Danny: Why Do You All Have Such Similar Names? I Swear! *sigh* You Can't Be Red Because He's Red. You

Danny: Why do you all have such similar names? I swear! *sigh* You can't be Red because he's Red. You can't be Robin because he's Robin. So, you are Robin, you are Red, and you are Hood.

Red Arrow: What about me?

Danny: Arrow

Green Arrow: And me?

Danny: Green

All four Green Lanterns: What about us?

Danny: Fuck all the way off, Lanterns Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest, and Dumbass

Hal!Green Lantern: Hey, that's-

Danny: You wanna test me, Dumbass? That's what I thought

Let's make it even worse:

Word of mouth gets the news of the one Wayne who no one can hold for longer than two hours, the same one that somehow messes up all the equipment, all the way to Arkham Asylum. The guards like to gossip and the Rogues have nothing to do but listen and plan.

The Joker (or whoever you want, but I think he'd be the most traumatizing, all things considered) makes up a plan for his next escape and passes it to his leak in the guards so that his goons can start getting things ready. When he breaks out, he makes sure Scarecrow and Killer Croc (and maybe Firefly?) get out so they can run distraction while he plans for something bigger.

In the month between his breakout and launching his plan, he takes all of the research and recon his goons have done and gets what he knows he'll need. Then, three days before the month's end, he calls in the ransom.

The catch is that all of the equipment is ghost proof. It's all made to be able to catch even a glimpse of a ghost, let alone hold one in place.

And, because The Joked wants everyone to know that he was the one who succeeded where everyone else failed, he records everything.

The first day Joker has Danny, he makes a video and sends it to random people. It doesn't get pinged for the Bats because it's been a year now of Wolf Cries about a kid they've never seen in the hands of anyone who claims to hold him.

The second day, Joker makes another video, torturing Danny. He sends it to more people, different than the first day. Still, no one comes for the kid.

Danny's losing hope. Weren't the vigilantes supposed to help people in this situation? Sure, he's been fine every other time, but the Bats and still checked the minute the ransom had been released!

Joker finds the whole thing both very funny and slightly frustrating.

On the third day, Danny is unconscious during the whole video, blood loss having knocked him out. The Joker likes an audience- likes to perform, so he hijacks all of Gotham's radio waves and broadcasts his third video to everyone. He tells Batsy that he's disappointed that he would leave yet another child alone at the mercy of The Joker.

From then, it's a frantic race against time to find Danny and save him. They don't know what the Joker will do, but he keeps mentioning who he was the one who figured out that the kid's a meta, that he was the one to keep the kid when everyone else who had tried had failed, that he was gonna make the kid laugh.

Danny gets taken as hostage mistaken for a Batfamily member.

The criminals keep trying to have evidence of any sort for the Wayne’s but they keep getting tech issues and video/photo corruption any time they try to have photographic proof of their hostage.

Bruce and Harley are friends. Bruce and Harvey are friends.

May I present: All three grew up together.

They met at a park one day, or even on the first day of first grade, and decided that they were gonna be friends forever.

They all probably kissed once just to see what it would be like. They also made a promise to marry each other/move in together if they weren't in a committed relationship by a certain age.

They definitely planned to work together in the future, all having to do something with the law. They were gonna be the good guys, kicking ass together because there's no way they'd ever stop being friends.

And then Bruce's parents were killed.

And then they couldn't all go to the same high school because Harley lived in Park Row and Harvey lived in Old Gotham and Bruce lived in Bristol.

And then Bruce disappeared.

And then Harley went insane.

And suddenly, Harvey was the only one left.

But Bruce came back! And Batman appeared. And Harvey was busting his ass trying to keep the city safe while also reconnecting with Bruce and telling him what happened to Harley. Harley joins The Joker, entering a relationship with him.

Batman has to keep locking Harley away in the very place she wanted to help people, and Bruce dies a bit every time because that's his friend he keeps putting there.

Harvey goes insane, calling himself Two-Face.

And suddenly, Bruce is the only one left.

None of them are doing what they set out to do.

Harley - in nice terms - is no longer with Joker. Harvey is still in and out of Arkham. Bruce now has three two kids.

Harley reforms, getting the help she needed, but she doesn't go back to what she'd grown up wanting to do. Harvey keeps going through the revolving door that is Arkham Asylum, but he knows Batman won't hurt him because Bruce would never hurt his friends on purpose. Bruce now has 7 kids, two of which he can't officially adopt because one still has living family and the other doesn't want that. Bruce and Harley reconnect.

A conversation we'll probably have at some point:

You: How do you spend your free time?

Me: Wisely

You: Really? How wisely?

Me: I write

You: Really? There's been no updates

Me, sweating nervously: I have been writing...just not anything you can see yet

You: Proof or it didn't happen!

Me: I can't show you! 😭

You: Why not?

Me: Because it must never see the light of day

You: Then why are you writing it?

Me: Because it plagues my mind like a parasite until I do something about it

You: Screenshots or it didn't happen

Me: 😭😭

Someone, probably: Are you being productive?

Me: Yes

Someone: What're ya doin'?

Me: Getting my AO3 tabs back down to one😸

Someone: ...how many are you at now?

Me: Four

Someone: When did you start and how many did you start with?

Me: I started two days ago with 15😸

Someone: ...Holy shit. Get a life

Me: And risk meeting people face-to-face? No thanks

Mom accidentally locked Mittens outside in the [basement] window last night because she didn't check and Mittens got caught in the sprinklers (2-8 am, on and off)

In retaliation, Mittens has invited another grasshopper into the house. Mom moved before it could jump on her, but Sox and Mittens are now playing with it in front of the bathroom