Jane: Hi Everybody, This Is Jane, And Welcome Back To Our Podcast: Magical Bullshit! Today We Will Be

Jane: “Hi everybody, this is Jane, and welcome back to our podcast: Magical Bullshit! Today we will be doing some magical bullshit! Like always, am I right?”

Keith: “Jane.”

Jane: “Anyways, so you guys know that I am not the fantasy savvy one. So, logically, it should be Everett who leads this group. He should be the only one who decides what quests we do and what jobs we take. But I live to piss off Everett. So today, I have taken a job from a very shady elf to steal back an object, that he could give me no details about how it was stolen in the first place, from a suspicious looking woman. Joining me today is our good buddy, Keith!”

Keith: “Hey guys. I didn’t want to help her with this but she stole my last pair of normal world socks.”

Jane: “Keith is very enthusiastic to be here. Anyways, we did a little recon on this woman and I’m almost thirty percent sure she’s a witch. Which is good since I am immune to fire and that seems to be witches’ favorite thing to hurl at me. Keith is still very flammable but he’s prepared to use me as a human shield.”

Keith: “I am. Are you ready?”

Jane: “Yes! Hold on tight everybody! Things are about to get crazy.”

*sounds of crunching leaves and a stick snapping. A window opens*

*indistinct breaking in noises*

*very loud crash*

Jane: “Fuck’s sake, Ketih.”

*fireball sound*

Keith: “Sonofa—.”

*second fireball sound*

*phone drops and the noise becomes muffled. Either they are fighting the witch or someone spilled a very large pot of soup and is trying desperately to fix that mistake. Someone shouts something indstinct and the fighting stops. Several minutes pass before the phone is picked up.*

Jane: “Holy shit! Alright, so, Maggie here is actually not a thief! Turns out the shady elf is a dick who has been trying to steal from her for years. Now we’re gonna go fight him! I’m gonna turn this off for a while but I’ll turn it back on when we confront Dick Elf!”

A quick life tip: DO NOT YELL AT CASHIERS. DO NOT TELL US WHAT OUR STORE POLICY IS. DO NOT CALL US STUPID AND BELITTLE US.

We know what we’re doing. And we’re not doing these things to spite you. But I’m not losing my job over your coupons.

As a Christian who loved Harry Potter, I was never told not to read the books because of anything besides witchcraft being an affront to God. Not because Rowling portrayed the cross as something other than what it was or said Jesus was a wizard (though that is a hot take I kind of love). Shit, they literally celebrated Christmas.

DoubleTrippleShit, you’re talking about dying on hills when you dug a hole to build yours. It’s not stupid to respect cultures. Maybe just imagine your own creatures instead of being rude and acting as if you’re entitled to the culture of others.

ive certainly been guilty in the past, we all have, but.. please take some time to research whatever “monster” youre gonna draw or write into your story…? so many “cryptids” and “generic monsters” are actually specifically cultural stories, spirits etc. ya know. there’re absolutely more than this but off the top of my head:

wendigoag (algonquin spirits, not a cryptid)

golem are jewish, not random creatures

etc etc. just be mindful and aware yall

Me, showing up twenty minutes late to French with a Capri Sun and sunglasses still on: Bonjour bitches. Croissant. Sup? Je suis tired af.

I work in a grocery store that has some general goods. It rhymes with Broger. We sold out of all of our sanitizing products in like two hours of being open today. People bought food for the next two months and half of them said it was so they didn't have to come back in and be around all the sick people. I wanted to die.

when you need toilet paper but can’t buy any cause all the freaks in this country have bought 90000 rolls each hoarding it like it’s the apocolypse

The other day I had a customer come through my line who was extremely embarrassed to be buying his wife tampons. Like a 40-something year old man. And he literally snatched one box out of my hands and the other from the bagger so he could shove them into a bag as quickly as possible. He double bagged it so it would be really hard to see. He said he was worried about what people would think.

Dudes. Let you be my witness, I hope I never end up with a person so afraid of a tampon.