!” he grunted and began to erupt his load into her mouth. She smiled as she swallowed his cum, slowly licking corners of her mouth. “You taste good..” she whispered, lifting herself up to kiss him passionately. He could still tasted himself on her rosy lips..

He opened the door and got out. He walked around to her side and opened the door. He got down on his knees, grabbing her legs and pulled them toward him. He pushed her back against the console. Bucky gripped her hips and pulled them closer. He slided up her tight dress and pulled down her lacy panties. Slowly he rubbed his hands up her thighs and forced her legs to open. “Now it’s your turn..” Bucky said as he began to bury his face into her yet wet pussy.

“Oh yes!” Emily moaned as he hit the right spot.   It felt so good to feel his tongue circling around on her clit. He was more than experienced. “Your pussy is so wet” he mumbled between licks. Emily felt how his strong hands were squeezing her breast tightly. She felt as he was sucking on her clit as he sticked two of his fingers into her pussy and thrusted them in and out. “Yes.. Yes.. Right there..” she begged, diving her long fingers into his brown hair. She grabbed the back of his head and forced him to go deeper. Emily’s legs began to shake as she feel her orgasm.

“I want you to cum in my mouth” he asked openly, licking still as viciously as at the beginning. Her whole body became numb as she went through her orgasm and released her hot wet cum all over his face.

Slowly he stopped moving his tongue and began to softly suck on her pussy. He gave her pussy one last kiss as he knew he has satisfied her.

Bucky stood up and took off his shirt and he pulled his cock out of his jeans. He pulled her out the car and ripped off her dress. “Mmm… you have a tattoo..” he moaned into her ear from behind.

Emily had a tattoo in a shape of a wolf between her blade-bones.

Emily felt her ass was pressed against the stang as she was forced against the front of the car. He turned her around and bended her naked body over the top of the hood. Bucky spreader her legs and slowly slided his penis into her tight wet pussy.

“Fuck!” Emily couldn’t help but yelled loudly as soon as he went into her deeper and deeper. His dick felt amazing inside her and she craved more.

“I love your tight pussy” he growled as he squeezed her ass and pounded into her deeper. “You’re fucking hot, slut” he moved his metal arm at her breasts, squeezing them harshly.

She felt his dick throbbing in her as he went faster and faster. She didn’t want him to stop…

He pulled her up and turned her around toward him. He put her on the hood of the car. As she laid down she felt him pulling her ass toward him. She wrapped her legs around him and quenched her thighs tightly.   He grabbed a hold of Emily’s hips and slided his cock back in. “Ahhhh!“ she heard him grunted as he got the whole thing in. Redhead felt like his balls were hitting her ass.

“Harder” she moaned aloud. She didn’t care there was cold outside. She only cared of being fucked harder. Emily felt her pussy was getting wetter and wetter as she was nearing her orgasm.

“I want you to cum all over my cock, slut” Bucky’s voice was nothing more than an order. "Yes, soldier” Emily closed her eyes, trying to hold a pleasure back. But she couldn’t hold it any longer.

“Fuck, I’m Cumming!” she cried heavily as she felt her warm cum was gushing onto him.

Bucky started pounding in her harder and deeper. Faster and faster “Babe, I’m gonna cum..” Bucky grabbed her hips  tightly, squeezing them hardly, especially with his metal hand. He rammed it deep in her for one last time before he cum.

Their seductive, erotic, lustful fantasies finally had been fulfilled.

Bucky leaned down and kissed her roughly, pulling her closer by her waist. “You’re so fucking hot, Emily..”

Woman blinked. He used her name.

She felt a blush appeared on her cheeks, so she gently pushed him back and jumped of the hood, grabbing her dress and putting it on as fast as she could.

Bucky also improved himself, he put on his shirt before he turned to face her. Zipping his jeans, he measured her body with lustful glance.

“Bucky..” She swallowed, standing with her back to him. “I.. we shouldn’t..” But she wasn’t able to end her sentence.

Barnes came to her, he took her into his arms and turned her to him, then he leaned down and kissed her beautiful lips. She melted in that kiss. She wanted it to last forever…

It was a new beginning. A new start. For both of them.

Author: Beast

My little treasure || Teaser

Summary: Long time after events of CW Bucky returned to normal life. He even addopted little girl.  After many years of calm life girl’s old problems return.

Word Count: 832

Warnings: none

[A/N] So... it’s short... But I was thinking over this long time. I hope you all gonna like it.

Bucky sighed heavily and flopped on couch.  It was middle of the night and He just returned home… There was a reason for him to return. Bucky slowly got up and went to kitchen. Suddenly He heard loud scream from one of the bedrooms. Man quickly rushed to bedroom and opened door. Bucky looked inside and sighed sadly when He saw young girl sitting on bed.  She was the reason. The reason for him to return home every evening. His daughter. His girl. His everything.

Bucky went inside and sat on bed “Andrea… Angel, what’s wrong.” He asked and pulled girl into a hug. Andrea sighed heavily and hugged to him tight, girl started cry. Bucky only rubbed her head “You are warm… I think you have fever… Again.” He said quietly and girl only nodded.

After few hour when Andrea was finally asleep again Bucky noticed that She still had glove on her right hand, He shook his head and slowly removed glove, revealing silver metal hand. After few minutes Bucky was again sitting in living room, thinking what to do now. He got up from couch and walked to phone to call Steve. He was waiting at Steve to pick up but he only heard voice of young boy “Um… H-Hello..” Bucky blinked and smiled softly “Hey Grant… Sorry that I woke you up. Can you give me Steve… I need to talk with him.” Bucky muttered softly “Hi Mr. Barnes… Sorry… But dad still didn’t returned home.” Boy said. Bucky nodded and sighed softly “Okay, thanks kiddo. Please, when He will be back tell him I want meet with him. Good night.” He said. “Sure… No problem, Mr. Barnes… Good night.” Bucky sighed and put his phone away. He went to bathroom to take shower, later He went to bed.

At morning Bucky was in kitchen, Making breakfast when Andrea came to kitchen. Bucky smiled at girl “Good morning sweetheart. I wasn’t home really long time yesterday… So I decided to make your favorite pancakes with fruits.” He said happily but his happiness quickly faded. Girl didn’t say a word she only sat on a chair and looked at her tea. “Here you go…” Bucky said quietly and put plate in front of girl. She only nodded “Thanks dad… I will eat in my room.” Andrea said and took plate. Bucky sighed sadly and shook his head, watching his daughter.

Bucky meet with Steve at small cafe. “Hey Buck.” Steve said happily and sat at the chair “Grant told me you wanted met. Something’s wrong? Something’s wrong with Andrea?” He asked a bit worried. Bucky only nodded “Yes… This happen with her again Steve… nightmares, fevers… With every day… She close herself more.” He said with voice full of worries. Steve sighed and shook his head “Bucky… What you were expecting? You were warned that this can return… We don’t know what THEY put into her head.” Steve muttered In this moment Bucky lost his hope for support from his best friend. Somewhere deep inside him something just snapped “For fuck’s sake Steve! She was only five years old when We found her. Now she is 17 it was fucking 12 years without bigger problems… Why this returned now?! I don’t want lose my daughter.” Bucky growled. “She Is Not Your Daughter Buck. You good knew that this can return. You are only her guardian. You are not her FATHER. You will have to take her back to S.H.I.E.L.D.” Steve said. Bucky sighed and rubbed his eyes He felt so helpless. It was all true, Andrea wasn’t his biological daughter but He really didn’t cared about this. Bucky raised her  since she was small girls and He loved her just like his own daughter “But I don’t want to… I just… I can’t.” Man said sadly. Steve rolled his eyes “You will have to do this, pal. There is no other way.” Bucky just got up and left Steve alone at cafe.

Bucky returned home and saw Andrea sitting on a stairs.

“Hey angel… What’s up?” She sighed sadly with tears in eyes  “I tried to be friends with girls from neighborhood… They… They said I’m a freak…” Andrea said looking at her meta hand “Why… Why I am different dad..?” She asked looking at Bucky sadly. Man smiled at girl sadly. He knew this feeling, it took him few years to live among normal people. Guy with metal arm was big ‘attraction’ but in bad meaning. It hurt him when He saw Andrea in such a mood “Sweetheart. You aren’t different. You are special… Just like your old father.” He smiled and sat next to her, rubbing her shoulder. Girl smiled sadly and hugged to him “I love you daddy.” She said quietly. Bucky already felt that her mood change, He hugged her back “I love you too, angel. You are my treasure… My little star. I will never leave you.” Bucky whispered, stroking Andrea’s hair.

Author: Cass

Call of repentance || Part II

Part I

Summary: reader is a member of the Golden Path. Under Amita’s command you have to sneak to the Royal Palace to kill Pagan Min. But when you’re about to fulfill your mission, you find youself unable to – under charm of king Min, you decide to switch the path and stand by the side of the Royal Army, becoming one of the leaders.

Word Count: 2211

Warnings: strong language

A/N: Part 2 of the story.

Author: Rouge

The Royal Palace was located on the northern part of Kyrat, near the Himalayas.

The building had a red openable door just like what other outposts and fortresses had. It was a huge building, placed on the large hill.

 Pagan, with a glass of cognac in his hand, went out at the terrace, located on the third floor. From this point a beautiful view at the North Kyrat was streatching.

Pagan sat on a swing with a canopy and he started to sip on an alcohol.

He was delighted on the spectacular view, admiring it in silence. But his consternation soon has been interrupted by a grunt.

“My King, De Pleur has checked everything and it seems that it wasn't Golden Path who set the bomb at Baghadur” Gary, Pagan's the most loyal and trusted assitant said calmly.

Min only nodded, finishing his drink.

“Did he check EVERYTHING?” he asked.

“Yes, my King. He cooperated with Noore in that matter” Gary grunted again, still standing on the threshold.

“So he wants to say that it wasn't that fucking monkeys fault?” King asked coldly, not paying any attention at Gary.

“Uhm... Yes, my King” Gary confirmed with weak voice, swallowing hardly.

 At the same moment, Pagan crushed on a glass he was holding in hand, yelling viciously.

“Find whoever is responsible for this attack! It was an attempt on my fucking life!” he yelled.

The blood drops fell on the wooden floor of the terrace from his injured hand, but he didn't pay an attention to this fact. “I wanna have their heads on a silver plate till midnight. Otherwise I won't be nice anymore!”

Gary nodded and quickly left the terrace to avoid Pagan's anger and frustration.

Pagan hissed while he was pulling out a piece of a glass from his hand.

“KHAN!” he yelled.

After a while, a tall, well-build soldier entered on the terrace.

He was a commander of the Royal Guard. That man was responsible for death of about 200 people in last half of a year. His name was Khan Ajmal and he was working for Pagan since many years. Kyrati citizens, however, knew him under other name...

A lot of them used to call him the Headhunter, because he would do everything to find out people, who were suspiced of conspiracy against King Min.

“It's probably the work of these cowardly whores from the Golden Path. They know they can not beat us, so they began to resort to bombings” Pagan clenched his hand into the fist. He looked at the man. “Find out, who's behind this. You have to pull out everyone who's responsible for this attack even from under the fucking ground! When you find them, take them to Paul's fortress and then let me know. Then I will come to Varshakot and we will decide, how to kill them, just to make sure that they know they are dying.”

It was still the night, when you has been assigned to the little Golden Path branch, which had to secure the little convoy with weapons. The convoy had to transport a lot of stuff to an outpost, which was belonging to the Golden Path since few months.

In the face of last event, it couldn't wait any longer, so Amita and Sabal got to the conclusion that it has to be done before dawn.

You were traveling in the last car, when you noticed that rest of the convoy has stopped. Two other Golden Path's cars were standing on the side of the road and people with flashlights were entering the bushes to explore the area.

“What's going on?” you carefuly asked, looking at one of the rebels as you got out of the car.

“They said they saw something nerby” man shrugged slightly and jump on the semi-trailer to check the cargo.

As carefully as you could, you walked into the direction of the bushes, your hand was on the kukri knife hidden in your pocket, just in case..

You walked through bushes and when you got out of them you noticed you were standing at the top of the little hill, but even from that distance you could see a huge crater carved in the ground and fire, which has destroyed a part of the forest around the lake. Thick black smoke hung high in the air.

You covered your mouth with a hand to secure yourself from breathing with choking smoke.

“You see, Y/N, it's here. The bomb had to be large” one of the rebels, a young boy approached you, rubbing his eyes. “My father said that Royal Army for sure did it by itself to put the blame over us all.”

You sighed sadly, but in the same moment you've heard something.

 At one point, suddenly and unexpectedly, from the direction of Baghadur, a military convoy of several cars of Royal Army has arrived. When people from the Golden Path noticed this, it was too late for any proper reaction.

Royal Army soldiers quickly jumped out of the cars and they started to shoot with guns. Two of them boarded on the trailer and got places behind a big machine gun placed on the cars' roofs.

 The regular exchange of fire has started.

 You watched the situation with horror in your eyes and heavy heart in your chest. Without thinking for a long time, you jumped on the semi-trailer of one of the Golden Path's cars and digged to look for a weapon you could use.

The only thing you've found was an bow with a quiver. When you lifted your head and realized, how close the fighting was, you put the quiver on your back and pulled out an arrow from it.

Almost at the same moment you noticed Ajay, Longinus and Sabal, who had arrived in the wrong place in the wrong time, they were hidding behind one of the Golden Path's cars, occasionally shooting to enemies behind the cover. One of the rebels, who stood next to their hideout, was hit by a machine-gun shot straight in the head and fell dead on the ground. Longinus leaned out from behind the car and when he tried to shoot at the enemy, he almost has been hit by them also. By this movement he betrayed their hiding place.

The remaining rebels after using all of an ammunition headed to grapple, unfortunately, most of them almost immediately was killed by De Pleur's soldiers.

You saw two soldiers of the Royal Army, they were called the Exterminators and your heart almost stopped. Dressed in bulletproof vests with special material, reinforced with heavy CKMs in their hands, they were walking in the direction of the hideout of men to get them from behind. Sabal at the last moment had realized, that they were surrounded and started shooting with little avail, as none of the missiles did not even hit the soldiers, who marched relentlessly towards them.

You had a last chance to prevent the tragedy, you imposed an arrow on the bowstring, aimed it and fired. The arrow with a low whistle flew through the air, sticking straight in the helmet of one of the soldiers. Almost immediately he fell down dead to the ground.

Longinus, Ajay and Sabal turned eyesight to see, who helped them and have almost immediately astonished themselves.

“Y/N!” Ajay yelled.

But you didn't seem to listen.

You reached for an another arrow and this time you also gave a good shot, beating second enemy.

“Y/N, don't do it!” Sabal shouted loudly, trying to stop you.

But it was too late.

About 10 meters away, there were standing cars, which became to the Royal Army and next to them there were the rest of the soldiers, who were not killed. One of them picked up the sniper rifle to the eye, aimed and pulled the trigger.

Just at the moment, when you were about to pull out another arrow, you has been shot just above the left knee. The bullet passed through and sticked into the bodywork of the Golden Path's car.

You screamed in pain.

You rolled over a bit on the side and laid on your back, breathing heavily. You felt the throbbing pain in the left leg.

Suddenly you heard the reloaded gun and realized, that next to you one of the soldiers of the Royal Army was standing. A bit further, few of his companions were standing.

“Get up” ordered the man.

With problems, you slowly got up from the ground.

Immediately you noticed, that Ajay, Sabal and Longinus were brought out of hiding place and now they were kneeling on the sandy road. Behind each of them stood one soldier with a rifle leveled directly at their heads.

At this sight you stopped breathing.

The soldier, who told you to get up, turned to the kneeling men and approached them.

“All of you have the right to remain silent, you shall testify before Paul De Pleur.”

“I won't make any statements in front of anyone” Sabal snapped sharply.

It was enough to provoke the commander.

He raised his rifle and aimed straight at Sabal's chest.

“If so, you won't live to a fucking dawn” man smirked.

“He did not want to say that” Ajay threw his hands up in a gesture of peace.

“I'm not talking to you, mongrel” commander snapped roughly.

He raised his head and nodded to the soldier, who stood just behind Longinus.

There was a loud bang.

You heard your own cry vaguely.

Longinus' body fell limply to the ground.

“You motherfuckers!” Sabal yelled, jumping to his feet, but he was quickly brought back to the ground by two soldiers.

The commanding officer came up to him and put the barrel of a gun to Sabal's temple.

“Now it's your turn” he laughed haughtily.

You found enough courage to shout:

“Noooo!!!”

Surprised, commander turned to you, taking off the finger from the trigger.

“It seems to me, that I did not ask you about an opinion” he hissed.

You looked straight into his eyes.

“Shoot me, but let them free” you said defiantly.

Other soldiers murmured in surprise.

“Y/N, shut up!” Ajay called with anger. “Leave her alone, she is still very young, she does not know, what she says” he began to beg.

The commander laughed lasciviously.

“The young, you are saying? That's good, I like this kind the most, haha!”

You looked sternly at the man.

He came to you and standing only a few centimeters from you, he looked at you intently.

“You're beautiful. Tell me the fuck, why such a beautiful woman is packing herself in such trouble?” man circled you slowly, watching you closely on each side.

“I have my own reasons” you barked, carefully tracking his every move.

“Well ... You look as the girl, which is lacking a real man in bed” he laughed bluffly. He hugged you from behind, grabbing your breasts firmly. “Nice tits. Bet you're a little whore, aren't ya?”

You were watching as Sabal got purple on his face from nerves and started to struggle. He was angry, that a stranger, in addition a soldier of Paul, has fondled you.

The truth was Sabal had a crush on you, but he didn't want to admit it before others...

“Fuck off, this is not your thing” you snorted loudly.

The man suddenly pulled your ponytail thus rendering, that you fell to your knees, gasping in pain.

“You should be polite, bitch!” - he shouted at you.

You closed your eyes and gritted your teeth, to not say a few words too much.

“I'm begging you, leave her” Ajay carefully got up from his knees and with hands raised, he turned to commander. “Let her go, you got us. The leader of the rebellion and his deputy, I think it's a quiet good solution.”

The soldier looked at Ajay with pity.

“I will decide, whom I take and whom I let go” he said.

Again, he turned to you.

“You will be the perfect gift for De Pleur” he summed. “Maybe he'll teach you how to behave properly, scum.”

You froze. But then you said:

“I will not be anyone's gift!”

 But then a quick reflection came to your mind.

It was a good way to sneak into De Pleur's troops. You knew Varshakot fortress very well, but at the same moment you knew De Pleur wasn't trusting you. Of course, you were working for him since few weeks and you never was a problem to him nor his people, but still he had a limited trust towards you.

You took a deep breath.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path, you thought to yourself.

You briefly looked at Ajay and Sabal, then you turned your head to the commander.

“I surrender. Can't fight anymore, I'm injured. You got me.”

A wry smile appeared on man's face.

“Good slut” he gave a look to one of his men. “Inform De Pleur I have a surprise for him.”

Lion Bucky by @kastrup-sofie

I need to say: This is amazing! Just like Beast I love Marvel and Lion king! 

(But tbh Beast love it more!)

~Cass

Call of repentance || Part I

Summary: reader is a member of the Golden Path. Under Amita's command you have to sneak to the Royal Palace to kill Pagan Min. But when you're about to fulfill your mission, you find youself unable to – under charm of king Min, you decide to switch the path and stand by the side of the Royal Army, becoming one of the leaders. 

Word Count:1540

Warnings: cursing

A/N: I've decided to separate that little story for two or three smaller parts. This is the first one. We don't wanna make another fanfiction, taking we have two main larger fics at the moment. But I've been in Far Cry 4 fandom for a long time period, so it's a really nice chance to me to come back to one of my favorite fandoms. I've wanted to create such story since very beginning, taking that Far Cry fandom was my very first one ever :) I still have a lot of sentiment toward all those characters, so I hope you all will enjoy my work.

Author: Rouge

The world was slowly waking up to life. The sun was more boldly penetrating through the morning mists, which were enshrouding Kyrat. A gentle wind was toring the crowns of the trees. In the air there was a smell of subtle spring.

When the first rays of the sun fell through the open window to the room of yours, they have gently illuminate your face still plunged in a dream.

You lazily opened your eyes and almost immediately narrowed them by light. You shielded your face with a hand and for a moment accustomed to the morning light.

When your eyes stopped hurting, you put hand down and stretched slowly.

You got up and went straight to the bathroom. You walked over to the sink, washed your teeth and face and looked at your reflection in a large, ornate mirror that hung just above the sink.

Your shiny hair shimmered in the light coming through the little window, your eyes were expressed energy. Your delicate, swarthy complexion was glowing.

You got dressed and when you ate a quick breakfast, you got out of your little wooden house.

You lived in Banapur, a little village in Southern Kyrat.

The life wasn't easy, especially there, in a country torn by a civil war.

Nothing left but a try to have as normal life as it was only possible to.

In Banapur, which was a main headquarter of the Golden Path, nothing was normal at all.

From the side it looked like the village was nothing more but a place where Kyrati people were living calmly. But the truth was, that all those houses were hiding a secret. Banapur was the last one mainstay of the Golden Path, the little organization created yet in the end of XX century to fight against the Royal Army leaded by Pagan Min, the King of Kyrat.

The story of him taking the crown was rather vile – first, Min was working with Royalists and when he got a chance, he betrayed them, killing the last King of Kyrat with his all family and then he called himself the next King.

A lot of people died in such hard time, under the dictatorship of Min.

And then, many years later, when son of Mohan came back to his motherland, the forces of the Golden Path got stronger. The organisation recruted a lot of new people, mostly young, to introduce them in a fight against Royal Army and Pagan Min himself.

Of course, no one said it will be an easy case, no. There was a lot of preparations before every action they were taking part in. A lot of people has been kidnapped by Army. They were killed or tortured or even put to Durgesh – the prison located high in Himalayas.

You were a member of the Golden Path too, you were under comman of Amita, one of two leaders.

The second one, Sabal, had such distinct view at the current situation in the country then Amita, so it caused a lot of misunderstandings and fights between those two.

And now there was a meeting in your part of camp. You, as the most trusted soldier had to take part in it too.

“What do you want to achieve?” you snarled.

“Since you have started working in Varshakot for De Pleur, you are even greater whore than you were” Sabal growled loudly, glancing at you with brows rised in a cruel grimace.

Amita stood up and almost immediately slapped the man in the cheek.

“What are you both doing?!” Ajay yelled with a loud voice, standing between Amita and Sabal.

“He started” Amita summed up. “He began to insult my soldier with no reason just because he is jealous of her work, Ajay” woman crossed arms at her chest.

“That isn't true!” Sabal said. “She began. She is trying to disturb me with our current mission at Sleeping Saints monastery” man pouted.

“Enough. Everyone split up” Ajay snapped sharply, frowning as he looked at other people gathered in the room. “You two, Amita and Sabal, you're gonna stay. And you too, Y/N!” young man looked at you with his big brown eyes. “As I see, you need someone to lead the way. So I'm hearing. I wanna hear both versions” he took a seat on the chair and crossed his legs, looking at Amita and then at Sabal.

“Let me start” she threw an anger gaze at Sabal, then she briefly looked at you and Ajay. “My proposition is to send Y/N to the Royal Palace. It won't be a problem, because guards know her. She is still working in Varshakot and De Pleur trusts her” Amita smirked. “So it will be easy. And then she's gonna be able to knock king down. Without witnesses. Without suspicions..”

Ajay only nodded and turned to Sabal. “What is your plan?”

Sabal has sighed before he spoke.

“Well, I think we should gather all our forces to prepare an attack at Varshakot first. And Y/N” he looked at you, “she knows that place really good. When we'll take that fortress, our people will believe in a upcoming success, they'll work more efficiently.”

You smiled sadly and decided to take part in the exchange of views.

“It won't be nothing else but a fake propaganda” your voice was harsh. “People's morale will rise, but when we're be attacked by Pagan's forces, they'll lose them again rather quickly” you summed up. “That's why I am more up to Amita's idea” you shrugged.

Ajay nodded in silence, then he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Let's do that. Let's destroy his forces from inside” he looked hardly into Amita's eyes. “I'm by your side this time.”

Sabal growled and got up, leaving the room.

You were torn out from sleep in the middle of the night by a powerful roar, which echo bounced off the mountain peaks surrounding the Southern Kyrat.

You quickly got out of bed and lit the lamp standing on the nightstand. You took a long hoodie from the chair and carelessly threw it over your shoulders.

You pinned your hair in a ponytail.

You went downstairs and then outside the house.

After entering the main square of Banapur, you noticed, that most of the villagers were gathered outside their homes. Some stood in larger groups, others were walking around.

You walked in the direction of the main building, where all soldiers were supposed to be.

Standing in front of the main entrance, through the wide open door, you saw Sabal and Ajay, both were talking loudly.

Next to them there was Longinus, who spoke with someone by walkie-talkie.

There were also a couple of other people, who were preparing weapons.

Suddenly, Amita came out from the building, dressed in a long brown cargo pants, hiking boots and a T-shirt with long sleeves.

When she saw you, immediately she came up to you.

“What happened?” you asked reluctantly.

“Apparently, somewhere in the vicinity of Baghadur the bomb has exploded” woman summed up.

“What?!” you asked with your eyes wide open. “How do you know about it?”

Amita shrugged.

“Apparently, a small branch of the Golden Path has been returning by forest from their exercises. They saw it with their own eyes. The explosion reportedly was huge!” Amita looked thoughtful.

“Perfect” there was a loud voice of Sabal. “Now Noore will ask Pagan to make a retaliation, because she's gonna think that it was us who set the bomb at her fortress, fuck” he snapped, catching Amita's shoulder. “Again we're about to lose many people, little bitch, it's your fucking fault! You're gonna have their blood on your hands”.

You pushed him away from Amita.

“Leave her!” you gnarled harshly. “It wasn't her fault at all. Nor any of us” you rised your chin up.

Ajay approched you all. He looked so sad when he has spoken.

“I think we don't have time to prepare Y/N to mission. She needs to sneak there as soon as possible, Amita” his voice was nothing more but whisper. “We need to act. We won't let them to take us down.”

Cool wind of the night dispeled Pagan's unbuttoned white shirt.

Yuma silently went to Pagan and put her hand gently on his shoulder.

“I do not want to just believe, that they organized something like that. As for them, it's too big undertaking.”

She felt, that the muscles of Pagan are tensed. She knew, he was furious.

“I almost lost you” he turned to Yuma and hugged her tightly around the waist, looking down at her. “Paul will find people, who are responsible for the explosion. If it turns out, that Sabal or Amita was behind it, I will personally stick my kukri into his or her heart” he said. “I lost Ishwari long time ago. I can't lose my little sister” he said.

Yuma frowned hearing the name of her brother's ex lover, but she nodded carefully. “You won't lose me, I'm too tough” she took a step back. “Going to check if our guards are preparing weapons” she turned around and walked out of the balcony.

Pagan knew, that until they'll find out, who organized the attack, he won't know peace.

THE SILENT SHOUT || PART I

A/N: my best friend has been diagnosed as borderline. Currently I have an occasion to spend a lot of time with him, I am also a witness of his anxiety and panic attacks, of his rage outbursts and incertitude, which is overhelming him on and on. Looking at him one day a thought came up to my mind: if BPD can be caused by some traumatic experiences, maybe Bucky was suffering to similar symptoms also. After all things Hydra had done to him, I suppose he might likely suffered from this disorder. That’s why I decided to make a little series of bpd!Bucky. The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. Based on a true events.

Words: 1624

Warnings: self harming, panic attack, bpd, angst, bpd!Bucky, sad!Bucky, depression, blood, graphic description of violence, swearing

Author: Rouge

It has been a week since he moved to your house.

From the very beginning you were more worried than happy about that idea of Steve. Despite your positive attitude towards Bucky, you good knew he may cause a lot of problems.

But on the other hand you understood what Steve has been going through for last couple of years. Notorious uncertainty, sadness, sorrow. He was a mess and you wanted to do anything to comfort him.

When you heard that Shield finally found Bucky, alive, you felt a deep relief. It meant the end of Steve’s mental pain. It meant that since then everything could have been seen only in a bright colors.

When Steve came to you with his idea of taking Bucky to your common house, you didn’t even try to hide your dissatisfaction. A lot of arguments had taken place then in between two of you. But finally Steve managed to melt your heart and you said yes.

However, keeping the good of your child in your mind, you ensured Steve that if something wrong will about to happen, you will move out, taking baby with you. He agreed on that little deal without blinking.

You had to reconcile with a fact your man was sharing his love at three, not only at two… It obviously was hurting you, sometimes Bucky seemed to be Steve’s number one, but you had to accept it. They were friends since childhood, they grew up together, they were fighting together, arm to arm. In such situation you could do nothing. You didn’t want to hurt Steve by your listlessness at Bucky’s problems. You knew that man went through a lot in his life. Like Steve, Bucky Barnes was only a pawn in that brutal game. Like everyone of you…

When you met him for the first time since 5 years, you were shocked.

He looked incredibly good, some bruises still could have been seen at his muscular arm and neck, few scars on his collarbones, a swollen jaw. But he looked good as for someone who has been tortured for months.

But something had changed and you easily felt that.

His eyes.

There were no more happiness in them. That beautiful blue eyes of his, which were glowing with a mischief sparks formerly, now were dark and bereft the will of life.

“Y/N! Can you hold the door please!?” Steve screamed aloud.

You got up from the leather sofa in living room and quickly went to open the door. As soon as you did, you saw several boxes and a bit of Steve’s bangs above them.

“Do you need help?” you asked amicably, opening doors as wide as you could.

“No, dear, just hold on them” Steve said. Slowly and carefully he passed through the threshold and put boxes down in the hallway.

You were observing him for a while, then you sight fell on someone standing in front of the door.

James Bucky Barnes.

Standing there dressed in a large black leather jacket, dark jeans and grey shirt, with a black hat on his head, Bucky slowly raised his chin and looked briefly into your eyes.

“Hi, Y/N” he gave you a small smile, a little wince appeared on his face.

“Bucky” you smiled happily, whispering his name and taking step back to make a space for him. “Come in, come in.”

Hesitantly he walked inside and then you closed the door behind him making sure they were locked.

“Follow me” you gave him another smile and you led him to the large living room.

 It was the biggest room in Steve’s house. One wall had windows and door leading to a big balcony. The room was painted in light orange mixed with lime. The floorboards were made of pear tree wood that had a nice, warm shade. There was a brownish carpet with an abstractive pattern in the middle of the room. Steve had fitted your common living room with stylish furniture. There was a big dark brown leather corner sofa on the left. It had light brow cushions. In front of it, there was an ebony coffee table with sculptured legs and edges. There also were two brown armchairs. The table were placed on the carpet. Next to the sofa, there was a tall lamp which metal parts were coloured patina gold. Opposite to the sofa there was a big plasma TV standing on a stand similar to the coffee table. Below the TV there was a black DVD player. Right to it, an ebony case with clouded glass doors could be found. There also was a small showcase where you put some books, films and wine glasses. Above the sofa there was a wide painting showing a stunning sunset on a seaside. The windows were decorated with a short white delicate curtain and fantasy yellow drape. On the windowsill, there standed a flowerpot with an orchid. Next to it there was a picture frame with a photo made on your vacation in Dubai. The room was really warm and cosy.

 “Do you want to drink something?” you asked politely when Bucky sat on the sofa. “Coffee, please…” he looked at you and took his hat off, placing it next to him.

 You walked to the kitchen and put a kettle on a stove. Suddenly you felt a pair of familiar strong hands at your slim waist.

“Thank you…” Steve whispered directly into your ear, leaning down to kiss your cheek from behind. “It means a lot not only to me, Y/N.” “I know, Steve” you gave a slight nod and slowly turned your head towards him so you could reach his rough lips and kissed them.

Steve hummed happily at the unexpected kiss, his grasp got tighten around your waist.

With an agile movement you slipped out of his arms, pecking his lips.

“He is my friend too, Steve” you said, pouring a boiling water to the cup with black coffee. “It was obvious I’ll say yes in a respond to your idea” you shrugged slightly. “I was and am still worried about Sebastian, our child.” you lifted your chin and sadly glanced at Steve.

He rubbed his chin.

“I know… But he is working on those… Outbursts..” Captain sighed deeply. “Okay. I will move boxes to his room. They are still blocking the passage through the corridor” he let out a quiet giggle before he left kitchen.

 You took a cup of coffee and came back to the living room.

“Here you go” you put the cup on the table, smiling at Bucky and taking a seat in one of the armchairs. “So… How are you, Buck? You look magnificent” you smirked warmly, crossing your legs.

“I’m doing good lately” he took a sip of coffee, humming in an approval of the bitter taste. “You’re a real coffee master, Y/N.”

You laughed shortly.

“Oh, thank you! Charming as always, Buck!” you winked at him.

He woke up in the middle of the night.

For a while he was laying motionless on his back, glaring up at ceiling.

Then he slowly got up. When he was walking towards bathroom, he could feel a chill at his bare legs and torso. He had only his black boxers on.

He entered the bathroom and carefully closed the door behind him, trying not to make any sounds which could woke you and Steve up.

Bucky stared at the scars lining his right wrist, observing it as if from a great distance. Other days he would count them and their meanings, one for every time they'd hurt him. Every time he hated himself for lying to people he loved. But it was so easy, too easy for him to promise them that he had taken the antidepressants.  And now, feeling the scars beneath his fingers, Bucky could picture it so vividly that he could feel each sharp intake of breath, each tear that slid from his pale skin. As the bathtub faucet ran cold water over his neck and the blade glowed crimson beneath his clumsy fingers, his head would tilt back, his mouth open in silent agony but also perverse joy, because he knew that he should not be feeling this, doing this, enjoying this as he did. And his anger exploded with each swift movement of the razor, his pain that so often destroyed him coating the floor of the tub in sickening contrast to the pale tile.  He remembered kneeling on this same floor, attacking his biceps until he could take it no longer and fell back, exhausted, against the bathroom cabinet. It was few weeks ago, when Steve agreed to doss him when he escaped the hospital run by Shield. The urge was so strong that he clenched his fists to keep from reaching for the blade. It was so tempting. So painfully tempting. Bucky thought desperately of his wrist again, aching to feel sadness for the delicate skin that he so readily destroyed. He forced his fingers to stay on the shining tiles, but so eager was he for the pain.. And he cut the skin once again, observing like a little stream of redness was pouring down, mixing with a cold water at his feet. He felt like his skin was burning under the touch of a cold razor, he felt a bit dizzy because of the blood which was flowing out of the cut. Bucky chuckled nervously, but it turned into breathless weeping. He stayed here as long as he had to, until the urge was gone. Because he had to fight this and he knew that. Because of the five words he kept repeating in his mind, kept vowing, swearing to himself. 

I won’t draw blood tonight.